How to Deal with Difficult Family Members

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Talkspace

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Posted on

Jan 06, 2025

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Florida - Southwest

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Dealing with difficult family members is never easy, and challenging relationships can be overwhelming, stressful, and painful. When you have the right strategies to help you manage your interactions, though, you can improve a difficult family dynamic in big ways. 

It’s important, too. Research shows that families rely on one another for support in several areas of life — including emotional, economic, and physical aspects, to name just a few. It also suggests that the quality of family relationships can have a positive or negative impact on health. In short, whenever it’s possible, mending relationships within your family unit is in everyone’s best interest. 

Read on to learn more about how to deal with difficult family members. We’ll also teach you when it’s time to pull back and protect yourself — because sometimes, that’s necessary too. 

Understand the Source of Conflict

Before you can change anything about your difficult family relationships, you first need to understand the source of the conflict between yourself and the difficult relative. Whether you’re dealing with a family member within an intact family or navigating the complexities of a broken family, recognizing triggers can be crucial in developing healthier behavior patterns with more beneficial outcomes.

Tips on recognizing patterns and triggers in toxic relationships:

  • Journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you track emotional triggers and behavioral issues so you can react differently in the future.
  • Reflect on past interactions to pinpoint where dynamics shifted: Think back on previous encounters with the difficult person to try and spot where the relationship began to change. Understanding the shift can help you figure out the root cause of the conflicts you’re experiencing now.
  • Identify recurring patterns: Pay attention to whether the toxic family member repeats the same arguments or behaviors. Once you recognize patterns, you can take steps to prevent them from occurring. 
  • Start paying attention to nonverbal clues: Try to observe body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues to gauge any underlying emotions that might play into the scenario.  
  • Ask open-ended questions in the moment: Guided conversations encourage the other person to share their thoughts and feelings, which can uncover hidden grievances or concerns so you can address them. 
  • Observe how others deal with the person: Watching how people interact with others might help you understand their responses and choices when they’re with you. As an outsider looking in, you may find clues on how to better manage your relationship.
  • Assess external stressors: Consider any external factors — like work, health, personal stress, or other relationships — that might influence your family members’ behavior. Then, it’s easier to be empathetic and compassionate with them.
  • Talk to a therapist: It’s almost always a good idea to seek professional guidance in a safe space to explore relationship dynamics. In therapy, you can develop coping strategies and get unbiased insights into toxic patterns.
  • Have conversations with the family member and ask questions: Openly discuss what you’re seeing and concerns you have with your family member to get their perspective. Sometimes, an honest conversation can lead to a better understanding of both sides.
  • Talk with another outside friend or family member who isn’t biased: Discussing the situation with somebody neutral, who’s outside the immediate family, might mean you can start seeing your family relationship through a new lens.

Manage Your Reactions

When trying to figure out how to deal with negative family members, you should be willing to do whatever it takes to see real change. This starts by learning to control your reactions so you don’t overreact to specific people or situations, no matter how much you hate your family. With the right tools, it is possible to stay calm and composed, even during the most challenging interactions. Self-regulation and emotional intelligence are skills that help you learn to manage your reactions in positive, healthy ways.

  • Self-regulation: Self-regulation is a necessary skill when you’re dealing with difficult people in your life. It involves recognizing what triggers you on an emotional level so you can choose how to respond instead of reacting impulsively.
  • Emotional intelligence: Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand emotions responsibly and productively. Highly emotionally intelligent people can empathize with other people’s feelings. When you’re aware of your emotional responses, you can navigate tense situations without letting them spin out of control.

Use Effective Communication Techniques

Arming yourself with effective communication techniques can be a real game changer in your life. These skills will apply far beyond just your interactions with family members. Knowing how to communicate effectively helps you in interpersonal relationships, at work, and even in daily interactions with people you don’t know well. Being able to express yourself concisely and calmly can change the direction and tone of any conversation.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries allows you to navigate complex family interactions without letting them take a huge toll on you. Boundaries are the limits you set to establish your comfort zone and a way to share what you’re willing to tolerate when it comes to how people treat and behave around you. 

Learning to set healthy family boundaries is a critical skill that lets you become more comfortable expressing your needs and desires. Being consistent and following through if your boundaries aren’t respected is vital. This is a critical part of learning how to deal with family drama.

“Effective boundary-setting techniques include recognizing your triggers, sharing your thoughts or emotions, or removing yourself from the situation or people causing them. The psychological benefits that you may see as a result are peace of mind, helping others understand your views and emotions, or giving a clear reason why you draw a line between you and those who create unwanted feelings in your life.”

– Talkspace therapist Cynthia Catchings, PhD, LCSW-C

Limit Contact When Necessary

Interaction with difficult family members is generally OK — within reason — but it’s important to be willing to limit contact if the exchange becomes so toxic it’s damaging your mental health. You might need to create physical or emotional space to protect your mental health. Being willing to do this is another boundary that can effectively change the relationship dynamics.

Seek Professional Support

It’s always wise to at least consider getting professional support when you’re dealing with something unhealthy or difficult in life. A good therapist will teach you strategies to manage family members and dynamics. 

You’ll also learn how to improve communication skills and resolve family conflicts. You will be able to determine when enough is enough, and when it’s time to consider taking a break. Having an objective perspective — like a therapist can offer — often helps you see things more clearly, so you can get to a place where you’re willing to own your part in a toxic relationship. 

Talkspace is an online therapy platform where you can learn effective ways to deal with difficult family members in a convenient, affordable, and accessible way. Talkspace therapists are licensed and experienced to help you overcome any painful interaction or relationship, including when you’re dealing with difficult family members.

Embracing Healthier Family Dynamics with Professional Support

Learning and consistently applying the strategies here is essential to dealing with difficult family members in the healthiest ways possible. Seeking support when you need it is not only effective; it’s smart. You don’t have to try to navigate your relationship with toxic parents, siblings, or other family members on your own. Getting professional help allows you to make substantial, lasting changes and develop productive and meaningful relationships. 

You can find support in individual therapy, family therapy, through support groups, or from trusted family and friends who understand you and want to help. Individual therapy from Talkspace is an excellent and effective way to get started.

Learn more about Talkspace today to find out how to deal with difficult family members. 

Sources:

  1. Jabbari B, Schoo C, Rouster AS. Family dynamics. StatPearls – NCBI Bookshelf. Published September 16, 2023. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK560487/. Accessed August 20, 2024. 

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors; they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts (therapists and psychiatrists of various specialties) to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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When Grief Doesn't Ease

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Keeping everything the same as before their death could indicate trouble just as tossing out everything right away can also be a clue to disordered mourning. (You also need to factor in your cultural and religious background) You have developed physical symptoms similar to those of the deceased before their death. Sometimes these symptoms recur annually, on the anniversary of the death, or on holidays. An increased susceptibility to illness or the development of a chronic physical complaint can also be an indicator. If you have made radical changes to your lifestyle, or excluded friends, family members, or even activities associated with the deceased, it may indicate unresolved grief. A long history of depression, often marked by guilt or low self-esteem, can reveal disordered mourning. The opposite is also true: a person experiencing a false sense of happiness or elation could be experiencing unresolved grief. A compulsion to imitate the deceased, in personality or behavior, can be a sign of complicated mourning. Having self-destructive impulses or exhibiting self-destructive behaviors can be significant. These can range from substance abuse, engaging in self-harm, developing eating disorders and suicidal tendencies. A sense of unexplained sadness occurring at a certain time each year (holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays) can also be a clue to unresolved grief. Developing a strong fear about dying, especially when it relates to the illness that took the life of your loved one, is an important clue. If you have avoided visiting your loved one's grave or if you are still unwilling to discuss the circumstances of their death, this could indicate complications in your bereavement. There are many types of complicated grief; it can be delayed, masked, exaggerated, or chronic. Self-diagnosis is without purpose. A year after the death, if you feel your grief symptoms worsening, we advise that you seek a referral from your family physician for professional grief counseling or therapy.Sources: Walsh, Katherine, Grief and Loss: Theories and Skills for the Helping Professions, 2nd Edition, 2012 Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009

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Online Mental Health TherapyMental health support from anywhere, available fast Talkspace provides mental health support privately and conveniently online. Receive live video therapy appointments from a highly qualified licensed therapist covered by your Medicare or Medicare Advantage plan with little wait.  Individual therapy, psychiatry, or couples counseling covered by your private insurance plan is also readily available.Talkspace provides:A private space to discuss relationships, retirement, grief, health conditions, financial concerns, life changes, and anything thats on your mindLive one-on-one therapy sessions from your computer or phoneTreatment for over 150 mental health conditions including anxiety, stress, grief, depression, OCD, BPD, and moreMessaging therapy allows you to share with your therapist 24/7 and receive feedback and advice, and is proven to be as effective as traditional therapy..Connect with a therapist within daysTalkspace will match you with a therapist who is licensed in your state and should be a good fit for your needs. Start communicating with your therapist in 1-2 days.Receive care on your scheduleTalkspace removes all the scheduling hassles so you can get mental health support anytime, anywhere. Send your therapist text, voice, or video messages through the secure Talkspace platform and hear back daily, 5 days / weekStart your care journey with Talkspace today, visit www.talkspace.com

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Online Mental Health TherapyMental health support from anywhere, available fast Talkspace provides mental health support privately and conveniently online. Receive live video therapy appointments from a highly qualified licensed therapist covered by your Medicare or Medicare Advantage plan with little wait.  Individual therapy, psychiatry, or couples counseling covered by your private insurance plan is also readily available.Talkspace provides:A private space to discuss relationships, retirement, grief, health conditions, financial concerns, life changes, and anything thats on your mindLive one-on-one therapy sessions from your computer or phoneTreatment for over 150 mental health conditions including anxiety, stress, grief, depression, OCD, BPD, and moreMessaging therapy allows you to share with your therapist 24/7 and receive feedback and advice, and is proven to be as effective as traditional therapy..Connect with a therapist within daysTalkspace will match you with a therapist who is licensed in your state and should be a good fit for your needs. Start communicating with your therapist in 1-2 days.Receive care on your scheduleTalkspace removes all the scheduling hassles so you can get mental health support anytime, anywhere. Send your therapist text, voice, or video messages through the secure Talkspace platform and hear back daily, 5 days / weekStart your care journey with Talkspace today, visit www.talkspace.com