How to Prevent Family Conflict Over Aging ParentsWhen it comes to aging parents, certain topics are often at the forefront of the conversation senior living, health care, and financial planning, to name a few. However, there is one topic that is very common but not as openly discussed: family conflict. This type of conflict usually occurs among adult children as their parents or family members go through the aging process. Disputes can also occur between parents, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, or others. Disagreements often stem from the stress, sadness, denial, anger, or uncertainty people often feel when their loved ones start to need help.Family conflict over aging loved ones is especially prevalent in the state of Florida, which has such a large senior population. In fact, family conflict became such an issue that the Florida Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts launched the Elder Justice Initiative on Eldercaring Coordination. This dispute resolution process was specifically created for families experiencing conflict over the care, autonomy and safety of Florida seniors.Clearly, family conflict over aging loved ones is a real issue that impacts seniors. While it is not uncommon, it can be prevented with the proper preparation, communication, knowledge, and guidance.This article will cover several aging-related topics that can lead to family conflicts, and how to best solve or prevent these issues. After all, the best outcomes for seniors occur when there is harmony and teamwork among their adult children. Situations that Can Lead to Family ConflictProblem: Uneven balance of caregiving responsibilitiesAdult children of seniors often have to handle many matters related to their aging parents. These can include taking on the role of a family caregiver, accompanying parents to medical appointments, making healthcare decisions, managing finances, driving them to all their obligations, managing their nutritional needs, performing household maintenance and chores, and many other duties.When multiple adult children are involved, it is natural for one child to take on more of the caregiving load than the others. This is often the case when one child lives much closer to their parents than the others.But when these duties are not evenly distributed among the children, some start to develop feelings of anger or bitterness toward their siblings.Solution: When feelings of bitterness and resentment start to develop, have a civil discussion with your siblings about the issue. Rather than being accusatory, try to make a plan to solve the problem. Write out all the responsibilities required for taking care of your aging parents, and specifically delegate each duty to certain people. Make sure everyone is on board with the agreement and is assigned a role that is achievable for them. Keep the list somewhere everyone can access it, whether it be a printed copy for each family member, or even a shared Google Doc. Plan to have frequent check-in meetings to make sure everyone is doing their part and discuss any concerns that have arisen.For example, one child who lives nearby can be in charge of driving their parents to appointments, while another child who lives farther away can take on the role of managing their finances. Or, if one person is unable to physically help, perhaps they would be willing to contribute financially to help make the other childrens roles a little easier whether that be by paying for respite care, a geriatric care manager, hospice care, or another service. Problem: One sibling is being excluded from the decision-makingSometimes, one child will take over most of the decision-making for their senior parents, causing the other siblings to feel as though they are being left in the dark about these important issues. Solution: In these situations, communication is key. In a calm manner, tell your sibling how you are feeling. It could be that they are simply unaware of their actions. Or, they might have thought they were making their siblings lives easier by not involving them. Explain your point of view and that you want to be more involved in matters relating to your aging parents. From there, you can work together to make an arrangement that you are included in.Problem: Disagreements about the amount of care neededFor some people, it can be hard to come to terms with the fact that their parents needs and abilities are changing. This can lead to denial or avoidance of the situation which is not only harmful for the seniors, but can also cause disagreements between adult children.In other situations, some adult children may believe their parents are able to safely age in place in their own home, while others may think senior living would be the best choice.Solution: Sometimes a professional outside opinion is all it takes for people to come to an agreement about their parents care needs. Consult your parents doctors for a professional report about their health status and changes in ability. It is also wise to contact an expert senior advisor like Florida Senior Consulting to conduct necessary assessments and make professional recommendations for the senior. A senior advisor can also help inform about all the possible options, whether that be in-home care or senior living. Along with involving outside sources, siblings can work together to research the situation at hand. For example, if the seniors are experiencing memory issues like dementia, adult children can research this topic to learn what level of care is often recommended in these situations. This method is always a good place to start and helps everyone be on the same page about their loved ones needs.Problem: Disagreements about end-of-life care and estate planningEstate planning and end-of-life care can be uncomfortable or delicate topics to discuss. Because of their complexity, these matters can often lead to disagreements among adult children.Solution: In these tricky situations, it is often best to leave the decisions up to your parents. If possible, have them choose a power of attorney and set up advance directives like a living will and health care surrogate designation before a crisis occurs. This will prevent any future conflicts that could arise among family members if these designations are not in place.If a crisis occurs and your parents do not have these documents or their estate in order, it is best to contact an elder law attorney, a financial planner that specializes in elder affairs, and possibly a family mediator to help with inheritances. These professionals can help get the situation sorted out without the risk of a conflict developing between family members.Next Steps for Adult Children to Help their Aging ParentsDont let conflicts about your aging parents tear your family apart. In difficult times, it is important for families to come together so the seniors in your life can receive the best care possible. This positive outcome is only achieved when the adult children work together as a team. After all, as Helen Keller once said, Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.If you and your family need guidance on how to best help your aging loved ones, always contact a professional. Florida Senior Consulting will help you every step of the way, from deciding the right plan for care, finding the best assisted living community, packing, moving, and everything in between.Our expert senior advisors are local to Florida and will help you and find the best care possible.Call (800) 969-7176 or visit FloridaSeniorConsulting.com to get started today.Senior living on your terms. The choice should be yours.
An excerpt from Scott Millers presentation, Florida Retirement Guide: Senior Living, Care Options, Family Choices & Future TrendsFrequently Asked Question: Are There Senior Living Communities in Florida That Have All Forms of Care in One Place?Yes, there are senior living communities that have all forms of care in one place. These communities exist on a very limited basis with a pricey model. Its called a CCRC. A CCRC is a continuing care retirement community, which means every level of care is available on one campus except the hospital. You have independent living, assisted living, memory care, and you have skilled nursing all in one environment. Those come in a lot of different shapes and sizes. Westminster Point Pleasant in Bradenton, Florida is an example. Westminster is a large not-for-profit that has CCRCs all over the state of Florida. Very well run model if thats something youre considering. Some of the disadvantages to a CCRC: most of them are buy-ins, which means you have to come up with a pretty good sum of money up front to be able to get in. Now Im going to give you a sticker shock. Those buy-ins can be anywhere from $100,000 to $1 million, and more. The good ones are the not-for-profits. Be leery of for-profit CCRCs. Because if they take that money up front, you want to be sure that that money is being well-invested. That money is there to create a profit pool, to maintain that property, to invest in that property, to reinvest in its residents, but many of the for-profit companies dont do it that way. So if youre ever looking for that environment, look at the not-for-profit first and then know that youre going to be paying some money up front. Now the advantage. If you went to a Westminster community, for example, it costs you maybe $100,000 to $175,000 up front. The communities are to the nines, theyre beautiful, and their care model is incredible. Whats really nice is the money you put up front can be a declining balance back to you or your estate, and it locks in amongst the people that you would pay for as long as you live. And, its much lower than most assisted living communities. So, you could pay $150,000 up front. Theyll take away 2% of that per month. So over the course of 4 years that money goes away. If you only stay 2, half of it comes back to you. You can pay more and theyll guarantee you a 90% rate back over time. The nice part is the cost of living there which they dont call rent, they call maintenance is somewhere between $3,000 and $4,000 dollars a month, all inclusive. You end up in a place where everything is covered. Try to compare the costs of living at home versus in an assisted living environment. Those figures are important when you understand the total costs that go into that particular community. Nobody really knows how much theyre actually paying at home unless they are very, very budget conscious. But, $3,000 a month to be in that environment is very inexpensive when you consider that its three meals a day, seven days a week, your utilities, all of your maintenance, all of the upkeep, anything you could imagine, and full care delivery as you age. And in these communities you can age in place, so if you have to go over to skilled nursing, you dont pay a dime. If you have to go into memory care, you dont pay a dime more. Florida CCRCs are a great option to consider if you are looking for all your senior care in one place.-Scott Miller, CEO of Florida Senior ConsultingDont wait for a crisis! Florida Senior Consulting is here to help you prepare for your retirement journey and find the best senior living communities in Florida, including CCRCs.Call us today at (800) 969-7176 or visit FloridaSeniorConsulting.com to start your journey. The choice should be yours.
Boarding Home and Residential Care HomeWhen it comes to finding care options for loved ones or individuals needing assistance, navigating the various types of facilities available can be overwhelming. With the baby boomer population continuing to age, more seniors will be needing to seek out options that provide companion services and higher levels of care. One of the potential options includes group homes. Municipal regulation of Group homes states, While there is no single definition of group home under state of federal law currently, under Texas law there are at least 24 types of homes, houses, centers, and other facilities, probably more that may qualify as a group home. Confusing, right? There are many types of group homes that provide housing, counseling, and programs for teens, drug addiction, mental and physical disabilities, and conditions. For the purposes of this blog, we will focus on two types of group homes that cater to adults and seniors needing assistance: Boarding and Residential Care Homes. Boarding homes and residential care homes are often confused, both cater to specific needs and offer distinct levels of care. Understanding their differences is crucial in making an informed decision to individual requirements.Boarding HomeAccording to the Texas Health and Safety Code Section 260.001 a boarding home is classified as: Serves elderly persons 65 and up or persons with disabilities (mental, physical, intellectual, or developmental) that impairs the persons ability to provide for ones care or protection Provides lodging to three or more persons with disabilities or elderly that are unrelated to the owner of the home Provides meals, housekeeping, transportation, grocery shopping, money management, laundry services, self-administration of medication assistance Does NOT provide assisted living facility (ALF) personal care services as defined in Section 247.002 County or municipality may require a permit to operate May have coverage under certain government programs or a long-term care policyThese homes offer a smaller environment and up to 6 residents live in a home-like setting with trained staff and supervisors that often live in the home.Residential Care HomesDefinition: A residential care home, also referred to as community, personal care home, or board and care home, is a private home that usually house 20 or fewer residents (some as few as 3 or 4) that are staffed 24/7, deliver non-medical assistance to seniors that do not need 24/7 nursing care. Services include meals, personal assistance with daily activities of living. Homelike environment with private or semi-private rooms Assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs) such as: bathing, dressing, and medication management Social activities, meals, and basic medical assistance provided Often more affordable than traditional and larger assisted living facilities Caregiver to patient ratio is typically better than in standard assisted living facilities Cost is private pay, long-term care insurance, or Veterans assistance programs Supportive care services such as home health, therapy, and hospice care can be provided by a licensed third-party service provider Unlicensed Residential Care Home is allowed up to 3 non-related residents (Legal & illegal) Licensed homes are certified by Texas Health and Human Services for compliance at the state and federal level. A very small number of care homes accept MedicaidThe Texas Health and Safety Code Section 123.005 notes that community homes can provide a wider array of services such as: food, shelter, personal guidance, care, habilitation services and supervision services to persons with disabilities compared to boarding homes. These disabilities can include Alzheimers or other types of dementia; autism; mental illness; muscular dystrophy; multiple sclerosis, among others. Section 123.002Residential Care Homes can be Licensed as a Type A or B Assisted Living Facility (ALF):Type A Requires the resident to be physically and mentally capable of evacuating the facility unassisted in an emergency. They do not need regular assistance during sleeping hours.Type B Residents may require assistance to evacuate and may be incapable of following directions in an emergency. Often require attendance during nighttime hours.When considering a Residential Care Home, it is important to find out if they are licensed or not and what level of services they provide. If not licensed, are they operating legally and following state and federal guidelines for operations? What levels of care can they provide? It is advisable to enlist the help of a Senior Living Advisor like Ruby Care Senior Living Advisors, as they can narrow down your search and ensure that you know what you are walking into versus wasting time on numerous homes that may not be a good fit or even worse operating illegally. With many different care options to choose from, making the decision as to what is the right care setting involves considering the specific needs, level of independence, and medical requirements of the individual. A group home such as a residential care home may be just what you and your loved one are looking for to provide quality senior care when the time comes. Knowing one has options outside of a traditional assisted living facility or nursing home empowers individuals and families to make informed decisions based on the needs and preferences of their loved ones.Author: Britt Hemsell | Senior Living Advisor & Blog Contributor
Our Firm Prepares You for Life What makes our firm different is that we were built with the needs of growing families in mind. We understand you are BUSY, you are growing, you are planning for a life of prosperity and you value ease, convenience and efficiency. You are raising children, and caring for elderly parents, while also working hard to build your own nest egg for a lifetime of support. You want to know youve made the best decisions for your family and that your plan will work when your loved ones need it most. You want to make sure your minor children would be raised by the people you choose, and never by anyone you wouldnt want, and that your teens and adult children are properly prepared to care for you and what you leave behind. You want to feel confident that youve made the right choices, and handled everything so that you arent leaving behind a mess, when something happens. That is our focus as well. Weve developed unique systems to give you the same access to a Personal Family Lawyer as was previously only available to the super-wealthy, so you can have the guidance you need to build and maintain a life of prosperity and wealth. And, to keep your family out of court and out of conflict, which is the greatest risk to the people you love and all you have created, even if youve already worked with a traditional lawyer or created documents online. Our Team Is Here for You We encourage communication with our clients. In fact, weve thrown out the time clocks so you never have to be afraid to call with a quick question. Everything we do is billed on a flat-fee basis, agreed to in advance, so there are never any surprises. We have a whole team to serve you. When you call our office to ask your quick question, you wont have to wait hours or days for a phone call back. Youll get your question answered, right away. And, if you need to schedule a more in-depth legal or strategic call with your Personal Family Lawyer, a call will be scheduled when you're both available and ready for the call so we can make the very best use of your time and not waste your time by leaving voicemail after voicemail back and forth. And, we ensure the most important details of your planning are followed through on and your plan continues to work throughout your lifetime. We have a funding coordinator to ensure your assets are owned the right way throughout your lifetime and none of your assets will end up going through a long, expensive court process or being lost to the state because they were missed after your death. Weve created unique membership programs to keep your plan up to date year in and year out as well as give you access to our Trusted Team of Legal Experts for guidance on ANY legal or financial matter. One day you will need a lawyer. I dont know why and I dont know when, but when you do, you will be grateful you can call on us and well be here to advise you or get you out of a jam. We Help You Transfer Your Life and Legacy Lastly, we believe your financial wealth is only a small part of your overall Life and Legacy Planning which is made up of your far more valuable and most often lost upon incapacity or death intellectual, spiritual and human assets. These assets are what make you who you are, and sum up whats most important to you. And, a survey of inheritors has revealed that what they care about even more than inheriting your money, is inheriting these intangible assets. Most estate plans only focus on the transfer of your financial wealth to the next generation. Most people have such great intentions of passing on the intangible, but very few ever get around to it. Its just not a priority, until its too late. How much do you know about your grandparents values? Their most prized personal possessions? How they felt about you? What they had learned during their lifetime? If you are like most people, you know very little. Thats why we build the capture and passage of these most valuable assets into every estate plan we create. Not only will we help you pass on your money, but also your values, your insights, your stories and your experience the truly valuable assets your loved ones care about the most. Weve developed a tool that allows us to capture and pass on your whole family wealth, including your Intellectual, Spiritual and Human assets. I cant go into all of the details here, but well definitely talk about it when you come in for your Life and Legacy Planning Session.