Communicating With Aging Parents

Posted on

Jul 19, 2012

Book/Edition

Utah - Utah

share-this
Share This
Nothing is harder than to take a loved one who is aging and whose capacities are diminishing and to help them make the tough decisions that will ensure their safety. How do you balance your parents need for independence and your need that they and others around them are secure? Below is a list of four steps that will show you how to communicate with your aging parents and to better show them how much you C.A.R.E..
Choose The Spirit of Working With Them, Not Against Them
Remember when it comes to creating healthy results with others, your best tool is the spirit you choose to approach the other person with. Whether you bring a spirit of competition or cooperation is the best determinant of the options, choices, and ability you will have to resolve the problems you're facing. Remember that before you try to convince your parents of what is best for them, you must first convince them that you really understand them and the problems they're facing. Make sure that you don't allow the problem, whether it is bringing in extra help around the house, moving them into senior living or restricting driving privileges to become something that comes between you two. Love them unconditionally and show them that you will be there for support no matter what. The simple spirit that you care will go a long way to creating the change that is necessary.
Attend to the Emotional Needs First, and the Logical Needs Second
I know that the idea of waiting to deal with the logical issues until after the emotional issues sounds crazy . . . because sometimes the decisions we are making with our aging parents could be about life and death, right? In the end however, I've found that the fastest way to get to healthier solutions with your parents will usually be with them, instead of against them. So you're going to have to go through their emotion anyway. Remember that you cant meet a need you don't understand from their frame of reference. So if you cant find a way to show you care about their emotion, you'll never get access to change their way of thinking about the issue. The rule for this section is simply: I don't care how much you know, until I know how much you care. The more urgent the situation, then, the more necessary it is to get very active in addressing the highly emotional feelings that lie deep down inside the person. In the end its important to realize that you are not going to solve the logical problems of your parents lives without effectively validating and handling the emotional issues first. No matter how logical the issues are, people are still emotional beings.
Relax & Recognize that Slower, Usually is Faster
Sometimes it takes each of us time to be willing to let the obvious changes in our lives to take place. Have you ever needed to get your tooth fixed, and still delayed a while just to avoid the obvious procedure and its accompanying pain? Inherently people want to do things on their terms, their way and on their timeframe. That human need echoes back to the deep inner sense that we are actors in our lives who are to act, and not be acted upon. The problem arises when our parents mental or physical abilities start to diminish and their actions have the potential to either harm others or themselves. This pressure to protect our parents and others drives us to feel even more and more compelled to act quickly and decisively. Most of these difficult decisions are very hard to do quickly so start anticipating the changes your parents will need over the next year or two and begin laying the ground work for those changes. Try to create buy-in, not by talking about what we are going to change today with your parents, but by discussing what will need to take place down the road. This slower approach may allow the ideas of change to drip slowly into their system and will feel more like its in their control.
Explore Outside Experts to Communicate For You.
Who you are speaks so loudly, people cant hear what you're saying. That little quote perfectly summarizes the reality that many times you are not the best person to tell your parents anything. Many times you are not the best person to communicate the cold hard truths about your parents need for help simply because in their eyes you are still just a child. Perhaps it would be better to have you be the supportive hand that is sitting next to your parent as their doctor, the police department or Drivers License division takes their license away. As a professional, I have seen on countless occasions where people are more inclined to believe what I have to say than the person closest to them. Sometimes it is my credentials, my approach or the fact that they are paying to hear it that makes it all more legitimate. Don't be afraid to call in other experts. Talk to their doctors, or other experts to get advice and support in how to proceed, and whenever possible, let the professionals deliver the news and you just sit there and love and support them through it.
Editors Note: This article was submitted by Matt Townsend, M.A. founder of Townsend Relationship Center, a communication skill building company, www.townsendrelationshipcenter.com or call at 801-747-2121

Other Articles You May Like

Why Planning Ahead Matters for Senior Relocations

Why Planning Ahead Matters for Senior RelocationsBy A Call to Order Professional OrganizerA Gentle Path ForwardThe decision to relocate a senior loved onewhether to a smaller home, a senior living community, or closer to familyis one filled with emotion. Its not just a move; its a life transition. Memories, milestones, and treasured belongings are all part of the journey.Thats why planning ahead for senior relocations is so important. At A Call to Order Professional Organizer, weve walked alongside many families navigating this path. When approached early and with care, the process becomes more manageable, more meaningful, and less stressful for everyone involved.As we look ahead to 2025 and beyond, families are seeking ways to reduce stress, preserve family harmony, and honor the pastall while creating a safer and more supportive environment for their aging loved ones. Planning early is a gift that brings clarity, comfort, and connection.The Emotional and Practical Benefits of Early PlanningWhen it comes to senior relocation, time is your greatest ally. By starting early, families can take a step-by-step approach that reduces overwhelm and supports everyone emotionally.1. More Time for Emotional ProcessingLeaving a longtime home is never just about the physical spaceits about letting go of decades of memories. Planning ahead gives seniors time to say goodbye in a way that feels respectful and gentle. They can revisit special items, reflect on milestones, and share stories that matter. This emotional preparation leads to less resistance and more peace.2. Reducing Family Stress and TensionOne of the most common challenges during a last-minute move is family conflict. When time is limited, decisions are rushed, tensions rise, and tempers flare. Early planning allows families to work together thoughtfully, honoring both practical needs and emotional attachments without pressure.3. Better Options and AvailabilityIn todays fast-moving housing and senior care market, planning early gives you access to better housing choices, preferred communities, and moving services that may book out months in advance. You can take time to visit potential homes, ask the right questions, and ensure your loved one feels comfortable and supported.A Step-by-Step Guide to Starting the Senior Move ConversationStarting the conversation about senior relocation can feel overwhelmingbut with the right approach, it can be an opportunity for connection, understanding, and even excitement about the next chapter.1. Start with Empathy, Not UrgencyBegin the conversation with love. Avoid phrases like You have to move or You cant stay here anymore. Instead, ask open questions: What would make you feel more comfortable in your daily routine? Would you like help sorting through some of your things? By making it about their comfort and wellbeing, you create a safe space for honest dialogue.2. Involve a Professional Organizer EarlyAt A Call to Order, we specialize in senior move management. We understand how to navigate the emotional landscape of downsizing and transitions. We guide families step-by-step, helping to sort, pack, and plan with both heart and strategymaking the process feel less like a chore and more like a celebration of lifes journey.3. Create a Personalized TimelineBreak the process into manageable stages:36 months out: Begin conversations and explore living options.23 months out: Begin sorting and letting go of items that wont move with your loved one.1 month out: Start packing essentials and coordinating logistics.1 week out: Final preparations and emotional support.This structure reduces decision fatigue and helps everyone feel in control.4. Focus on the PositiveWhile its okay to honor grief or sadness, help your loved one look forward to the benefits: less home maintenance, easier access to care, and opportunities for new friendships. Highlight what theyll gain, not just what theyll lose.Let the Journey Be Gentle, TogetherRelocating a senior loved one is never just about boxes and furnitureits about dignity, legacy, and love. By planning ahead, families can avoid unnecessary stress, preserve emotional well-being, and make the journey a beautiful one.At A Call to Order Professional Organizer, were more than just moving supportwere partners in transition. We walk alongside families with empathy, expertise, and the heartfelt belief that every move should feel like a new beginning, not a loss. Contact us today to begin planning your loved ones next chapter with care. Visit www.acalltoorderco.com for more resources, checklists, and guidance.Lets plan aheadbecause your familys peace is worth it.

Why A Call to Order Professional Organizers Puts Heart Into Every Senior Home?

As we grow older, our homes often become a tapestry woven with the threads of our memories, experiences, and cherished moments. For seniors, their living space is not just a house; it's a sanctuary that reflects their life's journey. At A Call to Order Professional Organizers, we understand the emotional significance of maintaining a nurturing environment, particularly for seniors. Our team is dedicated to ensuring that every senior home is organized with heart, respect, and a strong emotional connection. In this blog, we will explore why we pour our passion into helping seniors create spaces that honor their lives and legacies.The Emotional Landscape of a Senior's HomeA home filled with memories carries profound emotional weight. From family photos adorning the walls to the cherished heirlooms passed down through generations, each item represents a moment in time. As seniors age, the need to declutter and reorganize may arise, but this process can be emotionally charged. Its crucial to approach this task with sensitivity and compassion.At A Call to Order, we recognize that downsizing or reorganizing a senior's home involves navigating complex emotions. Many seniors may feel anxious about letting go of possessions that hold significant meaning. Our heart-centered approach ensures that we listen deeply to their stories, valuing their connections to their belongings. We strive to create an environment where seniors feel supported, understood, and empowered throughout the organizing process.Tips for Ensuring Emotional Well-Being While Organizing1. Start with Open Dialogue: Initiate discussions with seniors about their feelings regarding their belongings. Encourage them to share the stories behind cherished items and why they are important. By creating a safe space for these conversations, we can build trust and facilitate a smoother organizing experience.2. Honor Their Attachment: Recognize that its not just about decluttering; its about honoring memories. Items may have deep sentimental value, and its important to respect that attachment. Help seniors decide which items they truly want to keep by guiding them through thoughtful reflection.3. Create a "Treasure Box": Work with seniors to select a small box for items they cant bear to part with but dont have the space for. This "treasure box" allows them to retain special memories without cluttering their living space. It serves as a snapshot of their life, showcasing what's truly meaningful to them.4. Visual Aids: Use visual aids like photographs or sketches to help seniors visualize their spaces potential. This technique can help them better understand how decluttering will create a more peaceful environment in which to live.5. Physical and Emotional Assistance: Remember that physical assistance in organizing often goes hand-in-hand with emotional support. Be present, listen actively, and take breaks when needed. A supportive attitude can significantly ease the process for seniors.Our Heart-Centered Approach: More Than Just OrganizingAt A Call to Order, we believe that our role goes beyond merely organizing spaces; we are committed to creating an atmosphere of care and compassion. Our heart-centered approach has been finely tuned to meet the unique needs of seniors while ensuring that they feel respected and valued.Why Our Clients Trust Us?1. Customized Solutions: Every senior's life story is unique, and their homes should reflect that individuality. We provide personalized organizing solutions tailored to their specific needs, preferences, and emotional attachments.2. Empathy First: Our team understands that each organizing project may evoke different feelingsnostalgia, anxiety, joy, or even sadness. We approach every situation with empathy and understanding, ensuring our clients feel comfortable throughout the process.3. Legacy Preservation: The work we do in senior homes is about more than just organizing; its about preserving legacies. We help seniors create spaces that not only reflect their lives but also enable them to share their stories with loved ones, instilling a sense of pride in their journey.4. Building Lasting Relationships: At A Call to Order, we believe in forming genuine connections with our clients. Many seniors find that they not only have an organizer, but a confidant and friend throughout their journey. This human connection fosters trust, making the organizing experience much more enriching.5. Community Empowerment: We take pride in uplifting the community we serve. By empowering seniors to reclaim their spaces, we help them cultivate a nurturing environment, benefitting their overall well-being.In conclusion, every home deserves to be a place filled with love, memories, and peace. At A Call to Order Professional Organizers, we are dedicated to creating spaces that reflect the essence of our senior clients. Our heart-centered approach ensures that we celebrate their lives, preserving not only their belongings but also their legacies. Let us help you or your loved one navigate the sometimes-challenging journey of organizing with compassion and care, creating a lasting sanctuary at home.

A Lasting Legacy: Helping Seniors Create a Home That Reflects Their Life

As we age, our priorities shift, and so do our living arrangements. Many seniors find themselves navigating a life transition, whether it's downsizing from a family home, adjusting to a new care facility, or simply simplifying their living space. At A Call to Order Professional Organizers, we believe that every individual deserves a living environment that honors their story, their accomplishments, and their legacy. In this blog, we'll explore the emotional significance of creating a home that reflects a senior's life and offer guidance on how to make this vision a reality.The Emotional Connection to Home: Why It MattersFor seniors, their home often holds a lifetime of memories. It's where families were raised, holidays were celebrated, and countless moments of joy and sorrow were lived. As seniors age, their home can become a tangible connection to their past, a physical manifestation of their life's journey. Creating a home that reflects their story is not just about decluttering or organizing; it's about preserving their legacy and honoring their experiences.By creating an environment that celebrates their life, seniors can find comfort, peace of mind, and a sense of purpose. This, in turn, can have a profound impact on their mental and physical well-being, enabling them to live their final years with dignity and joy.Tips for Helping Seniors Create a Lasting Legacy1. Start with Conversations: Begin the process by engaging in open and meaningful conversations with the senior. Ask them about their memories, their accomplishments, and their hopes for their living space. Listen attentively to their stories and take note of the items that hold sentimental value.2. Curate a Memory Lane: Designate a special area in their home as a "memory lane" where cherished items can be displayed. This might include family photos, heirlooms, or mementos from special occasions. By showcasing these items, the senior can relive fond memories and create a sense of connection to their past.3. Create a Legacy Room: Consider transforming a spare room or a section of their home into a "legacy room" dedicated to their accomplishments and stories. This might include displays of awards, certificates, or artwork created by the senior or their loved ones.4. Involve Family and Friends: Engage the senior's loved ones in the process by inviting them to share their favorite memories and stories about the senior. This can be a meaningful way to create a shared history and a sense of community.5. Respect and Preserve: Throughout the organizing process, be mindful of the senior's emotional attachment to their items. Work together to respectfully preserve items that hold sentimental value, while releasing those that no longer serve a purpose.Creating a Living Legacy: Practical Strategies for SeniorsCreating a home that reflects a senior's life requires a thoughtful and intentional approach. Here are some practical strategies to consider:1. Organize Photos and Memories: Develop a system for organizing family photos and mementos. Consider digitizing these items to create a digital archive, making it easier to share memories with loved ones.2. Create a Personalized Calendar: Develop a personalized calendar that highlights important dates, milestones, and events in the senior's life. This can be a meaningful way to commemorate their life's journey.3. Designate a Memory Book: Create a memory book or scrapbook that captures the senior's story. Include photos, stories, and mementos to create a treasured keepsake.4. Preserve Heirlooms: Identify and preserve family heirlooms, such as antique furniture, jewelry, or other treasured items. These can serve as a reminder of their legacy and provide a connection to their family's history.5. Seek Professional Guidance: If needed, enlist the help of a professional organizer to create a customized plan that honors the senior's legacy. A professional organizer can provide expert guidance on how to preserve memories, declutter living spaces, and create a lasting legacy.In conclusion, creating a home that reflects a senior's life is a meaningful and rewarding process. By engaging in conversations, curating memories, and creating a legacy room, seniors can find comfort, peace, and a sense of purpose in their living space. As a professional organizer, it's an honor to work with seniors, preserving their legacy and creating a lasting impact on their lives.