Red Shoes

Posted on

Sep 23, 2009

Book/Edition

New Jersey - Bergen and Passaic Counties

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I sneak around the corner in my red shoes. If he sees me, he will scold me. I shouldnt be wearing them, he says. They are dangerous. Maybe he is right, but I love my red shoes. They make me feel alive. They make me want to dance. They remind me of when I was young and could wear any shoes I wanted. Now, at age 91, my step is slower. I no longer dance. The physical therapist at the assisted living facility where I live tells me I should be wearing sensible shoes, flat with Velcro closures. I do most of the time, but today I want to feel young. I slip on my red shoes. Everyone notices. They all like my red shoes, expect for Elizabeth, who thinks red shoes are risqu, no matter your age. That adds to the fun. My step is lighter in my red shoes and so is my spirit. Perhaps that will help me move quickly enough not to get caught by the physical therapist.

It is easy to tell our aging loved ones what they should and should not be doing. Often the motivation is genuine concern for their safety. But it is important to remember that each thing they are asked to give up represents part of their identity. Something as simple as the shoes one wears can impact the way they view themselves. So, approach the topics which need to be addressed to keep your loved one safe, but do so gently, respecting the person and recognizing what youre asking them to do may not be as simple as it seems.

Patty Masterson-Kane, LCSW and Patty Hemphill, LCSW are partners in Elder Care Options, a Geriatric Care Management Agency. They help families coping with issues related to aging and changing care needs and can be reached at 201-848-8539.

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