Recent research shows that men are lonelier than ever. Only 27% of men say they have 6 close friends (this number is half what it was 30 years ago). Further, 15% of men say they have no close friends at all (up an astounding 500% since 1990).
Why do these numbers matter? First, studies suggest that loneliness is a significant factor in developing depression. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America notes that clinical depression is something an estimated 6 million men live with each year in this country. Since depression in men often goes undiagnosed and, thus, untreated, we need to explore the causes of male loneliness to assess how it might impact mental health over time. This becomes even more critical when we consider that loneliness is associated with an increased risk of death in men.
Read on to learn more about men and loneliness during Men’s Health Awareness Month and beyond. We’ll explore the link between loneliness and depression and share coping techniques that can help if you or a man you care about is affected by male loneliness.
The causes of loneliness in men are often complex and varied. Some factors have deep roots. Others may seem superficial on the surface, but they still significantly impact the intensity of loneliness a man might be experiencing.
It’s not uncommon for older men to struggle with making close friends — especially after college. This may be because of societal expectations that encourage them to focus on things like their career and achieving financial success, which might leave less time to socialize and develop deep and meaningful relationships with a new friend.
Before this point in life, social networks were generally abundant and a consistent source that offered easy friendships and meaningful, rewarding connections. Without access to these, feelings of isolation can creep in and cause loneliness.
Societal pressure and expectations cause men to feel like they have no choice but to be strong and independent. The tough guy image resulting from masculine norms discourages some men from expressing their emotional needs or desires. This can quickly lead to emotional isolation — even for those men with people in their lives who care deeply about them.
Some research suggests that many men have a hard time discussing their feelings of loneliness. Unfortunately, being unwilling to open up may stifle deep connections with others and exacerbate loneliness. Plus, these societal expectations may prevent a lonely man from investing in a new friendship or opening up to a close friend. The stigma associated with shame or embarrassment over feeling lonely may be another driver.
The pursuit of career success may be a culprit that causes some men to sacrifice personal relationships or hobbies that could help reduce male loneliness.
Even men in romantic relationships might feel lonely if their partners shut down because they’re tired of feeling like they come second to the time and energy a man puts in at the office.
Several mental health conditions have been linked to loneliness in men. As discussed, loneliness is directly associated with the onset of depression, according to multiple studies and research.
More than 8% of adults in the United States had at least one major depressive episode in the last year — and while depression is slightly more prevalent in women, more than 6% of men experienced symptoms of depression. Depression causes some men to withdraw from social interactions, further increasing feelings of loneliness.
“Loneliness can be a significant prompt for depression. When individuals feel isolated and disconnected from others, they may experience feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. Over time, these emotions can intensify into clinical depression if not addressed.”
– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin, LMHC
It’s clear that loneliness takes a silent toll on men’s mental health that results in conditions like depression or anxiety. In extreme cases, loneliness can even lead to suicidal ideation or acts in both young and older adults.
While we’ve already touched on the idea that loneliness can manifest as depression — this is about more than just “feeling blue” or down. Depression often impacts every aspect of life.
Isolation can create feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness in men. Over time, these feelings may spiral into clinical depression, sparking an exhausting cycle that’s almost impossible to break free from without professional help.
Research also shows that chronic loneliness can be a predictor of anxiety. Fearful thoughts about being alone forever, or feeling like an outcast feeds an anxious mindset. Especially for men, who are taught from a young age that being male means being strong, it can be challenging to ask for help when dealing with loneliness-related anxiety.
In very severe cases, persistent loneliness pushes some men toward contemplating death by suicide as they desperately seek an escape from the emotional pain they’re experiencing. This is why it’s so crucial to recognize and address male loneliness before symptoms escalate.
“The connection between male loneliness and suicide is influenced by social, cultural, and psychological factors. Addressing this issue requires a comprehensive approach that includes reducing stigma, promoting emotional well-being, and fostering supportive communities and relationships. It’s essential to recognize the signs of unhappiness in men and provide them with the help and support they need to prevent suicide.”
– Talkspace therapist Famous Erwin, LMHC
A major study found that when social isolation is experienced long-term, it substantially increases the risk of premature death. This is yet another reason why it’s so critical to find coping techniques when men are so lonely. The following strategies can help men learn to manage the adverse outcomes loneliness causes.
Sometimes feeling lonely makes reaching out and connecting with others difficult. Connection, though, is essential to overcoming feelings of isolation.
Try joining a club or sports team. A mutually shared interest may bridge gaps and spark conversations that might develop into meaningful relationships. As you connect with others in these new circles, it’s important to be open and willing to share your emotions. Vulnerability can encourage others to reciprocate and deepen relationships.
Self-care can address the mental and physical health aspects that loneliness significantly impacts. Prioritize taking care of yourself by doing small things that rejuvenate you.
Try focusing on things like regularly exercising to boost your mood, developing better sleep patterns, and eating well.
These are the things that play a significant role in maintaining emotional balance and, ultimately, help reduce feelings of loneliness.
In the digital age we live in, technology offers several avenues that can help men deal with loneliness. Online support groups and therapy platforms make getting help and connecting with others easier than ever. Virtual communities offer comfort and remind you that you’re not alone in your struggle.
If your chronic loneliness is too much, it might be time to seek professional help. Therapy and counseling provides tools and tips to manage your emotions effectively.
Treatment is about more than just talking about being lonely. Therapeutic sessions offer benefits such as:
Dealing with loneliness alone is really hard. Finding the courage to seek help might be one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do in life — this is one of the reasons that loneliness in men has been referred to as a silent battle.
The good news is that even though the road to healing can be difficult, you don’t have to walk it alone. Talkspace is an online therapy platform that offers tools to help you navigate those lonely days and overcome feelings of isolation.
Talkspace provides easy access to therapists who can support you as you address your loneliness. Simply acknowledging that you’re lonely is the first step toward overcoming it. Take action against your loneliness by starting therapy today. You’ll learn to identify negative, unhealthy thought and behavior patterns that contribute to how you feel. From there, you’ll be empowered to build healthy, positive relationships that are mutually rewarding.
Loneliness doesn’t have to define you — there are options to overcome it, and Talkspace can help. Reach out today to learn more about how you can improve your mental health and work against male loneliness.
Sources:
1. Cox DA. Men’s social circles are shrinking. The Survey Center on American Life. June 29, 2021. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/.
2. Mushtaq R. Relationship between loneliness, psychiatric disorders and physical health ? A review on the psychological aspects of loneliness. JOURNAL OF CLINICAL AND DIAGNOSTIC RESEARCH. 2014;8(9). doi:10.7860/jcdr/2014/10077.4828.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4225959/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
3. Men’s Mental Health. Men’s Mental Health | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://adaa.org/find-help/by-demographics/mens-mental-health.
4. Rico-Uribe LA, Caballero FF, Martín-María N, Cabello M, Ayuso-Mateos JL, Miret M. Association of Loneliness with all-cause mortality: A meta-analysis. PLOS ONE. 2018;13(1). doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0190033. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5754055/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
5. 1. Payne K. Millions of men are hiding their loneliness. Campaign to End Loneliness. May 17, 2017. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/millions-of-men-are-hiding-their-loneliness/.
6. McKenzie SK, Oliffe JL, Black A, Collings S. Men’s experiences of mental illness stigma across the lifespan: A scoping review. American Journal of Men’s Health. 2022;16(1):155798832210747. doi:10.1177/15579883221074789. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8832600/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
7. Mann F, Wang J, Pearce E, et al. Loneliness and the onset of new mental health problems in the general population. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology. 2022;57(11):2161-2178. doi:10.1007/s00127-022-02261-7. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9636084/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
8. Major depression. National Institute of Mental Health. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/major-depression.
9. Owczarek M, Nolan E, Shevlin M, et al. How is loneliness related to anxiety and depression: A population‐based network analysis in the early lockdown period. International Journal of Psychology. 2022;57(5):585-596. doi:10.1002/ijop.12851. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9545877/. Accessed September 23, 2023.
10. 1. Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Harris T, Stephenson D. Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review . Brigham Young University BYU ScholarsArchive. March 23, 2015. Accessed September 23, 2023. https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3024&context=facpub.
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Sometimes it feels as if your bereavement will never end. You feel as if youd give anything to have the pain go away; to have the long lonely hours between nightfall and dawn pass without heartache. You are not the only grieving person who has longed for some measure of relief.In the novel, My Sisters Keeper, author Jodi Picoult wrote, There should be a statute of limitations on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name.No such rule book exists. Grief counselors and therapists tell us that the length of time it takes anyone to grieve the loss of someone they held dear to them is dependent on the situation, how attached you were to the deceased, how they died, your age and gender. So many variables exist and theres absolutely no way to predict how long it will take for you to adapt to your loss.The Difference Between Normal and Complicated GriefResearch findings have led experts to come up with many differing categories of grief experience ranging from normal to complicated. Normal (or uncomplicated) grief has no timeline and encompasses a range of feelings and behaviors common after loss such as bodily distress, guilt, hostility, preoccupation with the image of the deceased, and the inability to function as one had before the loss. All are normal and present us with profound, and seemingly endless, challenges. Yet, Katherine Walsh says, Over the course of time, with average social supportmost individuals will gradually experience a diminishment of these feelings, behaviors, and sensations. So, how can you know if your bereavement is no longer within the range of normal? Ms. Walsh goes on to say, While there is no definitive time period by which this happens, if an individual or members of a family continue to experience distress intensely or for a prolonged periodor even unexpectedly years after a lossthey may benefit from treatment for complicated grief.A Useful Model for Assessment: Wordens Four Tasks of MourningThere are certain tasks that, when achieved during your bereavement, can successfully allow you to emerge on the other side of loss as a better, stronger, and more resilient individual. James Worden proposed these four tasks: To accept the reality of the loss To process the pain of grief To adjust to a world without the deceased To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life Instead of focusing on your bodily discomforts, feelings, and common behaviors, this model allows you to better see where you may be stuck or stalled in the adaptive process. Fortunately, Worden also gives us a list of indicators advising that "any one of these clues in and of itself may not be sufficient" for a diagnosis of complicated grief. "However," he continues, "any of theseshould be taken seriously, and the diagnosis of complicated grief should be considered when they appear."12 Clues... 12 InsightsWhile grief educators and theorists tell us that a diagnosis of complicated grief should not even be attempted until after the first anniversary of the death, if any one of the following symptomatic clues exists for longer than six months, you may want to consider grief counseling or grief therapy: You cannot speak of the deceased without experiencing intense and fresh grief long after the loss. A relatively minor event triggers an intense grief reaction. Your conversations with others are littered with references to loss. In other words, loss is an ever-present motif in your world view. You have issues related to your loved one's possessions. Keeping everything the same as before their death could indicate trouble just as tossing out everything right away can also be a clue to disordered mourning. (You also need to factor in your cultural and religious background) You have developed physical symptoms similar to those of the deceased before their death. Sometimes these symptoms recur annually, on the anniversary of the death, or on holidays. An increased susceptibility to illness or the development of a chronic physical complaint can also be an indicator. If you have made radical changes to your lifestyle, or excluded friends, family members, or even activities associated with the deceased, it may indicate unresolved grief. A long history of depression, often marked by guilt or low self-esteem, can reveal disordered mourning. The opposite is also true: a person experiencing a false sense of happiness or elation could be experiencing unresolved grief. A compulsion to imitate the deceased, in personality or behavior, can be a sign of complicated mourning. Having self-destructive impulses or exhibiting self-destructive behaviors can be significant. These can range from substance abuse, engaging in self-harm, developing eating disorders and suicidal tendencies. A sense of unexplained sadness occurring at a certain time each year (holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays) can also be a clue to unresolved grief. Developing a strong fear about dying, especially when it relates to the illness that took the life of your loved one, is an important clue. If you have avoided visiting your loved one's grave or if you are still unwilling to discuss the circumstances of their death, this could indicate complications in your bereavement. There are many types of complicated grief; it can be delayed, masked, exaggerated, or chronic. Self-diagnosis is without purpose. A year after the death, if you feel your grief symptoms worsening, we advise that you seek a referral from your family physician for professional grief counseling or therapy.Sources: Walsh, Katherine, Grief and Loss: Theories and Skills for the Helping Professions, 2nd Edition, 2012 Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009
Online Mental Health TherapyMental health support from anywhere, available fast Talkspace provides mental health support privately and conveniently online. Receive live video therapy appointments from a highly qualified licensed therapist covered by your Medicare or Medicare Advantage plan with little wait. Individual therapy, psychiatry, or couples counseling covered by your private insurance plan is also readily available.Talkspace provides:A private space to discuss relationships, retirement, grief, health conditions, financial concerns, life changes, and anything thats on your mindLive one-on-one therapy sessions from your computer or phoneTreatment for over 150 mental health conditions including anxiety, stress, grief, depression, OCD, BPD, and moreMessaging therapy allows you to share with your therapist 24/7 and receive feedback and advice, and is proven to be as effective as traditional therapy..Connect with a therapist within daysTalkspace will match you with a therapist who is licensed in your state and should be a good fit for your needs. Start communicating with your therapist in 1-2 days.Receive care on your scheduleTalkspace removes all the scheduling hassles so you can get mental health support anytime, anywhere. Send your therapist text, voice, or video messages through the secure Talkspace platform and hear back daily, 5 days / weekStart your care journey with Talkspace today, visit www.talkspace.com
Online Mental Health TherapyMental health support from anywhere, available fast Talkspace provides mental health support privately and conveniently online. Receive live video therapy appointments from a highly qualified licensed therapist covered by your Medicare or Medicare Advantage plan with little wait. Individual therapy, psychiatry, or couples counseling covered by your private insurance plan is also readily available.Talkspace provides:A private space to discuss relationships, retirement, grief, health conditions, financial concerns, life changes, and anything thats on your mindLive one-on-one therapy sessions from your computer or phoneTreatment for over 150 mental health conditions including anxiety, stress, grief, depression, OCD, BPD, and moreMessaging therapy allows you to share with your therapist 24/7 and receive feedback and advice, and is proven to be as effective as traditional therapy..Connect with a therapist within daysTalkspace will match you with a therapist who is licensed in your state and should be a good fit for your needs. Start communicating with your therapist in 1-2 days.Receive care on your scheduleTalkspace removes all the scheduling hassles so you can get mental health support anytime, anywhere. Send your therapist text, voice, or video messages through the secure Talkspace platform and hear back daily, 5 days / weekStart your care journey with Talkspace today, visit www.talkspace.com
Online Mental Health TherapyMental health support from anywhere, available fast Talkspace provides mental health support privately and conveniently online. Receive live video therapy appointments from a highly qualified licensed therapist covered by your Medicare or Medicare Advantage plan with little wait. Individual therapy, psychiatry, or couples counseling covered by your private insurance plan is also readily available.Talkspace provides:A private space to discuss relationships, retirement, grief, health conditions, financial concerns, life changes, and anything thats on your mindLive one-on-one therapy sessions from your computer or phoneTreatment for over 150 mental health conditions including anxiety, stress, grief, depression, OCD, BPD, and moreMessaging therapy allows you to share with your therapist 24/7 and receive feedback and advice, and is proven to be as effective as traditional therapy..Connect with a therapist within daysTalkspace will match you with a therapist who is licensed in your state and should be a good fit for your needs. Start communicating with your therapist in 1-2 days.Receive care on your scheduleTalkspace removes all the scheduling hassles so you can get mental health support anytime, anywhere. Send your therapist text, voice, or video messages through the secure Talkspace platform and hear back daily, 5 days / weekStart your care journey with Talkspace today, visit www.talkspace.com