6 Tips to Start "That" Conversation with Your Aging Parents

Posted on

Nov 11, 2022

Book/Edition

Pennsylvania - Greater Pittsburgh Area

Watching your parents age can be heart wrenching. Whether they are struggling physically, mentally, or emotionally, it may be harder to navigate than you think. Imagine how frustrating – and scary – it must be.


The best way to support your parents is to have a calm, thought-out conversation although they may be resistant.  They may have ideas and plans that they haven’t shared with you yet. With empathy and compassion, you can help them prepare for their next chapter. 


Here are some tips to get started:

1. DON’T PROCRASTINATE. These are conversations to have when everyone is relaxed, rather than when faced with a medical emergency.


2. ENLIST SUPPORT FROM YOUR FAMILY.  By getting your siblings and other family/friends involved, you may have a clearer picture of what kind of assistance your parents need most.


3. SET THE STAGE. This is not a conversation to have over the phone. Pick a time and place where your parents will be relaxed and open to a productive conversation.


4. START SMALL. Every topic should not be discussed – or resolved – in this first conversation.  If your parents see you as a partner in these decisions rather than an authority figure, it will be an easier.


5. PATIENCE IS KEY. The best way to handle the inevitable vulnerability your parents will feel is with patience. Their reactions may be masked as avoidance or anger. Your patience will help them make practical decisions.


6. CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL. There are many resources and community programs to support you and your parents, whether they opt to “age in place” or move to a more supervised environment. Familiarize yourself with local options so you can navigate the conversation with suggestions.


BONUS TIP!

7. Some opening lines to get the conversation started:

“One of my friends was telling me about [an emergency] they just had with their [mother/father] – and how they wish they had discussed options before this crisis. It occurred to me that maybe I should be asking you those questions now.”

“How are you feeling about living alone? Have you ever thought about getting some help with housekeeping or errands?

“I’ve noticed that sometimes you sound lonely. Would you like to spend time with people your own age?”

 

Editors note:  This article was written by Patty Toner, Director of Marketing with the Seniors Blue Book Greater Pittsburgh. She can be reached at patty@seniorsbluebook.com or at 412-979-6145.

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