For women, eldercare should not mean sacrificing your career

When someone you love needs extra care, it's time to think about a nursing home. This can be a tough decision, but there are ways to make it easier. Let's look at how to pick a good nursing home that will take great care of your family member.Location and BuildingThe first thing to think about is where the nursing home is. It's best if it's close to you so you can visit often. When you go to see the nursing home, look around carefully. Is it clean? Does it look nice outside? Are there places where your loved one can go outside for fresh air?Look at the rooms too. Make sure you see all kinds of rooms, not just the fancy ones. Ask yourself if the rooms feel cozy or if they look too much like a hospital.Staff and CareThe people who work at the nursing home are very important. You want to make sure there are enough workers to take care of everyone. Ask how many nurses and helpers there are for each patient. Also, find out if the same people work there for a long time. If workers stay at their jobs, it usually means they like working there.It's also good to ask how the workers are trained. Do they know how to help older people with different health problems? Make sure they know how to take care of your loved one's special needs.Daily LifeA good nursing home should help your loved one have a nice day every day. Ask about what kind of activities they have. Is it just bingo and movies, or do they have other fun things to do? Can your loved one go on trips outside the nursing home?Food is important too. Ask about the meals and snacks. Can your loved one eat whenever they want, or are there set meal times? Try to taste the food if you can.Some nursing homes let people help out with small jobs if they want to. This can make your loved one feel useful and happy. Ask if they have chances to do things like help deliver mail or read to other people.Respect and ChoicesIt's important that your loved one is treated with respect. They should be able to make some choices about their day. Can they decide when to wake up or what to wear? Can they eat in their room if they want to? Make sure the nursing home respects your loved one's likes and dislikes.Visitors and FamilyCheck the rules about visitors. Can you come anytime, or are there special visiting hours? It's good if you can visit often. Also, ask if your loved one can make video calls to family and friends.Money MattersNursing homes can be expensive. Many people think Medicare will pay for everything, but that's not always true. Medicare only pays for some types of care, and only for a short time. You might need to pay for some of the care yourself.Ask the nursing home how much it costs and what kinds of payment they accept. Some places might help you make a plan to pay over time.Keep Asking QuestionsEven after you choose a nursing home, keep asking questions and staying involved. Visit often and pay attention to how your loved one is doing. If you see anything that worries you, talk to the people in charge.Remember, the most important thing is to find a place where your loved one will be safe, happy, and well cared for. By asking lots of questions and looking carefully at different nursing homes, you can find the best place for your family member.

Whether you're traveling from across the street or across the country, holiday gatherings provide an excellent opportunity to assess the well-being of your aging family members. These festive occasions, filled with dinners, gift exchanges, and parties, offer a natural setting to observe any changes in behavior or lifestyle that may have occurred since your last visit.Changes in an elderly relative's condition can range from obvious to subtle. To help you gauge their current physical and mental state, we've compiled a comprehensive list of areas to observe and questions to consider during your time together.EnvironmentThe condition of your loved one's living space can offer valuable insights into their ability to maintain their home and overall well-being. Look for the following:Signs of damage or disrepair in and around the houseAccumulation of trash or clutterBurned-out light bulbs left unchangedDecline in cleanliness, particularly in the kitchen and bathroomUnopened mail piling upItems stored in unusual or potentially hazardous locationsDamage to their vehicle, such as unexplained scratches or dentsThese observations can indicate difficulties with home maintenance, mobility, or cognitive function.Food and NutritionProper nutrition is crucial for seniors. During your visit, pay attention to:The quantity and quality of food in the refrigerator and pantryPresence of expired or spoiled food itemsSigns of weight loss or malnutritionIndications that meals are being skipped or forgottenPoor nutrition can significantly impact an elderly person's health and may signal the need for additional support.Mood and BehaviorChanges in mood or behavior can be early indicators of cognitive decline or other health issues. Watch for:Withdrawal from social activities or abandonment of once-enjoyed hobbiesNew friendships or organizational affiliations, especially those involving frequent contact or requests for donationsIncreased confusion or repetition in conversationsSigns of irritability, apathy, or sadnessGeneral withdrawal or changes in typical demeanorThese behavioral shifts may warrant further investigation or professional assessment.Personal HygienePersonal care habits can provide valuable clues about an individual's physical and mental state. Look for:Decline in overall grooming and appearanceWearing dirty clothes or not changing clothes regularlySkipping showers or bathsBruises or injuries that might indicate falls or accidentsPoor hygiene can be a sign of physical limitations, depression, or cognitive impairment.Financial ManagementWhile not always easy to observe, changes in financial management can be crucial indicators of cognitive decline or potential exploitation. If possible, discreetly assess:Bill payment habits and any signs of financial distressUnusual or large purchasesUnfamiliar names on financial documentsSudden changes in banking habits or account managementFinancial mismanagement can have serious consequences and may require prompt intervention.Medication ManagementFor seniors taking multiple medications, proper management is essential. Observe:Organization of medicationsPresence of expired prescriptionsSigns of missed doses or confusion about medication schedulesMedication errors can lead to serious health complications and may indicate the need for additional support.Social ConnectionsMaintaining social connections is vital for seniors' mental and emotional well-being. Take note of:Frequency and quality of interactions with friends and neighborsParticipation in community activities or religious servicesUse of technology to stay connected with family and friendsSocial isolation can contribute to depression and cognitive decline in older adults.Remember, this list is not exhaustive but serves as a guide to help you check in on your aging loved ones. By observing these areas and initiating conversations early, you can identify potential issues and provide timely support. If you notice concerning changes, consider consulting with healthcare professionals or senior care experts for guidance.The holiday season offers a wonderful opportunity to spend quality time with your elderly relatives. Use this time to observe, listen, and engage meaningfully. Your attentiveness can make a significant difference in ensuring their continued well-being and quality of life.Aging Life Care Managers are an excellent resource for support. Working with families, an Aging Life Care Manager is a strategic planner offering options and solutions that best fit a persons individual needs and resources. Their guidance leads families to the actions and decisions that ensure quality care and an optimal life for those they love, thus reducing worry, stress, and time away from work for family caregivers.

Caring for an older adult with cognitive difficulties, such as dementia or Alzheimers disease, requires patience, empathy, and a thoughtful approach to daily activities. As our loved ones with dementia might have communication challenges, we become more attuned to observing body language and facial expressions. The right activities can provide a sense of purpose, stimulate memory, and improve overall well-being. However, choosing the wrong activities can lead to frustration or confusion. This guide offers practical advice on the dos and donts of engaging loved ones with cognitive decline.Do:        Simplify tasks and break them down into smaller steps.For example, if your loved one enjoyed cooking, involve them in simple tasks like stirring ingredients or setting the table. This allows them to participate without feeling overwhelmed by the complexity of the activity.Familiar rote tasks can provide a sense of purpose and success i.e.: folding towels or setting the table.Dont:        Set up for failureAvoid setting high expectations for perfection or completion of tasks. The goal is engagement, not mastery. If your loved one loses interest or struggles with a task, its okay to move on to something else without pressure. Try active listening techniques.Do:        Promote social interactionEngage in activities that foster social interaction, like looking through old photo albums, reminiscing about the past, or participating in small group activities. Social engagement is crucial for older adults as it helps combat feelings of isolation and keeps their minds active. Offer prompting open-ended questions to encourage engagement. Consider looking for a local Adult Day Center near you that might offer activities and social interaction.Dont:        Overwhelm with large gatheringsAvoid large social gatherings or unfamiliar environments that could cause sensory overload or anxiety. Instead, keep interactions small and personal, with familiar faces and settings to provide a sense of security and comfort.Do:        Watch television: many of us utilize television for entertainment but it can often become the primary source of structure and activity for the day.Watching cooking shows can be good if you are looking to improve appetite but can also cause overeating.Watching nature programs with positive content is engaging, however cycle-of-life or aggressive programming (like natural disasters) can produce anxiety. Baby animal shows can be a particular favorite as there is no plot to follow.Watching beloved shows can be nostalgic and comforting, and comedy skit shows also have no plot to follow.Consider what types of programs are watched at different times of day something with no speaking and just photography is good for resting, and sports might spark a desire for more activity.Dont:        Allow TV to cause anxiety or be a substitute for activity or personal interactionWatching the news can be distressing for some and cause anxietyConfrontational talk show formats can be confusing and angry participants may display unwanted behaviors.Sitting in front of the TV all day isnt good for anyone, and this is not engaging in socialization or cognitive stimulation.Do:        Incorporate music and artUse music and art as therapeutic tools. Older adults with cognitive difficulties often respond well to music from their youth or simple art activities like coloring or painting. These activities can stimulate the senses and provide a creative outlet, even for those with advanced cognitive impairment.Dont:        Use Activities that require complex decision-makingAvoid activities that require complex decision-making or too many choices. This can be overwhelming and may lead to frustration. Instead, offer simple, clear options that allow for easy participation. Offer a choice between two things such as menu items or daily clothing choices.Do:        Accept help when caregiving becomes overwhelming.Consider hiring an Aging Life Care Manager.  An Aging Life Care Manager can provide expert guidance, help coordinate care, and offer support in making decisions for your loved one.  Dont:        Set your expectations too high or schedule too full.Try to go with the flow and understand things might not go exactly as planned and thats okay. Schedule in extra time for activities or to get to appointments. If you feel frustrated, step away, regain composure (your loved one if not being difficult on purpose) and try again with a new energy. Read tips on how to deal with caregiver stress.As you consider what activity choices to offer your loved one, consider variety and time of day. Include exercise and socialization, as well as hygiene and rest. Modify, modify, modify. If they seem overwhelmed with an activity, try simplifying to a point they can successfully engage. For example: a puzzle with fewer and larger pieces, simple matching games, and activities to stimulate fine motor skills. Remember not to infantilize your loved one, but rather adjust to their needs. Be mindful of your loved ones response to an activity and be flexible with both them and yourself.