7 Conversations to Have with Aging Parents
Encompass Health
Jul 25, 2023
Florida - Sarasota, Bradenton & Charlotte Counties
Email US
Click to Email Us
After years of raising children and caring for the family’s needs, your parents have finally reached a point where they need a little help themselves. While it is not an easy transition, now is the time for some tough conversations about aging.
Most families find these talks difficult but with the right approach they can be productive and spare feelings. Start by identifying current health and medical needs, and research available options to address both immediate and future issues. Talking with your parents before a medical crisis occurs allows them to communicate their desires and frees family members from having to make rushed decisions during a stressful time.
Remember to listen to your parents’ concerns and respect their wishes while working together to find satisfactory solutions.
Advanced Directives and Living Wills
Written, legal instructions outlining your parents’ desires for medical care, should they become unable to make those decisions themselves, are an important part of life planning. Explain that preparing documents such as a living will and advanced directive helps ensure their wishes are carried out if the day comes when they are unable to communicate them.
- Advance directive: This document assigns medical power of attorney to an individual who will represent the wishes of your parents if their physical or mental health renders them incapable of making such decisions. It applies only to medical matters—not financial. Usually only one person is designated, although alternates may be named if the appointed person is unable to perform his duty.
- Living will: This legal document outlines an individual’s wishes concerning end-of-life treatment choices if they are unable to communicate those wishes. It covers a variety of medical decisions including cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), breathing assistance, organ donation, dialysis, medications, tube feedings and palliative or comfort care.
Wills and Estate Planning
Estate planning involves the gathering and preparation of specific documents to determine how your parents’ assets will be managed and distributed after their deaths or incapacitation. Estate planning isn’t limited to the wealthy; even those of modest means should put in place a plan outlining how their properties and wealth are to be transferred. Your parents’ estate might include houses, cars, artwork, jewelry, investments, life insurance, businesses, bank accounts, possessions and debt. Some key components of estate planning include:
- Wills. This is a legal document used to transfer the estate to named beneficiaries. It addresses the distribution of assets and outstanding debt. It also names an executor to oversee and manage the process. If your parents don’t have a will, suggest they talk to an attorney about establishing one. If they currently have a will, it is a good idea to review and update it.
- Trusts. This is a legal entity that allows another party (trustee) the right to hold title to and manage assets or property for the benefit of a third party, or beneficiary. There are many kinds of trusts, and they should be set up by a qualified attorney or trust company.
- Secure a power of attorney. Unlike a medical power of attorney which is limited to health and medical matters, a Power of Attorney (POA) gives you the power to act on your parents’ behalf in managing financial and legal matters. There are two types of POAs to consider. A General Power of Attorney ends the moment your parents become incapacitated while a Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) allows you to continue to act on their behalf should they become incapacitated due to a serious accident, severe medical condition or mental illness.
- Healthcare directives. An advanced health directive is a legal document outlining your parents’ healthcare wishes should they become incapacitated or unable to verbalize their preferences. It covers topics such as in-home or hospital medical treatment, life-support measures, autopsy or organ donation.
- Beneficiary designations. Consider naming primary and secondary recipients for insurance, 401(k) or additional assets not covered in a will.
Managing Finances
Conversations concerning finances and money matters are often some of the most challenging because relinquishing control of money can make seniors feel vulnerable. Still, keeping up with monthly bill paying and budgeting can be overwhelming. Elderly adults are also easy targets for scams and financial fraud. Signs you may need to step in to assist include:
- Unopened mail or bills
- Careless spending or unusual purchases
- Physical or mental changes
- Complaints of not having enough money
- Calls from creditors
Talk openly with your parents about your concerns and offer to help. They might see this as a loss of control, so be gentle in your approach. Start slowly by working together to review documents and ask about areas where they might need help. The following steps will help in understanding and managing your parents’ finances.
- Gather important documents including a list of bank accounts, pensions, 401(k) information, annuities, savings bonds, brokerage accounts, stocks, property deeds, vehicle titles and any loans or outstanding debts.
- Start small by offering support with chores such as writing checks or organizing bills.
- Streamline financial tasks. Consider using direct deposit and online bill paying. This allows adult children who don’t live close to parents to still be involved in managing finances.
- Keep your parents informed and involved along the way. Review bank statements with them and discuss any actions you take.
- Maintain separate accounts. It isn’t a good idea to combine your parents’ finances with your own.
Is It Time to Give Up the Car Keys?
When it comes to driving, it is not one size fits all. Some elderly adults are still capable behind the wheel, but if you are seeing indications driving is a safety issue, it is time to act. This might be the toughest conversation of all because giving up driving has the strongest impact on independence. Signs your parents may need to hang up the car keys include multiple traffic violations, frequent scrapes and dents, delayed response times, getting lost in familiar surroundings, repeated close calls, difficulty navigating parking and steering (hitting the curb, veering over the line) and problems with concentration.
Follow these tips for having the conversation:
- Be understanding and sympathetic. Stopping driving severely impacts lifestyle. It means a loss of freedom and can limit the time spent with others. Approach the topic respectfully and gently.
- Assess the problem. Is it necessary to give up driving completely? Maybe limiting driving to daytime hours or short distances is a good compromise. If not, calmly state the reasons for your concern and ask your parent if she has noticed changes in her own driving skills.
- Do your research. What transportation options are available? Do your parents live in an area where public transportation is easily accessible? If not, most areas have services such as Uber or Lyft. Talk with other family members and friends about helping. Could a neighbor pick up your dad for weekly grocery trips? Consider coordinating your schedules. Could you book simultaneous hair salon appointments for you and your mom? Look for senior transportation options in the community.
- Involve agencies and experts. If you feel your parent is not safe behind the wheel, yet they still resist giving up driving, consider an evaluation by an occupational therapist. Would vehicle modification such as hand pedals and safety mirrors address the problem? Ask your parents to consider a safe driving course for seniors (AAA and your local DMV may offer a class). Avoid forcing them into a decision if they are resistant. Instead, make suggestions and give them time to consider their options.
Normal Memory Loss or Something More Concerning?
Occasional forgetfulness is a normal part of aging, but severe memory loss is not. Understand the early signs of dementia. If your parents miss paying a bill one month, misplace their keys at times or take a little longer to recall names, you can chalk it up to normal aging. But severe memory loss is cause for concern. When memory problems interfere with daily living, it could indicate mild cognitive impairment or dementia.
Mild cognitive impairment (MCI)
Some seniors experience memory loss and thinking problems that go beyond what is considered normal for their age. MCI may be a sign of early dementia, but not all individuals who suffer from mild cognitive impairment go on to develop dementia. Signs of MCI include frequently forgetting names, events or appointments. Those with MCI may lose things, have difficulty focusing, struggle to complete routine tasks or find it hard to come up with the right words during conversation. Most people with MCI can function independently but may benefit from a set daily routine, memory tools and to-do lists. If you suspect your parent has MCI, it is important to have annual (or more frequent) medical checks to track changes in memory and mental function.
Dementia
There are many kinds of dementia, but Alzheimer’s is the most common. If your parent is showing signs of dementia, schedule an appointment with their doctor. Early diagnosis allows you and your parents time to make future plans and address issues that may arise. The Alzheimer’s Association lists 10 early signs of Alzheimer’s including:
- Memory loss that interferes with daily life
- Difficulty planning or solving problems
- Challenges in completing familiar tasks
- Confusion about time or place
- Vision problems or difficulty with spatial relationships
- Developing problems in speaking or writing
- Misplacing items and not being able to retrace actions or recall
- Poor judgement and issues with decision-making
- Withdrawing socially and losing interest in hobbies and activities
- Mood and personality changes
Discussing Living Arrangements
One of the biggest decisions elderly adults face is whether to age in place or relocate to a senior living community. While aging in place is an appealing option, there are many factors to consider. An open honest conversation considering your parents’ needs and desires is the best way to approach the situation.
- Social opportunities. Staying in the home means your parents are surrounded by the familiar and likely keeps them close to family and friends. Moving to an assisted living facility or retirement community may require your parents to relocate further away from their circle of family and friends. On the other hand, living alone might mean fewer opportunities to socialize with others. Many retirement and assisted living communities offer activities and provide transportation to local businesses and events, keeping seniors active and engaged.
- Access to medical care. Many retirement communities offer a variety of living options. Seniors can live independently in a house, condo or apartment with the option of transitioning to a place where more care is provided should it become needed. Couples may also remain together even when one spouse requires a higher level of care. Staying in the home might eventually require in-home care and present transportation challenges.
- Safety. Home security systems and medical alert systems are good options for those who choose to remain in their homes, but if safety is a concern, a retirement community can offer more peace of mind. Many have gated security, personnel who perform frequent wellness checks and other provisions to keep your parents safe.
- Financial considerations: The advantage of community living is that it frees residents of the burden of home maintenance and provides onsite care. However, the cost of an assisted living facility rises with the level of care required. If your parents need only minimal assistance, remaining in the home may be a more cost-effective option. But if around-the-clock care is needed, the price of in-home care may be more than that of an assisted living facility. Before buying into a retirement community, do your homework. Some facilities require a substantial entrance fee. It is also important to note whether the facility is a for-profit or non-profit community. Both have their own financial risks, and it is vital that you read the fine print and understand the contract.
- Review the rules: Retirement communities and assisted living facilities offer less freedom than living at home. If your parent balks at following rules, the transition may be difficult. Are overnight guests allowed? What are the parking restrictions? Be sure to carefully review all requirements and restrictions before signing on the dotted line.
Help with Medication Management
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 42 percent of adults aged 65 and older take five or more prescription drugs, and the Lown Institute reports nearly 20 percent of older adults take 10 or more medications. Managing multiple medications is a daunting task for elderly adults. It is understandable that your parents may need help keeping track of prescription and over-the-counter medications. Ways to help with medication management include:
- Review all medications with your parents, including which medicines they take and why, noting any specific instructions (take with food, take as needed, etc.).
- Make a list of medications and drug allergies and encourage your parents to carry the list in their wallet or handbag.
- Develop a system for taking medications. Purchase separate pill boxes for morning and evening meds and prefill them weekly.
- Encourage your parents to set an alarm to remind them when a medication is due, incorporate medications into a routine (take morning pills after brushing teeth, evening pills after dinner), or arrange for a family member to call with a reminder.
- Invest in a digital medication dispenser. Some come with a compatible phone app that sends a reminder to your parent or loved one if a medication is missed.
- Provide a notebook where “as needed” medications can be recorded so they can remember the time of their last dose.
- Stick with a single pharmacy so all medications can be easily tracked. This also allows the pharmacist to watch for medication interactions and other concerns.
The content of this site is for informational purposes only and should not be taken as professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical conditions or treatments.
- To view the original version of this article visit blog.encompasshealth.com/2023/03/24/7-conversations-to-have-with-aging-parents/
- Seniors Blue Book was not involved in the creation of this content.
Other Articles You May Like
Stay Ahead This Flu Season with Prevention & Care
By Dr. Myron Kwan, Board-Certified Internal Medicine Specialist at Millennium Physician GroupAs we approach winter, flu season is upon us. The holidays are a time for family, friends, joy, and celebration. Unfortunately, it is also the time of year when flu activity tends to peak. Understanding the cause of the flu, how it spreads, and how to protect yourself and your family is essential to staying healthy during this time of year.At Millennium Physician Group, we believe in the importance of flu prevention and educating our patients on how to stay healthy all year round. Whether you are thinking about getting a flu shot, trying to understand your symptoms, or looking for ways to avoid the flu, heres what you need to know.What is the Flu and How Does it Spread?Flu is a contagious respiratory illness caused by influenza viruses. The disease can infect the nose, throat, and sometimes the lungs, causing a range of mild to severe symptoms that typically come on suddenly. For some people, the flu can be debilitating, leading to serious complications and even death.The flu spreads mainly through minuscule droplets released when someone infected coughs, sneezes, or speaks. These droplets can then land in the mouths or noses of people nearby, with close contact as a primary method of transmission. Flu viruses can also survive on surfaces for 24 to 48 hours. This means touching a contaminated surface and then touching your nose, mouth, or eyes is a possible method of infection.Flu Prevention MattersFlu season typically peaks between December and February, but it is possible to have outbreaks anytime during the year. Staying current on flu cases in your community can help you know if and when you should get your flu vaccine. Each year, the vaccine is created to protect against the most common strains of influenza expected during that particular flu season.Even if youve had the flu or received a flu shot before, its crucial to get vaccinated each year. The flu vaccine is recommended for everyone 6 months and older. Its important to note that the flu shot does not stop you from getting the flu. If you do get the flu after being vaccinated, it can reduce the severity of symptoms and the duration of the illness.Additional flu prevention tips include: Wash your hands frequently with soap and water for at least 20 seconds. Cover your mouth and nose when you cough or sneeze to avoid spreading germs. Avoid close contact with people who are sick, and stay home if youre not feeling well. Avoid touching your face and disinfect solid surfaces that may carry germs, like your cell phone.What to Watch For: Common Flu SymptomsWhile anyone can get the flu, certain groups are at higher risk for developing serious flu-related complications. This includes children under 5 years old and adults 65 years and older, as well as pregnant women and people with a body mass index (BMI) of 40 or higher. Additionally, people with chronic medical conditions like asthma, diabetes, or heart and lung disease should take preventative measures during flu season. If any high-risk individuals develop flu symptoms, they should seek medical attention immediately.Flu symptoms can seem like they appear out of nowhere and include: Fever or Chills (although not everyone experiences a fever) -Cough -Sore Throat - Runny or stuffy nose -Muscle or body aches -Headache -Fatigue -Vomiting and diarrhea (commonly in children)If you or a loved one experiences these symptoms, its important to talk to your doctor about treatment and take steps to prevent spreading the disease.What to Do if You Get SickFlu symptoms can be similar to the common cold. While both are respiratory illnesses, the flu is more likely to cause fever, body aches, fatigue, and severe respiratory symptoms. Colds are usually milder with fewer severe symptoms.If youre unsure whether you have the flu or cold, its best to consult with your healthcare provider. They may recommend you get tested or prescribe antiviral medications. Antiviral medications are only available as a prescription and may reduce the severity and length of symptoms and prevent serious complications. Rest and drinking plenty of fluids can also help you recover quickly. Take Control of Your Health with Millennium Physician GroupFlu season can bring about serious health problems, but by being aware and practicing preventative measures, you can better protect yourself and your family. If you have questions or concerns about flu prevention and how you can take control of your health, Millennium Physician Group is here to help guide you. Reach out anytime, and we can work together to create a plan that prioritizes your health. ABOUT THE AUTHORMyron Kwan, MD, is a board-certified internal medicine specialist at Millennium Physician Groups Bee Ridge Road location. Kwan is an expert in preventive care and patient-centered services. Founded in Port Charlotte in 2008, Millenium Physician Group has grown into one of the states largest primary care practices, with more than 150 locations across Florida and more than 250 overall. For an appointment, call 941.552.8808 or visit millenniumphysician.com. Millennium Physician Group 5741 Bee Ridge Road, Suite 250 Sarasota, FL 34233
Mobility Source: Your Trusted Partner for Mobility Equipment Rentals
Mobility Source: Your Trusted Partner for Mobility Equipment RentalsMobility Source is dedicated to providing high-quality mobility solutions tailored to your needs. Whether you're looking for wheelchair-accessible vehicles, power scooters, or other mobility equipment, we have you covered. Our extensive rental selection is backed by a commitment to cleanliness, safety, and superior customer service.Reliable Mobility RentalsAt Mobility Source, we take pride in delivering top-notch rental equipment. All vehicles and mobility aids undergo a rigorous inspection and maintenance process, ensuring you receive products that are not only functional but also safe and clean.Wide Range of Rental OptionsMobility ScootersNeed a scooter to navigate your day? Mobility Source offers both 3- and 4-wheel power scooters designed for comfort and ease of use. Whether you require one for a single day, a week, or an entire month, our scooters make getting around effortless.Wheelchair RentalsWe offer a comprehensive range of wheelchairs to suit your mobility needs, including:Transport WheelchairsManual WheelchairsPower WheelchairsAdditionally, we carry essential mobility aids such as knee scooters, walkers, and rollators for added convenience.Mobility VansFor those needing a reliable wheelchair-accessible vehicle, our fleet of mobility vans is ideal for all occasions. Rentals are available for as short as one day or as long as needed, and we offer a concierge service to deliver the vehicle or equipment directly to your home, airport, or office. Delivery and pickup fees apply.Affordable Rental RatesMobility Source offers competitive pricing to fit your budget. Plus, the longer you rent, the more you save!Mobility Equipment Rental Rates:3- or 4-Wheel Scooter: $35.00/dayPower Wheelchair: $40.00/dayManual Wheelchair: $20.00/dayTransport Chair: $15.00/dayRollators: $10.00/dayMobility Van Rental Rates:Daily Rate: $125.00Weekly Rate: $700.00Includes 100 miles/day; additional miles at 35/mile. Longer rental terms are available.Please note: Rates are subject to change without notice.Plan Ahead for the HolidaysNow is the perfect time to secure your mobility equipment for the holiday season! Whether its a family gathering or a vacation, Mobility Source has the rental solutions to ensure seamless mobility.Contact Mobility Source TodayDont let mobility challenges hold you back. Call us at 941-218-4113 to book your rental or learn more about our services. Let Mobility Source provide the freedom and convenience you deserve!
Reliable Service and Repairs at Mobility Source
At Mobility Source, we understand the importance of dependable vehicles for individuals with mobility needs. Whether you require repairs or installations for your wheelchair van or general vehicle services, our service department is here to provide professional, honest, and high-quality care.Comprehensive Services for Your VehicleMobility Source specializes in servicing and repairing wheelchair-accessible vans, vehicle conversions, wheelchair lifts, and most other types of vehicles. We are committed to ensuring your vehicle is safe, functional, and ready to meet your needs.What Sets Us ApartUpfront Pricing: All services and repairs are quoted before work begins, giving you complete control over the process.Factory-Trained Technicians: Repairs and installations are always performed or overseen by factory-trained professionals, ensuring top-quality results.High-Quality Parts: We use only the best parts to ensure lasting performance and reliability.Customer-Centric Service: Our team prioritizes honesty, kindness, and professionalism, ensuring a seamless experience.Our ServicesWe handle a wide range of repairs and installations, including:Diagnosing and fixing wheelchair vans, ramp conversions, and wheelchair lifts.Servicing wheelchair-accessible minivans, ramps, and conversion systems.Conducting mechanical repairs for light trucks and standard vehicles.Inspecting vehicles to meet County Transport Certification requirements.Pricing GuideBelow are our competitive service and repair rates:ServicePriceVehicle, Ramp Conversion, & Wheelchair Lift Diagnosis$99.00 per hour (1/2 hour minimum)Wheelchair Accessible Minivan Ramp/Conversion Service$119.00Wheelchair Lift Service$149.95County Transport Certified Vehicle Inspection$95.00Light Truck and Auto Mechanical Repairs$95.00 per hourWheelchair Accessible Minivan Repairs$110.00 per hourWheelchair Lift Repairs$110.00 per hourCommitment to Safety and ExcellenceAt Mobility Source, we prioritize your safety and satisfaction. From diagnosing issues to completing installations, we ensure every job is done correctly the first time. Whether you drive a truck, a car, or a wheelchair-accessible van, you can count on us for exceptional service and results.Contact Us TodayHave questions about repairs or services? Need help with your vehicle? Reach out to Mobility Source for expert guidance and support. Let us keep your vehicle running smoothly and safely.Your mobility is our priority. Let Mobility Source help you get back on the road with confidence.
Local Services By This Author
Encompass Health
Rehabilitation Facilities 6400 Edgelake Dr., Sarasota, Florida, 34240At Encompass Health Rehabilitation Hospital of Sarasota, we are dedicated to two fundamental principles: the progress our patients make and the outcomes they achieve. Our commitment to excellence is reflected in our industry-leading performance scores, which demonstrate our unwavering focus on your recovery and well-being.When you arrive at our hospital, we will conduct a comprehensive assessment known as Functional Outcome Measures to determine the level of assistance you require for basic tasks. This assessment serves as a baseline to measure your progress throughout your rehabilitation journey. Based on this evaluation, your rehabilitation team will collaborate with you to establish challenging yet achievable goals and develop a customized treatment plan tailored to your individual needs.Throughout your stay, we will closely monitor your progress, adjusting your treatment plan as needed to optimize your outcomes. Before you discharge from our hospital, we will conduct a follow-up assessment to evaluate the extent of your improvement and ensure that you have the knowledge and resources necessary to continue your recovery journey beyond our walls.Our commitment to quality care is further underscored by our accreditation from the Joint Commission, symbolized by our prestigious Gold Seal of Approval. This accreditation serves as a testament to our adherence to rigorous standards of safety, effectiveness, and patient-centered care.At Encompass Health Rehabilitation Hospital of Sarasota, your well-being is our top priority, and we are honored to be your partner in achieving your rehabilitation goals.
Encompass Health
Rehabilitation Services 6400 Edgelake Dr., Sarasota, Florida, 34240At Encompass Health Rehabilitation Hospital of Sarasota, we are dedicated to two fundamental principles: the progress our patients make and the outcomes they achieve. Our commitment to excellence is reflected in our industry-leading performance scores, which demonstrate our unwavering focus on your recovery and well-being.When you arrive at our hospital, we will conduct a comprehensive assessment known as Functional Outcome Measures to determine the level of assistance you require for basic tasks. This assessment serves as a baseline to measure your progress throughout your rehabilitation journey. Based on this evaluation, your rehabilitation team will collaborate with you to establish challenging yet achievable goals and develop a customized treatment plan tailored to your individual needs.Throughout your stay, we will closely monitor your progress, adjusting your treatment plan as needed to optimize your outcomes. Before you discharge from our hospital, we will conduct a follow-up assessment to evaluate the extent of your improvement and ensure that you have the knowledge and resources necessary to continue your recovery journey beyond our walls.Our commitment to quality care is further underscored by our accreditation from the Joint Commission, symbolized by our prestigious Gold Seal of Approval. This accreditation serves as a testament to our adherence to rigorous standards of safety, effectiveness, and patient-centered care.At Encompass Health Rehabilitation Hospital of Sarasota, your well-being is our top priority, and we are honored to be your partner in achieving your rehabilitation goals.
Encompass Health
Stroke Rehabilitation 6400 Edgelake Dr., Sarasota, Florida, 34240At Encompass Health Rehabilitation Hospital of Sarasota, we are dedicated to two fundamental principles: the progress our patients make and the outcomes they achieve. Our commitment to excellence is reflected in our industry-leading performance scores, which demonstrate our unwavering focus on your recovery and well-being.When you arrive at our hospital, we will conduct a comprehensive assessment known as Functional Outcome Measures to determine the level of assistance you require for basic tasks. This assessment serves as a baseline to measure your progress throughout your rehabilitation journey. Based on this evaluation, your rehabilitation team will collaborate with you to establish challenging yet achievable goals and develop a customized treatment plan tailored to your individual needs.Throughout your stay, we will closely monitor your progress, adjusting your treatment plan as needed to optimize your outcomes. Before you discharge from our hospital, we will conduct a follow-up assessment to evaluate the extent of your improvement and ensure that you have the knowledge and resources necessary to continue your recovery journey beyond our walls.Our commitment to quality care is further underscored by our accreditation from the Joint Commission, symbolized by our prestigious Gold Seal of Approval. This accreditation serves as a testament to our adherence to rigorous standards of safety, effectiveness, and patient-centered care.At Encompass Health Rehabilitation Hospital of Sarasota, your well-being is our top priority, and we are honored to be your partner in achieving your rehabilitation goals.