It’s Time To Move to Memory Care”: How To Have the Discussion

Talking with a loved one about moving to memory care is emotional and challenging. Here are tips for making the discussion as successful as possible. Photo Credit: iStock.com/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

Discussing a move to memory care can be challenging, especially considering the symptoms of different stages of dementia, but with thoughtful planning, empathy, and understanding, you can approach these conversations with gentle support. By acknowledging the distinct needs at each dementia stage, you can effectively navigate these discussions, ensuring your loved one receives the compassionate care and support they deserve. Here, we offer tips for handling this discussion at different stages of the disease.

General tips for approaching the conversation about a move to memory care

When it comes to discussing a move to memory care with a loved one, approaching the conversation with empathy and understanding makes all the difference. Here are some tips to help guide you through this challenging yet important discussion.

Acknowledge your own feelings

You may experience a mix of emotions when thinking about how to approach the discussion of moving into memory care. You might feel anxious, worried about saying the right thing, or even guilty for bringing up such a sensitive topic.

Before having this discussion with your loved one, recognize your thoughts and emotions and then offer yourself acceptance for what you feel. If you remind yourself of the reasons behind this move, you can approach the discussion with a more supportive and compassionate tone and support yourself through any difficult emotions you may experience.

Choose the right time and environment

Plan to introduce this topic when both you and your loved one feel calmer and have enough time to discuss the move into memory care thoroughly. Choose a space where your loved one feels safe and comfortable. Try to find a space with the fewest distractions possible. You may choose their favorite room, the kitchen table with a soothing snack and beverage, or a quiet spot where they enjoy spending time.

Possible approach: “Mom, let’s sit here in the garden where we can relax and talk for a bit. There’s something important I’d like to discuss with you.”

Show genuine concern and compassion

You can demonstrate your genuine concern for their well-being by using “I” statements to express your feelings and observations. “I” statements can foster a nonconfrontational environment. Your loved one can feel more compassion from you and is more likely to understand that your intention is to support them, not to criticize or rush them into a decision.

Possible approach: “Bob, I notice that taking your medication on time has been more challenging for you lately, and I want to make sure you have all the support you need.”

Listen attentively

Active listening is crucial for this sensitive topic. Give your loved one the space to share their thoughts and emotions without interrupting them, even if you disagree with what they are saying. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their concerns by nodding or using verbal affirmations, such as “I understand” or “That makes sense.”

Possible approach: “I’m here to listen and understand how you’re feeling about this. Please share your thoughts with me.”

Offer reassurance

Reassure your loved one that moving to memory care is not about losing independence but about enhancing their quality of life with added safety and support. Discuss with your loved one how this move can offer them many positive changes and support and can bring peace of mind for both of you. You can also reassure them that you are not abandoning them and will visit often and bring them to family events outside of the facility if it’s safe to do so.

Possible approach: “Dad, I think that this move can help you have the best care and keep you safe so that you can enjoy life comfortably.”

Use simple and direct language

When discussing the transition to memory care, keep the communication very clear. By using simple and direct language, you can ensure your message is easily understood and respected, reducing any potential confusion or anxiety.

Some tips to keep in mind to keep your language simple and direct include:

• Communicate main points in a straightforward manner.
• Avoid jargon or overly detailed explanations.
• Keep sentences short and to the point.
• Present information in small, manageable chunks.
• Prevent feeling overwhelmed by focusing on one aspect at a time.
• Check for understanding by asking questions.
• Identify areas needing further clarification.

Possible approach: “I want us to talk about exploring a safe and supportive place where you can receive the care you need.”

Be patient

Give your loved one the time and space to process the information and share their feelings. If your loved one needs a break or seems agitated, you can pause the conversation and return later. Leaving their home and moving into memory care is an emotional journey, and they may need time to adjust.

Possible approach: “Take your time to think this over. We can talk more about this whenever you’re ready.”

Navigating the conversation about moving into memory care will differ depending on your loved one’s stage of dementia. The various stages of dementia present with unique symptoms and experiences for your loved one. Let’s take a look at how the conversation and your approach may be different for the different stages of the disease.

Navigating conversations about a move to memory care: Early-stage dementia

Individuals in earlier stages of dementia may not recognize their decline or changes in functioning. Even as they encounter new challenges, they may be mild enough that they seem mostly the same as they’ve always been. Having a conversation with someone in the early stages of dementia requires sensitivity and an appreciation for their continued sense of self. 

Engage in proactive conversations

It’s important to use this time in the early stage of the disease to be proactive so you can understand your loved one’s feelings and wishes while they are able to communicate them. When introducing the idea of memory care, you can gently share the areas where support can enhance their quality of life and ask how they feel about them. 

When engaging in this discussion with your loved one, consider:

• Highlighting the support and enrichment available in memory care.
• Sharing positive outcomes they can experience in memory care.
• Presenting the move as a choice for greater well-being.

Example discussion prompts:

• “Memory care offers wonderful opportunities to connect with others and participate in enjoyable activities every day. What do you think about exploring this option together?”
• “Moving to a memory care community could provide support so you can focus on enjoying life without worrying about daily tasks. How do you feel about that?”

Navigating conversations about a move to memory care: Middle-stage dementia

In the middle stages of dementia, you may notice more pronounced changes and challenges with your loved one. These can include increased confusion, difficulty with daily tasks, or changes in behavior. Recognizing, accepting, and understanding these symptoms will help you have a more constructive conversation with your loved one about transitioning to memory care.

Your loved one may be more aware of the struggles and changes they’re experiencing. This awareness, even if sporadic, may lead them to feel increased frustration or anxiety. Acknowledging these feelings while being supportive can foster a more successful dialogue.

Special tips for successful discussions

When introducing the concept of moving to memory care during the middle stages of dementia, it’s vital to focus on how this change can meet your loved one’s evolving needs. 

During the discussion, consider how you can:

• Emphasize how memory care can offer support for their evolving needs by offering specialized care and structure.
• Offer reassurance by addressing any fears or concerns they may have by highlighting the compassionate and skilled support available in these communities.
• Present memory care as a positive and proactive choice that promotes safety, comfort, and an improved quality of life.

Example discussion prompts:

• “I notice you might be finding some daily tasks more challenging. Memory care can provide the support to help make things easier and more enjoyable. How do you feel about that?”
• “The team in memory care is trained to adapt to your needs as they change, which can help alleviate some of the daily stress. Could exploring this option together be a good idea?”

Navigating conversations about a move to memory care: Late-stage dementia

In the late stages of dementia, the nature of communication and comprehension undergoes more profound changes. This stage requires a more delicate and sensitive approach when discussing transitioning to memory care.

Your loved one may be experiencing significant cognitive and physical changes, including difficulties with communication, reduced mobility, and increased reliance on others for daily care. Acknowledging these changes with sensitivity is essential for navigating the conversation about moving into memory care.

During this stage, your loved one may experience challenges in expressing their thoughts and making decisions. However, it remains important to honor their wishes and include them in decisions as much as possible, ensuring that they feel valued and respected.

Special tips for successful discussions

When discussing the transition to memory care with a loved one in the late stages of dementia, it’s crucial to approach the conversation with empathy and a focus on their well-being. It’s possible that the topic will cause some distress in your loved one. If this happens, you should put the discussion aside until they are less agitated.

When discussing this move with your loved one in the later stages of dementia, consider how you can:

• Acknowledge the changes in your loved one’s functioning and behavior with empathy and using a clear and gentle approach.
• Respect their wishes by involving them in decision-making to the extent possible, ensuring their dignity and preferences are maintained.
• Emphasize the compassionate care available in memory care settings designed to support their specific needs and enhance their comfort.

Example discussion prompts:

• “I want to ensure you’re comfortable and well cared for. The memory care community can provide the specialized support you need. What are your thoughts on exploring this option?”
• “Your comfort and happiness are important to me. Let’s talk about how moving to memory care could offer you a nurturing environment.”

Navigating discussions about memory care with empathy and understanding at each dementia stage can empower both you and your loved one, fostering a more productive discussion. By considering their unique needs at each stage, you can collaboratively create a supportive plan that enhances their quality of life.