Now What? Your Post-Caregiving Grief Guide
Grane at Home
For more information about the author, click to view their website: www.granehospice.com
Feb 15, 2024
Pennsylvania - Greater Pittsburgh Area
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Now What?
Your Post-Caregiving Grief Guide
“Now
what?” You may be asking yourself this question if you served as
your late loved one’s primary caregiver. You dedicated your time and talents,
lovingly and sacrificially giving yourself, having offered your heart, soul,
mind, and strength. You put your own needs and interests on hold.
Now that your loved one or friend has
died, you may feel sadness, loneliness, and an enormous void left by the loved
one. But you may also feel a measure of relief. You’re not only grieving the
loved one or friend that was lost, but you are also at a loss. You’re likely
grappling with two basic post-caregiving questions: Who am I after having been a caregiver? What shall I do now?
But how do you do this? You can begin
to identify who you are apart from your loved one by asking yourself three
questions: Who were you before your
loved one came into your life? Who were you when he/she was in your life? Who are you now without that person in your life? Asking yourself
these questions to help determine who you are as an independent person is an
essential part of making it through your journey of grief.
Borrowing a principle from career
counseling may also be helpful in your grief recovery. This principle asserts
that you can find your new calling or new identity at the intersection of your
strengths, your interests, and what most benefits others. Work on finding this
intersection, as you drive the detour of grief, and you may very well discover
ways to reinvest your life.
Others may come alongside you to give care, comfort, and support for a time. But your grief journey will continue until you define and redefine yourself after their death. Death changes the roles we play, and these roles help to define us.
Another factor in identifying who you
are independent of your loved one involves reviewing the various interests and
activities you may have participated in because of, or with, your loved one.
Will you continue to do these things without your loved one?
As you work on your grief recovery—and
as you work on finding a new sense of purpose post-caregiving—let me close with
a word of encouragement. You may still be feeling mad, sad, or bad about your
loved one’s death; or, you may feel as if you died with them; or, you may still
feel that you’ll never adjust to a “new normal” without them. While
feeling adrift or at a loss, “Now what?” is
a perfectly natural and, sometimes necessary, response.
Be assured, you’ll always remember
your loved one. You’ll also remember your grief and pain, but as you work
through your grief on this long journey, the pain will decrease and not be as
intense. In time, you will heal. In time, you will move into
a new normal, enjoying a revitalized life.
While there are many evidences which
suggest that your grief journey is drawing to a close, here are four major
evidences you’ll want to look for:
You are able to talk about your deceased loved one and recall
special memories without strong emotional reactions like breaking down crying
or feeling significant pain.
You have dealt with all the feelings (such as anger, guilt, or
sadness) that you may have felt about your relationship with the
deceased. You can be by yourself and not feel intense loneliness or
yearning for your deceased loved one.
You made decisions about the disposition of their things and have
chosen few keepsakes, having sorted and stored special memories to be retrieved
and reviewed.
You feel confident as a complete and whole person in
yourself. You are able to smile again, and you feel you have positive
things to contribute to others.
—Gary Bruland, Bereavement Counselor, Grane Hospice Harrisburg
- To view the original version of this article visit granehospice.com/now-what-your-post-caregiving-grief-guide/
- Seniors Blue Book was not involved in the creation of this content.
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