Why Do We Ignore People in Wheelchairs? 4 Tips to Engage Comfortably

Author

50Plus Today

Posted on

Jul 25, 2022

Book/Edition

Texas - Dallas, Collin, SE Denton & Rockwall Counties

share-this
Share This

Same person, different abilities

This topic is very personal for me. My mother, who lived an extraordinarily active and healthy life until age 75, suddenly found herself using a wheelchair for mobility after a car accident. While driving one day, she experienced a mini-stroke and lost control of her car, hitting a large stone wall head on. Thankfully, she survived, but her recovery required months in the hospital, followed by years of rehabilitation.

Mom accepted her limitations with a usual positive attitude, but it wasn’t easy. She hated having to rely on others because, in the past, she was always the “helper”, not the person needing assistance. She learned to graciously accept help when needed, though she continued to do whatever she could on her own.

Life in a wheelchair was difficult for mom, but she coped well with her “new normal”. What bothered her more than her physical limitations was the way people looked at her once in the wheelchair. If they looked at her at all, that is. She was the same person, but treated very differently. Why do people make negative assumptions about people with disabilities?

Why are people uncomfortable around people using a wheelchair?

When out and about, I noticed strangers avoided making eye contact with Mom and looked over her head. If one of us happened to be nearby, they sometimes spoke to us…about her…as if she were invisible.

Occasionally someone spoke directly to her, but talked loudly and slowly as though she had a hearing impairment or possible dementia. Mom was sharper at her advanced age than most people 30 years younger. There was nothing wrong with her brain and she was not deaf. She simply could no longer walk easily.

At a wedding, I saw people looking at Mom with pity, something she did not want or need. Very few people other than immediate family took the time to sit down and keep her company.

I know people are sometimes uncomfortable with situations with which they are unfamiliar. Or perhaps they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing and unintentionally offending the other person. Plus, we are taught early on not to stare, so avoidance is often the knee-jerk reaction.  I get it. I just wish it were different.

So how do you treat someone in a wheelchair?

The best way to talk to someone in a wheelchair is to talk to them as you would anyone else. Ignore the disability and look at the person in front of you. Here are some basic tips that might help:

Speak directly to them

Do not ignore the person in the wheelchair and talk only to the able-bodied person with them. This behavior is frustrating to the individual in the wheelchair. Let them know you are interested in what they have to say.

Make eye contact

Don't look over their head, look at their eyes. If you expect the conversation to last more than a couple of minutes, pull over a chair so you can more easily converse eye to eye.

Do not touch the wheelchair

To a wheelchair user, the wheelchair is part of their personal space. Some consider it an extension of their body. Do not touch or move a person's wheelchair unless invited to do so.

Ask before you help

You might want to help if you observe someone with a disability experiencing difficulty, but always ask before helping. The person with the disability may want to try to do whatever they can on their own first, even if difficult for them. Most people prefer to try to be as independent as possible, and if it turns out they do need help, your assistance will likely be very much appreciated.

Challenging the negative disability stereotypes

Sadly, my mom passed away four years ago at age 83. As one of her caregivers, I learned a lot over the eight years she used a wheelchair. As a result of this experience, I became a passionate advocate for disability rights.

As the Publisher of 50PlusToday, an online senior lifestyle magazine, I have a platform where I can educate people about all aspects of aging, including accessibility. I work diligently to help people live their best lives as long as possible, as safely as possible. I also try to educate the general population about ways to be more inclusive. Below are some of my favorite articles from the 50PlusToday online magazine related to accessibility.

  • Want to Age in Place? How to Make Your Home Work Long Term
  • Let’s Call It “Visitability”
  • Kitchen Modifications To Make NOW (Before You Need Them!)
  • 8 Reasons Modern Bidets Are Becoming A Must-Have Bathroom Accessory: Do You Need One?
  • Four Most Commonly Googled Questions About Grab Bars
  • Looking for a Grab Bar That Doesn’t Look Like a Grab Bar?
  • Planning To Age in Place? Consider Universal Design Concepts
  • 6 Innovative Products/Services That Make Life Easier For Family Caregivers

Approximately 20 percent of the American population lives with some sort of disability, according to the latest US Census data. Statistically, about 10% live with a visible physical disability or some type of mobility impairment. More than three million people in the U.S. use a wheelchair full-time.

These are not small numbers! To effect change, we each need to do our small part to help make the world a better place for those who need a little extra help.

I challenge you to start today. When you next encounter a person in a wheelchair, stop and say hello. No need to even offer to help or comment on their situation; simply make eye contact and greet them as a regular person. Because they are a regular person. People with disabilities have full lives with interesting stories and experiences to share. The hardest part of disability is being ignored.

Try to see the person, not the disability.


Written by Leslie Farin, Publisher 50Plus-Today, Online Senior Lifestyle Magazine

Other Articles You May Like

Lets talk PATHWAYS: Personalized Support for Those Experiencing Cognitive Decline

Lets talk PATHWAYS:  Personalized Support for Those Experiencing Cognitive DeclineDecember 5, 2024 By CC Young StaffThis time of year is filled with gatherings, which means you may be spending more quality time with your family members, particularly your parents and older relatives. While time spent together is a blessing, it can also highlight changes brought on by aging. If you believe someone you love is experiencing mild cognitive decline, there are options for keeping them safe while maintaining their independence and quality of life.This year, CC Young Senior Living in Dallas launched the Personal Assistance Toward Health and Wellness As You Succeed (PATHWAYS) program. Designed to serve as a bridge between Assisted Living and Memory Support, PATHWAYS provides extra support and structure in an intimate, small-group setting.We sat down with Nena Paris, CC Youngs Administrator, Assisted Living and Memory Support, to better understand the PATHWAYS program and who can benefit from it. Here are seven takeaways.PATHWAYS was created to fill a need between Assisted Living and Memory Support. The program came about because, often, Memory Support units can have long waitlists and fill up quickly. Truthfully, sometimes people with cognitive impairment dont necessarily need full Memory Support, as theyre not at risk of eloping, or leaving the community without supervision. CC Young has recognized that theres this middle group people who need a little more guided assistance and structure with their daily activities but are not qualified for full-blown Memory Support.PATHWAYS can actually slow cognitive decline. Research has shown that a guided program like PATHWAYS can in fact slow cognitive decline and help people stay engaged. Our program does this by providing residents with personal interaction, along with physical and emotional support, as a way to enhance their overall wellness and quality of life in a positive environment.PATHWAYS promotes resident wellness. At CC Young, we focus on whole-person wellness, using the 7 Pillars of Wellness as defined by the International Council on Active Aging: physical, social, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, vocational, and environmental wellness. Thats also the backbone of the PATHWAYS program, which promotes active aging regardless of cognitive issues. From these pillars, we have designed a comprehensive therapeutic program to support the needs of those with mild cognitive impairment in a joyful, engaging environment.PATHWAYS offers an intimate caregiver-to-resident ratio. Part of what makes PATHWAYS so successful is that the CC Young staff works closely with residents, which means the staff will notice any cognitive changes. In fact, at 1 caregiver to 7 people, the caregiver-to-resident ratio in PATHWAYS is better than both Assisted Living and Memory Support, which are 1 to 25 and 1 to 10, respectively. That also results in PATHWAYS residents becoming like family, as the staff truly gets to know them.PATHWAYS is not just for CC Young residents. Its true anyone from the Dallas community who has a need for the program can become a PATHWAYS resident. Upon entering the PATHWAYS program, your family member would also become an Assisted Living resident in The Hillside at CC Young.PATHWAYS is a less stressful transition for both family members and residents. It can certainly be stressful for families to face the decision of whether or not their family member should enter Memory Support. PATHWAYS offers a comforting solution for both them and their loved ones, as it lessens the pressure of deciding whether full Memory Support is needed now. The PATHWAYS resident may be able to live out their days in the PATHWAYS program or eventually transition to Memory Support, if the need arises.PATHWAYS keeps residents engaged and prevents isolation. To keep PATHWAYS residents engaged, the program takes an active and intentional approach to life enrichment activities, which includes participating in activities on the Assisted Living calendar as well as a specialized PATHWAYS calendar. The biggest differentiator for PATHWAYS is that a dedicated support staff member helps residents plan their day and escorts them to the activities. Since we purposely guide residents to keep them engaged, they are able to remain active and enjoy a better quality of life, while also avoiding any isolation that can be a symptom of cognitive decline.PATHWAYS is just one more service that CC Young offers current and prospective residents and their families. When we noticed an increase of older adults experiencing various levels of cognitive decline but not necessarily to the level of needing Memory Support we wanted to do something about it. We put our heads together and created a solution: PATHWAYS.If you are noticing cognitive decline in someone you love, we encourage you to have a conversation to express what youre observing. Talking to your primary care physician is a good place to start. CC Young is also happy to provide information, so feel free to give us a call at 214-305-9662.

A Comprehensive Guide to Supporting Aging at Home

Aging in place is becoming increasingly important for many American families. According to an AARP survey, more than half of Americans aged 50 and older plan to remain in their homes throughout their aging journey. And its no surprise whyaging at home offers familiarity, comfort, and, with proper planning, can be a more economical option that promotes independence for longer.However, the decision to age in place comes with its own set of challenges, particularly financial ones. Rising healthcare and long-term care costs make early and open financial planning crucial for families.If your parent or loved one is considering aging at home, this guide offers practical tips to support their independence while avoiding unnecessary financial strain.1. Start the Money Conversation EarlyTalking about finances with aging parents can be uncomfortable, but its an essential step to ensure their comfort and security. Approach this discussion with empathy and openness, focusing on how you can work together to maintain their quality of life.Here are key topics to cover:Income Sources: Discuss pensions, Social Security benefits, and retirement savings like 401(k)s or investments.Monthly Expenses: Understand their current spending and where adjustments might be needed.Future Costs: Highlight potential costs like home modifications, in-home care, and medical expenses.Creating a clear picture of their financial standing helps families plan effectively and reduces future stress.(Need help starting this discussion? Check out our blog, Tips for Convincing Aging Parents to Accept Help.)2. Understand the Costs of Aging in PlaceWhile aging at home is often more affordable than senior living facilities, its not without significant costs. For context, senior facilities can cost $4,500 to $5,300 per month on average, according to the National Council on Aging.Aging at home avoids some of these expenses, but families should still anticipate:Home Maintenance and Modifications: An AARP study revealed that 52% of out-of-pocket costs for aging at home go toward maintenance and accessibility updates, such as grab bars, ramps, or stairlifts.In-Home Care: Costs for personal care or medical support staff vary depending on the level of assistance needed.Medical Emergencies: Unexpected healthcare needs, especially for conditions like dementia, can lead to surprise expenses.Understanding these costs early allows families to budget appropriately and avoid financial shocks.3. Explore Long-Term Care InsuranceGiven the high cost of long-term care, investing in a long-term care insurance policy may be worth considering. These policies can cover in-home care, nursing services, or assisted living facilities, reducing financial stress when care needs arise.Timing Matters: The earlier you purchase a policy, the more affordable it will be.Evaluate Carefully: Not all policies cover every type of care, and premiums can be expensive.If insurance isnt an option, families can explore alternative strategies, such as hybrid insurance plans that combine life insurance with long-term care benefits.4. Prioritize Home Safety ModificationsCreating a safe living environment is key to helping your parent stay independent at home. Start with basic home modifications:Install grab bars in bathrooms.Add ramps or stairlifts for improved mobility.Ensure good lighting throughout the home to reduce fall risks.These changes can cost anywhere from a few hundred to several thousand dollars but are crucial for safety and peace of mind.Beyond modifications, consider investing in medical alert systems or fall-detection technology to provide an added layer of security.5. Plan for In-Home Care NeedsAs your parent ages, their care needs may increase. Early planning ensures that youre ready for the transition:Start Small: Part-time help from a home health aide may suffice initially, covering tasks like meal preparation or light housekeeping.Scale Gradually: If full-time or overnight care becomes necessary, families should prepare for costs that can exceed $100,000 annually.For lighter support, consider intermediary services like Naborforce, which connects aging adults with Nabors who assist with everyday tasks, such as transportation and grocery shopping. These services can extend independence and delay the need for more intensive care.6. Understand Medicare, Medicaid, and Additional ResourcesNavigating government programs can be daunting but essential for offsetting care costs:Medicare: Covers limited short-term in-home care, typically after a hospital stay, but not long-term care.Medicaid: Offers comprehensive coverage for long-term care, though eligibility is income-based and requires a detailed financial review.Additionally, research state-level programs, veterans benefits, or caregiver compensation opportunities that may be available in your area.7. Stay Flexible and Plan for the UnexpectedEven with careful planning, caregiving can come with unexpected twists, from sudden health changes to financial surprises. Build a cushion into your budget to account for emergencies and remain flexible in your approach.Helping your loved one age comfortably at home requires careful planning, open communication, and the right resources. By addressing finances early, making necessary home modifications, and utilizing services like Naborforce, families can create a supportive environment that fosters independence and comfort.Aging at home is not just a choice; its a commitment to ensuring your parents dignity and quality of life. With a solid plan in place, you can navigate this journey together, providing your loved one with the care and security they deserve.And when you need a helping hand, remember that Naborforce is here to support you every step of the way.A Helping Hand for Older Adults - Naborforce 844-696-2267 Were Naborforce. We match older adults who need a little help and kindness with Nabors eager to provide it, strengthening the communities we serve. Everyone can use a little help. Help around the house. Help running errands. Help preparing a meal. Help by just being a friend! Our goal is to promote joyous and independent aging and living while providing peace of mind to families.

Planning Ahead: How Naborforce Supports Families and Seniors Through the Aging Process

The aging process often begins subtly, with gradual changes that seem manageable. One day, your parent is fully independent, taking care of daily tasks without issue. Then, suddenly, it feels as though the aging process accelerates, bringing new challenges all at once. This rapid shift can be difficult for family members, especially if they haven't planned ahead.Why Aging Can Seem to Happen SuddenlyWhile aging typically unfolds slowly, research suggests it doesnt always progress in a straight line. A study published in Nature Aging found that aging tends to occur in bursts, where rapid changes in areas like metabolism, immune health, and muscle strength happen. These bursts often occur around the age of 60, potentially leading to abrupt physical declines (SciTech Daily)(AARP).If you or your loved one wait too long to prepare, you may find yourselves scrambling to deal with the sudden onset of new health challenges. This lack of preparation often leaves caregivers feeling overwhelmed, under-equipped, and burned out.The Pitfalls of Delaying PreparationMany families delay planning for their parents aging, assuming they'll manage when the time comes. Others might avoid the topic altogether because it can be emotionally challenging to discuss. Unfortunately, this wait-and-see approach often leads to caregiver burnout and strained relationships, as families are forced to juggle urgent medical needs, emotional stress, and time-consuming responsibilities without a solid plan in place.If youre struggling to discuss getting help with your aging parent, check out some of our tips here. Remember, asking for assistance during the aging process doesnt mean youre powerless!How Naborforce Can Help You Plan AheadRather than waiting for a health crisis, Naborforce provides consistent support for families throughout the aging journey. As seniors age, they often need help with simple taskslike grocery shopping or getting to appointmentsthat can quickly become time-consuming for loved ones. With Naborforce, you can arrange for a friendly Nabor to assist, allowing your parent to stay independent longer while giving you peace of mind.By building a relationship with Naborforce early, your parent will already be accustomed to receiving help. When aging accelerates, youll have a reliable support system in placesomeone familiar with your parent who can step in to help with everyday tasks. This helps ease your parents transition while giving you the time and space to focus on your own responsibilities.The Importance of Having a PlanThe key to supporting your parent as they age is to start planning before their needs become urgent. With Naborforce, you can establish a flexible plan that evolves as your parents needs change. Whether its an occasional visit or regular check-ins, Naborforce can tailor its services to fit your schedule and your parents preferences. By starting early, you ensure that you and your parent have the right support in place before bigger challenges arise.Naborforce is just one of many resources available to help with the aging process. Other tools include financial planning, setting up a trust and estate plan, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, using technology designed for senior living, and understanding the care continuum.Getting Started with NaborforceIts easy to get started with Naborforce. You can customize the level of support you need, from occasional assistance to more regular visits. Take the proactive step of setting up care before it becomes urgent, so your parent can stay comfortable, independent, and supported as they age.A Helping Hand for Older Adults - Naborforce 844-696-2267 Were Naborforce. We match older adults who need a little help and kindness with Nabors eager to provide it, strengthening the communities we serve.Everyone can use a little help. Help around the house. Help running errands. Help preparing a meal. Help by just being a friend! Our goal is to promote joyous and independent aging and living while providing peace of mind to families.

Local Services By This Author

50Plus Today

Health & Wellness , Dallas, Texas,

50PlusToday is a national online resource for accurate, meaningful and inspirational information for older adults and their families. We believe the 50PlusToday person is a very active individual. They want to take advantage of all the world has to offer and adopt a lifestyle that promotes a good quality of life. That being said, 50PlusToday also strives to provide reliable information about difficult issues you might be facing now or in the near future. Life is a journey; we are here to help and inspire you every step of the way. Our writers are experts in their fields and/or members of the 50Plus population themselves. We also promote businesses and fun events of all kinds that target active adults in our 50Plus Directory, and coordinate our own 50Plus educational and networking events as well. Our mission, in addition to becoming the go-to resource for everything 50Plus, is to create a supportive community for this vibrant and influential population. Please join us!