Funeral Etiquette
Jefferson Memorial Cemetery & Funeral Home
For more information about the author, click to view their website: www.jeffersonmemorial.com
Mar 25, 2025
Pennsylvania - Greater Pittsburgh Area
The accepted customs of dress and behavior in a funeral have
changed over time, but courtesy never goes out of style. Here's what we'd like
you to know about funeral etiquette.
Making the Most of a Difficult Time
It's important to know what religious, ethnic or personal
considerations you need to take into account. And it's also important to be
respectful of the emotions of close family members.
Here are a few things expected of you:
- Offer
an expression of sympathy.
Upon arrival, approach the family and express your sympathy. Don't feel that you should avoid talking about the person who has passed, in fact, talking can help the grieving process to begin. Sometimes we are at a loss for words when encountering something as final as death. Simply saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is usually enough. Be respectful and listen attentively when spoken to, and offer your own words of condolence. In general, it is not appropriate to inquire as to the cause of death unless broached first by the family. - Find
out the dress code.
These days almost anything goes, but only when you know it's the right thing. In fact, sometimes the deceased has specified the dress code; 'no black' is a common request. If you can't learn the wishes of the family, then dress conservatively, and avoid bright colors. - Give
a gift.
It is completely up to you and depends on the closeness of your relationship with the family or the deceased. You can send flowers to the funeral home prior to the funeral. A donation or memorial gift are all meaningful gestures to let the bereaved know that they are in your thoughts. It doesn't matter if it is flowers, a donation to a charity or a commitment of service to the family at a later date; as always, "it's the thought that counts." Always make sure to provide the family with a signed card, so they know what gift was given, and by whom. - Sign
the register book.
Include not only your name, but your relationship to the deceased: co-worker, gym buddy, or casual acquaintance from the golf club, school. This helps family place who you are in future. Families will often send a thank you note using this information. - Keep
in touch.
It's sometimes awkward for you to do so, but for most people the grieving doesn't end with a funeral. - Turn
off your cellphone.
If you choose to bring your phone into the funeral home, take a moment to make sure you've turned it off or on silent.
But, What Shouldn't You Do?
- Don't
feel that you have to stay.
If you make a visit during calling hours there's no reason your stay has to be a lengthy one. - Don't
be afraid to laugh.
Remembering their loved one fondly can mean sharing a funny story or two. Just be mindful of the time and place; if others are sharing, then you may do so too. There is simply no good reason you shouldn't talk about the deceased in a happy, positive tone. - Don't
feel you have to view the deceased if there is an open casket.
Act according to what is comfortable to you. - Don't
allow your children to be a disturbance.
If you feel they might be, then leave them with a sitter. But, if the deceased meant something to them, it's a good idea to invite them to share in the experience. - Don't
leave your cell phone on.
Switch it off before entering the funeral home, or better yet, leave it in the car. All too often, we see people checking their cell phones for messages during the services. - Don't
neglect to step into the receiving line.
Simply say how sorry you are for their loss, offer up your own name and how you knew the deceased. - Don't
be too hard on yourself if you make a mistake.
Everyone does, and you can be sure that an apology may be all that's needed to mend and soothe.
When it's all over, always remember to continue to offer
support and love to the bereaved. The next few months are a time when grieving
friends and relatives could need you most. Let them know that your support did
not end with the funeral.
We are Here to Help
Perhaps you've got special concerns about an upcoming
funeral or memorial service? We're here to provide the answers you're looking
for. Call us at (412) 655-4501.
- To view the original version of this article visit www.jeffersonmemorial.com/resources/funeral-etiquette
- Seniors Blue Book was not involved in the creation of this content.
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How To Write A Eulogy - Jefferson Memorial Cemetery & Funeral Home
The thought of public speaking throws many people into a panic. Add to that fear the common discomfort of discussing death, and it's easy to understand why the idea of delivering a eulogy can be disconcerting. If you've been asked to write a eulogy, take heart. This article will help you put your fears in perspective so you can deliver a loving eulogy."Why me?"You were probably asked to deliver a eulogy because of your close relationship to the deceased, and because the family trusts you to honor his or her memory on behalf of family and friends. The family doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, foolish or as though your grief is on display. It's an honor they've bestowed upon you. Helping others say goodbye may turn out to be a rewarding experience. Don't worry about making mistakes. A eulogy comes from the heart of the deliverer. I can't see how a mistake could be made as long as it is honest and true."I can't write."Don't let the thought of writing intimidate you. You don't have to be a novelist to move people. Everyone has a story to tell and that's your job as a eulogist. Tell people your story.In the book "A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy," author Garry Schaeffer says a eulogy should convey the feelings and experiences of the person giving the eulogy, and should be written in an informal, conversational tone. Schaeffer dispels the misconceptions that a eulogy should objectively summarize the person's life or speak for all present. Sit down and write from the heart.Eulogists often write about the person's attributes, memories and common times that were shared together. Sometimes they include the deceased's favorite poems, book passages, scripture verses, quotes, expressions, lines from songs or items that were written by the deceased. Whatever is selected, it generally reflects the loved one's lifestyle.These questions should get you thinking: How did you and the deceased become close? Is there a humorous or touching event that represents the essence of your passed loved one? What did you and others love and admire about the deceased? What will you miss most about him or her? Some of the simplest thoughts are deeply touching and easy for those congregated to identify with. For example, "I'll miss her smile," or "I'll never forget the way he crinkled his nose when he laughed," are just as good as "I admired her selflessness.""I can't speak in front of people."It may not be easy, but you can do it. A funeral is one time you'll surely have a kind and empathetic audience. They feel for you and are on your side. You'll only have to speak for five to ten minutes, but your gift will live in the hearts of the deceased's family and friends.If you're worried about choking up or breaking down in the middle of your eulogy, you can take a moment to compose yourself, then carry on, as Schaeffer recommends, or you can have a back up person ready to step in. Give a copy of your eulogy to the minister or funeral director so that person can finish the eulogy if you're unable to continue.Tips Be honest and focus on the person's positive qualities Humor is acceptable if it fits the personality of the deceased. "If you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and just do what you can given the short time-frame and your emotional state," writes Schaeffer in "Labor of Love." Keep it brief. Five to ten minutes is the norm, but it's a good idea to verify that with the minister or funeral director. Leo Saguin recommends interviewing family and friends in his book "How to Write and Deliver a Loving Eulogy." Put the eulogy on paper - at least in outline form. Eulogy or Sharing Time?If you're planning the funeral, you might want to consider "sharing time" as an alternative to a eulogy. In sharing time, the people congregated pass a microphone or take turns standing up to share their thoughts. It's like a lot of mini eulogies and is more spontaneous.Links Offering Examples Mona Simpson, sister to Steve Jobs, delivered a heart wrenching eulogy that was posted in The New York Times on October 30, 2011 - Click here to read it in its entirety. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's eulogy for President Ronald Reagan was telecast at his services in 2005 as she remembered her friend. Click here to read it in its entirety. Books Offering Help, Examples and Inspiration Books Offering Help, Examples and Inspiration "The Book of Eulogies: A Collection of Memorial Tributes, Poetry, Essays, and Letters of Condolence" by Phyllis Theroux (editor) "How to Write and Deliver a Loving Eulogy" by Leo Seguin "Final Celebrations: A Guide for Personal and Family Funeral Planning" by Kathleen Sublette and Martin Flagg "In Memoriam: A Practical Guide to Planning a Memorial Service" by Amanda Bennett and Terence B. Foley "My Deepest Sympathies: Meaningful Sentiments for Condolence Notes and Conversations, Plus a Guide to Eulogies" by Florence Isaacs "Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death" by Sarah York "Readings for Remembrance: A Collection for Funerals and Memorial Services" by Eleanor C. Munro (introduction) "Remembrances and Celebrations: A Book of Eulogies, Elegies, Letters, and Epitaphs" by Jill Werman Harris (editor)
How To Choose Speakers For A Funeral
What makes a funeral service memorable? Most often, it's the words that are spoken and the special people who say them. So when you gather with family members to plan a ceremony to help you celebrate the life of a loved one, it's wise to choose your speakers with care. There are several speaking roles to think about. Choosing the right person for each of these roles is important.Ceremony LeaderYou will need one person to take charge and oversee the ceremony. This person is responsible for starting and finishing the service, performing official duties within the ceremony, and coordinating all the activities in between. This person is called the officiant.If your loved one was involved in a religion, the clergy from his or her church may be the logical choice. If the person who died (the deceased) was not a member of a specific church, you can invite clergy from another church or an officiant with no church connection to perform a religious ceremony.Most clergy will follow an order of service dictated by their religious rules. This typically includes prayers, readings and blessings for the deceased and saddened family members.If a non-religious ceremony seems right, or family members are having trouble choosing the clergy, a professional funeral celebrant may be the solution. A celebrant will work with you to design a fully customized ceremony that can meet a variety of needs. Your funeral director can help arrange for an officiant.Guest Speaker or EulogistAnother important choice is the person or people who will write and deliver a speech a eulogy about the life of the person who has died. The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life.Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson. In other cases, the family needs to look further to find the right person to have the honor. Another family member, a lifelong friend or a trusted co-worker might have the perfect combination for the job a deep knowledge of the person who died and good writing and public speaking abilities. In some cases, the officiant, who may be a priest, minister, or professional celebrant, will give the eulogy.Many families choose to have more than one speaker to cover different aspects of their loved ones' life. One way to do this is to follow the main eulogy with a couple of shorter presentations; perhaps a grandson reading a letter or a daughter reading Mom's favorite poem. In all, no more than 30 minutes should be planned for the Eulogy part of the service.One last word of advice about eulogies: keep in mind that even though a family member may wish to speak at the funeral to help with the healing process, he or she may be too emotionally distressed to speak when the time comes. It's a good idea to have another speaker ready to step in and finish the speech if necessary.Reader(s)Many services include readings from the Bible or other sacred texts. These may be read by clergy or other guests. When planning the service, ask the clergy or celebrant whether guest readers are required or allowed. This could be a welcome honor for a family member or close friend who is not up to the task of writing or presenting a long speech. If you have guest readers, make sure they have the verses ahead of time in order to practice and double check any tricky words.Open MicrophoneIt has become popular to open the floor to allow guests to share additional memories with the group. While this practice can provide more information about the life of the deceased and create a deeper feeling of community, it's not without some risk. Clear time limits should be set and respected. The ceremony leader must be prepared to politely guide participants who speak too long, or the ceremony can start to drag.Final WordsThere are formal and informal rules, rites and traditions involved in almost any funeral or memorial ceremony. Especially if your service occurs in a place of worship, there will be guidelines to respect. Make sure you meet with the selected officiant ahead of time so you understand what to expect and have a chance to discuss any special requests.Most important, remember whose life you are celebrating. Their stated wishes, or your understanding of what they would prefer, should always guide your decisions.
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The meticulously maintained grounds are more than just a cemetery; they are a certified Level II arboretum featuring a diverse array of trees, flowers, and plants that create a peaceful atmosphere conducive to healing and remembrance.The cemetery features 47 beautifully landscaped burial gardens, including dedicated sections for children and veterans. This variety ensures that families have multiple options for burial, including personalized memorials and private estates that reflect individual life stories. Jefferson Memorial also offers unique sections, such as a shared space for both pets and people, acknowledging the deep bonds we share with our animal companions.A Trusted Crematory Service You Can Rely OnFor those who prefer cremation, Jefferson Memorial is proud to have its own state-of-the-art crematory on-site. This exclusive service ensures that your loved ones remain in the care of the Jefferson Memorial family throughout the entire cremation process. With the highest standards of respect and care, Jefferson Memorial offers families peace of mind, knowing that all services are performed by a trusted team in a safe, professional environment.The funeral home offers a variety of cremation memorialization options to help you honor your loved one in a meaningful way. Whether you choose cremation jewelry, personalized urns, or Parting Stones solidified stones made from cremated remains you can create a tribute that beautifully reflects your loved ones life.Commemorating the Lives of Veterans and PetsJefferson Memorial is deeply committed to honoring those who have served in the military, and as such, offers special sections for veterans, ensuring that their sacrifices are forever remembered. These veteran sections, along with the cemeterys personalized memorials, serve as a fitting tribute to the men and women who have served this country.Additionally, Jefferson Memorial recognizes the importance of pets in the lives of families and offers dedicated pet sections within the cemetery. These sections provide families with a peaceful resting place for their beloved animal companions. Whether you choose to bury your pet individually or alongside your family members, Jefferson Memorial ensures that every member of your family no matter their species is cared for and remembered with respect.Pre-Planning Services: Giving You Peace of MindPlanning ahead not only alleviates stress on your loved ones, but it also ensures that your wishes are honored. Jefferson Memorial provides pre-planning services to help you make the necessary arrangements in advance. Their compassionate and licensed team is available to discuss options, assist with financial planning, and guide you through the process, ensuring that every detail is taken care of long before the time of need. By pre-planning with Jefferson Memorial, you can ensure that your family will be spared the burden of making difficult decisions during a challenging time.Immediate Need Assistance: Here When You Need Us MostIn a time of immediate need, Jefferson Memorial is always available to help. The funeral home operates 24/7 to assist families in Pittsburgh and the South Hills area, providing support, guidance, and expert care during lifes most difficult moments. Whether you need to make arrangements immediately or simply have questions about your options, our Jefferson Memorial staff is here to help with sensitivity and professionalism.Why Choose Jefferson Memorial?Trusted Legacy: Jefferson Memorial has been a cornerstone of the Pittsburgh community for over 95 years, offering unmatched service and care to families during their most difficult times.Comprehensive Services: From pre-planning to funeral services, cremation, burial, and memorialization, Jefferson Memorial offers a one-stop solution for all your needs.Beautiful, Serene Grounds: The cemeterys 180-acre certified arboretum offers a stunning natural setting that provides comfort and solace to families.Veteran and Pet Services: Special sections and memorials to honor veterans and pets.Personalized Memorials: From keepsake jewelry to custom urns, Jefferson Memorial offers unique ways to memorialize your loved ones.Whether you are planning ahead or need immediate assistance, Jefferson Memorial Cemetery, Funeral Home, Crematory & Arboretum is here to serve you. Our expert team is ready to guide you every step of the way. Contact us today at (412) 655-4501 or visit our website for more information about the services they offer and how we can help create a meaningful and lasting tribute for your loved one.
Jefferson Memorial Cemetery & Funeral Home
Funeral Cremation & Mortuary Services 401 Curry Hollow Road, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 15236When it comes to honoring your loved ones with dignity and care, Jefferson Memorial Cemetery, Funeral Home, Crematory & Arboretum stands as a trusted name in Pittsburghs South Hills. For nearly a century, this family-owned business has been dedicated to providing compassionate, personalized services to help families navigate lifes most difficult moments. Whether you're planning ahead or in immediate need, Jefferson Memorial offers everything you need to create lasting memories for your loved ones with unparalleled service and attention to detail.A Legacy of Service and TraditionFounded in 1929, Jefferson Memorial is a fourth-generation, veteran-owened, family-operated cemetery, funeral home, and crematory. With over 180 beautifully landscaped acres and a commitment to exceptional service, it has become one of the largest and most respected privately-owned cemeteries in the country. Whether you're seeking traditional burial, cremation services, or customized memorialization options, Jefferson Memorial has been a beacon of reliability and trust for families throughout Pittsburgh and beyond. With its stunning location, dedicated staff, and a comprehensive range of services, this cemetery and funeral home can meet the needs of every family, no matter their wishes or cultural traditions.Comprehensive Funeral Services Tailored to Your NeedsAt Jefferson Memorial, youll find a full-service funeral home thats equipped to handle every detail with care. The funeral home offers professional and sensitive services, whether you are pre-planning a ceremony or in immediate need of assistance. The facility includes four spacious visitation rooms, a welcoming hospitality room, and even a dedicated childrens area to ensure that all members of your family are comfortable during this emotional time.What sets Jefferson Memorial apart is its seamless integration of funeral home, crematory, and cemetery services. With an on-site crematory, your loved ones remain under the care of the funeral homes compassionate staff throughout the entire process, which ensures a stress-free and respectful experience from beginning to end. The funeral home also offers a range of personalized memorial options, including cremation jewelry, benches, keepsake urns, and much more, so you can create a tribute that reflects the unique life of your loved one.Beautiful Grounds with a Peaceful, Natural SettingSet on 180 acres, Jefferson Memorial Cemetery offers a beautiful and unique environment for families to reflect, remember, and honor their loved ones. The meticulously maintained grounds are more than just a cemetery; they are a certified Level II arboretum featuring a diverse array of trees, flowers, and plants that create a peaceful atmosphere conducive to healing and remembrance.The cemetery features 47 beautifully landscaped burial gardens, including dedicated sections for children and veterans. This variety ensures that families have multiple options for burial, including personalized memorials and private estates that reflect individual life stories. Jefferson Memorial also offers unique sections, such as a shared space for both pets and people, acknowledging the deep bonds we share with our animal companions.A Trusted Crematory Service You Can Rely OnFor those who prefer cremation, Jefferson Memorial is proud to have its own state-of-the-art crematory on-site. This exclusive service ensures that your loved ones remain in the care of the Jefferson Memorial family throughout the entire cremation process. With the highest standards of respect and care, Jefferson Memorial offers families peace of mind, knowing that all services are performed by a trusted team in a safe, professional environment.The funeral home offers a variety of cremation memorialization options to help you honor your loved one in a meaningful way. Whether you choose cremation jewelry, personalized urns, or Parting Stones solidified stones made from cremated remains you can create a tribute that beautifully reflects your loved ones life.Commemorating the Lives of Veterans and PetsJefferson Memorial is deeply committed to honoring those who have served in the military, and as such, offers special sections for veterans, ensuring that their sacrifices are forever remembered. These veteran sections, along with the cemeterys personalized memorials, serve as a fitting tribute to the men and women who have served this country.Additionally, Jefferson Memorial recognizes the importance of pets in the lives of families and offers dedicated pet sections within the cemetery. These sections provide families with a peaceful resting place for their beloved animal companions. Whether you choose to bury your pet individually or alongside your family members, Jefferson Memorial ensures that every member of your family no matter their species is cared for and remembered with respect.Pre-Planning Services: Giving You Peace of MindPlanning ahead not only alleviates stress on your loved ones, but it also ensures that your wishes are honored. Jefferson Memorial provides pre-planning services to help you make the necessary arrangements in advance. Their compassionate and licensed team is available to discuss options, assist with financial planning, and guide you through the process, ensuring that every detail is taken care of long before the time of need. By pre-planning with Jefferson Memorial, you can ensure that your family will be spared the burden of making difficult decisions during a challenging time.Immediate Need Assistance: Here When You Need Us MostIn a time of immediate need, Jefferson Memorial is always available to help. The funeral home operates 24/7 to assist families in Pittsburgh and the South Hills area, providing support, guidance, and expert care during lifes most difficult moments. Whether you need to make arrangements immediately or simply have questions about your options, our Jefferson Memorial staff is here to help with sensitivity and professionalism.Why Choose Jefferson Memorial?Trusted Legacy: Jefferson Memorial has been a cornerstone of the Pittsburgh community for over 95 years, offering unmatched service and care to families during their most difficult times.Comprehensive Services: From pre-planning to funeral services, cremation, burial, and memorialization, Jefferson Memorial offers a one-stop solution for all your needs.Beautiful, Serene Grounds: The cemeterys 180-acre certified arboretum offers a stunning natural setting that provides comfort and solace to families.Veteran and Pet Services: Special sections and memorials to honor veterans and pets.Personalized Memorials: From keepsake jewelry to custom urns, Jefferson Memorial offers unique ways to memorialize your loved ones.Whether you are planning ahead or need immediate assistance, Jefferson Memorial Cemetery, Funeral Home, Crematory & Arboretum is here to serve you. Our expert team is ready to guide you every step of the way. Contact us today at (412) 655-4501 or visit our website for more information about the services they offer and how we can help create a meaningful and lasting tribute for your loved one.