Five Tips for Families Facing End-Of-Life Care
Commonwealth Hospice
Oct 04, 2022
Pennsylvania - Greater Pittsburgh Area
In this week’s TIME cover story, “The Long Goodbye” (available to subscribers here), journalist Joe Klein writes about the loss of his parents. They both suffered from dementia and died within months of each other. Through their end of life, Klein became his parents’ death panel.
For the many other families facing the same journey, experts’ best advice is to prepare early. As with most difficult transitions, caring for a parent or loved at the end of life is easier if you’ve planned for it. Trying to make the best possible decisions about care often leads to added stress and confusion, especially if your family is already in a difficult situation. “It’s all pre-planning really,” says Malene Smith Davis, CEO of Capital Caring, which provides palliative care and guidance for families. “People really do cope well if they have a conversation about care with their families early. When families don’t have the conversation, that’s when there’s turmoil because no one is prepared and it’s inevitable.”
Here are some tips for making end-of-life care easier to handle:
Keep communication open. Have “the conversation” early. Make sure family members designate who they want as their health care agent if they cannot make medical decisions on their own and need someone to speak on their behalf. “The last place you want to have a conversation about who will take over as a health care agent is in an emergency,” says Paul Malley, president of Aging With Dignity, a Florida-based advocacy group for terminally ill patients. “This can be the adult child or the parent’s best friend perhaps. There needs to be a conversation about everything from what medical treatments the loved one wants to how they feel about life support. The fewer surprises the better.”
Malley recommends opening the conversation to the entire family. “So often when parents are older or have a serious diagnosis, we put them in the hot seat and say, ‘O.K., Mom and Dad, here are a list of questions you need to answer.’ Instead, bring the whole family together. Even college kids can tell their families what they want in an emergency. That way the whole family can think back and remember everyone’s wishes,” he says.
Involve your doctor. “I think it’s really important that when these medical decisions are made, the family and the doctor are present,” says Carol Levine, director of the Families and Healthcare Project at United Hospital Fund. “Not all doctors are comfortable talking about end-of-life kinds of issues.” Involving the doctor in conversations about emergency care can alleviate tension when treatment options are discussed.
Get it in writing. “It’s not enough to just have a conversation once and not talk about it again and it’s also not enough to fill out legal documents and never discuss wishes with family members,” says Malley. “Both need to be done.” Aging with Dignity has created “Five Wishes,” a living will that is legal in 42 states and has been translated in 26 languages. The document allows families to let care providers know who they want to make health-care decisions, what medical treatments they want or don’t want, and what they want loved ones to know.
Here are some other documents the National Institute on Aging recommends for everyone:
- • Living will: records a person’s wishes for medical treatment near the end of life
- • Durable power of attorney for health care: designates a person, sometimes called an agent or proxy, to make health care decisions when the person can no longer do so
- • Do-not-resuscitate (DNR) order: instructs health care professionals not to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation if a person’s heart stops or if he or she stops breathing. A DNR order is signed by a doctor and put in a person’s medical chart
- • Will: indicates how a person’s assets and estate will be distributed upon death
- • Durable power of attorney for finances: names someone to make financial decisions when the person no longer can. It can help terminally ill people and their families avoid court actions that may take away control of financial affairs
- • Living trust: provides instructions about the person’s estate and appoints someone, often referred to as the trustee, to hold the title to property and funds for the beneficiaries. The trustee follows these instructions after the person can no longer manage his or her affairs
Another document to consider is a physician orders for life-sustaining treatment (POLST) form. It details what the patient wants in terms of medical treatment including CPR, feeding tubes and medical interventions if the patient is not breathing or is without a pulse. The form is signed by both the physician and health proxy. Not every state has a POLST program, but here are some samples.
“Doctors feel compelled to treat, no matter what, most of the time,” says Carolyn Rosenblatt, founder of AgingParents.com, a resource for people caring for aging loved ones. “They are also afraid of getting sued for ‘hastening death.’ The form protects them by giving them immunity. One would hope that they could then go about decision making with more common sense.”
Recognize that you might not be the best person to take over. “The person who becomes the health care proxy needs to be comfortable with that,” says Levine. “Being that person means making very hard decisions at a certain point. It is better to know if you can handle it ahead of time so someone else can take on the role if need be.” Experts recommend siblings also talk to one another early about how to divide responsibilities to avoid conflict later.
Talk about hospice care early. Hospice care provides medical treatment, emotional support and spiritual resources for people who are in the last stages of a terminal illness. “I often see people who get into hospice care and wonder why they didn’t hear about it sooner,” says Davis. In many cases, that may be because people see hospice as “giving up” — though, actually, people who receive palliative care at the end of life may live longer than those who continue with aggressive, life-saving interventions. Also, hospice can be a difficult topic for doctors to bring up to their patients.
Davis recommends talking about hospice care with your family early, in order have care for the longest time possible. Hospice is a Medicare program and many state Medicaid plans and private health insurance plans pay for it as well. “Talk about it early because although we all see ourselves dying in old age, it’s healthier to bring it up just in case. That way, it can be about your own personal wishes as well as the wishes of your loved one,” says Davis.
Other Articles You May Like
Why Every Family Needs a Senior Care Advocate: Your Guide to Smarter, Safer Aging
Navigating the complexities of aging can feel overwhelming. Whether you're a senior making plans for your future or a family caregiver trying to provide the best care for a loved one, knowing where to turn for reliable help is critical. Thats where a Senior Care Advocate steps inyour trusted partner in managing aging-related decisions, healthcare planning, and long-term support.What is a Senior Care Advocate?A Senior Care Advocate is a professional who specializes in supporting older adults and their families as they face the many challenges of aging. Their role is part guide, part liaison, and part problem-solver. Whether it's managing healthcare appointments, understanding confusing medical diagnoses, or finding the right long-term care options, a Senior Care Advocate is there to help every step of the way.These advocates bring years of experience in elder care, healthcare systems, and long-term care planning. They often have backgrounds in social work, nursing, gerontology, or senior services. But more importantly, they understand the emotional weight that comes with caregiving and agingand they offer compassion alongside their professional expertise.Do I Need a Senior Care Advocate?One of the most common questions families ask is: How do I know if I need a Senior Care Advocate? The answer depends on your unique situation, but here are a few telltale signs: Youre overwhelmed with coordinating medical care and doctor appointments. You're unsure about long-term care options like assisted living, memory care, or skilled nursing. Youre facing legal, financial, or insurance questions you dont know how to answer. Youre a long-distance caregiver who cant always be present. Youre worried about the safety or well-being of a loved one who lives alone. In all these situations, a Senior Care Advocate can provide guidance, coordinate services, and even represent you or your loved one at medical appointments or facility meetings.What Services Does a Senior Care Advocate Provide?Senior Care Advocates wear many hats and offer a wide range of services, including:1. In-Home Care CoordinationIf remaining at home is a priority, an advocate can help make it happen safely. They evaluate care needs, hire and supervise caregivers, and provide training for both families and professionals. They ensure that home care is not just availablebut effective, compassionate, and tailored to the individual.2. Medical Support and NavigationUnderstanding the healthcare system can be confusing, especially when dealing with chronic illness or multiple diagnoses. A Senior Care Advocate will: Arrange and attend medical appointments. Help interpret diagnoses and treatment plans. Coordinate testing, therapies, and even emergency room visits. Act as a liaison between seniors, family members, and healthcare providers. Their support can be life-changing, particularly for seniors managing complex conditions or families trying to stay informed.3. Long-Term Care Planning and TransitionsWhen living at home is no longer possible, finding the right long-term care community is essential. A Care Advocate knows the ins and outs of senior living optionsfrom assisted living to memory care and nursing homes. Theyll arrange facility tours, help with admissions paperwork, and even assist with the physical move.After the transition, they continue providing oversight to ensure your loved one is safe, comfortable, and receiving quality care.4. Benefit Application AssistanceUnderstanding what financial and medical benefits you qualify for can be overwhelming. Senior Care Advocates help determine eligibility and assist with applications for: Veterans benefits Social Security and SSDI Medicaid/Medical Assistance Private insurance coverage This process is often time-consuming and complex, but an experienced advocate can streamline it and ensure nothing is missed.What to Look for in a Senior Care AdvocateNot all advocates are the same. When choosing one, ask about their background, training, and areas of specialization. Dont hesitate to request references or testimonials from other families.A qualified Senior Care Advocate should have: Experience in elder care or healthcare systems Knowledge of local resources and support programs A compassionate and proactive communication style Clear professional boundaries and confidentiality standards Real Support for Real FamiliesAt Solutions for Independence, we understand how emotionally and physically demanding caregiving can be. For over 20 years, we've helped hundreds of seniors and their families navigate the aging journey with confidence. Whether its in-home care planning, crisis management, or senior housing transitions, we provide the kind of expert support that brings peace of mind.We believe in providing Care, Advocacy, and Compassion as a Professionbecause every older adult deserves to age with dignity, and every caregiver deserves support.Why Senior Care Advocacy Matters More Than EverTodays aging population is living longer but often with more complex health needs. Family caregivers are often juggling full-time jobs, raising children, and managing their own health. The role of a Senior Care Advocate is no longer a luxuryits becoming a necessity.By working with a trusted advocate, families can: Avoid caregiver burnout. Prevent medical or financial crises. Make informed choices about care options. Save time, money, and emotional energy. Whether youre planning ahead or in the middle of a crisis, a Senior Care Advocate can be your greatest ally. They provide the tools, knowledge, and hands-on support you need to make the best decisions for yourself or your loved one. If youre feeling uncertain or overwhelmed, remember this: You dont have to do it alone. Let an expert advocate help you find clarity, confidence, and comfort in every stage of the aging journey.At Solutions for Independence we have specialized in and provided Care Advocacy and long-term care planning services for over 20 years and have helped hundreds of seniors and families. Give us a call today at 412.999.7892.
Navigating the Emotional Journey of Moving a Loved One into Senior Living
Making the decision to move a loved one into senior living is never easy. Its a choice that often comes with a swirl of emotionsgrief, guilt, uncertainty, and even relief. For many families, it marks the beginning of a new chapter that is both necessary and deeply emotional.At Assisted Living Locators, we understand the complexity of this transition. We're not just here to help you find the right placewere here to walk alongside you as you navigate the feelings, questions, and challenges that come with it.The Emotional Weight of the DecisionMoving a parent or loved one out of their homewhere memories were made and independence was cherishedcan feel like a loss. Even when its the right time, the reality of change can be overwhelming.Families often struggle with questions like: Are we doing the right thing? Will they feel abandoned? How do we even begin to choose the right place? These are not just logistical concerns. They're emotional ones. And theyre completely valid.You Are Not AloneEvery family has a unique story, and no two transitions look the same. Thats why a one-size-fits-all approach doesnt work. At Assisted Living Locators, we start by listeningreally listeningto your concerns, your hopes, and your loved ones needs.We help you: Understand the options available, from independent and assisted living to memory care and beyond. Navigate conversations with compassion, helping your loved one feel heard and included in the decision-making process. Find peace of mind in knowing that a knowledgeable, local expert is by your side. More Than a Placement ServiceWhat sets us apart is that were not just matching families to facilities. Were guiding people through one of lifes most sensitive and significant transitions. We offer not only practical guidance, but emotional supporthelping you make decisions with confidence, clarity, and care.Well tour communities with you, ask the hard questions, and advocate for what matters most to your family. And we do it all at no cost to you.A Step Toward Peace of MindIts okay to feel the weight of this moment. It's okay to need help. And it's okay to prioritize both your loved ones well-being and your own peace of mind.Let us be a trusted partner in this journeyso you dont have to walk it alone.Contact us today at pghassistedliving.com or (724) 972 -3202 to take the first step. Were here to help with heart, knowledge, and unwavering support.
Everyday Digital Tech Is Protecting Seniors' Brain Health, Study Says
A new study published on April 15, 2025, reveals that using everyday digital technologylike smartphones, computers, and tabletsmay actually protect brain health in older adults rather than harm it. Contrary to longstanding fears that reliance on digital devices contributes to cognitive decline, researchers found that these technologies may play a positive role in preserving memory and thinking skills. The study, conducted by scientists from the University of Texas at Austin and Baylor University, analyzed data from 57 prior studies, covering more than 411,000 adults with an average age of 69. It showed that those who regularly used digital technology had a 58% lower risk of developing cognitive impairments compared to those who did not. The researchers argue that using digital devices can challenge the brain in meaningful ways. Tasks like reading news online, sending emails, using GPS, or managing a calendar require mental engagement and memory, helping to keep the brain active. These actions involve navigating apps, understanding icons, recalling passwords, and making decisionscognitive processes that mirror many of the brains executive functions. In other words, regular interaction with technology may act like mental exercise, reinforcing cognitive skills much like physical activity helps maintain muscle strength. One of the most notable aspects of the findings is how they contradict popular concerns about digital dementia, a term used in recent years to describe the belief that technology use causes memory problems by making people too reliant on external tools. Instead of supporting this idea, the researchers found the opposite: older adults who stayed digitally engaged were less likely to show signs of cognitive decline. This suggests that fears around the negative effects of digital tools on the aging brain may be overstated or even unfounded. The researchers proposed three main reasons why digital technology may be beneficial: complexity, connection, and compensation. Complexity refers to the mental challenges posed by using technology, which can stimulate cognitive functions. Connection refers to the social aspectstaying in touch with family and friends through messaging, video calls, or social mediawhich has long been linked to better brain health. Compensation describes how digital tools can help older adults cope with minor memory issues, such as by setting reminders or keeping track of important information, reducing stress and promoting independence. Experts outside the study also praised the results. Dr. Leah Mursaleen from Alzheimers Research UK said the findings were encouraging and aligned with what is already known about mental stimulation and brain health. Caroline Abrahams of Age UK emphasized that while the benefits of digital engagement are clear, some older adults still struggle with access or confidence using these tools. This underlines the importance of digital inclusionensuring all seniors have the opportunity, training, and support needed to benefit from the digital world. The research carries significant implications as global populations continue to age and technology becomes further embedded in daily life. As more adults over 50 begin to age into their 70s and 80s with a lifetime of digital experience, understanding how to harness technology to support mental health will be increasingly important. While the study does not suggest that tech use alone is a magic bullet against dementia, it does point to a relatively simple, low-cost, and accessible way to help preserve cognitive function over time. In summary, the study challenges outdated assumptions that technology is harmful to older minds and instead presents a hopeful narrative: when used actively and meaningfully, digital technology can support brain health, improve quality of life, and help older adults stay mentally sharp. As researchers continue to explore the intersection of aging and technology, these findings offer strong evidence that staying digitally engaged may be one of the easiest and most effective tools for protecting cognitive function later in life.
Local Services By This Author
Commonwealth Hospice
Hospice 4955 Steubenville Pike Ste 125, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 15205At Commonwealth Hospice, your well-being is our number one priority. We recognize you have many choices available for a hospice provider, and our goal is to provide a team of healthcare professionals that will fill these days with care, compassion, and support. Our experienced team is committed to giving our clients the care they want, while offering guidance through some of life's most challenging circumstances. We strive to make a positive difference in the lives of our patients, families, and the communities we serve. We invite you to find out more about our hospice program, our staff, and what makes Commonwealth Hospice a preferred provider.Experience matters. The leadership group at Commonwealth has decades of experience. We've seen what works and, more importantly, what could be done better. All of us have personally experienced hospice with a loved one, so we know what you're going through. Quality over quantity. Commonwealth is not a large, profit-driven healthcare network that treats people like numbers. We are smaller, local, and our only goal is to provide unparalleled care for our patients, their families and to support the facilities where many of our patients reside. Commitment to caregiver and family support. Being the primary caregiver to a family member on hospice is difficult. It is natural to experience self-doubt, anxiety and worry, in addition to the tremendous sadness associated with the impending loss of someone dear to you. At Commonwealth, we understand the challenges primary caregivers and other family members face, and have made it our mission to provide the best possible support and education. Our nurses and aides will take the time to sit with you, craft a comprehensive care plan, and make sure you have a full and complete understanding of what to expect. We'll discuss medications, any equipment that may be, or may become, necessary, as well as likely disease progressions so you are as prepared as possible for the road ahead. Should something come up between regular visits, staff are available 24 hours a day. Caregiver, facility and community education. Commonwealth has a dedicated Education Department to support primary caregivers and families, and to provide Pennsylvania Department of Human Services approved in-services for staff in facilities where our patients reside. Trainings cover a variety of topics, including infection control and proper transfer techniques, as well as First Aid/CPR, and medication administration. We also offer 'virtual dementia' training, designed to help us all better understand the struggles and challenges experienced by people suffering from dementia. Our goal is to support and educate our patients' caregivers in every way we can, whether that caregiver is an aide in a facility or a family member in the home.