How to Pass On Family Heirlooms & Keepsakes Without Causing a Family Feud
Entrusted Legacy Law
Feb 24, 2023
Pennsylvania - Greater Pittsburgh Area
Email US
Click to Email Us
When creating an estate plan, people are often most concerned with passing on the “big things” like real estate, bank accounts, and vehicles. Yet these possessions very often aren’t the items that have the most meaning for the loved ones we leave behind.
Smaller items, like family heirlooms and keepsakes, which may not have a high dollar value, frequently have the most sentimental value for our family members. But for a number of reasons, these personal possessions are often not specifically accounted for in wills, trusts, and other estate planning documents.
However, it’s critical that you don’t overlook this type of property in your estate plan, as the distribution of such items can become a source of intense conflict and strife for those you leave behind. In fact, if you don’t properly address family heirlooms and keepsakes in your estate plan, it can lead to long-lasting disagreements that can tear your family apart.
Heirlooms & Keepsakes: Little Things With Big Value
Heirlooms and keepsakes are both prized for their sentimental value, but these possessions are slightly different from one another in terms of the manner in which the items are passed on.
Heirlooms: Heirlooms are passed down among family members for generations, and the passing of heirlooms sometimes involves traditions. For example, the first daughter to marry inherits grandmother’s heirloom wedding ring.
Keepsakes: Keepsakes, on the other hand, are possessions that are given or kept specifically for sentimental or nostalgic reasons, and these items may only get passed on once. For example, photo albums are a typical keepsake that are treasured by many families. If a keepsake gets passed on multiple times, it may eventually become a family heirloom.
Although just about any personal possession could be considered an heirloom or keepsake, some of the most common examples of these items include the following:
Jewelry
Photographs
Books
Art
Musical instruments
Furniture
Clothing
Bibles
Recipes
Family documents (such as birth certificates, baptism records, and citizenship papers)
Collections (such as sports memorabilia, coins, stamps, and doll collections)
Issues Raised By Passing On Heirlooms & Keepsakes
In the legal world, both heirlooms and keepsakes are considered “non-titled personal property.” As mentioned earlier, when there is no plan in place for the distribution of these items following the owner’s death, it can create bitter conflicts among family members. Indeed, fights over heirlooms and keepsakes can cause close family members to never speak with one another again.
In her book “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?” Professor Marlene S. Stum, an expert in family social science at the University of Minnesota, warns of the infighting that can occur when there’s no plan for who inherits these personal effects.
“What surprises many people is that often the transfer of non-titled personal property creates more challenges among family members than the transfer of titled property,” says Stum. “Research has shown that disputes over inheritance and property distribution are one of the major reasons for adult siblings to break off relationships with one another.”
Given the potential trouble the distribution of heirlooms and keepsakes can cause for your heirs, you’ll want to take extra care in seeing that these family treasures are passed on properly. And this means incorporating them into your estate plan in one way or another.
Strategies For Peacefully Distributing Heirlooms & Keepsakes
While there is no one perfect way to distribute these items in your estate plan, your primary goal should be to maintain harmony among your loved ones during an already emotional time. As with most sensitive issues, clear communication is vital to this process.
Because your family members can have vastly different values associated with certain heirlooms and keepsakes and you may have little idea about how each person feels, you should speak with each family member in advance. By talking with family members about their feelings and expectations regarding your possessions ahead of time, you will have a much better idea how to distribute these items to your loved ones with the least amount of conflict.
Additionally, you should decide ahead of time if you need to have any of your heirlooms or keepsakes appraised. In doing so, you provide your heirs with the necessary documentation to gauge the monetary value of these items, and you can save them from extra work while they are mourning your death.
Again, the manner in which you distribute your heirlooms and keepsakes will depend largely on the items you have to pass on and your specific family situation. That said, here are a few estate planning strategies to consider when passing on these precious possessions.
Gifting during your lifetime: Of course, you don’t have to wait until you die to pass on your heirlooms and keepsakes, and you may prefer to give away certain special items while you are still living. By doing so, you get to personally witness the joy your loved ones experience when they receive the gift, and you can also personally explain the reasons you want each person to have a particular item.
If your heirlooms and/or keepsakes have a high monetary value, you should keep gift tax issues in mind when you give them away. That said, the IRS has a high annual gift tax exclusion ($16,000 in 2022) and an equally high lifetime exclusion ($12.06 million in 2022), so few people will need to worry about such taxes.
Keep in mind, the lifetime exclusion amount will revert back to its pre-2018 level of around $5 million per individual in 2026, so if you are considering gifting high-value possessions, you may want to do it sooner, rather than later. In any case, if you have possessions you want to give away that might trigger gift taxes, meet with us, your Personal Family Lawyer to discuss your options.
Include items in your estate plan using a personal property memorandum: As with other assets you want to pass on after your death, you should include heirlooms and keepsakes in your estate plan by adding them to your will or trust. The best way to do this is by using what’s known as a personal property memorandum.
A personal property memorandum is a separate document that is referenced in your will or living trust. The memorandum allows you to list which items you wish to leave to each individual and detail the reasons you are giving each item. In many states, if it’s properly incorporated into your will or trust, a personal property memorandum is a legally binding document.
Furthermore, unlike a will or trust, you can create and update your memorandum without a lawyer’s help. You can change your memorandum as many times as you like, just make sure you sign and date it each time to ensure authenticity. Your memorandum can be as long or short as you like, which allows you to account for even the smallest or seemingly insignificant possessions.
Most types of tangible personal property can be included in your memorandum, but it’s important to note that you cannot list certain assets in a memorandum, including titled property, such as real estate and vehicles; assets with a beneficiary designation, such as life insurance, 401(k)s, and bank accounts; or intellectual property, such as works protected by a copyrights or trademark. If you are unsure if you should include a certain possession in your personal property memorandum, consult with us.
Although you don’t need a lawyer to create or modify your personal property memorandum, if you need any help or support with yours, reach out to us, your Personal Family Lawyer. That said, you should always enlist our assistance if you’d like to create or update your will or trust.
Pass on the values & stories behind the possessions: You may want to consider making audio recordings to accompany your heirlooms and keepsakes. In this way, your loved ones not only get to hear your voice, but they will also be able to learn the stories behind the possessions, as well as the reasons why you gave each person a particular item.
These stories not only help connect you with future generations, but having a strong family narrative also helps young people develop strong personal identities and boosts their self esteem. In the New York Times article, “The Stories that Bind Us,” author Bruce Feiler comments on this phenomenon: “The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”
Best of all, you don’t have to worry about creating these recordings yourself, as we offer this exact service during our Life and Legacy Interviews. In every estate plan we create for our clients, we will personally guide you to create a customized recording for the people you love, and then we will provide you with the recording digitally to ensure it will survive long after you are gone.
Don’t Let Anything Fall Through The Cracks
Of course, if no one can find your heirlooms and keepsakes, they aren’t going to do anybody any good. For this reason, it’s vital that you create and maintain a comprehensive inventory of all of your assets, including each of your family heirlooms and keepsakes. Fortunately, this is another service we offer all of our clients at no additional charge. Indeed, we will not only help you create a comprehensive asset inventory, we have systems in place to make sure your inventory stays consistently updated throughout your lifetime. Schedule a meeting with us, your local Personal Family Lawyer to incorporate your inventory with your other estate planning strategies.
Keep The Peace After You're Gone
To ensure your heirlooms and keepsakes don’t create any unnecessary conflicts among your heirs, make sure that your estate plan includes all of your assets, especially your family heirlooms and keepsakes. As your Personal Family Lawyer, we can support you to ensure these precious treasures are protected and preserved as part of your Life & Legacy Plan, and that they pass to each of your loved ones in exactly the manner you would want, without causing a family feud. Contact us today to learn more.
This article is a service of Sharek Law Office, LLC. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That's why we offer a Life and Legacy Planning Session, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before, and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Life and Legacy Planning Session and mention this article to find out how to get this $750 session at no charge.
Other Articles You May Like
Do Therapy Dogs Help Alzheimers Dementia Patients?
Visit any critical care unit, childrens hospital, or other specialty inpatient facility, and youll find a common feature: therapy dogs. For decades, healthcare practitioners have understood the surprisingly positive effects on patients of time spend with cute and cuddly dogs. Therapy dogs reduce stress, improve mood, and can help patients reframe their outlook on whatever condition ails them. The positive effects of patient interactions with therapy dogs are a well-documented fact of the medical world. Senior citizens with limited mobility and other health conditions also benefit from the companionship of dogs. Owning a pet reduces feelings of loneliness among seniors living at home or in a retirement facility, which in turn greatly reduces the risk of diseases associated with loneliness and isolation. Pets can also decrease the number of stress hormones in a persons blood, lower blood pressure, and contribute to a more positive outlook on life. Dogs and other pets, it seems, have tremendous healing powers!Since Alzheimers patients cannot adequately care for a pet, owning one is out of the question. Considering the nature of Alzheimers dementia, it is easy to assume that a loved one may not benefit from a pet since they will not remember the interaction. Researchers, convinced therapy dogs would have a positive effect on Alzheimers patients, put this question to the test: Do Therapy Dogs Help Alzheimers Dementia Patients?Short-Term Benefits of Therapy Dogs for Patients with Alzheimers Dementia.A study conducted in the early 2000s looked carefully at the subject of therapy dogs and Alzheimers dementia patients. They measured the incidence of behavioral disturbances among patients in a nursing home for a period of four weeks, then introduced therapy dogs. Their initial findings showed that the dogs helped to reduce behavioral disturbances in the short term, meaning they helped to immediately calm patients. The short-term effects proved that therapy dogs do have a positive effect on patients with Alzheimers disease, particularly in regards to anxiety, anger, and changes in behavior associated with the disease.Long-Term Benefits of Therapy Dogs for Patients with Alzheimers Dementia.The same study did not stop at the short-term effects of therapy dogs on Alzheimers patients. Previous assumptions suggested that since patients would not remember their encounters with the therapy dogs, the effects of spending time with them would vanish from one day to the next. Not true, the study authors found. Although most of the patients did not remember their interactions with the therapy dogs (some did), the behavioral disturbances noted in the four weeks prior to the study reduced. In fact, the longer and more frequently patients interacted with the therapy dogs, the less they exhibited behavioral disturbances.Therapy Dogs As A Long-Term Therapy.The study findings confirmed what clinicians suspected all along: dogs are an excellent long-term therapy for persons with Alzheimers dementia to reduce the incidence of behavioral disturbances. Therapy dogs also had the same effect on Alzheimers patients as they do on other kinds of patients, including reduced stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure, better appetite, and fewer feelings of loneliness. These effects continued to increase the longer and more frequently patients interacted with the dogs.What Makes Dogs Such Good Therapy?Dogs are wired to give unconditional love and devotion. They can provide physical and social contact where it is missing, and they are not picky. what sets dogs apart, particularly those trained as therapy dogs, is that they will approach anyone regardless of their physical or mental deterioration, and initiate contact. Patients can pet, hug, and cuddle dogs unlike any other kind of pet. These positive interactions provide a distraction to the other goings-on around them and provide relief for those suffering from sadness, anger, or angst.The Takeaway.Dogs have a tremendous healing power. While studies have focused specifically on Alzheimers dementia patients, their positive effects will benefit anyone suffering from general dementia. Families of patients will feel relief that their loved ones have fewer outbursts of anger, sadness, or angst. While dementia impairs memory, it does not interrupt the long-term benefits of regularly interacting with a therapy dog. In fact, the more they interact with a therapy dog, the fewer behavioral problems they exhibit.
Journey Through Loss and Grief
Loss and grief are inevitable parts of life, but for our beloved seniors, navigating through these emotions can be particularly challenging. As they journey through their golden years, they often face the loss of spouses, friends, siblings, and sometimes even their own health. In such times, compassionate support becomes of utmost importance. Here, we discuss how we can extend a caring hand to our seniors as they cope with loss and grief.First and foremost, it's crucial to understand that everyone experiences grief differently. Some may openly express their emotions, while others may prefer to grieve in solitude. As caregivers and loved ones, our role is not to impose how they should grieve but rather to create a safe space where they feel heard and supported.One of the most powerful ways to support seniors in their time of grief is through active listening. Sit with them, hold their hand, and let them share their memories, stories, and feelings. Even if they repeat themselves or express anger or sadness, offer them your undivided attention without judgment. Sometimes, all they need is someone to validate their emotions and reassure them that it's okay to feel the way they do.Encourage them to reminisce about the good times they shared with their loved ones. Sharing fond memories can be therapeutic and help seniors find solace amidst their grief. Look through old photo albums together, watch home videos, or simply engage in heartfelt conversations about the moments that brought them joy.It is important to respect boundaries and not force them to engage in activities they're not ready for. Grieving is a deeply personal journey, and pushing them too hard may only exacerbate their pain. Instead, let them take the lead and offer gentle encouragement along the way.Practical assistance can also alleviate some of the burdens they may be facing. Offer to help with daily tasks such as grocery shopping, meal preparation, or household chores. By easing their responsibilities, you may allow them the time and space to focus on their emotional well-being.In addition to providing emotional and practical support, connecting seniors with resources and support groups can be immensely beneficial. Many communities offer grief counseling services specifically tailored to seniors, providing them with a safe environment to share their experiences with others who understand what they're going through.Encourage them to participate in activities that bring them comfort and joy, whether it's joining a book club, attending religious services, or taking up a new hobby. Engaging in meaningful activities can provide seniors with a sense of purpose and fulfillment, helping them navigate through their grief more effectively.Above all, be patient and empathetic. Grieving is a process that takes time, and there is no set timeline for healing. Reassure them that you're there for them every step of the way, and remind them that it's okay to seek professional help if they're struggling to cope. Helping seniors deal with loss and grief requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to listen. By providing unwavering support and understanding we can help ease their burden as they navigate through life's inevitable challenges with grace and resilience.
Four Signs it May be Time to Consider Assisted Living for Your Senior Loved One
It's a difficult decision to make, but sometimes it becomes clear that our older loved ones need more care than we can provide at home. If you're struggling with the decision of whether or not to place your parent or spouse in an assisted living facility, this blog post is for you. Here are some signs that it might be time to start considering assisted living.1. Are simple activities becoming difficult?Assisted living facilities are designed to help seniors with activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, and grooming. If your loved one is struggling with any of these activities, it might be time to consider assisted living.2. Does your loved one have difficulty with living independently?Another sign that assisted living might be the best option is if your elderly loved one is having difficulty paying bills, getting around to run simple errands, or attending appointments. If getting from point A to point B has become a challenge, assisted living can help. Most facilities offer transportation services for their residents and have services on-site for a variety of needs. 3. Has there been a decline in your loved ones hygiene or appearance?Has your loved one started to neglect their personal hygiene? Are they no longer keeping up with their usual grooming routine? This could be a sign that they need assistance with activities like bathing and dressing.4. Are you noticing changes in mood or behavior?Sometimes changes in mood or behavior can be a sign of declining health. Has your usually cheerful loved one become withdrawn or depressed? Do they have sudden outbursts of anger? These changes could be indicative of a larger health issue that might be best addressed in an assisted living facility.Making the Decision TogetherOnce you have decided that assisted living is the best option, its important to involve your loved one in the decision-making process as much as possible. Let your Senior Care Authority advisor assess their care needs, explain the options, and schedule tours of places that best fit the needs of your family. Include your loved ones in the process as much as possible so they feel that they are part of the decision to choose the next place they will call home. If possible, try not to wait too long as adaptive skills can decrease with the progression of age or cognitive decline.Finding the best senior living setting for your loved one can be an overwhelming task, but you dont have to go through it alone. The experts at Senior Care Authority are here to help! We offer a variety of services designed to help seniors live their best life possible. Contact us today to learn more about how we can help you and your family.
Local Services By This Author
Entrusted Legacy Law
Elder Law 100 Pinewood Lane Suite #303, Warrendale, Pennsylvania, 15086Our Firm Prepares You for Life What makes our firm different is that we were built with the needs of growing families in mind. We understand you are BUSY, you are growing, you are planning for a life of prosperity and you value ease, convenience and efficiency. You are raising children, and caring for elderly parents, while also working hard to build your own nest egg for a lifetime of support. You want to know youve made the best decisions for your family and that your plan will work when your loved ones need it most. You want to make sure your minor children would be raised by the people you choose, and never by anyone you wouldnt want, and that your teens and adult children are properly prepared to care for you and what you leave behind. You want to feel confident that youve made the right choices, and handled everything so that you arent leaving behind a mess, when something happens. That is our focus as well. Weve developed unique systems to give you the same access to a Personal Family Lawyer as was previously only available to the super-wealthy, so you can have the guidance you need to build and maintain a life of prosperity and wealth. And, to keep your family out of court and out of conflict, which is the greatest risk to the people you love and all you have created, even if youve already worked with a traditional lawyer or created documents online. Our Team Is Here for You We encourage communication with our clients. In fact, weve thrown out the time clocks so you never have to be afraid to call with a quick question. Everything we do is billed on a flat-fee basis, agreed to in advance, so there are never any surprises. We have a whole team to serve you. When you call our office to ask your quick question, you wont have to wait hours or days for a phone call back. Youll get your question answered, right away. And, if you need to schedule a more in-depth legal or strategic call with your Personal Family Lawyer, a call will be scheduled when you're both available and ready for the call so we can make the very best use of your time and not waste your time by leaving voicemail after voicemail back and forth. And, we ensure the most important details of your planning are followed through on and your plan continues to work throughout your lifetime. We have a funding coordinator to ensure your assets are owned the right way throughout your lifetime and none of your assets will end up going through a long, expensive court process or being lost to the state because they were missed after your death. Weve created unique membership programs to keep your plan up to date year in and year out as well as give you access to our Trusted Team of Legal Experts for guidance on ANY legal or financial matter. One day you will need a lawyer. I dont know why and I dont know when, but when you do, you will be grateful you can call on us and well be here to advise you or get you out of a jam. We Help You Transfer Your Life and Legacy Lastly, we believe your financial wealth is only a small part of your overall Life and Legacy Planning which is made up of your far more valuable and most often lost upon incapacity or death intellectual, spiritual and human assets. These assets are what make you who you are, and sum up whats most important to you. And, a survey of inheritors has revealed that what they care about even more than inheriting your money, is inheriting these intangible assets. Most estate plans only focus on the transfer of your financial wealth to the next generation. Most people have such great intentions of passing on the intangible, but very few ever get around to it. Its just not a priority, until its too late. How much do you know about your grandparents values? Their most prized personal possessions? How they felt about you? What they had learned during their lifetime? If you are like most people, you know very little. Thats why we build the capture and passage of these most valuable assets into every estate plan we create. Not only will we help you pass on your money, but also your values, your insights, your stories and your experience the truly valuable assets your loved ones care about the most. Weve developed a tool that allows us to capture and pass on your whole family wealth, including your Intellectual, Spiritual and Human assets. I cant go into all of the details here, but well definitely talk about it when you come in for your Life and Legacy Planning Session.