Finding Balance in the Sandwich Generation: Aging Parents and Your New Life
Email US
Click to Email Us
If youve got aging parents who need more care and children youre raising in your life at the same time, welcome to the Sandwich Generation! Its really hard navigating how to manage aging parents, and even harder when youve also got kids and a spouse who need your time. There are so many layers of stress and responsibility to caring for aging parents that you can prepare for, but when the time comes, no one feels ready.
Health issues (yours and your parents) become bigger, more serious, and have longer recovery times, requiring more care that may be beyond your abilities. Our parents may be experiencing memory or dementia issues, which can impact their cognitive abilities. They move slower, think slower. Every action requires more of your time and effortand patienceand you already have a full plate of responsibilities, between work, kids, and spouses. And then both you and your parent(s) have to realize and accept that this is happening. Your parent is getting older and isnt mentally or physically capable of doing the things youre both used to them being able to do on their own. How do you do it?
How do you balance out the feeling that youre being pulled in a million directions at once?
How do you take care of yourself and everyone else? How do you decide when its time for your aging parent to move into assisted living, and how do you have that conversation with them? Should you choose assisted living or independent living? Are the options for independent living enough for your parent, or do you need more specialized care like memory care?
Caring for aging parents can be really hard. Lets talk about how to get through this new chapter in both of your lives.
How and When to Start Talking about Big Decisions for the Care of Aging Parents
For many families,the roles of child and parent will reverse. It doesnt often happen quickly. And when the reversal comes, one of the hardest pills to swallow is when we come to the realization that parents are becoming less capable of making big or small (or sometimes both) decisions for themselves.
Ideally, you want to start having conversations about the big decisions with your parents wishes early, before a health problem or other crisis arises that forces everyone to make decisions out of fear and urgency, that might not be the best for them or you. When you start seeing the signs, including the big logistical topics, you want to make sure you are on the same page about: a living will, a last will and testament (to distribute assets); and a funeral plan.
There are also a myriad of less well-defined, more emotional topics that you need to address when taking care of aging parents, that you and your parents also need to talk about. Here are just a few we recommend addressing.
The Most Important Thing to an Aging Parent: Independence
The most difficult part about your parents getting older, for you and for them, is the loss of independence. Think about how it feels when you get sick or injure yourself and you are forced to rely on others to do the simplest tasks. Often, the thing that keeps you going is knowing that youll recover and be able to return to your normal activities. When age forces a longer recovery, or brings with it an injury or degenerative disease in which there is no recovery, routines and habits have to change to adapt and sometimes also comes the need for assistance. This loss of independence can be devastating for your parents and add a whole new set of responsibilities for you and your entire family.
When its time for them to stop driving, or when it becomes clear to you that they cant live without assistance anymore, for you, its a matter of concern for their safety. For them, its the loss of control and freedom to do their own thing, go where they want, when they want to. There is a loss of individuality and can cause a sense of isolation from the people and activities they once enjoyed as fully capable adults. It is important to be patient and understanding when addressing your parents loss of independence. Caring for aging parents isnt just about attending to their physical needs; you have to be sensitive to and have compassion for how hard these changes are for them, catering to emotional needs and their social wellness, too.
The loss of independence is felt most strongly by the parent who recognizes your roles have reversed. You are now having to care for them the way they used to care for you. Framing care decisions in a way that looks less like youre telling them what to do and more like making decisions together can make the path forward easier and leaves the parent feeling as if theyre maintaining independence and have a voice in their choice of care.
In an assisted living setting, your parents can still feel a sense of independence, with the added benefit of a full professional staff who can help when needed. Our staff can keep an eye on how they are managing daily living tasks like eating meals and hygiene without being intrusive or forcing them to admit problems that they might be embarrassed to discuss with their children.
The Second Most Important Thing to An Aging Parent: Relevance
With the loss of independence, frequently comes the loss of feeling needed or relevant. Without the ability to do things for themselves and the freedom to participate in activities freely, they may feel like they haveno sense of purpose anymore. It is important to your ability to care for aging parents to attend to their social wellness by helping them find ways to engage. Whether its finding groups that do activities together, volunteering at hospitals or animal shelters, or getting them involved with your familys activities, their social wellness can be just as important as their physical wellness.
Simply talking with them and consulting them and keeping them involved in family life as much as you can or talking about their care and health can go a long way to help them feel like they still matter. Even engaging them in your kids school work or projects can give them the opportunity to share their wisdom and knowledge and gives your kids the chance to learn about who they are and why. Finding ways to make them feel relevant can go a long way to improving social wellness in seniors.
When they are residents of Cadence Living, their voice counts in every aspect of their care for as long as theyre able to make sound, reasonable decisions if not, well turn to designated decision makers, like children from their family of origin or family of choice, for help. Theyll be included in activities with their peers, and will be kept engaged. Well even explore therapies such as music therapy to make sure their social wellness is included in their overall care.
How to Manage Aging Parents Who Refuse Help
Parents who refuse help may be one of the hardest challenges when it comes to how to manage aging parents. The conversation about your parents needing help isnt an easy one to have. They may fight the idea and push back, even if it really is for the best for all involved.
So, how to manage aging parents who refuse help? Its a really tricky thing to navigate! It takes patience, empathy, and sometimes difficult decisions on the part of the caretaker especially if the signs are clear that it is time to either get help in the home or for them to move into assisted living, but the parent is not seeing the signs or is not ready to acknowledge the time has come. It can be a huge step for them to accept that they need more care than they have. And how you approach the topic can make all the difference when its time to get help.
Make sure your parents know thatyou are on their side, that you want whats best for them, and that moving into assisted living is not a punishment.
Consider offering options, allowing them to be the final decision-maker.
Focus on the positive aspects of assisted living for them, from having trained professionals nearby 24 hours a day to assist with medical and crisis care to having someone else there to make their meals, to having an entire community of peers to participate in activities with.
Dont dismiss their feelings; really listen to their concerns. Be compassionate to their fears and be patient with them.
Especially if there are cognitive issues, remember that they are not the same parents they used to be, and they may need time to adjust to the idea of moving into assisted living.
Highlight the benefits of having entertainment options like craft days, group exercise classes or music therapy options that cater to them and their social wellness especially if their level of activity has changed radically because of physical limitations.
The Most Important Thing for You: Setting Boundaries and Self-Care
With all thats going on with taking care of aging parents, how do you have anything left for your kids and spouse? What about your job or any other responsibilities that already had your life full before it became clear your parents needed more care? As part of the Sandwich Generation, you are not alone in this constantpush and pull of your time and energy. If there was ever a time in your life when you needed to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of yourself, now is it!
Do not try to do this alone. Get the whole family involvednot just the ones who live with you. Sit everyone, parents and kids, down and talk about how everyone can play a role in keeping the family together and caring for each other. Even little ones have an opportunity to learn how to be kind and patient with their grandparentsand you!
Take time for yourself, away from everyone else. Even if its just an hour to go for a walk or to sit in your car and cry, there are few emergencies that warrant interruptions when you need to take a break.
Do your best to eat a healthy diet and get some exercise every day.
Sleep can be hard when theres so much stress, but lack of sleep can have a tremendous impact on your ability to be patient and think clearly; the two tools you need most right now.
Be open with your spouse, parents and children about the finances so that everyone understands the situation and how it will affect them.
Include your needs in the conversation about moving into assisted living. Boundaries and self-care should be part of the conversation, especially if youre still working on how to help aging parents who refuse help. Most aging parents will tell you that they do not want to be a burden; its a huge part of why they are fighting so hard for their independence. Surely they want you to be able to take care of your children and yourself, and assisted living can offer the support both of you need.
The Final Most Important Thing for You: Coping Mechanisms and Humor
Youre going to need to find outlets to process your care for aging parents. Sometimes youll need a way to navigate an uncomfortable conversation, sometimes it will help you both to stop dwelling on the hardships.
Have a sense of humor about the reversal of roles; the situations that could otherwise be embarrassing for both of you; help you and them find ways to laugh through the hard moments.
Focus on activities you enjoy doing together. Going on nature walks? Cooking? Shopping? Museums? Whatever it is, as long as you can still do things together, you have the opportunity to create great memories that will become important to you as time passes and their aging progresses. And asking for advice on things important to the parent (like a favorite recipe or cleaning tip) can give joy to your parent and useful information to you.
Keep your coping mechanisms for handling stress handy; youll need them. Whether its meditation or yoga, taking a walk, reading a book or a 20-minute nap, there will be times when you need to disconnect and take care of yourself, so that you can better care for those around you.
Other Articles You May Like
Caregiver Burnout: Recognizing the Signs
Caregiver Burnout: Recognizing the Signs and Finding the Support You Need Caring for a loved one can be one of the most meaningful things a person does. Whether helping an aging parent, a spouse, or a family member manage a serious illness or chronic medical condition, caregivers often make significant personal sacrifices to ensure their loved ones receive the care and attention they need. However, caregiving can also be physically and emotionally demanding. Between managing medical appointments, coordinating treatments, assisting with daily activities, and providing emotional support, caregivers may find themselves putting their own needs aside. Over time, the stress and responsibility of caring for someone else can take a toll on their health and well-being. This experience is commonly known as caregiver burnout. Caregiver burnout can develop gradually, making it difficult to recognize until exhaustion, frustration, and emotional stress become overwhelming. Understanding the warning signs and knowing where to find help can make a significant difference for caregivers and the loved ones who depend on them. What Is Caregiver Burnout? Caregiver burnout occurs when the ongoing physical, emotional, and mental demands of caring for another person become overwhelming. It can affect anyone who regularly provides care, whether they are helping a parent with dementia, supporting a spouse through cancer treatment, or assisting a family member with a chronic illness or disability. Unlike temporary stress, caregiver burnout often develops over time as responsibilities continue without enough rest, support, or opportunities for self-care. Many caregivers feel they must handle everything themselves. They may worry about leaving their loved one alone, feel guilty asking others for help, or believe that taking time for themselves means they are neglecting their responsibilities. Unfortunately, ignoring these feelings can make burnout worse. Caregiving should not mean sacrificing your own physical and emotional health. Recognizing when you need help is an important part of providing sustainable care. Common Signs and Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout Caregiver burnout can affect people in different ways. Some individuals experience physical exhaustion, while others notice changes in their mood, sleep patterns, or ability to concentrate. Recognizing these symptoms early can help caregivers take steps to protect their health and find additional support. 1. Constant Physical Exhaustion Feeling tired after a long day of caregiving is normal. However, ongoing exhaustion that does not improve with rest may be a warning sign of burnout. Caregivers may spend hours helping loved ones with bathing, dressing, meal preparation, transportation, medications, and other daily responsibilities. When these tasks become part of an ongoing routine, caregivers may not have enough time to recover physically. Common symptoms may include: Persistent fatigue and low energy. Frequent headaches or muscle aches. Changes in appetite. Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep. Becoming sick more frequently. When caregiving begins to affect your physical health, it may be time to reconsider your responsibilities and seek additional assistance. 2. Feeling Overwhelmed or Emotionally Drained Caregiving involves more than completing daily tasks. It also requires patience, understanding, and emotional strength. Watching someone you love struggle with a serious illness, lose independence, or experience changes in their physical or mental abilities can be heartbreaking. Caregivers may experience sadness, anxiety, frustration, or helplessness. They may also feel emotionally drained from constantly worrying about their loved one's health and future. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed most of the time, it is important to recognize that these feelings deserve attention and support. 3. Increased Irritability and Frustration Caregiving can require an enormous amount of patience, especially when helping someone who has dementia, Alzheimer's disease, mobility limitations, or other challenging medical conditions. Over time, exhaustion and stress can make it harder to manage difficult situations calmly. Caregivers may notice that they become irritated more easily, lose patience over small things, or feel frustrated with their loved one, other family members, or healthcare providers. These feelings do not mean you are a bad caregiver. They may indicate that you are carrying more responsibility than you can comfortably manage. Recognizing these emotions can help you identify when it is time to take a break or ask someone else to help. 4. Withdrawing From Family and Friends Caregiving responsibilities can make it difficult to maintain personal relationships and social activities. You may begin declining invitations, missing family gatherings, or avoiding phone calls because you feel too tired or overwhelmed to socialize. Some caregivers also withdraw because they believe others will not understand what they are experiencing. Unfortunately, social isolation can increase feelings of loneliness, sadness, and stress. Maintaining connections with friends and family is important. Even a short conversation, coffee with a friend, or a little time away from caregiving responsibilities can provide emotional relief. 5. Neglecting Your Own Health One of the most common challenges caregivers face is putting their own health last. They may postpone medical appointments, skip meals, stop exercising, or ignore symptoms because they are focused on meeting someone else's needs. Over time, neglecting personal health can create additional problems and make caregiving even more difficult. Caregivers should remember that their health matters, too. Maintaining regular medical care, eating nutritious meals, getting adequate sleep, and finding time for physical activity are important parts of staying healthy. 6. Feeling Guilty or Like You Are Never Doing Enough Many caregivers experience guilt, even when they are doing everything possible to help their loved one. They may feel guilty about taking a break, asking another family member for assistance, considering professional caregiving services, or feeling frustrated by their responsibilities. Some also struggle with the belief that they should be able to manage everything themselves. It is important to understand that no one can provide continuous care without needing rest and support. Asking for help does not mean you love someone less or are failing in your responsibilities. It means you recognize that caregiving is a demanding job and that you need support, too. Why Caregiving Can Become So Overwhelming Every caregiving situation is different, but several circumstances can increase the risk of burnout. Managing a Serious or Chronic Illness: Caring for someone with cancer, heart disease, Parkinson's disease, diabetes, dementia, or another chronic condition may involve ongoing medical appointments, medications, treatment schedules, and changes in health needs. Providing Around-the-Clock Care: Some individuals require assistance throughout the day and night. Constant supervision and interrupted sleep can leave caregivers physically and emotionally exhausted. Balancing Work and Family Responsibilities: Many family caregivers also have full-time jobs, children, household responsibilities, and other personal obligations. Trying to balance everything can create significant stress. Lack of Family Support: When caregiving responsibilities fall primarily on one person, the workload can quickly become overwhelming. Financial Concerns: Medical expenses, medications, transportation, and reduced work hours can create financial pressure for families. Watching a Loved One's Health Decline: Seeing someone you love lose independence or experience changes in their abilities can be emotionally painful. Caregivers may also experience grief while their loved one is still living, particularly when a progressive illness changes the relationship they once shared. Understanding these challenges can help caregivers recognize that burnout is not a personal failure. It is often the result of prolonged stress and insufficient support. Finding the Support You Need One of the most important steps in preventing caregiver burnout is recognizing that you do not have to do everything alone. There are many resources available to help caregivers manage their responsibilities while protecting their own health and well-being. 1. Ask Family Members and Friends for Help Family members and friends may want to help but simply do not know what is needed. Instead of trying to manage everything yourself, identify specific tasks that others can take over. For example, someone may be able to: Provide transportation to medical appointments. Prepare meals or help with grocery shopping. Assist with household chores. Spend time with your loved one while you take a break. Help organize medical appointments and paperwork. Run errands or pick up prescriptions. Sharing responsibilities can help reduce stress and give caregivers time to rest and recharge. 2. Consider Respite Care Respite care provides temporary relief for family caregivers by arranging for another qualified person or care provider to assist with their loved one's needs. Depending on the situation, respite care may be available for a few hours, several days, or longer periods. Options may include: In-home respite care. Adult day programs. Short-term stays in assisted living or skilled nursing communities. Assistance from family members or trusted caregivers. Respite care allows family caregivers to attend appointments, spend time with friends, take a vacation, or simply enjoy a few hours away from their caregiving responsibilities. Taking a break is not abandoning your loved one. It is an important way to maintain your ability to provide care over the long term. 3. Explore Professional Home Care Services As a loved one's medical needs increase, family caregivers may find that providing all the necessary assistance becomes difficult. Professional home care services can help reduce some of the daily responsibilities while allowing individuals to remain in the comfort of their own homes when appropriate. Depending on the provider and the individual's needs, non-medical home care services may include: Assistance with bathing, dressing, and personal care. Meal preparation and nutrition support. Light housekeeping and laundry. Medication reminders. Transportation and errands. Companionship and social engagement. Assistance with daily routines. Having a professional caregiver available can give family members peace of mind while allowing them to spend more quality time with their loved one. 4. Connect With Caregiver Support Groups Sometimes, the most helpful support comes from talking with people who understand what you are experiencing. Caregiver support groups provide an opportunity to share experiences, discuss challenges, and learn from others who are facing similar situations. These groups may meet in person or online and can provide emotional encouragement, practical advice, and a sense of community. Support groups are available for caregivers assisting individuals with Alzheimer's disease, cancer, Parkinson's disease, and many other medical conditions. Knowing you are not alone can make a significant difference in how you manage the emotional demands of caregiving. 5. Work With a Healthcare Advocate Navigating the healthcare system can become another major source of stress for caregivers. Coordinating appointments, communicating with multiple specialists, understanding treatment recommendations, and organizing medical records can require considerable time and effort. A healthcare advocate can help patients and families navigate these responsibilities. Depending on the services provided, a healthcare advocate may assist with: Organizing medical records and healthcare information. Preparing questions for doctor appointments. Helping patients understand diagnoses and treatment recommendations. Coordinating communication among healthcare providers. Identifying appropriate community resources and support services. Helping families understand available care options. For caregivers who feel overwhelmed by medical responsibilities, having someone knowledgeable to help navigate the healthcare system can provide valuable guidance and reassurance. 6. Consider Counseling or Professional Emotional Support Caregiving can bring complicated emotions, including anxiety, sadness, frustration, grief, and guilt. Talking with a licensed counselor or mental health professional can help caregivers process these feelings and develop healthy coping strategies. Professional support can also help caregivers recognize unhealthy patterns, establish boundaries, and learn how to manage stress more effectively. If feelings of depression, anxiety, or hopelessness become persistent or interfere with daily life, reaching out to a qualified professional is especially important. The Importance of Making Time for Yourself Caregivers often hear that they need to practice self-care, but finding the time can feel nearly impossible when someone depends on them every day. However, self-care does not have to involve expensive activities or large amounts of free time. Small changes can help caregivers maintain their physical and emotional health. Consider incorporating these habits into your routine: Get Enough Rest: Try to establish a consistent sleep schedule and accept help when nighttime responsibilities interfere with your rest. Eat Healthy Meals: Skipping meals or relying on convenience foods can leave you feeling even more exhausted. Make time for balanced meals and stay hydrated. Stay Physically Active: Even a short walk, gentle stretching, or another activity you enjoy can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. Maintain Social Connections: Make time to talk with friends, spend time with family, or participate in activities outside your caregiving responsibilities. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that you cannot control every aspect of your loved one's illness or recovery. Focus on what you can reasonably accomplish. Take Breaks Without Feeling Guilty: Schedule time for yourself, even if it is only a few minutes each day. Rest is a necessary part of maintaining your health. Remember, taking care of yourself is not separate from taking care of your loved one. It is part of being able to provide consistent, compassionate support. When Is It Time to Ask for More Help? Caregiving needs can change as a loved one's condition progresses. Someone who initially needed only occasional assistance may eventually require help with bathing, dressing, mobility, medication management, or around-the-clock supervision. If caregiving responsibilities are affecting your health, relationships, employment, or ability to manage everyday activities, it may be time to explore additional support. Consider seeking help if: You feel physically exhausted most of the time. You are experiencing ongoing anxiety, sadness, or frustration. You have little or no time for your own needs. You are struggling to manage medical appointments and treatment responsibilities. Your loved one requires more assistance than you can safely provide. You feel isolated or unsupported. You are worried about your ability to continue providing care. A healthcare professional, social worker, care manager, or healthcare advocate can help you evaluate your situation and identify resources that may be appropriate. Seeking additional help does not mean you are giving up on your loved one. It means you are taking steps to ensure both of you receive the support you need. Remember, Caregivers Need Care, Too Caring for someone you love is an act of compassion, patience, and dedication. However, the physical and emotional demands of caregiving can become overwhelming when responsibilities continue without adequate rest or support. Caregiver burnout is a real challenge, and recognizing the warning signs is the first step toward finding relief. Whether you need help coordinating medical care, assistance with everyday responsibilities, professional home care services, or someone to talk to, resources are available. You do not have to manage every responsibility on your own. Building a strong support system can help protect your health, reduce stress, and allow you to continue being there for the person you love. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities of helping a loved one manage a serious illness or chronic condition, consider reaching out to Vital Voice Healthcare Navigation. Having knowledgeable support to help coordinate care, understand medical information, and identify available resources can make the caregiving journey easier to navigate. Remember, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of someone else.
How to Organize After the Holidays
Hey there! Do you already have your holiday decorations put away, or will your Christmas tree be up until February? To be honest, I can be either person, depending on the year. This year, Ive been a little slow to pack up my garlands and lights, but thats ok. Organization doesnt mean being perfect all the time.The holiday season can bring fun and joy, but it can also bring chaos to the systems in your home. Theres a proliferation of stuff -- cards, packages, gifts of all kinds, decorations, wrapping paper, social engagements, emotions. After all the partying is over, we can be left with a feeling of overwhelm. As a professional organizer, here are my tips for how to handle all of the stuff that came into your house over the holidays and bring (a little more) peace to your home and heart: Decide what to keepThis is really the first (and most critical) thing to do as soon as youre ready to move on from the holidays. Take a look at everything that came into your house during the season and keep only what you truly want to have. I dont recommend keeping anything you dont love, need, or want, even if it was a gift (more on that below). If you shove that ugly sweater in a closet, forget about it, and discover it two years later, youll still have to make the same decisions about what to do with it. Decide what to do as soon as you can. Find a home for everything youre keeping (and put it there right away). If you are keeping a newer/different version of something you already own (for example, you got a nicer coffee maker for Christmas), consider donating or discarding your old item. In other words, follow the one-in, one-out rule if its appropriate.Let go of unwanted gifts Something I hear all of the time from clients is I dont really like this, but it was a gift and I feel guilty about giving it away.I know that gifts can be tricky. I think honoring the intention of the gift given to us is actually more important than holding onto the actual physical object. Usually, someone gives you a gift to show you that they care about you or because they hope youll enjoy it, not because they expect you to become the permanent caretaker of that object. (And if someone gives you a gift receipt, they dont mind if you return it dont feel guilty!)So how do I handle gifts I dont love? I go out of my way to thank the giver in a way thats sincere. I dont tell someone I loved a particular gift if I didnt, but I do thank them for thinking of me and for their generosity. If I dont want or cant use a gift, I pass it on to someone who can enjoy it more than me. That may mean donating it to a charity, giving it away through my local Buy Nothing group, or regifting to someone who I know would appreciate it. Sort the trash and recyclingYou probably ended up with lots of boxes after Black Friday. Go through any extra packaging and recycle, throw away, or give away what you cant use immediately. My clients often have a ton of empty boxes they are saving for someday, but those boxes can take up a lot of space (and its likely that more will come into your home soon). Getting them out is one of the easiest ways you can make your home feel less cluttered immediately. If you have boxes in good condition, you can post them on your local Buy Nothing or neighborhood social media group for someone who is moving. Take another look at your holiday cardsBefore you shove them into a box, look at each card individually. Is this specific card something that will be meaningful to you in a year? 10 years? If its not, appreciate the person who sent it to you and recycle the card. If it truly is a keepsake, save it in an album or memory box. Evaluate your holiday decorMany of my clients struggle with accumulating and storing holiday decor. I recommend thinking about any decor you didnt put out this year will you put it out next year, or are you over it? Do you have more than you can use? Set aside anything you no longer love or want to donate next fall before the holidays (generally, thrift shops do not have space to store out-of-season items for long periods of time). And make sure to carefully store the items you do love and so you can enjoy them next year
Give the Gift of a Clutter-Free Home
This is a loaded topic, but since its December, Im going to take on holiday gift-giving. Gulp. My approach to gift giving has dramatically changed since Ive become a professional organizer. Why? Because gifts are one of the biggest clutter challenges for my clients.I dont really like this, but it was a gift and I feel guilty about letting go of it. I dont want this, but my Mom gave it to me and Im afraid shell ask about it the next time she comes over. Someone bought me this expensive item, but its just not my style. These are sentiments I hear from clients over and over. After I saw how often gifts the clients not only didnt give them joy, they actually created a negative effect of adding guilt, stress, and clutter, I realized I needed to change my personal approach to holiday gifting. I want to shared what Ive learned with you in the hopes that youll feel more confident both as a gift-giver and recipient. Sooo many giftsHow did we get here?First of all, I want to say that this post isnt about being a Grinch or not giving gifts. I love giving gifts and a world without gifts would be a sad one.At the same time, we live in a culture where there is an incredible pressure to buy lots of gifts, particularly around Christmas. So much so that 47% of Americans surveyed expect to go into debt for holiday gift-giving, travel, or both, this year. And so many people are already overwhelmed with belongings. Eleven percent of Americans rent storage units to store extra stuff. Now that I see much stress gifts create for both givers and receivers, I think its time for a different approach to gifts. Realize the change starts with youBefore we get into strategies, its important to acknowledge that you only have control over your own gift giving behavior. Yup, thats right. You cant stop your mother-in-law or your aunt Suzy from wrapping up LOL dolls or vanilla-scented candles if thats the way they are hell-bent on showing their love. I often hear my younger clients say things like I ask my parents to gift my kids experiences like museum tickets, but they just keep buying plastic toys. Honestly, Im not surprised by that. Buying tons of stuff to show our families that we love them at certain times of the year has become so culturally ingrained that many people feel its mandatory. And for gift givers, gifting something intangible is a change from the tradition of handing someone a wrapped box. Its going to take a bigger cultural change before more people feel comfortable gifting differently. Over the years, Ive realized that although I cant change other peoples behaviors around gifting, I can change the way I give gifts. How Ive changed my approach to giftingBefore I became an organizer, I felt obligated to buy holiday gifts for every party and event I went to. At times, I fell into the trap of buying things I liked or that seemed really nice to me (like an expensive pair of earrings or bottle of wine) but the recipient didnt actually care about. Other times, I found gifts that I knew were lame, but I bought them anyway because I didnt want to show up empty-handed, or I couldnt afford what the person really wanted. I dont do those things anymore. Ive tried to be a more mindful gift-giver by: Opting out of gift exchanges that are less meaningful to me, or where I cant gift a specific recipient, like office Secret Santas or Yankee Swaps. Pausing and asking Am I picking this item to impress the recipient, or because they will really love it? If Im picking something to show off my own taste, I rein myself in. Buying and giving gifts whenever I find the right one, regardless of if theres a holiday or occasion. That way, I dont feel pressure to buy something thats not great just because its a holiday. Giving cash in a nice greeting card. Its not the most exciting gift to give, but Ive never heard someone say they didnt like cash. More ideas for clutter-free giftingIf you love giving gifts, but the people on your list already seem to have everything (or say I dont need anything), you can still gift in a way thats clutter-free. My fellow NAPO organizer Kimberly Corey recently wrote a great blog post full of clutter-free gift ideas, including everything from concert tickets to car detailing (Santa, if youre reading this, Id love to have someone detail my truck :) In addition to all of Kimberlys great ideas, another intangible gift I love is a gift subscription to an online publication so your loved one can read articles without the paywall. What about gift cards? Gift cards can be tricky. Some people love them, but many of them go unused or end up with a balance. I think a gift card to a retailer you know the recipient regularly shops with or to a restaurant you know they love (or would love to try) is a great gift. Otherwise, I would go with cash. I have had more and more clients ask for organizing gift cards over the years, so I do offer several organizing gift cards. These are a great option if your loved one already works with me, or has expressed interest in working with a professional organizer. (Otherwise, it might seem passive aggressive.) The greatest giftIt may seem cliche, but never underestimate the gift of your time and presence. Calling a friend, spending an afternoon with your parents, engaging in something silly with your kidsthese are the gifts they will truly cherish. I wish you a wonderful and joyful holiday season!
Local Services By This Author
Greeley Village
Assisted LivingGreeley Village is a thriving senior living community where our highly experienced and supportive staff make residents feel cared for and right at home. What makes Greeley Village a special place? Besides being designed from top to bottom with the latest amenities, programming and health services that todays seniors want, Greeley Village learned to cultivate a vibrant lifestyle for engaged living. Our people, places and programs work in harmony to create experiences that delight residents and help our community thrive. Our creative and progressive approach focuses on health, wellness and living styles that respect individual preferences, while providing supportive services that encourage people to live their best lifeat any age and in the way they choose.