“I didn’t know you were so stressed out…”
Glancing over at J, I focused on the orange fluorescent lights flickering in darkness through his glasses as we drove southbound on the freeway. Sensing the involuntary disappointed downturn of the corners of my mouth, I quickly averted my gaze out the passenger window so he wouldn’t see.
You didn’t know I was stressed out? Because me doing dishes at 6:30 in the morning is normal?? How could you not know?
With a sharp inhale, I willed myself back to calm while my thoughts turned to the last time I was this agitated: the night of the 2020 election when I found myself obsessively cleaning the shower at 9:45. Furiously rubbing Comet with bleach powder in a counter-clockwise motion, over and over again into a stain that had never washed out in the last 6 years. “But tonight is the night,” I’d told myself. I would bend this to my will, unlike the political process outside of my control.
It didn’t work. But boy, did I try.
It was a recurrent theme, this over-functioning response to anxiety.
Reinforced time and again, after every fire put out, every emergency dealt with. Every time I impressed someone by being so “calm” and “in control” while I took more and more on in order to avoid dealing with the scary emotion of it all. I’d spent years unraveling this learned behaviour, figuring out the difference between doing things from joy vs creating the illusion of control.
I thought I’d made so much progress, yet here I was again, falling back into the same patterns.
Was I disappointed in J, or was I actually disappointed in myself?
Of course you’re stressed, M. You got your first court subpoena for a child abuse case and you testified under oath for the first time in your life! You’re supposed to be on edge.
My thumb and forefinger massaged the furrow between my eyebrows as I took in another steadying breath.
It wasn’t what I’d expected, but then again, I’d spent all morning conjuring every worst case scenario while washing the dishes and re-arranging the bedroom furniture. Imaginary spiders fell into my eyes as I cleared out a white wall appropriate enough to FaceTime in to court. I read and re-read my well worn notes on the case, tracing my fingers across my cursive script as if the keystrokes of my documentation hadn’t already been seared into my memory. The self-doubt I’d carried for the last year and a half since I’d watched the family walk down the hall morphed into acrid regret, sucking the moisture from my throat while I gave my testimony. DHS’s stamp of approval did nothing to settle my unease.
Even then, I knew.
I knew it would hunt me down some day. I knew the name before the police office laid the subpoena down on the table, stepping away quickly so we could maintain 6 feet for social distancing while I reluctantly picked the heavy envelope up.
The prosecutor was grateful for my meticulous level of detail – courteous, deferential even.
It wasn’t me on trial, after all.
And yet… 8 hours later, traveling to our friends’ house to have a socially distanced front porch hang out on this wet Pacific Northwest March evening, I was still on edge.
“… M? I can’t hear your thoughts, you know. You have to say what you’re thinking.”
“… I’ll be fine.”
He sighed.
It’s not him, it’s you. You keep pushing him out, holding him at bay. Holding everyone at bay.
“Well, can you call someone? Like, I don’t know… someone who’s maybe testified before or… H? He’d be good to talk it over.”
“It’s already done. And I don’t feel like talking about it anymore.”
J recognized the finality in my tone and gave my hand a squeeze.
“Okay…
He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but promptly closed it.
… okay.”
I knew that flash of worry so well. The way he treaded so lightly, as not to disturb a land mine. Me, for all my “resilience”, tip-toed around to not set me off.
I hated it.
But I also dreaded hearing yet another well-intentioned person say:
“That sucks. You did your best. It’ll be okay.”
Or even worse, watching the discomfort grow on their faces as they tried to find the right words to say. Feeling the need to now comfort them after I’d dragged them down with me into the dark secrets of my mind, knowing they were never given a chance to ready themselves for what they were asking for. Providing them the opening for a quick conversation pivot yet again as we try to reckon with the words we all wish I hadn’t said.
How many times did I need to be burned by that scenario to know it wasn’t worth opening that door again?
No, in these moments I don’t need to seek out anyone’s empty reassurances or words of comfort.
I don’t need people telling me I’ll make it through.
I can tell myself these things perfectly well enough on my own.
And if it comes from me, maybe I’ll be more inclined to believe it.
What I need are 36 degree rainy nights with unsuspecting friends, snuggled in sleeping bags to keep warm outside while we try to make the best of these weird pandemic times.
I need to lose myself in the details of work from home muting mishaps and silly Uber Eats drama, mundane tales of this big wide world outside of parental negligence, daily depression/suicide screens in clinic and unhealthy coping mechanisms with a straight line to alcoholism.
I need to ground myself in “normal”.
To remember what it feels like to dabble in the mildly broken.
To remind myself I can live there too.
To convince myself to hold on to these bright spots as well as the dark.
Visceral reactions to witnessed child abuse/trauma is normal.
But if it lasts longer than a month, you may have Secondary Traumatic Stress. It’s a known phenomenon amongst healthcare professionals who take care of children who’ve suffered from abuse/neglect (which is where I first heard about this), but it also has been recognized more recently during the COVID-19 pandemic.
If you’re interested in learning more in how this relates to the ongoing pandemic, please click HERE to this AAP article: Tips for recognizing, managing secondary traumatic stress in yourself.
If you take care of children at risk for abuse/neglect, The National Child Traumatic Stress Network is a great resource as well, specifically this self-care resource. It sounds trite when you go through the checklist, but I utilized many of the practices mentioned here, including writing this post after it happened in 3/2021.
If you find your self-care efforts aren’t enough, please seek professional mental health counseling. If you’re a physician or medical student in the US, you can reach out to the Physician Support Line at 1 (888) 409-0141 for free and confidential support, 7 days a week from 8 am to 1 am EST.
We must take care of ourselves if we’re to continue doing this important work.
Much love,
M
J Dallas Senior Expo 2025 is coming on March 18!J Dallas, in partnership with title sponsor The Legacy Senior Communities, invites all seniors and their loved ones to attend the annual Senior Expo on March 18, 2025 from 10am to 1pm, indoors at the J. Admission and parking is totally free learn more and register online here: https://www.jccdallas.org/seniorsMeet companies and organizations dedicated to making life better for seniors in Dallas! Well have senior living communities, senior travel opportunities, health and medical providers, community non-profit organizations, and much more!In addition to our great sponsors, attendees can enjoy: A free lunch (while supplies last) Live music Crafts Rummikub tournament Fitness activitiesThe Legacy Senior Communities will also provide two expert panel discussions: learn about Wholistic Aging: Keeping Your Body, Mind, and Spirit Well at 10:45am and Senior Living and Care at 11:45am.We look forward to seeing you at the J Dallas Senior Expo!
Celebrating National Senior Independence Month: How Assisted Living Locators Can HelpFebruary is National Senior Independence Montha time dedicated to recognizing the importance of empowering older adults to live as independently as possible while ensuring they have the support they need. At Assisted Living Locators, we understand that independence looks different for every senior, and we are here to provide expert guidance in finding the right living arrangements that balance freedom, safety, and quality of life.Why Senior Independence MattersMaintaining independence is essential for seniors overall well-being. It fosters confidence, preserves dignity, and enhances their quality of life. However, independence does not mean going without helpit means having the right support in place to continue thriving safely and comfortably.As seniors age, they may face challenges with daily tasks such as cooking, housekeeping, medication management, and mobility. Finding the right balance of assistance while respecting their autonomy is crucial, which is where Assisted Living Locators comes in.How Assisted Living Locators Supports Senior IndependenceOur mission is to help families and seniors find the best care solutions tailored to their needs. Heres how we can help: Personalized Care Assessments We take the time to understand a seniors unique needs, lifestyle preferences, and budget to recommend the best living options. Assisted Living & Independent Living Options Whether a senior is looking for a fully independent lifestyle with minor support or needs more comprehensive care, we guide families through the various options, including independent living communities, assisted living, and memory care. Safety and Comfort Prioritization We help families find communities that offer amenities and services that promote safety while maintaining an active and engaged lifestyle. Guidance Through the Transition Moving to a new living arrangement can be overwhelming, but we provide compassionate guidance throughout the process, making the transition as smooth as possible. Ways Seniors Can Maintain IndependenceWhile senior independence looks different for everyone, there are key ways older adults can continue leading fulfilling lives: Staying physically active through regular exercise and movement Engaging in social activities and hobbies to maintain mental and emotional well-being Utilizing supportive tools such as home modifications and assistive devices Seeking professional assistance for daily tasks when needed At Assisted Living Locators, we are dedicated to helping seniors and their families navigate the journey toward finding the right care solutions that respect their independence while ensuring safety and comfort. This National Senior Independence Month, lets celebrate the resilience of older adults and ensure they have the resources to thrive. If you or a loved one need assistance finding the right senior living options, contact Assisted Living Locators today for expert, compassionate guidance.
Seniors are prone to suffering from serious medical conditions related to poor dental hygiene. There is evidence that gum diseases, such as periodontitis, can be linked to heart disease and diabetes, as well as other systemic complications.Healthy teeth allow seniors to enjoy their food more without suffering from painful chewing and swallowing. Seniors suffering from untreated tooth decay or premature loss of teeth will find themselves opting for soft foods, as opposed to fresh fruits and veggies which can affect nutrition.HOW TO HELP SENIORS WITH THEIR ORAL CARESeniors tackle a series of roadblocks when it comes to receiving regular dental care, such as lack of transportation, memory loss, and physical and mental impairments that may prevent them from making their appointment.Some seniors require additional help when it comes to brushing and flossing, as well as regular visits to the dentist for cleanings. Certain medical conditions, such as painful arthritis in the hands, can affect a seniors ability to brush or floss. Left unaddressed, this can lead to ongoing oral issues.Whether your elderly loved one resides in an assisted living facility or at home, they may benefit from regular reminders to brush twice a day and to floss at least once. A soft-bristled toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste helps to keep their gums healthy. According to the American Dental Association, antiseptic mouthwash has been proven to reduce plaque and gum disease.If your senior wears full or partial dentures, they should be reminded to remove them at night. Not only can they be uncomfortable to sleep in, but they should also be cleaned regularly. Denture-induced stomatitis is linked to ill-fitting dentures, poor hygiene, and potential inflammation.RISK FACTORS RELATED TO POOR ORAL HYGIENEReceiving dental checkups every six months prevents an issue from getting out of hand and allows the dentist to check for any sores, ulcers, swelling, and signs of infection or oral cancer.Without proper and consistent checkups, seniors are at an increased risk of:Root Decay Exposure of the root due to acids can cause the gum to begin to recede, leaving a sensitive, sometimes painful area.Oral Cancer The median age for diagnosis with this disease is 62, further strengthening the case for frequent dental checkups.Tooth Decay Over 90% of adults aged 65 and over have had at least one cavity, with 20% suffering from untreated tooth decay.Gum Disease This can be caused by plaque buildup, tobacco products, or other chronic issues such as diabetes, affecting nearly 68% of the senior population.Tooth Loss Often caused by untreated gum disease; nearly 1 in 5 seniors have lost all their teeth.Dry Mouth Many medications have the side effect of reducing saliva production, which can increase a seniors risk of cavities.IMPROVING SENIOR DENTAL CAREPriority Life Care is committed to providing quality care for seniors. For seniors who have suffered from poor dental hygiene in the past, its not too late to turn their oral health around. Many communities work with dental companies for easy, on-site visits. With the help of a qualified dental professional and caregivers who can keep up with daily brushing, flossing, rinsing, and removing and cleaning dentures every night dental well-being can be regained.
Millennium Physician Group, established in Port Charlotte, Florida, in 2008 and now headquartered in Fort Myers, has emerged as the premier independent physician group in the Southeast, boasting a network of over 800 healthcare providers. Our commitment to delivering exceptional care is reflected in our comprehensive range of services, which span primary care, specialty care, walk-in centers, radiology and lab services, physician therapy, telehealth, wellness programs, home health, hospital care, and more.At Millennium Physician Group, we prioritize a patient-centric approach, striving to create a truly connected healthcare experience for individuals across the region. Our philosophy is rooted in value-based care, and we consistently engage our physicians to ensure the highest standards of quality and service. By offering a coordinated and comprehensive continuum of care, we aim to be Your Connection to a Healthier Life.With a dedication to excellence and a commitment to innovation, Millennium Physician Group continues to set the standard for healthcare delivery in the Southeast. We are honored to serve our communities and remain steadfast in our mission to improve the health and well-being of every patient we have the privilege to care for.To see a full list of locations near your, please Click Here
Millennium Physician Group is a leading provider of comprehensive healthcare services in Florida. With a network of over 400 healthcare providers, we are committed to delivering personalized, high-quality care to our patients. Our team includes primary care physicians, specialists, and advanced practitioners who work together to ensure our patients receive the best possible care.At Millennium Physician Group, we offer a wide range of services, including primary care, cardiology, dermatology, gastroenterology, and more. Whether you need routine preventive care or treatment for a complex medical condition, our team is here to help. We also offer telehealth services, allowing you to access care from the comfort of your home.With locations across Florida, including Fort Myers, Naples, and Port Charlotte, we strive to make healthcare convenient and accessible for our patients. Our goal is to help you live a healthier life and achieve your wellness goals. Visit our website to learn more about our services and find a location near you.
Millennium Physician Group, established in Port Charlotte, Florida, in 2008 and now headquartered in Fort Myers, has emerged as the premier independent physician group in the Southeast, boasting a network of over 800 healthcare providers. Our commitment to delivering exceptional care is reflected in our comprehensive range of services, which span primary care, specialty care, walk-in centers, radiology and lab services, physician therapy, telehealth, wellness programs, home health, hospital care, and more.At Millennium Physician Group, we prioritize a patient-centric approach, striving to create a truly connected healthcare experience for individuals across the region. Our philosophy is rooted in value-based care, and we consistently engage our physicians to ensure the highest standards of quality and service. By offering a coordinated and comprehensive continuum of care, we aim to be Your Connection to a Healthier Life.With a dedication to excellence and a commitment to innovation, Millennium Physician Group continues to set the standard for healthcare delivery in the Southeast. We are honored to serve our communities and remain steadfast in our mission to improve the health and well-being of every patient we have the privilege to care for.To see a full list of locations near your, please Click Here