For more information about the author, click to view their website: Legacy Options
People can be very supportive in the initial days after a death. There are lots of things for them to do: help to make funeral arrangements, notify other friends and family of the death, and take care of day-to-day chores. It's a matter of being friends: taking on the necessary tasks so survivors have the time and energy to actively mourn their loss.
Unfortunately, once the funeral is over, things can change dramatically. This support system can dissolve quickly as people return to their normal routines. The phone stops ringing and the bereaved may find their days and nights to be long and lonely.
How to Really Help Someone in Mourning
It's about not walking away. Granted, you may part company after the funeral but a true ally doesn't stay away long; a better-than-good ally keeps checking in with the bereaved. Being a friend in need during this time can feel very difficult.
Rachael Naomi Remen, M.D, wrote what she considers to be the focus of this grief work: "Grieving allows us to heal, to remember with love rather than pain. It is a sorting process. One by one you let go of things that are gone and you mourn for them. One by one you take hold of the things that have become a part of who you are and build again." You do that with a model of task-oriented bereavement.
The Four Tasks of Mourning
James Worden writes that the four things that must be completed in order to adjust to the death of a significant other are:
Those four tasks define the work of grieving. When you choose to become an ally to someone in mourning, it becomes your responsibility to support them in achieving those things within their time frame—not yours.
In no way should you impose a limit on the amount of time their bereavement takes; the only limitations you can set have to do with any negative behaviors you witness. Is your friend using alcohol or drugs to manage their emotions? Are their eating habits becoming destructive? Are they choosing to isolate themselves from the wider world? All those things should raise red flags. If you think their grief has overwhelmed them and set them upon a self-destructive course, it may be time to suggest they see a certified grief counselor or therapist.
Other meaningful things you can do to help them successfully adapt to their loss—again using Worden's four tasks as our guide—include:
Popular writer Barbara Kingsolver penned these wise words about friendship: “The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.” She's so right—never stay away because you're frightened of saying something inappropriate. In "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", the American Cancer Society said it best: "Be there. Even if you don't know what to say, just having someone near can be very comforting."
Other simple tips include these:
Author Sarah Dessen captured the nature of good listening in this passage from her book, Just Listen: “This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you; allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.”
So, as an ally to your bereaved friend or family member, you need to cultivate patience and the willingness to wait. You need to be watchful for signs of depression, which may include continuing thoughts of worthlessness or hopelessness, being unable to perform day-to-day activities, feelings of intense guilt, extreme weight loss, and thoughts of death or suicide. The American Cancer Society cautions that "if symptoms like these last more than 2 months after the loss, the bereaved person is likely to benefit from professional help. If the person tries to hurt him- or herself, or has a plan to do so, they need help right away."
Sources:
When it comes to choosing a senior living community, finding the right balance of personalized care, wellness, engaging experiences, and comfort is essential. At The Watermark at Marco Island, residents can enjoy a thoughtfully designed lifestyle in a beautiful setting while receiving support tailored to the way they want to live.A Place to Call Home on Marco IslandLocated at 1170 San Marco Road in Marco Island, Florida, The Watermark at Marco Island offers assisted living and memory care in a welcoming residential environment.The community is designed to provide more than just a place to live. Here, personalized care is complemented by opportunities for wellness, enriching daily experiences, social connection, and chef-prepared dining.For seniors and their families, that means having support available while maintaining independence and enjoying the lifestyle that makes each day meaningful.Personalized Care Designed Around YouEvery resident has unique needs, interests, routines, and preferences. The Watermark at Marco Island takes a personalized approach to care, creating support around the individual rather than expecting residents to fit into a one-size-fits-all model.Whether a senior needs assistance with daily activities or specialized support associated with memory care, the goal is to help residents feel comfortable, confident, and engaged in their surroundings.This thoughtful approach allows families to have greater peace of mind while their loved ones enjoy a community designed around their well-being.Wellness and Enriching ExperiencesLife at The Watermark at Marco Island extends beyond care. The community incorporates holistic wellness and enriching daily experiences designed to encourage residents to remain active, connected, and engaged.Common areas provide opportunities to socialize with friends, participate in activities, enjoy hobbies, or simply relax in a comfortable environment. From a game of pool to sharing a meal or spending time with neighbors, residents have opportunities to make each day their own.The emphasis is on supporting the whole personmind, body, and spirit.Dining Made From ScratchGood food is an important part of a fulfilling lifestyle, and dining at The Watermark at Marco Island is designed to be an enjoyable part of each day.Residents can experience chef-prepared meals made from scratch, offering the opportunity to enjoy delicious food while dining in a social and welcoming environment.Meals can be more than simply meeting nutritional needsthey can provide residents with another opportunity to connect, celebrate, and enjoy the pleasures of everyday life.Comfortable ResidencesThe Watermark at Marco Island offers thoughtfully designed residences intended to provide comfort, privacy, and a sense of home.Bright interiors, comfortable furnishings, and inviting living spaces create an environment where residents can settle in and feel at ease. Families can visit and spend quality time with their loved ones in a setting that feels warm and welcoming.The community's design also provides convenient access to shared spaces where residents can socialize and participate in daily activities.See Your Day HereChoosing senior living is a significant decision, and seeing a community in person can make all the difference. A personal visit allows seniors and their families to experience the environment, explore the residences, learn about available care, and get a better understanding of everyday life at the community.The Watermark at Marco Island invites prospective residents and their families to step inside, tour the residences, and picture what their day could look like here.To schedule a personal visit, call 239-999-4601.The Watermark at Marco Island1170 San Marco RoadMarco Island, FL 34145WatermarkMarcoIsland.com
Moving a parent to senior living is rarely just a move. It is an emotional transitionfor the older adult, the family, and often the person making the decision.Families may feel guilt, sadness, fear, relief, and even uncertaintysometimes all in the same day.A daughter may think, Am I doing the right thing?A son may wonder, Will Mom think Im abandoning her?And a parent may be thinking, Am I losing my independence?These emotions are normal.As senior living leaders, our responsibility goes beyond providing a safe apartment, meals, activities, and care. We have to care for the emotional journey that comes with the transition.Its not about taking independence away.Its about helping redefine what independence looks like.Sometimes independence means no longer worrying about cooking, cleaning, medication management, or being alone. It means having people nearby, opportunities to socialize, and support when it is neededwhile still having choices about how each day is lived.Families need reassurance, not judgment.The decision to move a parent is often made after monthsor yearsof difficult conversations, falls, sleepless nights, increasing care needs, or simply realizing that living alone isnt working anymore.Families dont need someone to make them feel guilty.They need someone to say:Youre not failing your parent. Youre helping create a safer, more supported chapter of their life.The first days matter.A successful transition isnt just about getting someone moved in.The process starts before they move in. Person Centered Selling truly makes a difference from an average senior living to a fantastic senior living. It is about learning who they are.What makes them smile?What did they do for a living?What music do they enjoy?What foods do they love?Who are the important people in their life?What makes them feel comfortable?When we know the person behind the resident, we can begin creating a sense of belonging, not just care. And sometimes the greatest measure of success isnt the beautiful apartment or the activity calendar.Its when a family member says:I havent seen Mom this happy in a long time. That is priceless! That is when we know the transition is becoming a new beginning.From a senior living leaders perspectiveI have learned that families arent simply looking for a place for Mom or Dad.They are looking for peace of mind.They want to know their loved one is safe.They want to know someone will notice when something isnt right.They want their parent to have friends.They want to be a daughter or son againnot a full-time caregiver.And most importantly, they want to know:Will you love and care for my parent when I cant be there?That is the promise behind great senior living like Springwood Court. Because at the end of the day, we arent just helping someone move into a community.Were helping a family move into a new chapter and season of their life, one filled with support, connection, dignity and love.Fran Gray RNExecutive Director Springwood CourtAssisted Living12780 Kenwood LaneFort Myers, FL33907239-278-0078
Naples, Fla. Behind Naples' image as one of Florida's most affluent communities lies a growing and often invisible crisis: a rising number of seniors who can no longer afford both groceries and essential bills. As Collier County's population continues to age rapidly, local hunger-relief organizations are reporting that older adults are becoming one of the fastest-growing groups in need of food assistance.A County Growing Older, FasterCollier County is already one of the oldest counties in Florida, with 36 percent of residents age 65 or older a figure expected to climb to 46 percent by 2050. While the county's overall poverty rate sits at roughly 10.7 percent, a closer look reveals a more troubling picture for older adults: nearly a third of Collier County seniors live below the ALICE Survival Budget threshold, the income level required to cover basic necessities such as housing, food, transportation, and health care. For a single older adult, that threshold is $26,680 a year; for a couple, $45,564 figures that fall far short of what many face in a high-cost coastal market like Naples.Many of these seniors live on fixed incomes from Social Security or modest pensions that have not kept pace with rising housing and condo fee costs, property insurance premiums, and medical expenses. Meals of Hope Seeing the Shift and The Glenview at Pelican Bay is Ready to HelpUnlike younger families facing food insecurity, senior hunger often goes unseen. Many older adults are reluctant to ask for help due to pride, limited mobility, or simply not knowing where to turn. Meals of Hope, the Naples-based hunger relief nonprofit founded by President and CEO Stephen Popper in 2007, is one of the organizations seeing this shift firsthand and The Glenview at Pelican Bay has a personal connection. Stephens mother, Christine Popper, who is a current resident at The Glenview at Pelican Bay and a former nurse, came up with the idea 19 years ago. My mother saw a need to support a school in Haiti but found that the children couldnt learn because they did not have enough to eat, remarked Steve, I did some research, learned about meal packing opportunities, and hosted an event in Naples in August 2007 where 500 volunteers showed up to pack 135,000 meals. That event was life-changing, and Meals of Hope was born. The Glenview at Pelican Bay is a willing and regular packing partner and the next Meals of Hope event will take place on Monday, August 24 at 1pm. The press is invited to watch the process. Now the largest food pantry network in Southwest Florida, Meals of Hope operates roughly 21 weekly food pantries across Collier and Lee counties and distributes more than 125 million meals each month, serving approximately 4,000 families a week. Popper notes that older adults on fixed incomes are showing up in growing numbers, often for the first time in their lives, as inflation and rising local housing costs erode the purchasing power of Social Security checks.How The Glenview at Pelican Bay Is RespondingBesides housing the idea person behind this effective community service, The Glenview at Pelican Bay partners with Meals of Hope regularly with residents who volunteers hundreds of hours of time to organize, sort and pack meal boxes. They will be doing it again this month on Monday August 24 at 1pm. We feel it is important to support our community in every way, adds Daniel Gomez, Glenviews Executive Director, We are so proud to have Mrs. Popper among our residents and it has become something our residents and staff look forward to helping with.It will be a family affair for the Poppers as Christine, her son Steve, his wife, their children and her grandchildren will be among the volunteers. Notes the Matriarch Christine Popper, It is a wonderful way to teach our children about community service and I get a nice visit out of it as well. I am so grateful for The Glenview at Pelican Bay and how they readily embrace helping the community.In addition to regular packing events, Meals of Hope has expanded its infrastructure and reimagined how it reaches vulnerable seniors and families, including:A new 18,000-square-foot distribution center in Naples, featuring more than 9,000 square feet of refrigerated space to store fresh produce, proteins, and dairy at a much larger scaleYour Neighborhood Pantry, a mobile "choice" pantry launched with support from the Collier Community Foundation, where residents walk through and select their own groceries including fresh produce, dairy, eggs, and proteins preserving dignity and reducing wasteNeighborhood-based mobile pantries, including a location at the River Park Community Center currently serving close to 100 families per week, with room to grow to 160A Home Delivery Initiative aimed at reaching homebound residents in Immokalee and Golden Gate who face transportation or mobility barriers that a traditional pantry can't solveThe Hunger to Hope capital campaign, which has raised $2.8 million toward a $4.5 million goal to fund long-term infrastructure behind this workStarting and watching Meals of Hope grow and help so many people has been life changing for me and my family, Steve added. And, it just goes to show, listen to your mother because she knows what is right. About The Glenview at Pelican BayThe Glenview at Pelican Bay is Naples' only equity-ownership LifeCare community, offering residents a rare combination of financial security, resort-style living, and access to award-winning care all within one of Florida's most desirable coastal settings. Managed by Life Care Services (LCS), ranked No. 1 in customer satisfaction among independent senior living communities by J.D. Power, The Glenview delivers an exceptional standard of living at every level. Residents enjoy chef-driven dining and a rich calendar of activities and enrichment programs, all steps from home. For those who need it, Premier Place the community's on-site health center provides a full continuum of care. For more information, visit glenviewnaples.com or call (239) 977-9744.
We are not your traditional funeral home. We are independently owned and family operated, with three generations working together. We don't have large visitation rooms and chapels as we feel these settings don't hold any special importance or meaning to families. We do not feel the need to replicate what already exists in our community. Our goal is to remain right-sized, offer simple options, and do our very best to keep our costs down so that we can pass savings on to the families we serve.A traditional funeral home is not the most comfortable setting for a visitation, funeral service, or remembrance of life event. Most families prefer a venue that holds special meaning and provides solace. At Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services, we encourage you to use your own church or fellowship hall for whatever type of reception you choose. Or if you like, we can help you select a beautiful, tranquil setting in our Southwest Florida community.Please know when you entrust us with the care of your loved one, all of our preparations and cremation services are done within our facility, under our oversight, and according to our high standards of quality.Please see our online pricing for funeral and cremation plans. We hope Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services will be your choice when the time comes or when you consider planning ahead.Full-Service Funeral HomeWe strive to provide families of Southwest Florida with the most affordable, personalized memorial options in a caring atmosphere.
We are not your traditional funeral home. We are independently owned and family operated, with three generations working together. We don't have large visitation rooms and chapels as we feel these settings don't hold any special importance or meaning to families. We do not feel the need to replicate what already exists in our community. Our goal is to remain right-sized, offer simple options, and do our very best to keep our costs down so that we can pass savings on to the families we serve.A traditional funeral home is not the most comfortable setting for a visitation, funeral service, or remembrance of life event. Most families prefer a venue that holds special meaning and provides solace. At Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services, we encourage you to use your own church or fellowship hall for whatever type of reception you choose. Or if you like, we can help you select a beautiful, tranquil setting in our Southwest Florida community.Please know when you entrust us with the care of your loved one, all of our preparations and cremation services are done within our facility, under our oversight, and according to our high standards of quality.Please see our online pricing for funeral and cremation plans. We hope Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services will be your choice when the time comes or when you consider planning ahead.Full-Service Funeral HomeWe strive to provide families of Southwest Florida with the most affordable, personalized memorial options in a caring atmosphere.
We are not your traditional funeral home. We are independently owned and family operated, with three generations working together. We don't have large visitation rooms and chapels as we feel these settings don't hold any special importance or meaning to families. We do not feel the need to replicate what already exists in our community. Our goal is to remain right-sized, offer simple options, and do our very best to keep our costs down so that we can pass savings on to the families we serve.A traditional funeral home is not the most comfortable setting for a visitation, funeral service, or remembrance of life event. Most families prefer a venue that holds special meaning and provides solace. At Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services, we encourage you to use your own church or fellowship hall for whatever type of reception you choose. Or if you like, we can help you select a beautiful, tranquil setting in our Southwest Florida community.Please know when you entrust us with the care of your loved one, all of our preparations and cremation services are done within our facility, under our oversight, and according to our high standards of quality.Please see our online pricing for funeral and cremation plans. We hope Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services will be your choice when the time comes or when you consider planning ahead.Full-Service Funeral HomeWe strive to provide families of Southwest Florida with the most affordable, personalized memorial options in a caring atmosphere.