How to Get Your Parents to Accept Help at Home

Author

ComForCare Home Care NW Pittsburgh

For more information about the author, click to view their website: ComForCare Home Care NW Pittsburgh

Posted on

Jul 30, 2024

share-this
Share This

How to Get Your Parent to Accept Help at Home

By Bill Woods, ComForCare of Washtenaw/Downriver
 
When it comes time for your parent to get more assistance at home with cleaning, personal care, cooking, etc., you might be met with some resistance, which can be frustrating. 
 
There are usually two main reasons older adults don’t want extra help. 
 
Caregiving (in-home care) services may be perceived as a transition from the known to the unknown. Your parent could see this transition as irreversible; caregiving will happen whether they are ready or not and that their abilities will quickly decline until they are entirely dependent on someone else. These feelings can be overwhelming. 
 
As the adult child or caregiver, how can you inspire them to accept help?
 
Frame caregiving services as a trial; convey that if they don’t like it, they can try a different caregiver or try something else. Emphasize this and repeat it often. Continue to encourage your parent that they can remain as independent as possible if they have in-home care. Another approach is to compromise: instead of eight hours of caregiving services each day, try a few hours a week. 
 
The second major reason is that many seniors don’t feel the need to fritter their life savings away on ‘expensive’ care options, while the adult child feels that in-home care is the best use of their savings. Explain that their savings and caregiving services are to ensure good quality of life and dignity as they age. Those saved dollars, in other words, are fulfilling their intended purpose. 
 
 

How to Become Your Parent’s Caregiver

There may be times where you need to step in as your parent’s caregiver. Planning, communication and inclusion are key to making the transition easier.  
 
When forming a plan for caregiving, try to stick to your loved one’s current routine to ease them into the adjustment. Don’t forget to communicate the plan, and its occasional required deviation, often and openly. Always include your parent, provide options and choices, and allow them to make the final decision if possible. 
 
The golden rule is to be involved only in ways that enhance and enable your parent to preserve their remaining abilities and intervene only in ways that provide support as they lose abilities. For example, if your older loved one finds walking difficult, instead of bringing everything to them, add accessibility options such as handrails and encourage exercise and fall prevention strategies to strengthen their muscles and balance.
 
As your parent ages, you may need to increase your duties as their primary caregiver. You may need to gauge your own comfort level with certain tasks, as well as your overall burnout level. For example, you may not feel comfortable helping your parent with showering. This is where professional respite care comes in. This allows you to retain the position as the primary caregiver and receive help from a home care company. Respite care is most effective when used to unburden the adult child; removing tasks and worries so you can focus on the special moments and deepen the connection you have with your loved one.
 
Getting your parent to accept care is achievable with proper expectation setting, giving them choices, and keeping them involved in the decisions as you go.
 
If you have questions about home care, please review our Resources page. Our goal is to help seniors and their families live their best lives possible.  


 


Other Articles You May Like

How Do You Decide What Is Clutter?

Im not a fan of the word decluttering, although it comes up a lot in my work as a professional organizer. The reason I dont like that term is because clutter has such a negative connotation, and sometimes when people hear the word decluttering, it makes them feel guilty that they have clutter in the first place. Is this clutter? is a question that my clients ask me a lot. I think there are a lot of myths and misunderstandings about what counts as clutter. Often, people are afraid that I will tell them that something important to them is clutter, or they need to get rid of something that is sentimental but doesnt seem to have practical value. But Im happy to say that this isnt the case! When I work with my clients, I take a different approach to decluttering than they might have seen on a TV show or read about in a book. Heres what I think is important for you to know about clutter and decluttering: There is no single item that is always clutter. Have you ever heard the expression, whether something is a weed or a flower depends on your perspective? Well, I think the same is true about clutter. Something that seems useless to one person could be extremely important to another. I think of clutter as anything in your space that doesnt provide you value (whether that value may be practical use, sentimental or financial value, or pleasure). Something that you dont have the time, energy, or space to properly take care of, no matter how much you want to, can also become clutter. Thats why its so important to evaluate what you think is important before you begin to address clutter in your home. Only you can decide what is clutter in your own space. Sentimental and decorative items arent necessarily clutter.Many of my clients struggle with decisions about whether to keep sentimental items. Sometimes we keep them out of feelings of guilt or obligation, and sometimes we feel guilty for holding onto items that we love but have no practical purpose.I personally love sentimental items, and as you can see on my bookshelf, I love to display them through my home. Seeing my favorite books, photos of loved ones, and little pieces of my history on a regular basis make me happy. I encourage my clients to keep, display, and properly preserve sentimental items that bring them joy, and let go of the ones that bring feelings of guilt or burden. The key to not allowing sentimental items to become clutter is to be selective about which items you keep, and to store or display them in a way that allows you to enjoy them. Things that are useful can still be clutter. But that could be useful! is one of the most common protests I hear when I encourage clients to let go of something theyre not using. And I understand that it can feel wasteful to let go of something that could be possibly used in the future. However, many of us hold onto potentially useful itemsthat we never actually use! And that ultimately leads to clutter in your home. If youre not going to use something, its ok to pass it along to someone who will. Clutter isnt always an eyesore, or even visible. Just because a home doesnt look messy doesnt mean it isnt cluttered. Going back to the definition of clutter, if something in your space isnt providing you value, no matter how neat or organized it looks, it is still clutter. Also, clutter sometimes isnt visible at all. Maybe you have commitments on your calendar that are sucking up time but dont provide you with value, or you have tons of files and photos on your photo that are just taking up space. Clutter can come in many forms, not just physical. Once you start thinking critically about the things you are giving time, space, and energy, you will be able to apply a decluttering mindset to all aspects of your life.  Dont start by decluttering, start by assessing. Instead of decluttering, I prefer to begin the organizing process by assessing. I help my clients take a look at their items in a non-judgemental way are these items helping them to achieve their goals, or are they just taking up space without providing enough value? If theyre happy with everything, we figure out how to make all of their items work in their space. But more often than not, clients realize they do have things in their space they want to let go of. If you need help thinking through the items you have in your space and deciding what to keep or let go of, Im here for you. Set up a time to chat with me so I can give you some guidance. 

Moving? A Professional Organizer Can Help

I have moved a whopping 13 times since graduating from college. Some of those moves were small, and some of them were big cross-country moves. Most involved tears and frustration, but many also involved joy and important memories.  Each time I moved, moving became easier and harder. It got easier because I learned more about how to manage the process. It got harder because I had accumulated more stuff for my first cross-country move, I was able to move everything I owned from Boston to San Francisco in my Ford Focus. For my second cross-country move, I needed a professional mover, someone to crate a large painting so it could be shipped safely, auto transport to move 2 cars, and an RV to drive my dog across the country (because there was no way she was getting on a plane). We all know how stressful moving can be. There are so many tasks to check off your list, on top of the emotions you may feel about leaving your old home behind. It can also be tedious (hello, packing another moving box.) But what you may not know is that you dont have to manage your move alone. As a professional organizer, Ive helped dozens of clients move with less stress. If you have a move coming up, heres how an organizer can help: Move planning A lot of my clients feel overwhelmed when they realize a move is coming. I help them make a plan for what they need to accomplish and when, breaking the move down into small chunks to make it more manageable. I also help them prioritize what has to be done before the move, and what can be done after the move. Once we come up with a plan, some of the stress of the unknown starts to go away. Space planning  for downsizing If you are downsizing into a smaller home, it can be hard to know what to move into your new space. I take measurements and create floor plans so clients know which pieces of furniture and belongings can go to their new home, and what wont fit. And then we can make a plan for what to do with everything theyre not taking that could include selling, donating, or coordinating with a junk hauler to remove extra items.Mindful declutteringYou might have heard that you should always declutter or get rid of things before you move. But the truth is that there are pros and cons to decluttering when you are preparing for a move. The pros: you wont spend money moving things you dont want and youll get a fresh, uncluttered start in your new space. If you are moving into a smaller home, decluttering before you move will help you avoid overcrowding your new home with too many boxes. But there are times when pre-move decluttering doesnt make sense. If you are highly stressed about your move, you may not be in the best state of mind to be making decisions about letting things go, especially when it comes to sentimental items or photos. Or if you have to move unexpectedly, you may not have enough time to deal with decluttering before you have to vacate your home.  If you are considering pre-move decluttering, I can help you decide if, when, and what to declutter for your move. If you do decide to declutter, I can help you drop off donations or sell items you are not moving with you.  PackingPacking is a time-suck, but its also really important to do it right. If you dont pack your belongings properly, you risk having them arrive broken. I can help you get the right packing materials and securely pack your belongings. Additionally, Ill pack your belongings in an organized way instead of just dumping your drawers into boxes. Youll know whats in every box so its easier to put things away when you unpack.  UnpackingI cant tell you how many clients contact me and say I moved into my house two years ago, but I still have a bunch of unpacked boxes. And I completely understand why. Moving is so exhausting. Youve put so much effort into getting out of your old place, and you now have to set up a whole new house. At this point, many of us just run out of steam. If you want a hand setting up your new place, I can help you get to done so much faster. Unpacking isnt simply taking your belongings out of your boxes - its organizing your new home from the start. I take the time to find the right places for everything so its smooth and easy for you. (Ill also get all of the boxes and packing material you dont need anymore out of your hair.) And if we find that you packed more than comfortably fits in your new space, we can start thinking about storage solutions or work on more decluttering so you dont have lots of unopened boxes lurking in your new spot. Emotional support and accountabilityWith all of the decisions and changes involved in a move, its easy to get physically and emotionally exhausted when you are moving. Remember, you dont have to do it on your own. If youre planning a move, I invite you to schedule a free consultation with me to learn more about how I can help.

When Organizing Tips and Tricks Arent Enough

Have you ever clicked on an article or bought a book hoping to find that little nugget that will help you finally get organized? When I started on my own personal organizing journey in 2015, I bought every organizing magazine and book I could find. While I learned some helpful things, nothing I read was a real game-changer for me. Sometimes the organizing advice even felt overly simple and frustrating. If youve ever felt frustrated or underwhelmed with the organizing tips and tricks youve found, youre not alone. As a professional organizer, I frequently see this happening with my clients.After working with 100+ clients, I now understand why organizing tips and tricks fall short for so many people. For most people, its one (or more) of the 5 common reasons Ill discuss below. The good news is that once you understand why the standard advice isnt working for you, you can start to find the right support to help you finally get organized.  Reason 1: You have more complex organizing challenges. Since becoming a professional organizer, Ive learned that some people experience significant, ongoing challenges with organization we call this chronic disorganization. This is common among people with ADHD, people with hoarding disorders, and senior citizens. If you have experienced a long-term struggle with organization, basic organizing tips arent going to address the complexity of your situation. You may need to address physical and mental health issues, relationships, and other challenges alongside your home environment. Working with a therapist or mental health professional, a professional organizer experienced in chronic disorganization, and establishing a strong personal support system can make a difference.Reason 2: You need structure and accountability, not just information. Many of my clients know what they need to do to get organized, but they struggle to carve out the time and complete to the sometimes-tedious tasks that organization requires. This is why in-person support is key. So many of my clients tell me I just get so much more done when youre here. I think of it like working out with a personal trainer. Sure, I could go to the gym and work out by myself, but if Ive booked a session with a personal trainer, Im much less likely to skip my session or give it a half-hearted effort.Having an accountability buddy or trusted professional working alongside you can help you keep going, even when youd rather plop on the couch and binge Netflix than organize your pantry.  Reason 3: You just dont have time. Even the best organizing systems require regular maintenance. If you are in a busy season of life, you may be struggling to find time to keep your home in order. I always encourage my clients to look at the whole picture: What are your work responsibilities? What are your care-giving responsibilities? What routine chores are you responsible for (laundry, dishes, cleaning, meal prep, shopping)? Are you managing scheduling, planning, and logistics for your household? Are you responsible for other types of home maintenance (lawn care, renovations, repairs)? What activities/organizations are you active in outside of work? Do you have enough downtime and time with your family? Often, people dont have as much time to dedicate to home organizing as they would like. If this is the case for you, simplifying, delegating tasks, and bringing in outside support can help you stay organized if youre time-pressed. Reason 4: You have a physical or health challenge. Home organizing is often physical it can involve a lot of lifting, reaching, climbing, and standing. If you have a physical challenge like an injury, a health condition that limits your energy or mobility, or a physical disability it may be difficult to stay organized. Finding a trusted, non-judgmental partner who can assist with physical tasks while you make decisions is your key to staying organized.  Reason 5: You need a bigger lifestyle change. While working together, sometimes my clients realize there is something bigger beneath disorganization. Maybe their family is over-scheduled, and they decide to cut back on some obligations. Or they acknowledge they have a shopping addiction and consider talking to a therapist. Or they reconsider their priorities and choose to simplify so they have more time for travel and hobbies. All these realizations go beyond organization they require a lifestyle change that organizing can support, but on its own wont completely address. If youve tried the standard organizing tips and tricks youve read, and they just dont seem to be helping, consider if something else in your lifestyle needs to change before you can get organized. What does this mean for you? Getting organized can be complex and challenging, and if you havent cracked it yet, dont be hard on yourself. If any of this resonated with you, my top recommendations are: Take the organizing tips you hear with a grain of salt. They may work for some, but they wont work for everyone (and thats ok!) Consider how you can add caring, non-judgmental support to reach your goals. That could be a therapist, coach, trusted friend/family member, body double, or professional organizer. If you have ADHD or another complex organizing challenge, look for an organizer with experience working with chronic disorganization. I have my Level I certificates of study in chronic disorganization and ADHD from the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD), and you can search their website for professionals in your area. If youd like to talk in more detail about your organizing challenges, Im here for you. Sign up for a free consultation or contact me at 412-503-7604. Id love to help you get moving in the right direction!

Local Services By This Author

ComForCare Home Care of N & SW Pittsburgh

Non-Medical 10521 Perry Highway, Wexford, Pennsylvania, 15090

The In-Home Care That Lets You Be YouAccording to AARP, 80% of people prefer to stay at home as they age, or "age in place." But if staying home means you need a little more help than you used to, ComForCare's professional caregivers are here for you from medication assistance and doctor appointments to light housekeeping and meal preparation. Stay independent in the comfort of your own home with in-home caregiving services. ComForCare offers a variety of in-home care services to fit the needs of you and your family. It is our goal to provide companionship and help out with everyday activities to ensure your elderly loved ones can live safely and securely. Whether your loved ones health concerns are due to illness, injury, or aging, our personal home care packages and flexible scheduling allow your loved one to maintain a sense of freedom, dignity, and connection to friends and family. Seniors who choose to stay at home are often happier, healthier, and recover faster from illness or injury than those living in assisted living facilities. ComForCare is independent living with a little extra help! Our health care professionals are not only highly qualified, they are highly compassionate and love what they do. Caregivers who meet our high standards and strict guidelines are screened for empathy, trained in senior care, and matched with clients based on their experience, skills, and compatibility. This unique approach to elder care provides the foundation for a trusted relationship between your loved one and the caregiver, and a long-lasting partnership in care between you and ComForCare. Our home care services and compassionate caregivers help older adults live independently in their own home and continue to do all the things they love. We do not just assign caregivers to a job. We match our caregivers based on the needs, interests, and personalities of our clients.With home care services, our office can provide personal care plans through an in-home evaluation and interviews between the client, family and the ComForCare team to help determine the best plan of action for the individual based on their specific needs. ComForCare can help individuals with daily activities. Our dedicated caregivers can be available for as little as a few times per week or 24 hours a day to provide care.Aging In Place is Easy With In Home Help  While assisted living facilities and senior communities are an option, the majority of people needing care want to remain in the comfort of their own homes. Maintaining independence and being with family, friends, and pets is most people's preference.Studies show that people are happier when they stay at home; they recover faster, have reduced anxiety, and are less prone to depression.We can help clients with tasks such as:24/7 CareBathing & ToiletingCompanionshipDementia CareDisability SupportFamily RespiteGrooming & HygieneLight HousekeepingMeal PrepMedicaid Provider EnrollmentMedication RemindersMemory ScreeningPersonal CareSafety SupervisionSenior and Elder Care ManagementTransitions of CareTransportationVeterans ProgramsIn Home Care For All PersonsSeniors aren't the only ones who need a little help at times. ComForCare is ready and willing to offer all services to anyone needing care in their home. We help veterans, adults with mental and physical disabilities, persons with chronic conditions, and persons recovering from surgery or an illness. Everyone needs help at some point in their lives; call on the team at ComForCare when you need us.From transportation to do errands and grocery shopping, to vacuuming and dusting, or a few hours of companionship, our compassionate caregivers are available. The services we provide will ensure you enjoy living in your home as you age or recover.Dementia CareOur proprietary program, DementiaWise, engages and enhances the lives of people with Alzheimers disease and other forms of dementia while providing support and education for the family. Caregivers take special care to recognize behavioral triggers and use redirection, which may help prevent or reduce any challenging dementia behaviors, while helping clients remain independent for as long as possible.Request a Personalized Home Care Service ConsultationIf you want to know how best to maintain your independence or that of your loved one, request an in-home care service evaluation. A trained professional from ComForCare Home Care will visit the home for a personalized home care consultation.During Your Personalized Home Care Visit We Will:Check for potential fall risks with suggestions for simple fixesLook at the living space with your loved one's specific concerns in mindReview medical history, medications, any other needs or concernsEvaluate balance and ease of movement throughout the homeRecommend any necessary home safety devices that assist in overall comfort and safety such as handrails and shower chairsOffer support and understanding, with flexible services that can helpWe serve all persons in Greater NW Pittsburgh, PA., including Northern Allegheny County, Butler County, Beaver County and Lawrence County, PA. Whether your loved one needs assistance only a few hours a week or around-the-clock, our team is happy to help! Call (724) 759-7674 to learn more about the transition care services offered through ComForCare Home Care (NW Pittsburgh).