How long must we wait after their death before we can cremate a family member?Unlike burial, cremation is irreversible. This requires us to be "extra diligent" in obtaining cremation authorization from the legally identified next-of-kin, as well as those from any necessary agencies (such as the medical examiner). During these 48-72 hours (depending on state mandated requirements); the deceased will be held in a secure, refrigerated environment.How much will I have to pay for the cremation?When you enter into a discussion with us about the cost of your loved one's cremation, whether on the phone or in-person, we are legally obligated to share our General Price List, or GPL, with you. That list details the actual cost of our cremation services, which is a combination of our basic professional services fee, the fee charged by the crematory for the use of their facilities, and any additional charges related to the transportation and safekeeping of the deceased prior to the cremation. It is impossible for us to quote an accurate cost for cremation here; we urge you to speak candidly about cremation costs with your funeral professional.Can I participate in the cremation?The answer to this question is dependent on the specific crematory responsible for the care of your loved one, but generally speaking, the answer to this question is "yes". The degree to which you can participate may differ from crematory to crematory (depending on their facilities); please speak with your funeral director if this is an issue for you, or another family member.Can I purchase an urn from another source, or must I buy one from you?The FTC's Funeral Rule guides funeral directors in the ethical and fair presentation of funeral service options. The purchase of a cremation urn (or a casket, for that matter) from a second or third party sources is one of the rights it guarantees. Your funeral director cannot prevent you from, nor can they charge you an extra fee for, the purchase of a third-party cremation urn. And they cannot demand you are present for its delivery to the funeral homeWhat should I do with my loved one's ashes?Again, as we've said elsewhere, the word "should" need not be part of our conversation. There are many things you can do with their ashesincluding simply taking them home with you for safekeeping. There may come a time when you know exactly what you'd like to do with them, but it may not be right now. Be patient; the right way to care for them will surface in time. After all, there are a lot of options: scattering them on land or sea is one of the most common; but you can also use the cremated remains in keepsake jewelry or to create meaningful pieces of art. As we said, there is no have-to-do; there's only a want-to-do (and you are in complete control of it). If you're curious about your options, just give us a call. We'll share what we know.If we choose cremation, does my loved one have to be embalmed?The short answer is "no", but there are exceptions. Let's say you want to have a viewing or visitation. If that's the case, it may be prudent to embalm your loved one, so they look their best for the event; so much so that the funeral home may require that you purchase the service. However, with that said, under the FTC's Funeral Rule, we cannot: provide embalming services without your permission, and may not lead you to believe embalming is required by law. In addition, we must provide you with written disclosures related to the embalming of your loved one.How long will it take to cremate my family member?Naturally, this question is best answered when we talk specifics: why type of cremator will be used? How large an individual was your loved one? Usually it takes 2 - 2 1/2 hours for the process. A cool-down period follows, and then the cremated remains are processed for a uniform appearance. Certainly, if the issue is important to you, we urge you to speak to your funeral director.What kind of fuel is used in the cremation?What kind of fuel is used in the cremation? Answer: Most cremators use natural or L.P. gas, or in some cases diesel oil; a fact which troubles some who want to see cremation as an "environmentally-friendly" alternative to burial. If you're concerned about the impact of cremation on the environment, speak with your funeral director. There are alternatives, such as burial in a "green" or environmentally-pristine cemetery.Are people dressed when they are cremated?You'd be surprised how often we hear this question! Some people might choose to be undressed so as to 'go out' the same way they 'came in' to the world; but most of the time, the deceased is dressed in the clothing they've selected prior to their death, or chosen by family members after their passing.Can we put special items in their cremation casket?It depends upon what you mean as "special", but we do our best to accommodate the wishes of surviving family members. Most commonly, families will ask to place notes, children's drawings, or other personal messages of love; but we've certainly had some unusual requests (such as the inclusion of a cherished pet's collar or treasured keepsake). We encourage you to speak with your funeral director to learn the regulations of the specific crematory responsible for your loved one's cremation.Does this mean we don't need to plan a commemoration service?Certainly not; cremation merely describes the type of physical end-of-life care you intend to provide your loved one. A commemoration service is for the living; the individuals emotionally impacted by the death deserve the same level of compassionate attention. And one of the benefits of cremation comes from the larger "window-of-opportunity" in which to plan a meaningful celebration-of-life it provides the surviving family members. Your funeral professional can guide you in making all the necessary service arrangementsI'm thinking of placing my loved one's ashes in the care of a local cemetery. What is the difference between a columbarium and a mausoleum?Think of the Taj Mahal in India and you'll know exactly what a mausoleum is: it's free-standing building (in this case not in India but on the grounds of a local cemetery), which is intended as both a monument as well as the burial location for casketed individuals. A columbarium is the same in purpose, but not in design; instead of crypt spaces large enough for a full-size casket; it features smaller niche spaces, large enough for one (or maybe two) cremation urns.Can you tell us which type of service is right for us?We would never presume to tell you which service is best for your loved one. But your funeral director will be pleased to guide and advise; explain the differences between service formats (traditional funeral, memorial service and celebration-of-life), and share stories of meaningful services they've been a part ofall with the intention of empowering you to make the decision for yourselves.How much will I have to pay for the cremation?When you enter into a discussion with us about the cost of your loved one's cremation, whether on the phone or in-person, we are legally obligated to share our General Price List, or GPL, with you. That list details the actual cost of our cremation services, which is a combination of our basic professional services fee, the fee charged by the crematory for the use of their facilities, and any additional charges related to the transportation and safekeeping of the deceased prior to the cremation.What "extra" fees or charges will I need to pay?It's difficult for us to answer this question without knowing the specifics of your proposed cremation arrangements. Yet with that said we can tell you there will most likely be extra charges for anything that involves a second-party purchase (such as the publication of your loved one's obituary in a local newspaper). If you select a decorative cremation urn and would like to personalize it with an engraved nameplate; there could be a small fee.What are "cash advance items"?When you arrive to make the necessary cremation service arrangements on behalf of a loved one, we will furnish you with a copy of our General Price List; a section of which discloses the exact price (or a good-faith estimate) of the most commonly-requested "cash advance items". Cornell University Law School's Legal Information Institute (www.law.cornell.edu) defines a cash advance item as "any item of service or merchandise...obtained from a third party and paid for by the funeral provider on the purchaser's behalf. Cash advance items may include, but are not limited to: cemetery or crematory services; pallbearers; public transportation; clergy honoraria; flowers; musicians or singers; nurses; obituary notices; gratuities and death certificates."Why must I pay for these items at the time of arrangement?The answer to this is simple: we have to pay for these second-party services or merchandise at the time we make the purchase on your behalf. This requires us to ask for payment for all cash advance items at the time the cremation service contract is agreed to, and signed by the responsible family member. For more specific information about our payment policies, please call us to speak with a member of our staff of cremation service professionals.Can we arrange to bury their ashes on cemetery grounds?Yes, you can. The burial can be in-ground, or your loved one's cremation urn can be placed in a columbarium niche. Speak with your funeral director to learn more about your specific cremation burial optionsWhat must I bring to the funeral home?You'll need to provide the documents/information required to complete your loved one's death certificate and obituary. If you are planning to have a service, you may also wish to bring in a collection of family photographs to be used in making a tribute video or in the decoration of the service location. Other items may be needed at some point, depending on the arrangements made. Your funeral director will provide you with an exact list of the things he or should would like you to bring along to the arrangement conference.I'd like to write my loved one's obituary. Can I?Of course you can; in fact any member of your family (or even a close friend) can "step up" to take care of this task. There are many valuable resources available in the Guidance section of this website, including tips on writing an obituary. And you can always turn to us for assistance.

What does it cost to bury a person in a cemetery?First is the purchase price of the "right to use" the burial plot (unlike a real estate purchase, where you buy the land and all the structures on it; here you are only purchasing what is called the "interment rights" to the land). In addition, there are fees for the "opening" and "closing" of the gravesite; and any fees required to obtain the necessary permits and to maintain cemetery files and records. In addition, there's the fee for the use of any special equipment (such as a casket-lowering device); as well as the costs for any other services or items purchased. There's also the headstone or grave marker installation fee, and a one-time "perpetual care" (sometimes called "endowment care") fee paid to ensure your loved one's burial site is well-maintained.Does my loved one have to be embalmed prior to burial?This is a question we hear a lot. Many funeral homes suggest (and may even go so far as to require) embalming if you're planning a viewing or visitation. That's because they want the experience to be as good as it can be for those in attendance, and proper embalming can ensure the deceased looks as good as possible. But as a general rule, embalming is not necessary or legally required if the body is cared for in a relatively short amount of time. Please contact us for specific state or local requirements.How much will a casket cost?The Federal Trade Commission states that average casket costs around $2,000. If you are concerned about casket costs, speak with your funeral director who can advise you on the most appropriate casket for your situation and your budget.What is a burial vault, and why do I need to buy one?Today, modern cemetery grounds are well-groomed, with vast expanses of green grass. A burial vault protects this pristine view, ensuring there is no sign of burial plots "settling". Certainly the vault also protects the casket; but the primary role of a burial vault is to protect the beauty of the cemetery environment.What's involved in a cemetery burial?If your loved one has not made previous arrangements for their burial, leaving you to pick the location of their interment, the first thing you'll need to do involves the selection of the cemetery and burial location within the grounds. You'll also choose the most suitable casket and burial vault, and provide us with the clothing you'd like your loved one to wear (and any 'special items' you'd like us to place in the casket) . Once payment is made, the date and time of interment is agreed upon. At that time, the cemetery grounds keepers will take care of the "opening" and "closing" of the grave and the proper placement of the casket in the burial vault.Do I have to buy a headstone or grave marker?The cemetery will put a temporary identification marker on your loved one's grave, but it is only intended as a placeholder until a permanent headstone or grave marker is set in place. Without one, your loved one's burial site will, when this temporary marker becomes illegible or is somehow removed, appear "unmarked".Where do I purchase a headstone or grave marker?We, and the cemetery where your loved one will be interred, have strong working relationships with trusted monument companies. When you are ready to order a granite headstone or bronze grave marker, we will come together to orchestrate its selection, manufacture and placement. Speak with your funeral director to get the details.What is "direct burial"?When we make arrangements for the direct burial of an individual, we are expediting their interment. There will be no funeral, memorial service or celebration-of-life; instead, we provide the physical care of the deceased (perhaps embalming their body, but certainly dressing and casketing) and then escort the casket to the cemetery for immediate burial.Is direct burial right for our situation?It's very hard to know without having the opportunity to speak with you. Direct burial works well when there are few mourners or if your loved one's wishes were for a simple interment. It's done quickly and professionally, without ceremony of any kind. With that said, what do you think? Does direct burial feel like the right course of action for you? Speak with a funeral professional to further explore the idea.What services do you provide when I choose direct burial?Your funeral director will complete and file the death certificate, obtain signatures on any required permits or authorizations, helps you select a cemetery in which to inter your loved one, as well as a casket and burial vault. He or she will oversee the physical care of the deceased: they will be dressed in clothes you've provided (or purchased from us), casketed, and then escorted to the cemetery for immediate burial. This same individual will witness the burial and provide you with copies of all pertinent papers for safekeeping.What is a graveside service?Rather than having a service in a church or funeral home chapel, and then adjourning to the cemetery for the burial; some families choose to gather solely at the cemetery. There, they are led through a ceremony prepared by a clergy person or celebrant and witness the in-ground committal of their loved one's casket. If the idea of a graveside service appeals to you, speak with your funeral director about your options.What "extra" fees or charges will I need to pay?Some of the things you'll discuss with your funeral director involve purchases made from outside vendors, and you will be asked to pay for those items at the time of the arrangement conference.  One of the most common is the fee charged by a newspaper to print your loved one's obituary. Another cash advance charge could be for clergy or musician's fees, floral arrangements, reception necessities, such as food/beverage or facility rental. Your funeral director will provide you with a detailed invoice for all cash advance items.When do I pay for a funeral service?The exact answer to this question largely depends upon the services, products and cemetery you've selected; but a good rule of thumb is to expect to pay at the time the service contract is signed (at the time of the arrangement conference, or soon afterwards). Speak with your funeral director to learn more.Who will write my loved one's obituary?We're tempted to answer this with another question: who would you like to write it? Perhaps you'd like to ask a friend or family member to do so; maybe you're thinking it's something you would like to do. Or perhaps you'd rather turn the duty over to your funeral director. He or she is experienced in obituary writing, and would be delighted to relieve you of the task; so don't hesitate to ask them to craft a suitable obituary.

People can be very supportive in the initial days after a death. There are lots of things for them to do: help to make funeral arrangements, notify other friends and family of the death, and take care of day-to-day chores. It's a matter of being friends: taking on the necessary tasks so survivors have the time and energy to actively mourn their loss. Unfortunately, once the funeral is over, things can change dramatically. This support system can dissolve quickly as people return to their normal routines. The phone stops ringing and the bereaved may find their days and nights to be long and lonely.How to Really Help Someone in MourningIt's about not walking away. Granted, you may part company after the funeral but a true ally doesn't stay away long; a better-than-good ally keeps checking in with the bereaved. Being a friend in need during this time can feel very difficult. Rachael Naomi Remen, M.D, wrote what she considers to be the focus of this grief work: "Grieving allows us to heal, to remember with love rather than pain. It is a sorting process. One by one you let go of things that are gone and you mourn for them. One by one you take hold of the things that have become a part of who you are and build again." You do that with a model of task-oriented bereavement.The Four Tasks of MourningJames Worden writes that the four things that must be completed in order to adjust to the death of a significant other are: To accept the reality of the loss To process the pain of grief To adjust to a world without the deceased To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life Those four tasks define the work of grieving. When you choose to become an ally to someone in mourning, it becomes your responsibility to support them in achieving those things within their time framenot yours.In no way should you impose a limit on the amount of time their bereavement takes; the only limitations you can set have to do with any negative behaviors you witness. Is your friend using alcohol or drugs to manage their emotions? Are their eating habits becoming destructive? Are they choosing to isolate themselves from the wider world? All those things should raise red flags. If you think their grief has overwhelmed them and set them upon a self-destructive course, it may be time to suggest they see a certified grief counselor or therapist. Other meaningful things you can do to help them successfully adapt to their lossagain using Worden's four tasks as our guideinclude: Attending their loved one's funeral is just the first step in accepting the reality of the loss. Taking them to visit their loved one's grave or other place of interment to leave flowers or simply to spend time in conversation and contemplation continues this process. Never force them to go; only suggest and then support them when they agree to your suggestion. Empathetic listeninglistening not just with your ears but with your heart. This goes a very long way in helping them to process the pain of grief. Be willing. They will have to learn to be functional in this new world without their loved one. That can involve practical assistance from you: help to pay the bills, assist with grocery shopping, or offer your support while they learn or relearn how to do something. The bereaved must reintegrate their sense of self while at the same time process any changes in their beliefs, values, and assumptions about the world. Again, empathetic listening without judgment gives them a safe space to work out these significant changes in their world view. Help them to find a suitable place in their emotional life for the deceased: "a place that is important but that leaves room for others" and "a place that will enable them to go on living effectively in the world". It is suggested that they envision what they would want for themselves if their grief were magically removed. Popular writer Barbara Kingsolver penned these wise words about friendship: The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away. She's so rightnever stay away because you're frightened of saying something inappropriate. In "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", the American Cancer Society said it best: "Be there. Even if you don't know what to say, just having someone near can be very comforting." Other simple tips include these:  Ask how the bereaved person feels and listen to the answer. Dont assume you know how they will feel on any given day. Listen and give support but dont try to force someone if theyre not ready to talk. Accept whatever feelings the person expresses. Even if you cant imagine feeling like they do, never tell them how they should or shouldnt feel. Give reassurance without minimizing the loss. Try to have empathy with the person without assuming you know how they feel.Author Sarah Dessen captured the nature of good listening in this passage from her book, Just Listen: This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They dont jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you; allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going. So, as an ally to your bereaved friend or family member, you need to cultivate patience and the willingness to wait. You need to be watchful for signs of depression, which may include continuing thoughts of worthlessness or hopelessness, being unable to perform day-to-day activities, feelings of intense guilt, extreme weight loss, and thoughts of death or suicide. The American Cancer Society cautions that "if symptoms like these last more than 2 months after the loss, the bereaved person is likely to benefit from professional help. If the person tries to hurt him- or herself, or has a plan to do so, they need help right away."Sources: Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009. Bailey, J.D. "How to Help a Friend Who is Grieving", Huffington Post, 2013 American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012

Take care of all the funeral pre-arrangement details and give you and your family the peace-of-mind you deserve.The Basics of PlanningHere's a break-down of the process: Set goals Review limitations Look at available options Weigh the pros and cons of each option Talk to others about the best options Arrive at a final decision In the case of funeral pre-arrangement, another two important steps are involved: Write out your plan with as many details as possible. Send your plan to the funeral home and provide a copy to your executor. There are two ways for you to complete your funeral pre-arrangement plan.Using the Online Pre-Planning ToolLegacy Options's website features Pre-Arrange Online, an online form that can be used to record your end-of-life plan and send the completed form to our staff for safekeeping.Turn to the Professionals Many people are more comfortable making these decisions with funeral professionals. If you would like us to help, call us or send us an email using the Contact Us form.

Could there be anything more difficult than preparing for a funeral? Certainly, such an end-of-life event is hard to look forward to with any great enthusiasm. And it doesn't matter if you're a member of the bereaved inner circle of close family, a co-worker, neighbor or family friend; preparing for a funeral service takes time and forethought.If you're preparing to attend a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, the following tips and suggestions can certainly help in your funeral preparations. Naturally, if you have any questions about preparing for a funeral, you should call us. We would be pleased to serve you in any way we can.What Does "Get Prepared" Really Mean?There's a line in William Shakespeare's play "Henry V", which cuts to the heart of preparedness: "All things are ready, if our mind be so." Readying your mind means strengthening it for what's ahead: all the people, sights, sounds and strong emotions of the day. In other words, getting ready to attend an end-of-life service is not just a matter of picking out the right clothes to wear; it's also essential to prepare physically, mentally and emotionally for the occasion. After all, you are going to be there to support the bereaved family, as well as the others who attend; and that takes inner strength and emotional fortitude. Never underestimate the importance of your presence thereto everyone in attendance. To make it simple for you to find the information you need, we've grouped those details together under two headings: Dressing for the Occasion and Getting Physically, Mentally and Emotionally Prepared.Dressing the OccasionWhat is expected of us when attending a funeral service today is far different from the expectations of those living in the Victorian era. According to Alison Petch, a researcher Oxford University, "In those years, black clothing was worn for the funeral and for a year following the death...by close relatives, gradually being replaced by other dark colors." As we moved into the twentieth century, the Roman and Victorian demands became less strict. "People attending a funeral wore semi-formal clothing, which for adult men would usually mean a suit and tie in dark colors". Without a doubt, these strict special dress requirements have fallen by the wayside, at least to some degree. Although many websites proclaim that black is the right color to wear for a funeral today, wearing a color other than black isn't seen as disrespectful; but you want to avoid wearing brightly colored or wildly patterned fabrics (unless actually requested to do so by the family). And for women or girls, a modest appearance is preferred. Certainly, if you've got additional questions about what to wear to a funeral, call us.Get Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally PreparedThe death of a loved one is among the most stressful experiences we will ever endure. The early days of bereavement, are a time of frayed nerves, when emotions run high and hours of restful sleep are hard to find. These difficult days are then followed by the funeral service (where, even though you're grief stricken, you're expected to perform with some social grace). How can you possibly survive; or better yet thrive, during such trials as these? Here are some suggestions we believe you'll find valuable.Maintain a state of "mindful awareness."The tendency when something bad happens to us, like the death of a loved one, is to detach from our physical, emotional and social selves. To "get numb, and stay that way" - but this effort to separate ourselves from what's happening isn't always in our best interest. Instead, you should seek to be "mindful": to keep your awareness on the present moment (not the past, and certainly not the future); all the while acknowledging (and accepting) your feelings, thoughts, and bodily reactions to your loss. Only then can you, in the words of Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer, accept the things that cannot be changed, have the courage to change the things which can (and should) be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Certainly, you cannot change the fact your loved one has died; but you can change (at least to some degree) the way you react to the lossand that takes a certain sense of mindful self-awareness.Do everything you can to stay physically healthy.The list of physical symptoms of grief is long: fatigue, body aches and pains, loss or change of appetite, shortness of breath, digestive issues, feelings of heaviness, and tightness in your throat or chest. When faced with an onslaught of physical symptoms like these, it's hard to know exactly how to deal with them. The first step is to recognize and name what your body is experiencing. Only then can you do something to change the way you're reacting to the loss. During these days before the funeral: Stay hydrated: drink eight (8 ounce) glasses of water. Eat regularly: small meals and snacks are often better-accepted than large, calorie-laden ones. Rest regularly: you may find nights are long and sleepless, so don't be adverse to taking short cat-naps throughout the day. Move your body: take a walk or hike, go to the gym, or enjoy a leisurely swim. Nurture your senses: listen to music or the sounds that abound in nature. Engage in prayer or meditation: tap into, or get reacquainted with, your spiritual side. Reduce your list of necessary activities and chores: now is the time to delegate tasks to others, so you can devote your time to self-care. Reach out to your support network.Neighbours, friends and family members can be your lifeline right nowand some of them may even be coming to you right now to see how they can help. Don't turn them away; instead, give them the opportunity to give the gift of service. Allow them to walk this path with you for as long as, and in whatever ways, they can. The same goes for the network of professional caregivers: don't neglect to turn to clergy, your family physician, therapist, or grief counsellor if you feel your bereavement to be more than you can handle (now, or at any time in the future).Prepare to speak less and listen more.End-of-life ceremonies (whether a "traditional" funeral, memorial service or celebration of life) offer those gathered the chance to share their feelings, tell stories and take comfort from one another. Don't spend too much time talking, unless it's to share something truly meaningful (about the deceased and your relationship to him or her) with others; instead, be ready to listen with a whole heart. This is a time for respectful interactions with other mourners; a time for focusing on the life of the deceased, and also a time for renewing the ties which brought you all together in the first place.Let Us Help with Your Preparations Who better to turn to for assistance in preparing for a funeral? We've got the experience and insights which could make this situation easier for you and those you love. If you have questions about preparing for a funeral serviceeither as a member of the family or as a guestwe're here to support you in any way we can. We're standing at the ready; simply call us.

Sometimes it feels as if your bereavement will never end. You feel as if youd give anything to have the pain go away; to have the long lonely hours between nightfall and dawn pass without heartache. You are not the only grieving person who has longed for some measure of relief.In the novel, My Sisters Keeper, author Jodi Picoult wrote, There should be a statute of limitations on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name.No such rule book exists. Grief counselors and therapists tell us that the length of time it takes anyone to grieve the loss of someone they held dear to them is dependent on the situation, how attached you were to the deceased, how they died, your age and gender. So many variables exist and theres absolutely no way to predict how long it will take for you to adapt to your loss.The Difference Between Normal and Complicated GriefResearch findings have led experts to come up with many differing categories of grief experience ranging from normal to complicated. Normal (or uncomplicated) grief has no timeline and encompasses a range of feelings and behaviors common after loss such as bodily distress, guilt, hostility, preoccupation with the image of the deceased, and the inability to function as one had before the loss. All are normal and present us with profound, and seemingly endless, challenges. Yet, Katherine Walsh says, Over the course of time, with average social supportmost individuals will gradually experience a diminishment of these feelings, behaviors, and sensations. So, how can you know if your bereavement is no longer within the range of normal? Ms. Walsh goes on to say, While there is no definitive time period by which this happens, if an individual or members of a family continue to experience distress intensely or for a prolonged periodor even unexpectedly years after a lossthey may benefit from treatment for complicated grief.A Useful Model for Assessment: Wordens Four Tasks of MourningThere are certain tasks that, when achieved during your bereavement, can successfully allow you to emerge on the other side of loss as a better, stronger, and more resilient individual. James Worden proposed these four tasks: To accept the reality of the loss To process the pain of grief To adjust to a world without the deceased To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life Instead of focusing on your bodily discomforts, feelings, and common behaviors, this model allows you to better see where you may be stuck or stalled in the adaptive process. Fortunately, Worden also gives us a list of indicators advising that "any one of these clues in and of itself may not be sufficient" for a diagnosis of complicated grief. "However," he continues, "any of theseshould be taken seriously, and the diagnosis of complicated grief should be considered when they appear."12 Clues... 12 InsightsWhile grief educators and theorists tell us that a diagnosis of complicated grief should not even be attempted until after the first anniversary of the death, if any one of the following symptomatic clues exists for longer than six months, you may want to consider grief counseling or grief therapy: You cannot speak of the deceased without experiencing intense and fresh grief long after the loss. A relatively minor event triggers an intense grief reaction. Your conversations with others are littered with references to loss. In other words, loss is an ever-present motif in your world view. You have issues related to your loved one's possessions. Keeping everything the same as before their death could indicate trouble just as tossing out everything right away can also be a clue to disordered mourning. (You also need to factor in your cultural and religious background) You have developed physical symptoms similar to those of the deceased before their death. Sometimes these symptoms recur annually, on the anniversary of the death, or on holidays. An increased susceptibility to illness or the development of a chronic physical complaint can also be an indicator. If you have made radical changes to your lifestyle, or excluded friends, family members, or even activities associated with the deceased, it may indicate unresolved grief. A long history of depression, often marked by guilt or low self-esteem, can reveal disordered mourning. The opposite is also true: a person experiencing a false sense of happiness or elation could be experiencing unresolved grief. A compulsion to imitate the deceased, in personality or behavior, can be a sign of complicated mourning. Having self-destructive impulses or exhibiting self-destructive behaviors can be significant. These can range from substance abuse, engaging in self-harm, developing eating disorders and suicidal tendencies. A sense of unexplained sadness occurring at a certain time each year (holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays) can also be a clue to unresolved grief. Developing a strong fear about dying, especially when it relates to the illness that took the life of your loved one, is an important clue. If you have avoided visiting your loved one's grave or if you are still unwilling to discuss the circumstances of their death, this could indicate complications in your bereavement. There are many types of complicated grief; it can be delayed, masked, exaggerated, or chronic. Self-diagnosis is without purpose. A year after the death, if you feel your grief symptoms worsening, we advise that you seek a referral from your family physician for professional grief counseling or therapy.Sources: Walsh, Katherine, Grief and Loss: Theories and Skills for the Helping Professions, 2nd Edition, 2012 Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009

You can help keep your family or friends from making tough decisions in a time of grief by proactively preparing for the inevitable and prearranging your service. While potentially uncomfortable to think about for yourself, prearranging your service has multiple benefits that can provide a more positive and less stressful experience for both you and your loved ones.Benefits of PrearrangingThere are many benefits to end-of-life planning. Here are the top reasons why you should consider making your funeral arrangements ahead of time:   Completely Price Guaranteed, when paid in advance Your survivors will never have to worry about doing the wrong thing when finalizing your funeral arrangements. You will have told them exactly what you want. No mistakes and no oversights. After you're gone, everything will be done your way. You have peace-of-mind now knowing that we will follow through with your wishes. After your death, no one can make any decisions you wouldn't want. Funeral pre-planning is the responsible thing to do. It removes the burden from family members. You can make complex decisions ahead of time when you have the time to think things through. Funeral pre-planning can involve pre-payment. This will save your family money and avoid any financial burdens. Funeral pre-planning involves an awareness of the reality of death.FAQ'sWhat happens if I move?Your pre planned services are 100% refundable at any time. OR Use the funds you set aside toward services at another funeral home local to you.What happens if I pass away while Traveling? We offer Travel Protection. It is a one time payment of $495. This is an international plan, that ensures the participant can be brought back into our care if they pass away more than 100 miles away from their legal address stated on the agreement.Conclusion Death is never easy to plan for or discuss. But whats even worse is making logistical and financial decisions during a time of grief and remembrance. While starting the process of prearranging may be unsettling or intimidating, it will allow your loved ones to grieve and remember you as you want to be remembered. We will be with you every step of the way to answer your questions and make arrangements that suit your needs. Call us to speak with a funeral director and learn more about your options.

Cremation Urns We believe that you should be well-informed and aware of your options when it comes to funeral services and products. You should compare to make an informed choice in selecting a cremation urn. We aim to help by offering our Urn Price List. Click the link below to view our cremation urns. If you have any questions about our selection of urns, please contact us. Urn Catalog Full-Sized Urns Full-size cremation urns are the right choice when you want to put the entire volume of cremains a single urn. Typically, these urns hold between 200 to 220 cubic inches of cremains--the volume of cremains resulting from the cremation of a full-size human adult. Full-size urns are available for sale in several different materials. The most common materials are wood, metal, glass, ceramic, pottery and stone. Keepsake Urns Small Keepsake-Size Urns Keepsake urns for cremains are sized to hold just a small portion of cremainstypically from 1 to 5 cubic inches. The small urns are the right choice for sharing the cremains among many friends and family. They are also used to retain some of the cremains for possible future use after an cremain scattering or burial such as using a tiny amount to make a beautiful cremation pendant. Biodegradable Urns In the market, there are two types of biodegradable urns, a water urn or an earthurn. With water biodegradable urns, once the urn comes in contact with the water it will float for a brief period and then will sink into the water in a graceful manner. These water biodegradable urns are made from natural materials such as recycled paper, gelatin, sand and rock salt. The earth biodegradable urns will degrade over time in the soil. Such an urn will degrade completely in about a year or less depending on the climate and moisture level of the grounds. These earth biodegradable urns are made from environmentally friendly and non-toxic materials. In making such urns, no harmful chemicals or plastics are used. You can also use a biodegradable urn if you wish to travel with the cremation ashes of the deceased. According to the guideline provided by the TSA, it is essential to take ashes in a container made of a scan-able material so that it can be easily x-rayed. A biodegradable urn will easily pass through security x-ray technology used at an airport. This means you can easily travel with a biodegradable urn.

Forty years ago it was commonly expected that an obituary for a loved one would be published in the print newspapers in the community or communities where the deceased resided for any length of time. But the continued decline in readership, due in large part to the Internet, has greatly affected this long-standing tradition. In fact, today's newspapers are changing the way they deal with obituary submissions: while some local newspapers publish obituaries or death notices at no charge to the family; others demand a rather significant publication fee, based on word count or the number of column inches used, and there is usually an extra fee for any photographs submitted for inclusion.Today, There's the InternetFortunately, online memorials have taken the place of the print obituary or death notice, and our funeral home offers what we consider to be the finest example of online memorials, the Book of Memories. Created by a team of award-winning web developers and designers lead by a funeral professional with over 25 years of experience, the Book of Memories is intended to provide your family with a permanent place to pay tribute to your loved one.Far more than a traditional obituarywhich is usually published only once and has no interactivity at allthe Book of Memories Memorial Website is a fully-interactive archive of treasured photographs and stories remembered from their time spent with friends, family, neighbors and co-workers.You'll be able to invite others to visit the online memorial, where they can upload images, share stories, write heart-felt messages of condolence, send a floral tribute to the funeral, or make a charitable donation in memory of your loved one. And the built-in social media integration means they can then spread the word about their addition to your loved ones Book of Memories using Facebook and Twitter.We offer the families we serve a Book of Memories memorial website with the intention that it gives you a measure of solace and comfort during the coming months. To arrange for a Book of Memories memorial website for your loved one, call us today.

In Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges, and Strategies for Practice, Kenneth Doka offered a very simple definition of disenfranchised grief as an experience when "survivors are not accorded a right to grieve". Can others really deny us our right to feel sorrow and pain? Can they set limits on our bereavement? The answer is, at least in some cases, yes. It happens all the time.In Disenfranchised Grief Revisited: Discounting Hope and Love, Dr. Thomas Attig claimed this right entitles a bereaved person to grieve when he or she needs or chooses to, and in the manner in which they choose. In response, others are obligated to honor the right and refrain from interfering in the experiences and efforts of grieving.It's more than "a matter of indifference to the experiences and efforts of the bereaved. It is more actively negative and destructive as it involves denial of entitlement, interference, and even imposition of sanction. Disenfranchising messages actively discount, dismiss, disapprove, discourage, invalidate, and delegitimize the experiences and efforts of grieving. In this way, the people around the bereaved withhold permission, disallowing, constraining, hindering, and even prohibiting the survivor's mourning.When Can Disenfranchised Grief Occur?Author Jonathan Vatner shares examples of situations where disenfranchised grief can result: Your ex-husband passes away, for example, and your friends don't see why it matters. An executive is having a serious affair with her married co-worker. When he dies unexpectedly, the expression of her grief is limited by the covert nature of the relationship. A spouse, brother, or son is missing in military action. When death has occurred due to socially unacceptable causes such as AIDS or suicide. A beloved dog, cat or other pet has died. What Does Disenfranchised Grief Sound Like?When you are mourning an unrecognized or undervalued loss, you may hear statements like this: "When things like this happen, all you can do is give it time and wait it out." "Eventually, youll get over this." "The best thing is to try to put what happened behind you and get back to normal as soon as possible. Try to go on as if nothing has changed." "Theres no point in looking for meaning in something like this. Suffering brings us face to face with absurdity. The best thing is to try to forget." "Face reality. She is dead. You will have to fill her place with something else." Sometimes those dealing with grief disenfranchise their own grief with inner talk that sounds like this: "Somehow it feels disloyal to laugh or try to be happy. I sometimes feel that I owe it to him to live in sorrow." "What can I possibly have to look forward to?" "Im kind of embarrassed to admit that in some ways I seem to have grown from the death of my child." "How can I ever let myself love again if it all comes to this?" Suffer in Silence No MoreThe stress of grieving in isolation can be unbearable. If we listen to Dr. Lani Leary, even if you endure the ups-and-downs of bereavement on your own, the grief work you do will still be compromised. She tells us that it is not time that heals. Instead, healing comes with validation: "All grief needs to be blessed. In order to be blessed, it must be heard. Someone must be present, someone who is willing to hold it by listening without judgment or comparison." In the article "Mourning Becomes Neglected: 4 Healthy Ways to Grieve", author Jonathan Vatner shares these four ways you can reclaim your right to grieve and get much-needed support: Recognize that there is nothing wrong with you. Whatever your feelings are, they're legitimate. Find people who will understand. Search onlinethere are bereavement support groups for just about any type of loss. Be honest about how you feel. If a well-meaning friend cracks a joke about your deceased ex-husband, explain that this loss is painful for you. Develop a ritual or ceremony to commemorate the person's passing. Visit the grave after the funeral or hold a private one when you can take as much time as you need to express your anguish.Speak Up and Speak Out In the book Invisible Monsters, author Chuck Palahniuk wrote, Most times, it's just a lot easier not to let the world know what's wrong. Whatever you do, if you feel those around you are not supportive of your bereavement, do not follow his words. Let others know how you feel and what you're thinking. In doing so, you're educating them on the essential truth of bereavement: all losses are worthy of recognition and acknowledgement, and all those in mourning have the right to grieve.

How long must we wait after their death before we can cremate a family member?Unlike burial, cremation is irreversible. This requires us to be "extra diligent" in obtaining cremation authorization from the legally identified next-of-kin, as well as those from any necessary agencies (such as the medical examiner). During these 48-72 hours (depending on state mandated requirements); the deceased will be held in a secure, refrigerated environment.How much will I have to pay for the cremation?When you enter into a discussion with us about the cost of your loved one's cremation, whether on the phone or in-person, we are legally obligated to share our General Price List, or GPL, with you. That list details the actual cost of our cremation services, which is a combination of our basic professional services fee, the fee charged by the crematory for the use of their facilities, and any additional charges related to the transportation and safekeeping of the deceased prior to the cremation. It is impossible for us to quote an accurate cost for cremation here; we urge you to speak candidly about cremation costs with your funeral professional.Can I participate in the cremation?The answer to this question is dependent on the specific crematory responsible for the care of your loved one, but generally speaking, the answer to this question is "yes". The degree to which you can participate may differ from crematory to crematory (depending on their facilities); please speak with your funeral director if this is an issue for you, or another family member.Can I purchase an urn from another source, or must I buy one from you?The FTC's Funeral Rule guides funeral directors in the ethical and fair presentation of funeral service options. The purchase of a cremation urn (or a casket, for that matter) from a second or third party sources is one of the rights it guarantees. Your funeral director cannot prevent you from, nor can they charge you an extra fee for, the purchase of a third-party cremation urn. And they cannot demand you are present for its delivery to the funeral homeWhat should I do with my loved one's ashes?Again, as we've said elsewhere, the word "should" need not be part of our conversation. There are many things you can do with their ashesincluding simply taking them home with you for safekeeping. There may come a time when you know exactly what you'd like to do with them, but it may not be right now. Be patient; the right way to care for them will surface in time. After all, there are a lot of options: scattering them on land or sea is one of the most common; but you can also use the cremated remains in keepsake jewelry or to create meaningful pieces of art. As we said, there is no have-to-do; there's only a want-to-do (and you are in complete control of it). If you're curious about your options, just give us a call. We'll share what we know.If we choose cremation, does my loved one have to be embalmed?The short answer is "no", but there are exceptions. Let's say you want to have a viewing or visitation. If that's the case, it may be prudent to embalm your loved one, so they look their best for the event; so much so that the funeral home may require that you purchase the service. However, with that said, under the FTC's Funeral Rule, we cannot: provide embalming services without your permission, and may not lead you to believe embalming is required by law. In addition, we must provide you with written disclosures related to the embalming of your loved one.How long will it take to cremate my family member?Naturally, this question is best answered when we talk specifics: why type of cremator will be used? How large an individual was your loved one? Usually it takes 2 - 2 1/2 hours for the process. A cool-down period follows, and then the cremated remains are processed for a uniform appearance. Certainly, if the issue is important to you, we urge you to speak to your funeral director.What kind of fuel is used in the cremation?What kind of fuel is used in the cremation? Answer: Most cremators use natural or L.P. gas, or in some cases diesel oil; a fact which troubles some who want to see cremation as an "environmentally-friendly" alternative to burial. If you're concerned about the impact of cremation on the environment, speak with your funeral director. There are alternatives, such as burial in a "green" or environmentally-pristine cemetery.Are people dressed when they are cremated?You'd be surprised how often we hear this question! Some people might choose to be undressed so as to 'go out' the same way they 'came in' to the world; but most of the time, the deceased is dressed in the clothing they've selected prior to their death, or chosen by family members after their passing.Can we put special items in their cremation casket?It depends upon what you mean as "special", but we do our best to accommodate the wishes of surviving family members. Most commonly, families will ask to place notes, children's drawings, or other personal messages of love; but we've certainly had some unusual requests (such as the inclusion of a cherished pet's collar or treasured keepsake). We encourage you to speak with your funeral director to learn the regulations of the specific crematory responsible for your loved one's cremation.Does this mean we don't need to plan a commemoration service?Certainly not; cremation merely describes the type of physical end-of-life care you intend to provide your loved one. A commemoration service is for the living; the individuals emotionally impacted by the death deserve the same level of compassionate attention. And one of the benefits of cremation comes from the larger "window-of-opportunity" in which to plan a meaningful celebration-of-life it provides the surviving family members. Your funeral professional can guide you in making all the necessary service arrangementsI'm thinking of placing my loved one's ashes in the care of a local cemetery. What is the difference between a columbarium and a mausoleum?Think of the Taj Mahal in India and you'll know exactly what a mausoleum is: it's free-standing building (in this case not in India but on the grounds of a local cemetery), which is intended as both a monument as well as the burial location for casketed individuals. A columbarium is the same in purpose, but not in design; instead of crypt spaces large enough for a full-size casket; it features smaller niche spaces, large enough for one (or maybe two) cremation urns.Can you tell us which type of service is right for us?We would never presume to tell you which service is best for your loved one. But your funeral director will be pleased to guide and advise; explain the differences between service formats (traditional funeral, memorial service and celebration-of-life), and share stories of meaningful services they've been a part ofall with the intention of empowering you to make the decision for yourselves.How much will I have to pay for the cremation?When you enter into a discussion with us about the cost of your loved one's cremation, whether on the phone or in-person, we are legally obligated to share our General Price List, or GPL, with you. That list details the actual cost of our cremation services, which is a combination of our basic professional services fee, the fee charged by the crematory for the use of their facilities, and any additional charges related to the transportation and safekeeping of the deceased prior to the cremation.What "extra" fees or charges will I need to pay?It's difficult for us to answer this question without knowing the specifics of your proposed cremation arrangements. Yet with that said we can tell you there will most likely be extra charges for anything that involves a second-party purchase (such as the publication of your loved one's obituary in a local newspaper). If you select a decorative cremation urn and would like to personalize it with an engraved nameplate; there could be a small fee.What are "cash advance items"?When you arrive to make the necessary cremation service arrangements on behalf of a loved one, we will furnish you with a copy of our General Price List; a section of which discloses the exact price (or a good-faith estimate) of the most commonly-requested "cash advance items". Cornell University Law School's Legal Information Institute (www.law.cornell.edu) defines a cash advance item as "any item of service or merchandise...obtained from a third party and paid for by the funeral provider on the purchaser's behalf. Cash advance items may include, but are not limited to: cemetery or crematory services; pallbearers; public transportation; clergy honoraria; flowers; musicians or singers; nurses; obituary notices; gratuities and death certificates."Why must I pay for these items at the time of arrangement?The answer to this is simple: we have to pay for these second-party services or merchandise at the time we make the purchase on your behalf. This requires us to ask for payment for all cash advance items at the time the cremation service contract is agreed to, and signed by the responsible family member. For more specific information about our payment policies, please call us to speak with a member of our staff of cremation service professionals.Can we arrange to bury their ashes on cemetery grounds?Yes, you can. The burial can be in-ground, or your loved one's cremation urn can be placed in a columbarium niche. Speak with your funeral director to learn more about your specific cremation burial optionsWhat must I bring to the funeral home?You'll need to provide the documents/information required to complete your loved one's death certificate and obituary. If you are planning to have a service, you may also wish to bring in a collection of family photographs to be used in making a tribute video or in the decoration of the service location. Other items may be needed at some point, depending on the arrangements made. Your funeral director will provide you with an exact list of the things he or should would like you to bring along to the arrangement conference.I'd like to write my loved one's obituary. Can I?Of course you can; in fact any member of your family (or even a close friend) can "step up" to take care of this task. There are many valuable resources available in the Guidance section of this website, including tips on writing an obituary. And you can always turn to us for assistance.

What does it cost to bury a person in a cemetery?First is the purchase price of the "right to use" the burial plot (unlike a real estate purchase, where you buy the land and all the structures on it; here you are only purchasing what is called the "interment rights" to the land). In addition, there are fees for the "opening" and "closing" of the gravesite; and any fees required to obtain the necessary permits and to maintain cemetery files and records. In addition, there's the fee for the use of any special equipment (such as a casket-lowering device); as well as the costs for any other services or items purchased. There's also the headstone or grave marker installation fee, and a one-time "perpetual care" (sometimes called "endowment care") fee paid to ensure your loved one's burial site is well-maintained.Does my loved one have to be embalmed prior to burial?This is a question we hear a lot. Many funeral homes suggest (and may even go so far as to require) embalming if you're planning a viewing or visitation. That's because they want the experience to be as good as it can be for those in attendance, and proper embalming can ensure the deceased looks as good as possible. But as a general rule, embalming is not necessary or legally required if the body is cared for in a relatively short amount of time. Please contact us for specific state or local requirements.How much will a casket cost?The Federal Trade Commission states that average casket costs around $2,000. If you are concerned about casket costs, speak with your funeral director who can advise you on the most appropriate casket for your situation and your budget.What is a burial vault, and why do I need to buy one?Today, modern cemetery grounds are well-groomed, with vast expanses of green grass. A burial vault protects this pristine view, ensuring there is no sign of burial plots "settling". Certainly the vault also protects the casket; but the primary role of a burial vault is to protect the beauty of the cemetery environment.What's involved in a cemetery burial?If your loved one has not made previous arrangements for their burial, leaving you to pick the location of their interment, the first thing you'll need to do involves the selection of the cemetery and burial location within the grounds. You'll also choose the most suitable casket and burial vault, and provide us with the clothing you'd like your loved one to wear (and any 'special items' you'd like us to place in the casket) . Once payment is made, the date and time of interment is agreed upon. At that time, the cemetery grounds keepers will take care of the "opening" and "closing" of the grave and the proper placement of the casket in the burial vault.Do I have to buy a headstone or grave marker?The cemetery will put a temporary identification marker on your loved one's grave, but it is only intended as a placeholder until a permanent headstone or grave marker is set in place. Without one, your loved one's burial site will, when this temporary marker becomes illegible or is somehow removed, appear "unmarked".Where do I purchase a headstone or grave marker?We, and the cemetery where your loved one will be interred, have strong working relationships with trusted monument companies. When you are ready to order a granite headstone or bronze grave marker, we will come together to orchestrate its selection, manufacture and placement. Speak with your funeral director to get the details.What is "direct burial"?When we make arrangements for the direct burial of an individual, we are expediting their interment. There will be no funeral, memorial service or celebration-of-life; instead, we provide the physical care of the deceased (perhaps embalming their body, but certainly dressing and casketing) and then escort the casket to the cemetery for immediate burial.Is direct burial right for our situation?It's very hard to know without having the opportunity to speak with you. Direct burial works well when there are few mourners or if your loved one's wishes were for a simple interment. It's done quickly and professionally, without ceremony of any kind. With that said, what do you think? Does direct burial feel like the right course of action for you? Speak with a funeral professional to further explore the idea.What services do you provide when I choose direct burial?Your funeral director will complete and file the death certificate, obtain signatures on any required permits or authorizations, helps you select a cemetery in which to inter your loved one, as well as a casket and burial vault. He or she will oversee the physical care of the deceased: they will be dressed in clothes you've provided (or purchased from us), casketed, and then escorted to the cemetery for immediate burial. This same individual will witness the burial and provide you with copies of all pertinent papers for safekeeping.What is a graveside service?Rather than having a service in a church or funeral home chapel, and then adjourning to the cemetery for the burial; some families choose to gather solely at the cemetery. There, they are led through a ceremony prepared by a clergy person or celebrant and witness the in-ground committal of their loved one's casket. If the idea of a graveside service appeals to you, speak with your funeral director about your options.What "extra" fees or charges will I need to pay?Some of the things you'll discuss with your funeral director involve purchases made from outside vendors, and you will be asked to pay for those items at the time of the arrangement conference.  One of the most common is the fee charged by a newspaper to print your loved one's obituary. Another cash advance charge could be for clergy or musician's fees, floral arrangements, reception necessities, such as food/beverage or facility rental. Your funeral director will provide you with a detailed invoice for all cash advance items.When do I pay for a funeral service?The exact answer to this question largely depends upon the services, products and cemetery you've selected; but a good rule of thumb is to expect to pay at the time the service contract is signed (at the time of the arrangement conference, or soon afterwards). Speak with your funeral director to learn more.Who will write my loved one's obituary?We're tempted to answer this with another question: who would you like to write it? Perhaps you'd like to ask a friend or family member to do so; maybe you're thinking it's something you would like to do. Or perhaps you'd rather turn the duty over to your funeral director. He or she is experienced in obituary writing, and would be delighted to relieve you of the task; so don't hesitate to ask them to craft a suitable obituary.