Tips for Including Older Loved Ones in Holiday Conversations

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Assisted Living Locators- Chrissy & Marcus

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Aug 01, 2023

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Florida - Southwest

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It’s a special time of year! Friends and family are gathering together to enjoy each other’s company and celebrate the holidays. During this season, it can be especially important for seniors to reminisce and spend time with their loved ones. However, sometimes younger family members aren’t quite sure how to talk to older people, while the senior members of the family struggle with feeling left out. Communicating with older adults can be less of a challenge once there is an understanding of what causes this divide, and by utilizing communication tactics to overcome it.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Imagine sitting at the holiday dinner table and feeling that the conversation is going on around you instead of including you. As a senior it can feel as if, despite your years of wisdom and experience, you’ve been relegated to “kid’s table” status again! Dementia and other serious neurological problems are not always what is causing the communication divide. In fact, this “communications divide” can often stem from very manageable places – be careful about making assumptions regarding communication root causes until you’ve explored these ideas.

Be Mindful of Hearing Loss

University of Cincinnati research points out that natural sensory losses that come with aging, like the inability to hear high tones or declining vision, can make it more difficult to follow a conversation. Fortunately as loved ones, these are problems we can solve easily by assisting our seniors with hearing aids, glasses, or simply using slightly slower and louder speech patterns around them. Relatively minor limitations don’t have to stop everyone from being involved in those holiday conversations. Something to consider here: If it’s a large family gathering, with lots of people talking at once, there may be a bit of a sensory overload- especially if Grandmom isn’t used to being around a lot of people at the same time. Keep that in mind when determining if your elderly loved one might have hearing loss.

Offer Choices and Recognize Their Independence

The physical limitations that come with aging may mean that seniors need assistance more than they did in the past, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they also need your support mentally. It’s an important consideration to make when communicating with the older adults in your life. Psychology Today notes that providing choices to elderly loved ones (“Would you like water or tea, Grandmom?”) acknowledges their independence more than a direct order (“Drink this water, Grandmom.”). Remember to use those “I” statements that are critical to all relationships. When communicating with older adults, “I” statements can foster positive feelings by reinforcing that the senior adult is recognized as an equal partner in the conversation. These small interactions set the tone for other communications later on.

Ask Open-Ended Questions, Listen, & Follow Up

When it comes to facilitating conversations with elders, be sure to use some of those techniques you learned in English class. Find a starting point, ask about holidays past for instance, and then ask open-ended questions that will elicit more than a yes or no response. Next, follow up on responses with who, what, when, where, why, and how questions. Conversations become more complex and engaging that way, not to mention they require listening on both sides, so seniors will know that they are being heard and talked to as opposed to talked at. Concerns about how to talk to seniors this holiday can be lessened now and all year round by remembering that how you say something is just as important as what you say!

If you’d like more information on better communication skills with your elderly loved ones, reach out to your local Assisted Living Locators Care Advisor today!

Considering a move to an assisted living community but need some help making up your mind? Reach out to your local senior care advisor for help! 

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Staying Connected with Elderly Loved Ones During the Holidays

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Caregivers can also assist with practical needs such as technology use, transportation arrangements, or organizing inclusive celebrations that accommodate health considerations.Practical Ways to ConnectIn-Person ConnectionsHoliday Visits: In-person gatherings bring warmth and meaning to seniors' lives.Shared Meals: Enjoying favorite holiday dishes together fosters conversation and bonding.Participatory Activities: Engaging in festive tasks like decorating or baking creates joy and involvement.Remote ConnectionsVideo Calls: These allow seniors to see loved ones faces, enhancing feelings of connection despite distance.Letter Writing: A heartfelt letter or card can convey emotions that transcend technology.Online Games: Simple games or trivia challenges provide fun interaction opportunities from afar.Adapting Holiday TraditionsTo include seniors in holiday traditions:Involve Them: Encourage their input in planning to shape traditions that suit their preferences.Modify Activities: Adapt events to accommodate mobility and energy levels.Storytelling: Invite seniors to share stories from their past to enrich the holiday experience.Technology as a BridgeUser-friendly technology options like smartphones and tablets can facilitate communication for seniors. 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Stress-Free Holidays: Essential Tips for Family Caregivers

Stress-Free Holidays: Essential Tips for Family Caregivers Here you are, a caregiver on call 24/7 for someone you love, and suddenly its holiday time. You start thinking about inviting relatives, ordering the turkey, and getting out the holiday decorations. But wait a minute. Before your holiday autopilot kicks in, step back and look at where you are. The first thing you have to acknowledge is that things are different now, says Barbara Abramowitz, Massachusetts-based psychotherapist and herself a longtime caregiver. Maybe its time to rethink the holidays. Dont be bound by traditions. Give yourself permission to change things up. It can be liberating. We get caught up in expectations and what other people are going to think of us, Abramowitz told me. Be bold. Ask yourself, What do I want to keep, and what do I want to let go of? Give yourself time to think about whats really important about the holidays. Do You Have to Deck the Halls?Maybe you dont have to decorate every square inch of your home this year. Martha Shapiro, director of programs for Senior Concerns, which supports seniors and family caregivers in Southern California, says, Think outside the box. Dont be bound by traditions. Give yourself permission to change things up this holiday season. It can be liberating. That big family gathering? How about paring down the guest list this year? (Aunt Helen will just have to understand.) Pare down the menu, too. (Do you absolutely have to have mashed potatoes as well as sweet potatoes?) Bring in food from a good supermarket or a favorite restaurant, or make it a potluck this time; its a good way to give those reluctant siblings some way to help you out. One family moved to Chanukah in May when the airports would be less congested and the weather would be better. Even if the holiday meal has always been at your house, this might be the year to ask another family member to host. Easiest of all, if it works for your budget (or your sisters budget), hold the dinner at a hotel. The holiday decor, the giant buffet not to say the prep and the cleanup are all on them. Time-Shifting and Place-Shifting TipsWho says that everything has to be done in December? Send New Years greetings instead of the usual holiday cards in January. No one loves traveling on the holidays. One family moved to Chanukah in May when the airports would be less congested and the weather would be better. You can even move or extend the holiday itself. If its tough to get everyone to the same place on the same day, consider visiting with your person a day before or after. Beth Williams, who directed programs for the Alzheimers Association in nineteen counties in Georgia and is a former professor of gerontology, has counseled countless caregivers on how to manage the holidays. If (the person you care for) has lost the concept of time, she says, just celebrate. So Christmas could be December 24 or December 26. Think of it as a holiday helper you get to extend the holiday over more than one day, it takes some pressure off and you still get to celebrate. You could try place-shifting as well. One Massachusetts family ditched December in New Jersey, which was hard for the extended family to get to, opting instead for a July celebration in Rhode Island. Or go virtual. Covid taught us how to do all kinds of family get-togethers over Zoom. Many senior care facilities have tech folks who can help. Or ask one of the grandkids to go to Nanas place and set up the holiday Zoom call. Dont Forget the Comfort and Joy for YourselfNo question that youre under stress as a caregiver. Everyone keeps telling you to make time for self-care, but its harder now than ever. So sneak it in. Seriously. Breathe. Or stare at the sky or your garden and reconnect with your senses and soul. According to Abramowitz, The respite doesnt have to be in big chunks. It can be in the moment. Pause in the transitions between activities. In the car, take a moment before heading to your destination. Breathe. Take time between appointments. Breathe. Or stare at the sky or your garden and reconnect with your senses and soul. Breathe. While shopping for gifts at the mall, find a coffee shop, sit down and treat yourself to one of those only-at-the-holidays specialty drinks. And when you go to the Post Office to mail off the presents, look at the revolving gift card kiosk. Theyve got cards from retailers and restaurants, movie theaters, online stores and more. Prices can be as low as $10 or $20. Treat Yourself to Your Holiday GiftFor delayed gratification, book a massage for January or February (check out local massage franchises, health clubs, spas and massage schools). You deserve it. Dr. Karen Midyet, a clinical psychologist in Fort Collins, Colorado, whose coaching practice includes many older caregivers, knows how critical self-care is. I tell them, hire somebody to come in so you can leave for a few hours. Sometimes, she adds, you can just do something as simple as sitting outside in the sun for one minute, taking a short walk with the dog. A short walk is better than no walk. For some extra help during the holidays, Shapiro suggests looking into the senior centers in your area (search on senior centers near me and adult day care near me). Many of them offer unique programs and caregiver support groups during holiday times. Several states offer free respite care services. Check out the Family Caregiver Alliance for details on respite programs, state by state. The National Adult Day Services Association has an interactive Find a Center map for daycare facilities nationwide. Respite care for veterans and their caregivers is also available through the US Department of Veterans Affairs. All Dad Wants For Christmas is YouYour first impulse may be to bring Mom or Dad home for a family gathering. But if your person is in a care facility, Shapiro points out, it may be more detrimental to bring them to your house and bring them back. For a lot of people with dementia, the back-and-forth causes stress. Big gatherings and blinking Christmas lights may also be overwhelming. So bring a quiet celebration to them or join in whatever holiday event the care facility offers. Bring your persons favorite holiday food, get a stack of holiday cards to look through, show photos of the family in their red-and-green elf caps, or FaceTime with the grandchildren. If you want your person to enjoy the holiday, it has to be meaningful to them. If you want your person to enjoy the holiday, it has to be meaningful to them, says Williams. Keep the tradition of celebrating; just shift the focus. If youre taking Mom to someones party, consider what she needs. Have a quick meal, Williams advises. Just stay for an hour. The key, says Shapiro, is to plan. Set things up for success. If youre going to someones house, make sure there is a chair they can get in and out of, a quiet room they can retreat to. You need to find a way to make it comfortable and realistic. If your loved one has dementia, they can still engage in reminiscing. Use that to your advantage, she says. When the family gets together, ask what was the favorite part of this holiday for each of us. Have an intergenerational table and design questions so the older people can impart their memories. Shapiro adds, With dementia you have to slow everybody down. Tell them that after dinner, were all going to sit on a couch and listen to some stories. Holidays often involve religious observances, but extended services and large crowds may not work this year. Do you have to go to church for the big gathering? Williams asks caregivers. Try Saturday evening instead. You could call Father So-and-so and ask, Can we come as a small group, and could you give us a sermon and Communion?' Jim Sherblom, a social impact investor and former Unitarian Universalist minister in Brookline, Massachusetts, encouraged innovative ways to mark the holidays. Especially if it was difficult for his congregants to get to church, he would invite them over to his house, and they would walk together in the nearby woods. These days many religious groups live stream their services. All Dad wanted for Christmas was church, one caregiver told me. So we watched the holiday service on his iPad, and it worked just fine. Ask your person what theyd like to do for the holidays it may surprise you. Leave day-to-day activities behind, put on your fancy clothes (or that once-a-year Christmas sweater), and share some moments. Focus on that. Stick to whats doable and enjoyable for you and meaningful for your person. Reminiscing may be the best way to enrich your persons day. Play the music that moves them, says Williams. Maybe its just the same five oldies. Thats okay. Run old family movies on a loop. Or maybe its playing a game together, laughing, watching a football game. Holidays are an opportunity to create new rituals, Abramowitz reminds us. We get to remake the holidays. We get to create what we want. You never know this could be the last holiday with your person. Take a lot of photos, says Shapiro, adding, take mental photos. Say to yourself, I will capture this and remember this moment. Whatever you create, whether you trim the tree or trim down the festivities, the holidays are still a unique time to build new memories and savor the simple joy of being with people you love. Writer: Connie Baher This article originally published on nextavenue.org___________ SYNERGY HomeCare offers no obligation home assessments. Contact Synergy HomeCare of Daphne at 251-621-1900 to learn how we can provide additional support to you and your loved ones.

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Assisted Living Locators

Housing Placement & Resource Specialists 3337 Baltic Dr., Naples, Florida, 34119

Assisted Living Locators is your trusted local partner for one of the most important decisions you'll ever make: finding the right senior living option for your loved ones. Navigating the world of senior care can be overwhelming, which is why our Care Advisors are here to guide you every step of the way. From answering your questions to addressing your concerns, we ensure you feel confident and comfortable with your decisions.With over a decade of experience, Assisted Living Locators has helped over 100,000 families find caring providers for their loved ones. Our network of local experts is dedicated to matchmaking seniors with the perfect housing or care options, including assisted living communities, Alzheimer's and memory care communities, in-home care, nursing homes, and more.Using our free Care Assessment Tool, you can explore all the senior living and in-home care options available to find the perfect fit for your loved one's needs. Our certified advisors are here to simplify your search, help you understand your options, compare costs and services, and provide unbiased, expert guidance to make the best senior care choices for your family.

Assisted Living Locators

Transition Specialists 3337 Baltic Dr., Naples, Florida, 34119

Assisted Living Locators is your trusted local partner for one of the most important decisions you'll ever make: finding the right senior living option for your loved ones. Navigating the world of senior care can be overwhelming, which is why our Care Advisors are here to guide you every step of the way. From answering your questions to addressing your concerns, we ensure you feel confident and comfortable with your decisions.With over a decade of experience, Assisted Living Locators has helped over 100,000 families find caring providers for their loved ones. Our network of local experts is dedicated to matchmaking seniors with the perfect housing or care options, including assisted living communities, Alzheimer's and memory care communities, in-home care, nursing homes, and more.Using our free Care Assessment Tool, you can explore all the senior living and in-home care options available to find the perfect fit for your loved one's needs. Our certified advisors are here to simplify your search, help you understand your options, compare costs and services, and provide unbiased, expert guidance to make the best senior care choices for your family.