I Love Someone with Dementia, So Why Am I Losing MY Mind?  

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Oasis Senior Advisors

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Apr 23, 2020

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If you have, or suspect you have a loved one with dementia, you probably know the feeling. You feel like you are losing your mind, or certainly your peace of mind. I want to affirm those feelings, as well as validate those who have suspicions about a loved one that may have dementia. You're not judging someone if you suspect they have dementia or any other recognized condition or inability that is beginning to take its toll on you, or certainly them. You're actually taking the first step in helping them and the whole family.

My own mother has had dementia for over 11 years. It's hard to say exactly when it started. But it certainly became noticeable when my dad passed away 11 years ago. Given that he was suffering from cancer, the focus at the time was understandably on him. But once he passed, it was clear that my mom had classic signs of dementia. The only problem was, neither me nor my siblings saw it clearly before my dad's passing. Like most siblings, we had our own things to deal with. I was living in another state. And my older siblings in Nebraska had their own set of issues with which they were dealing. I wish we had known and acted sooner.

I joined Oasis Senior Advisors as a result of having placed my own mother in a memory care community through Oasis in Lincoln, Nebraska. I dont know what our family would have done had it not been for the reassuring guidance and counsel of Beth Friesen, our Oasis Senior Advisor. Beth has since written a great practical guide that Id like to offer free and without obligation to anyone who is dealing with loved ones with dementia. Just send me an email.
If youre dealing with a loved one with dementia or any condition that is taking a toll on you, I encourage you to reach out for support and guidance to a certified senior advisor. Don't walk this journey alone.

Editor's Note: This article was submitted by Randy Bulow, CSA, the owner of Oasis Senior Advisors, North Metro Denver. He can be reached at 720-822-9525 or by email [email protected]

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Memory Care Communities in Payette, ID

When Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia begins affecting safety, judgment, communication, or daily care, families may need more support than occasional visits or home-care hours can provide.Choosing memory care is an emotional decision, but understanding what specialized care offers can help families move forward with greater clarity.For families in Payette and western Idaho, a local memory care setting can help a loved one remain near familiar people and healthcare providers. This guide explains memory care and highlights Ashley Manor Beverly Hills in Payette.What Memory Care MeansMemory care is a specialized form of residential senior care for people living with Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia, Lewy body dementia, Parkinson's-related dementia, and other conditions that affect memory and thinking.Residents may need help with: Personal care Medication management Meals Mobility Communication Toileting Daily structure Safety supervision Memory care also places added emphasis on environmental security, predictable routines, caregiver training, and approaches that reduce confusion or distress.A diagnosis alone does not determine the right time for memory care. Families should consider the person's behavior, health, safety, caregiver situation, and ability to complete daily tasks.A physician or qualified care professional can help evaluate changes and rule out infections, medication effects, depression, or other treatable conditions that may worsen confusion.Memory Care May Be Worth Considering When The person wanders, becomes lost, or tries to leave home unsafely. Medication mistakes or missed meals are becoming frequent. Bathing, dressing, toileting, or eating requires consistent prompting or hands-on help. Behavioral changes, anxiety, or nighttime wakefulness are difficult to manage safely. The home environment cannot be adapted adequately for current needs. Family caregivers are experiencing exhaustion or can no longer provide continuous supervision. Ashley Manor Beverly Hills is located at 861 Beverly Hills Drive in Payette, Idaho. The community's direct phone number is (208) 642-1711.Seniors Blue Book lists the memory care property as a nine-unit residential home, offering a smaller environment for people who may benefit from familiar routines and fewer residents.The listing identifies: Private rooms A nurse on staff Respite care Activities Doctor visits Adult day programs A secured courtyard A residential home environment It also lists Medicaid as a payment option and describes pricing as all-inclusive. Families should contact the community to confirm current prices, what the rate includes, Medicaid eligibility and availability, and whether additional charges may apply.Ashley Manor states that its facilities are designed as clean, modern, home-like environments with specialized memory care programs.The organization encourages families to tour multiple settings, ask about staff credentials and care philosophy, review costs, and consider whether the environment feels appropriate for the person who will live there.Because dementia changes over time, families should ask how the team responds to increasing mobility needs, swallowing concerns, incontinence, nighttime behaviors, falls, or the need for hospice support.The community should explain which needs it can manage and which changes could require a transfer.What to Evaluate During a Memory Care Tour Are doors, outdoor areas, and other exits secured appropriately? How are caregivers trained in dementia care and responsive communication? How does the team learn each resident's background, preferences, and triggers? What meaningful activities are available at different ability levels? How are pain, hunger, infection, overstimulation, and other causes of distress assessed? How are medication changes, medical appointments, and emergencies handled? When and how does the community contact family members? How are meals adapted for changing dietary, dental, or swallowing needs? What happens if the resident's care needs increase? Why Memory Care Matters LocallyPayette families may otherwise need to search across Canyon County, the Boise area, or nearby Oregon communities for dementia care.A local option can make regular family visits, participation in care conferences, and coordination with established healthcare providers more manageable.Familiar voices and relationships can remain meaningful even when a person has difficulty recalling names or recent events. Being closer to family may allow relatives to stay involved in meals, celebrations, appointments, and the everyday details that help staff understand the resident as a whole person.Local access is only one part of the decision. The strongest match is a community that can support the resident's specific stage of dementia, health conditions, communication style, mobility, and personal history.How to Get Started Ask the person's medical provider to review recent cognitive, behavioral, mobility, and health changes. Call Ashley Manor Beverly Hills at (208) 642-1711 to discuss current needs, availability, pricing, Medicaid participation, and admission requirements. Prepare a written summary of diagnoses, medications, routines, behaviors, food preferences, mobility needs, and personal history. Tour the community and observe how caregivers speak with and respond to current residents. Ask for written information about staffing, nurse availability, activities, security, fees, family communication, and transfer policies. Compare the community's capabilities with the person's current and likely future needs before signing an agreement. Related Categories Assisted Living Adult Day Programs Hospice Care

Memory Care Options for Seniors With Dementia

Seniors with dementia do not all need the same type of support. Some can continue living at home with the right help, while others benefit from the structure, supervision, and specialized environment of a memory care community. The right fit depends on safety concerns, daily functioning, behavior changes, and how much support family members can provide. This article explains the main types of memory care options and what to consider when deciding which option makes the most sense.What are memory care services?Memory care services offer specialized support for people with dementia, helping to maintain safety, decrease distress, and improve quality of life.Key memory care approaches include:  Supervision and monitoring for safety. Safe and secure environments. Assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as bathing and toileting. Medication management. Activities for cognitive engagement and social connection. Increased structure and routines to help reduce confusion. What makes memory care different from standard senior care is the dementia-specific approach. Caregivers use routines, cueing, redirection, and calm communication strategies designed for people with cognitive impairment. Activities are usually more structured and adapted to attention span, confusion, and sensory needs. The goal is to reduce distress, support function, and create a safer daily life.Now lets take a look at different memory care options that might be suitable for your situation.In-home memory care servicesWith in-home memory care services, seniors remain in their homes, and professionals come to them. This is a good option to supplement care if family members are also providing support. Care offeredIn-home memory care services provide supportive one-on-one care tailored to the individuals needs. The amount of care depends on your loved ones needs and your budget. Options include: A few hours of support each week. Full-time daily help. Daytime, evening, or overnight hours.  Typical safety features and amenitiesWith in-home memory care, the senior receives supervision and assistance only when the professional caregiver is present. Family members are responsible for any additional support and for ensuring that the home is safe. Advantages of in-home memory servicesIn-home memory care can work well when a person with dementia is still able to stay at home with the right support. It offers a level of flexibility and familiarity that many families value.Advantages include: Flexible care schedule. One-on-one support. Lower cost when fewer hours are needed. Familiar home environment and routines. Disadvantages of in-home memory care servicesAs care needs increase and you need more hours of in-home memory care services, the cost can become unsustainable. Keeping the senior at home can also come with significant challenges, including safety concerns, isolation, caregiver burnout, and an unoptimized environment. The person with dementia may also get to the point where the home environment isnt safe or structured enough for them. Adult day care programAdult day care programs are nonresidential services that provide structured activities, assistance with activities of daily living, and social connection during daytime hours. Some programs are specifically designed for people with dementia.Certain programs are also classified as adult day health care, allowing them to include nursing oversight and health monitoring. Others have a social focus instead. Dementia-specific programs can fall into either category. They also have specially trained staff and dementia-specific activities. Care offeredAdult day care programs provide structured support during the day for older adults who are still living at home. The exact services vary by program. In adult day care, your older adult loved one will get: Daytime supervision. Structured activities. Social interaction. Meals and snacks. Help with daily tasks. Transportation (in some programs). Health monitoring (in some programs). Dementia-specific programs feature predictable activities and schedules, smaller groups, and repetition. Adult day care programs are best for seniors who are being supported at home but who need some supervision during the day or could benefit from socialization, particularly those in the early stages of dementia. Typical safety features and amenitiesAdult day care programs are often held in spaces like senior centers, community centers, and health care facilities. Because of this, many of the safety and supportive aspects come from staff rather than from the environment. However, programs often include simple modifications to support safety, such as controlled entrances and exits and simple layouts.Some programs are run by memory care providers and tend to have more dementia-friendly design features and staff with extensive training in caring for people with dementia.Advantages of an adult day care programAdvantages of adult day care include: Reduced loneliness and isolation. Respite for family caregivers. Potentially lower costs than full-time residential care. Reduced number of paid in-home care hours. Disadvantages of an adult day care programThe daytime nature of this care limits its usefulness for some families, and transportation to and from the program can be stressful if the program does not provide it. The program may also be unsuitable for people in the later stages of dementia or those with significant behavioral challenges.Memory care wing in a senior communityNursing homes and assisted living facilities often have wings dedicated to memory care. This wing has many of the features of the broader community but has also been carefully designed for residents with dementia.Care offeredSenior care communities provide 24/7 staffing and support. Their care includes assistance with activities of daily living, including walking, eating, and toileting. If the memory care wing is part of a nursing home, skilled nursing care is also available.Memory care wings in these communities provide this care in a dementia-friendly way. For example, staff know how to redirect and de-escalate behavioral symptoms when necessary. Typical safety features and amenitiesMemory care wings typically include safety features that keep people with dementia safe, such as: Secured entrances. Enclosed courtyards. Simplified layouts. Clear signage to support navigation. Staff trained to ensure resident safety and reduce distress. Advantages of a memory care wingFor an older adult who already lives in a senior care community, a memory care wing allows them to transition to memory care when necessary without having to find an entirely new community. This environment is best for people with moderate to late dementia, especially when they need 24-hour supervision. Memory care wings can typically support more cognitive and behavioral challenges than home care or day programs.Disadvantages of a memory care wingSome memory care wings can feel institutional. They may also be less specialized than a dedicated memory care community, especially if they follow the broader facilitys general structure and approach.Theres also variation to consider. While memory care tends to have more highly trained staff and a higher staff-to-resident ratio than other community types, the exact requirements vary considerably. As such, its crucial to research carefully and see what the place youre considering has to offer. Dedicated memory care communityDedicated memory care communities focus specifically on memory care. The dementia focus allows for more intentional and tailored design choices that address the symptoms of the disease.  Care offeredCare in a dedicated memory care community is similar to that in a memory care wing, with 24/7 supervision and assistance with daily tasks. There is also considerable support for difficult dementia behaviors and differences in symptoms. Some communities are classified as nursing homes and can therefore provide nursing care, while others focus on support with daily living.Some communities have different levels of care and even different environments to account for dementia progression. This helps create a more comfortable environment throughout the dementia journey.Typical safety features and amenitiesCommon features of dedicated memory care communities often include: Specialized design features. Clear lines of sight for staff. High-contrast colors to help with visual confusion. Circular hallways to reduce confusion. Reduced noise. Some communities also use memory boxes, which are small displays of personal photos or familiar objects placed outside a residents room to support orientation and spark recognition.Staff tend to be well-trained in dementia care and able to respond to any challenges that arise. Programs are designed for dementia needs, often with variations for different levels of cognitive ability.Advantages of a memory care communityThese communities have the highest level of specialization, which can lead to a highly tailored dementia environment. There is often a high staff-to-resident ratio, plus considerable staff training. The environment is best for people with moderate to advanced dementia, particularly when the senior cant be safely cared for at home. Disadvantages of a memory care communityMoving to this type of community can be a major transition for seniors, especially if their dementia symptoms are significant. The communities can be expensive, too, which can make them an unrealistic choice for some people.

Senior Care Planning Without Relying on Family

Senior care conversations often assume that adult children will assist as the senior ages. Yet, this isnt always an option. Many people need to plan for care without relying on family at all. Thankfully, aging on your own is entirely possible. Senior care systems are increasingly recognizing this pattern and helping support independent aging. When youre aging on your own, planning becomes crucial. You need to put systems in place as early as possible, then refine plans as things change. The tips in this article will guide you along the way.Why some seniors dont rely on family for future careThere are many reasons for not relying on family members for future care. Sometimes this is as simple as not having any children or close relatives. Other times, your family may not be able to help. Perhaps they live in a different state or even a different country. They may also lack the capacity due to their own responsibilities, health, or other factors. After all, life can be pretty overwhelming at times, and even those who care may not have much to give. Some seniors simply want to do things on their own. Doing so reduces the burden on loved ones and can be the best option if there are any difficult or estranged relationships.Risks of not planning aheadWithout planning, you risk having to make big decisions in the middle of a crisis. In those situations, your resources, attention, and options are often limited, and you might not get the solution you want.There are also cases where you cant make decisions for yourself, like if youre in a coma or in the later stages of dementia. Someone then needs to make decisions on your behalf. Without the right paperwork, the person and the decisions might not be what you hope for at all. In practice, lack of planning could leave you in assisted living when you want to age at home or mean youre kept alive with interventions you never would have chosen. The following three sections highlight the main approaches to take when planning ahead for your own senior care.Set up legal decision-making documentsCertain legal documents are used to express your wishes and ensure the right people are making decisions for you. Crucial documents include: A living will, which details your health care wishes, including information about comfort care, resuscitation, and life-sustaining treatments (like feeding tubes). A health care power of attorney (POA), which gives the nominated person authority to make decisions for you in specific circumstances. Your living will guides these decisions.  Financial and legal POA. These are similar to a health care POA but for financial and legal matters, respectively. HIPAA release forms. These forms can speed up your health care agents access to medical information and make it easier for someone to help you with health care decisions. Plan for housing and care needsThe various housing and senior care options can seem overwhelming at first. However, a little research and planning now can make a world of difference when care needs become significant.Here are the main options to consider when planning where to live as you age. Aging in placeMany older adults wish to continue living in their own homes as they age. While being fully independent is possible for some, it can become difficult as physical abilities, health, and cognition decline. To age in place, you might need to rely on external support, such as: Home care. Home health care. Meal prep assistance or delivery. Local community assistance programs. Home modifications for safety. Its also important to stay socially connected when living independently. Doing so is crucial for well-being and means theres someone around to notice any health declines that you might miss. Still, even with support, aging in place can become unrealistic for some. Its worth considering other options early and looking for signs that its time to move to a senior care facility.Independent livingIndependent living communities are designed for older adults who do not need daily hands-on care but want a simpler, more supportive lifestyle. They often include private apartments or cottages, along with features like dining options, housekeeping, transportation, social activities, and maintenance-free living. Some are stand-alone communities while others are part of larger senior living campuses that also offer assisted living, memory care, or nursing care.This option can work well if you want more convenience, more opportunities for connection, and fewer responsibilities at home while still maintaining a high level of independence. Planning ahead gives you time to compare communities, think about what services and amenities matter most, and decide whether a stand-alone independent living setting or a larger community with higher levels of care would be a better long-term fit.Assisted livingAssisted living provides support with activities of daily living, such as bathing and eating.These communities have other benefits, too, including engagement and connection, prepared meals, transportation, planned activities, and various amenities. In fact, most of the things you need are close at hand, which can make a huge difference in a seniors daily life.Planning gives you the chance to research communities, decide which ones you might like, and talk to them about the future. Nursing homesNursing homes provide a higher level of support for older adults who need ongoing medical supervision as well as help with daily living. In addition to assistance with tasks like bathing, dressing, and mobility, they also have licensed staff available to manage more complex health needs.This setting may be necessary if you have serious medical concerns, substantial physical limitations, or a condition that is likely to require close monitoring over time. Planning ahead gives you a chance to learn how nursing homes differ from other senior care options, consider what level of medical support you may need in the future, and identify communities that would be a reasonable fit if that level of care ever becomes necessary.Continuing care retirement communities (CCRCs)Continuing care retirement communities provide a continuum of care from independent living to skilled nursing care, so you can simply move within the community as your care needs change. The result is smaller transitions, a familiar environment, and increased financial predictability. However, CCRCs are expensive, and its best to enter them when youre still healthy. As such, theyre not the best choice for everyone.Questions to ask yourself about future careDifferences between care environments arent the only things to consider. You also need to think about what matters to you. Here are some questions to consider as you plan for senior care: Do you have a health condition that might limit your ability to care for yourself in the future? Are there significant health conditions that run in your family? How might these impact your independence?  How important is aging at home to you? Could you find connection and peace in a community of others your age? What happens if youre diagnosed with dementia? When would you consider memory care? Organize your financesNot relying on family when planning for senior care means you may need to rely more heavily on paid services, making aging more expensive. Whats more, theres limited financial support for long-term nonmedical care. Many costs must be paid privately using a combination of personal savings, investments, pensions, and proceeds from asset sales. Medicaid and Veterans benefits are sometimes relevant if you meet the criteria. Long-term care insurance can also be helpful. However, this needs to be purchased early, before you have any significant diagnoses. Here are some crucial tips for keeping your finances organized when planning for senior care. Store important documents in a single place, and update them regularly.  Take time to understand the lowest income youre likely to have in the future. This information is crucial for developing a realistic strategy.  Talk to a financial advisor and an elder law attorney to determine the best use of your assets. Develop a budget that meets your current needs and allows you to save for the future.  Review spending and future plans regularly. Doing so is crucial as markets change and your needs may change as well. Oasis can help you plan for future senior care needsPlanning for senior care without relying on family can feel like a lot to carry on your own, but with the right legal documents, financial planning, and a thoughtful approach to future housing and care, you can create a path that gives you more stability, more choice, and more peace of mind.Oasis Senior Advisors can help you think through your options and prepare for what may come next. Whether you are exploring independent living, assisted living, memory care, or nursing homes, an Oasis advisor can help you understand the differences, narrow down the right fit, and make a plan that supports your goals for the future.