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Could there be anything more difficult than preparing for a funeral? Certainly, such an end-of-life event is hard to look forward to with any great enthusiasm. And it doesn't matter if you're a member of the bereaved inner circle of close family, a co-worker, neighbor or family friend; preparing for a funeral service takes time and forethought.
If you're preparing to attend a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life, the following tips and suggestions can certainly help in your funeral preparations. Naturally, if you have any questions about preparing for a funeral, you should call us. We would be pleased to serve you in any way we can.
What Does "Get Prepared" Really Mean?
There's a line in William Shakespeare's play "Henry V", which cuts to the heart of preparedness: "All things are ready, if our mind be so." Readying your mind means strengthening it for what's ahead: all the people, sights, sounds and strong emotions of the day.
In other words, getting ready to attend an end-of-life service is not just a matter of picking out the right clothes to wear; it's also essential to prepare physically, mentally and emotionally for the occasion. After all, you are going to be there to support the bereaved family, as well as the others who attend; and that takes inner strength and emotional fortitude. Never underestimate the importance of your presence there—to everyone in attendance.
To make it simple for you to find the information you need, we've grouped those details together under two headings: Dressing for the Occasion and Getting Physically, Mentally and Emotionally Prepared.
Dressing the Occasion
What is expected of us when attending a funeral service today is far different from the expectations of those living in the Victorian era. According to Alison Petch, a researcher Oxford University, "In those years, black clothing was worn for the funeral and for a year following the death...by close relatives, gradually being replaced by other dark colors."
As we moved into the twentieth century, the Roman and Victorian demands became less strict. "People attending a funeral wore semi-formal clothing, which for adult men would usually mean a suit and tie in dark colors".
Without a doubt, these strict special dress requirements have fallen by the wayside, at least to some degree. Although many websites proclaim that black is the right color to wear for a funeral today, wearing a color other than black isn't seen as disrespectful; but you want to avoid wearing brightly colored or wildly patterned fabrics (unless actually requested to do so by the family). And for women or girls, a modest appearance is preferred.
Certainly, if you've got additional questions about what to wear to a funeral, call us.
Get Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally Prepared
The death of a loved one is among the most stressful experiences we will ever endure. The early days of bereavement, are a time of frayed nerves, when emotions run high and hours of restful sleep are hard to find. These difficult days are then followed by the funeral service (where, even though you're grief stricken, you're expected to perform with some social grace). How can you possibly survive; or better yet thrive, during such trials as these? Here are some suggestions we believe you'll find valuable.
Maintain a state of "mindful awareness."
The tendency when something bad happens to us, like the death of a loved one, is to detach from our physical, emotional and social selves. To "get numb, and stay that way" - but this effort to separate ourselves from what's happening isn't always in our best interest. Instead, you should seek to be "mindful": to keep your awareness on the present moment (not the past, and certainly not the future); all the while acknowledging (and accepting) your feelings, thoughts, and bodily reactions to your loss. Only then can you, in the words of Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer, accept the things that cannot be changed, have the courage to change the things which can (and should) be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Certainly, you cannot change the fact your loved one has died; but you can change (at least to some degree) the way you react to the loss—and that takes a certain sense of mindful self-awareness.
Do everything you can to stay physically healthy.
The list of physical symptoms of grief is long: fatigue, body aches and pains, loss or change of appetite, shortness of breath, digestive issues, feelings of heaviness, and tightness in your throat or chest. When faced with an onslaught of physical symptoms like these, it's hard to know exactly how to deal with them. The first step is to recognize and name what your body is experiencing. Only then can you do something to change the way you're reacting to the loss. During these days before the funeral:
Reach out to your support network.
Neighbours, friends and family members can be your lifeline right now—and some of them may even be coming to you right now to see how they can help. Don't turn them away; instead, give them the opportunity to give the gift of service. Allow them to walk this path with you for as long as, and in whatever ways, they can. The same goes for the network of professional caregivers: don't neglect to turn to clergy, your family physician, therapist, or grief counsellor if you feel your bereavement to be more than you can handle (now, or at any time in the future).
Prepare to speak less and listen more.
End-of-life ceremonies (whether a "traditional" funeral, memorial service or celebration of life) offer those gathered the chance to share their feelings, tell stories and take comfort from one another. Don't spend too much time talking, unless it's to share something truly meaningful (about the deceased and your relationship to him or her) with others; instead, be ready to listen with a whole heart. This is a time for respectful interactions with other mourners; a time for focusing on the life of the deceased, and also a time for renewing the ties which brought you all together in the first place.
Let Us Help with Your Preparations
Who better to turn to for assistance in preparing for a funeral? We've got the experience and insights which could make this situation easier for you and those you love. If you have questions about preparing for a funeral service—either as a member of the family or as a guest—we're here to support you in any way we can. We're standing at the ready; simply call us.
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About Us Welcome to Ona Solutions, where we specialize in providing housing for independent adults and assisting individuals in finding affordable housing options. Our dedicated team is committed to creating safe, supportive, and sustainable living environments that empower individuals to thrive. We operate with a foundation of compassion and a strong sense of community, working tirelessly to ensure everyone has access to a place they can call home. At Ona Solutions, we firmly believe that housing is a fundamental human right and strive to make this belief a reality for all.Mission At Ona Solutions, our mission is to transform lives by offering secure, affordable, and dignified housing solutions for independent adults and those seeking affordable living options. Our goal is to foster a supportive community where individuals can regain stability, independence, and hope. Through our dedicated efforts, we aim to address the housing deficit and ensure that every person we serve has the opportunity to lead a better, more fulfilling life.Vision Our vision at Ona Solutions is a world where affordable housing is accessible to all. We envision a society where everyone has a place to call home, enabling them to lead fulfilling and independent lives. By continuously innovating and advocating for sustainable housing solutions, we aspire to be a leader in creating lasting change and brighter futures for individuals and communities alike.Why Choose Ona Solutions?Commitment to Community: We prioritize creating a sense of belonging by fostering supportive and inclusive housing environments.Affordability: We are dedicated to providing cost-effective housing solutions to help individuals maintain financial stability.Sustainability: Our focus on sustainable practices ensures long-term housing security and positive environmental impact.Empowerment: We empower residents by offering resources and support systems that encourage personal growth and independence.Get Involved At Ona Solutions, we believe positive change happens when communities come together. Whether you are seeking affordable housing or want to support our mission, we welcome you to join our efforts in making housing accessible for all. Together, we can create a brighter future where everyone has a place to call home.
Sometimes it feels as if your bereavement will never end. You feel as if youd give anything to have the pain go away; to have the long lonely hours between nightfall and dawn pass without heartache. You are not the only grieving person who has longed for some measure of relief.In the novel, My Sisters Keeper, author Jodi Picoult wrote, There should be a statute of limitations on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name.No such rule book exists. Grief counselors and therapists tell us that the length of time it takes anyone to grieve the loss of someone they held dear to them is dependent on the situation, how attached you were to the deceased, how they died, your age and gender. So many variables exist and theres absolutely no way to predict how long it will take for you to adapt to your loss.The Difference Between Normal and Complicated GriefResearch findings have led experts to come up with many differing categories of grief experience ranging from normal to complicated. Normal (or uncomplicated) grief has no timeline and encompasses a range of feelings and behaviors common after loss such as bodily distress, guilt, hostility, preoccupation with the image of the deceased, and the inability to function as one had before the loss. All are normal and present us with profound, and seemingly endless, challenges. Yet, Katherine Walsh says, Over the course of time, with average social supportmost individuals will gradually experience a diminishment of these feelings, behaviors, and sensations. So, how can you know if your bereavement is no longer within the range of normal? Ms. Walsh goes on to say, While there is no definitive time period by which this happens, if an individual or members of a family continue to experience distress intensely or for a prolonged periodor even unexpectedly years after a lossthey may benefit from treatment for complicated grief.A Useful Model for Assessment: Wordens Four Tasks of MourningThere are certain tasks that, when achieved during your bereavement, can successfully allow you to emerge on the other side of loss as a better, stronger, and more resilient individual. James Worden proposed these four tasks: To accept the reality of the loss To process the pain of grief To adjust to a world without the deceased To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life Instead of focusing on your bodily discomforts, feelings, and common behaviors, this model allows you to better see where you may be stuck or stalled in the adaptive process. Fortunately, Worden also gives us a list of indicators advising that "any one of these clues in and of itself may not be sufficient" for a diagnosis of complicated grief. "However," he continues, "any of theseshould be taken seriously, and the diagnosis of complicated grief should be considered when they appear."12 Clues... 12 InsightsWhile grief educators and theorists tell us that a diagnosis of complicated grief should not even be attempted until after the first anniversary of the death, if any one of the following symptomatic clues exists for longer than six months, you may want to consider grief counseling or grief therapy: You cannot speak of the deceased without experiencing intense and fresh grief long after the loss. A relatively minor event triggers an intense grief reaction. Your conversations with others are littered with references to loss. In other words, loss is an ever-present motif in your world view. You have issues related to your loved one's possessions. Keeping everything the same as before their death could indicate trouble just as tossing out everything right away can also be a clue to disordered mourning. (You also need to factor in your cultural and religious background) You have developed physical symptoms similar to those of the deceased before their death. Sometimes these symptoms recur annually, on the anniversary of the death, or on holidays. An increased susceptibility to illness or the development of a chronic physical complaint can also be an indicator. If you have made radical changes to your lifestyle, or excluded friends, family members, or even activities associated with the deceased, it may indicate unresolved grief. A long history of depression, often marked by guilt or low self-esteem, can reveal disordered mourning. The opposite is also true: a person experiencing a false sense of happiness or elation could be experiencing unresolved grief. A compulsion to imitate the deceased, in personality or behavior, can be a sign of complicated mourning. Having self-destructive impulses or exhibiting self-destructive behaviors can be significant. These can range from substance abuse, engaging in self-harm, developing eating disorders and suicidal tendencies. A sense of unexplained sadness occurring at a certain time each year (holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays) can also be a clue to unresolved grief. Developing a strong fear about dying, especially when it relates to the illness that took the life of your loved one, is an important clue. If you have avoided visiting your loved one's grave or if you are still unwilling to discuss the circumstances of their death, this could indicate complications in your bereavement. There are many types of complicated grief; it can be delayed, masked, exaggerated, or chronic. Self-diagnosis is without purpose. A year after the death, if you feel your grief symptoms worsening, we advise that you seek a referral from your family physician for professional grief counseling or therapy.Sources: Walsh, Katherine, Grief and Loss: Theories and Skills for the Helping Professions, 2nd Edition, 2012 Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009
We are not your traditional funeral home. We are independently owned and family operated, with three generations working together. We don't have large visitation rooms and chapels as we feel these settings don't hold any special importance or meaning to families. We do not feel the need to replicate what already exists in our community. Our goal is to remain right-sized, offer simple options, and do our very best to keep our costs down so that we can pass savings on to the families we serve.A traditional funeral home is not the most comfortable setting for a visitation, funeral service, or remembrance of life event. Most families prefer a venue that holds special meaning and provides solace. At Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services, we encourage you to use your own church or fellowship hall for whatever type of reception you choose. Or if you like, we can help you select a beautiful, tranquil setting in our Southwest Florida community.Please know when you entrust us with the care of your loved one, all of our preparations and cremation services are done within our facility, under our oversight, and according to our high standards of quality.Please see our online pricing for funeral and cremation plans. We hope Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services will be your choice when the time comes or when you consider planning ahead.Full-Service Funeral HomeWe strive to provide families of Southwest Florida with the most affordable, personalized memorial options in a caring atmosphere.
We are not your traditional funeral home. We are independently owned and family operated, with three generations working together. We don't have large visitation rooms and chapels as we feel these settings don't hold any special importance or meaning to families. We do not feel the need to replicate what already exists in our community. Our goal is to remain right-sized, offer simple options, and do our very best to keep our costs down so that we can pass savings on to the families we serve.A traditional funeral home is not the most comfortable setting for a visitation, funeral service, or remembrance of life event. Most families prefer a venue that holds special meaning and provides solace. At Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services, we encourage you to use your own church or fellowship hall for whatever type of reception you choose. Or if you like, we can help you select a beautiful, tranquil setting in our Southwest Florida community.Please know when you entrust us with the care of your loved one, all of our preparations and cremation services are done within our facility, under our oversight, and according to our high standards of quality.Please see our online pricing for funeral and cremation plans. We hope Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services will be your choice when the time comes or when you consider planning ahead.Full-Service Funeral HomeWe strive to provide families of Southwest Florida with the most affordable, personalized memorial options in a caring atmosphere.
We are not your traditional funeral home. We are independently owned and family operated, with three generations working together. We don't have large visitation rooms and chapels as we feel these settings don't hold any special importance or meaning to families. We do not feel the need to replicate what already exists in our community. Our goal is to remain right-sized, offer simple options, and do our very best to keep our costs down so that we can pass savings on to the families we serve.A traditional funeral home is not the most comfortable setting for a visitation, funeral service, or remembrance of life event. Most families prefer a venue that holds special meaning and provides solace. At Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services, we encourage you to use your own church or fellowship hall for whatever type of reception you choose. Or if you like, we can help you select a beautiful, tranquil setting in our Southwest Florida community.Please know when you entrust us with the care of your loved one, all of our preparations and cremation services are done within our facility, under our oversight, and according to our high standards of quality.Please see our online pricing for funeral and cremation plans. We hope Legacy Options Funeral and Cremation Services will be your choice when the time comes or when you consider planning ahead.Full-Service Funeral HomeWe strive to provide families of Southwest Florida with the most affordable, personalized memorial options in a caring atmosphere.