Finding Balance in the Sandwich Generation: Aging Parents and Your New Life
Greeley Village
Jan 25, 2022
Colorado - Northern Colorado
Email US
Click to Email Us
If youve got aging parents who need more care and children youre raising in your life at the same time, welcome to the Sandwich Generation! Its really hard navigating how to manage aging parents, and even harder when youve also got kids and a spouse who need your time. There are so many layers of stress and responsibility to caring for aging parents that you can prepare for, but when the time comes, no one feels ready.
Health issues (yours and your parents) become bigger, more serious, and have longer recovery times, requiring more care that may be beyond your abilities. Our parents may be experiencing memory or dementia issues, which can impact their cognitive abilities. They move slower, think slower. Every action requires more of your time and effortand patienceand you already have a full plate of responsibilities, between work, kids, and spouses. And then both you and your parent(s) have to realize and accept that this is happening. Your parent is getting older and isnt mentally or physically capable of doing the things youre both used to them being able to do on their own. How do you do it?
How do you balance out the feeling that youre being pulled in a million directions at once?
How do you take care of yourself and everyone else? How do you decide when its time for your aging parent to move into assisted living, and how do you have that conversation with them? Should you choose assisted living or independent living? Are the options for independent living enough for your parent, or do you need more specialized care like memory care?
Caring for aging parents can be really hard. Lets talk about how to get through this new chapter in both of your lives.
How and When to Start Talking about Big Decisions for the Care of Aging Parents
For many families,the roles of child and parent will reverse. It doesnt often happen quickly. And when the reversal comes, one of the hardest pills to swallow is when we come to the realization that parents are becoming less capable of making big or small (or sometimes both) decisions for themselves.
Ideally, you want to start having conversations about the big decisions with your parents wishes early, before a health problem or other crisis arises that forces everyone to make decisions out of fear and urgency, that might not be the best for them or you. When you start seeing the signs, including the big logistical topics, you want to make sure you are on the same page about: a living will, a last will and testament (to distribute assets); and a funeral plan.
There are also a myriad of less well-defined, more emotional topics that you need to address when taking care of aging parents, that you and your parents also need to talk about. Here are just a few we recommend addressing.
The Most Important Thing to an Aging Parent: Independence
The most difficult part about your parents getting older, for you and for them, is the loss of independence. Think about how it feels when you get sick or injure yourself and you are forced to rely on others to do the simplest tasks. Often, the thing that keeps you going is knowing that youll recover and be able to return to your normal activities. When age forces a longer recovery, or brings with it an injury or degenerative disease in which there is no recovery, routines and habits have to change to adapt and sometimes also comes the need for assistance. This loss of independence can be devastating for your parents and add a whole new set of responsibilities for you and your entire family.
When its time for them to stop driving, or when it becomes clear to you that they cant live without assistance anymore, for you, its a matter of concern for their safety. For them, its the loss of control and freedom to do their own thing, go where they want, when they want to. There is a loss of individuality and can cause a sense of isolation from the people and activities they once enjoyed as fully capable adults. It is important to be patient and understanding when addressing your parents loss of independence. Caring for aging parents isnt just about attending to their physical needs; you have to be sensitive to and have compassion for how hard these changes are for them, catering to emotional needs and their social wellness, too.
The loss of independence is felt most strongly by the parent who recognizes your roles have reversed. You are now having to care for them the way they used to care for you. Framing care decisions in a way that looks less like youre telling them what to do and more like making decisions together can make the path forward easier and leaves the parent feeling as if theyre maintaining independence and have a voice in their choice of care.
In an assisted living setting, your parents can still feel a sense of independence, with the added benefit of a full professional staff who can help when needed. Our staff can keep an eye on how they are managing daily living tasks like eating meals and hygiene without being intrusive or forcing them to admit problems that they might be embarrassed to discuss with their children.
The Second Most Important Thing to An Aging Parent: Relevance
With the loss of independence, frequently comes the loss of feeling needed or relevant. Without the ability to do things for themselves and the freedom to participate in activities freely, they may feel like they haveno sense of purpose anymore. It is important to your ability to care for aging parents to attend to their social wellness by helping them find ways to engage. Whether its finding groups that do activities together, volunteering at hospitals or animal shelters, or getting them involved with your familys activities, their social wellness can be just as important as their physical wellness.
Simply talking with them and consulting them and keeping them involved in family life as much as you can or talking about their care and health can go a long way to help them feel like they still matter. Even engaging them in your kids school work or projects can give them the opportunity to share their wisdom and knowledge and gives your kids the chance to learn about who they are and why. Finding ways to make them feel relevant can go a long way to improving social wellness in seniors.
When they are residents of Cadence Living, their voice counts in every aspect of their care for as long as theyre able to make sound, reasonable decisions if not, well turn to designated decision makers, like children from their family of origin or family of choice, for help. Theyll be included in activities with their peers, and will be kept engaged. Well even explore therapies such as music therapy to make sure their social wellness is included in their overall care.
How to Manage Aging Parents Who Refuse Help
Parents who refuse help may be one of the hardest challenges when it comes to how to manage aging parents. The conversation about your parents needing help isnt an easy one to have. They may fight the idea and push back, even if it really is for the best for all involved.
So, how to manage aging parents who refuse help? Its a really tricky thing to navigate! It takes patience, empathy, and sometimes difficult decisions on the part of the caretaker especially if the signs are clear that it is time to either get help in the home or for them to move into assisted living, but the parent is not seeing the signs or is not ready to acknowledge the time has come. It can be a huge step for them to accept that they need more care than they have. And how you approach the topic can make all the difference when its time to get help.
Make sure your parents know thatyou are on their side, that you want whats best for them, and that moving into assisted living is not a punishment.
Consider offering options, allowing them to be the final decision-maker.
Focus on the positive aspects of assisted living for them, from having trained professionals nearby 24 hours a day to assist with medical and crisis care to having someone else there to make their meals, to having an entire community of peers to participate in activities with.
Dont dismiss their feelings; really listen to their concerns. Be compassionate to their fears and be patient with them.
Especially if there are cognitive issues, remember that they are not the same parents they used to be, and they may need time to adjust to the idea of moving into assisted living.
Highlight the benefits of having entertainment options like craft days, group exercise classes or music therapy options that cater to them and their social wellness especially if their level of activity has changed radically because of physical limitations.
The Most Important Thing for You: Setting Boundaries and Self-Care
With all thats going on with taking care of aging parents, how do you have anything left for your kids and spouse? What about your job or any other responsibilities that already had your life full before it became clear your parents needed more care? As part of the Sandwich Generation, you are not alone in this constantpush and pull of your time and energy. If there was ever a time in your life when you needed to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of yourself, now is it!
Do not try to do this alone. Get the whole family involvednot just the ones who live with you. Sit everyone, parents and kids, down and talk about how everyone can play a role in keeping the family together and caring for each other. Even little ones have an opportunity to learn how to be kind and patient with their grandparentsand you!
Take time for yourself, away from everyone else. Even if its just an hour to go for a walk or to sit in your car and cry, there are few emergencies that warrant interruptions when you need to take a break.
Do your best to eat a healthy diet and get some exercise every day.
Sleep can be hard when theres so much stress, but lack of sleep can have a tremendous impact on your ability to be patient and think clearly; the two tools you need most right now.
Be open with your spouse, parents and children about the finances so that everyone understands the situation and how it will affect them.
Include your needs in the conversation about moving into assisted living. Boundaries and self-care should be part of the conversation, especially if youre still working on how to help aging parents who refuse help. Most aging parents will tell you that they do not want to be a burden; its a huge part of why they are fighting so hard for their independence. Surely they want you to be able to take care of your children and yourself, and assisted living can offer the support both of you need.
The Final Most Important Thing for You: Coping Mechanisms and Humor
Youre going to need to find outlets to process your care for aging parents. Sometimes youll need a way to navigate an uncomfortable conversation, sometimes it will help you both to stop dwelling on the hardships.
Have a sense of humor about the reversal of roles; the situations that could otherwise be embarrassing for both of you; help you and them find ways to laugh through the hard moments.
Focus on activities you enjoy doing together. Going on nature walks? Cooking? Shopping? Museums? Whatever it is, as long as you can still do things together, you have the opportunity to create great memories that will become important to you as time passes and their aging progresses. And asking for advice on things important to the parent (like a favorite recipe or cleaning tip) can give joy to your parent and useful information to you.
Keep your coping mechanisms for handling stress handy; youll need them. Whether its meditation or yoga, taking a walk, reading a book or a 20-minute nap, there will be times when you need to disconnect and take care of yourself, so that you can better care for those around you.
Other Articles You May Like
Sun Safety for Everyone with These Sun Safety Tips
Stay Sun-Safe with These Sun Safety Tips Summer is in full swing and with it comes the long-awaited sunshine. While the sun can provide many benefits, it can also be detrimental to our health if we do not take care to protect ourselves. Whether you're spending time outdoors on a sunny day, going for a walk or just sitting on the porch, protecting yourself from harmful rays should always be a top priority. In this blog post, we will share tips and tricks on how to keep safe in the sun. Facts and Stats About Skin Cancer Staying ahead of skin cancer means staying informed about its causes, risks, and outcomes. The Skin Cancer Foundation (Opens in a new window) shares the following staggering facts and stats about skin cancer in the United States: 1 in 5 Americans will develop skin cancer by the age of 70. Every hour, more than 2 people die of skin cancer in the U.S. Your risk for melanoma doubles after experiencing five or more sunburns. Early detection of melanoma leads to a 99% 5-year survival rate. Risks of Skin Cancer and Who is Most at Risk Although anyone can develop skin cancer, some people are more at risk than others. According to the American Cancer Society (Opens in a new window), those with fair skin, light hair, and blue or green eyes are more likely to get skin cancer, as are those with a personal or family history of skin cancer. Additionally, exposure to UV rays from the sun or tanning beds can greatly increase your risk. And while skin cancer can happen at any age, it's more common in people over the age of 50, says the Skin Cancer Foundation (Opens in a new window). Tips for Staying Safe in the Sun We all want to make sure that were taking the best possible care of ourselves and our loved ones, especially when it comes to protecting ourselves from the dangers of spending too much time in the sun. Overexposure can lead to serious health risks such as dehydration, sunburns, heat exhaustion even skin cancer so its imperative for us to be aware of sun protection methods during outdoor activities. Here are some sun safety tips to bear in mind when spending time outside: Apply sunscreen regularly: Use a broad-spectrum sunscreen (SPF of 30 or higher) that blocks both UVA and UVB rays. To ensure that sunscreen is evenly applied, use about an oz (a shot glass) worth of sunscreen or enough to fit in the palm of your hand. Reapply every two hours or immediately after swimming or sweating. Wear appropriate clothing: Wear loose, comfortable clothing that covers as much skin as possible, such as long-sleeved shirts and pants. Consider sun protective clothing with UV blocking fabric. Seek shade: Stay under the shade as much as possible and always use an umbrella, tent, or other porous objects to provide shade. Again, avoid being in the midday sun from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., when UV rays are the strongest. Wear a hat: Wearing a wide-brimmed hat is a great way to protect your face, ears, and neck from the sun. Hydrate: Drink plenty of water being in the sun can be dehydrating. Dont be fooled by cloudy weather: UV radiation can still damage your skin, even on a cloudy day. It is important always to apply sunscreen when going outside for an extended period. Tips for Preventing Skin Cancer According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (Opens in a new window), skin cancer is the most common type of cancer in the U.S., and it affects millions of people every year. It is caused by damage to the skin cells caused by the sun's harmful UV rays. CDC research show that certain people carry risk factors that make them more susceptible to skin cancer (Opens in a new window). Whether you have risk factors for cancer or not, there are plenty of ways to protect your skin from the sun and prevent skin cancer: Monitor your medications: Some medications can make your skin more sensitive to the sun. If you are taking any prescription drugs, talk to your doctor, or pharmacist, about the potential side effects and how to protect your skin. Live a healthy lifestyle: Eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, and managing stress can all have a positive effect on your skin. By living a healthy lifestyle, you can give your skin the best chance of staying healthy and avoiding skin cancer. Avoid Tanning Beds: If you're looking to get a tan, skip the tanning bed and opt for a self-tanner instead. Tanning beds expose your skin to harmful UV rays, increasing your risk of skin cancer. Get Regular Skin Checks: Schedule regular appointments with a dermatologist to have your skin checked for any signs of skin cancer. Catching it early can greatly improve your chances of successful treatment. Protect. Protect. Protect: As mentioned above, some of the most proactive steps you can take to protect yourself from skin cancer is to seek the shade; avoid the suns UV rays when they are strongest between 10 am and 4 pm; wear sun protective clothing; and use a broad-spectrum sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher. Call today for more information 303-300-6666.
Why Seniors Should Try Quinoa
March is National Quinoa Month and now is the perfect time learn about this tasty superfood and how it can help you and your senior parent stay healthy. Quinoa is a grain, but most people arent as familiar with it as they are with grains like oats or wheat. Quinoa is considered a superfood because its packed with vitamins and essential nutrients. And its a very versatile grain that can be used in lots of different dishes.Estimates are that more than 70% of seniors are malnourished, even seniors who eat regularly. Not eating, or not eating healthy foods, can contribute to poor health in seniors and can make existing medical conditions worse. Thats why seniors should learn about the many health benefits of quinoa.In-home care can help seniors prepare healthy and tasty meals to help battle malnutrition. With the help of in-home care providers seniors can prepare and try lots of new healthy foods, including quinoa. Some of the reasons why seniors should try quinoa today are:Essential Vitamins and MineralsQuinoa is a nutrient-dense food, packed with essential vitamins and minerals. It is an excellent source of protein, containing all nine essential amino acids, making it a complete protein. Seniors who arent getting enough protein can add protein to salads or soups by adding quinoa to those dishes.Full Of FiberQuinoa is a good source of dietary fiber, both soluble and insoluble. Fiber plays a crucial role in digestive health by promoting regular bowel movements, preventing constipation, and supporting a healthy gut microbiome. Eating more fiber can also lower the risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes.Its Gluten FreeQuinoa is naturally gluten-free, making it a suitable grain alternative for those with gluten sensitivity or celiac disease. It provides a safe and nutritious option for individuals who need to avoid gluten-containing grains.AntioxidantsQuinoa is rich in antioxidants, including quercetin and kaempferol. These compounds help neutralize harmful free radicals in the body, protecting cells from oxidative stress. Antioxidants play a role in reducing inflammation and may contribute to overall health and disease prevention.Heart HealthyQuinoa is beneficial for heart health due to its high fiber content, which helps lower cholesterol levels. Additionally, it contains heart-healthy monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats. The combination of fiber and healthy fats supports cardiovascular function and may reduce the risk of heart disease.Blood Sugar RegulationThe complex carbohydrates and fiber in quinoa contribute to stable blood sugar levels. This is particularly beneficial for seniors with diabetes or those at risk of developing diabetes. Eating quinoa instead of pasta or rice is recommended for seniors with diabetes. Quinoas low glycemic index helps prevent rapid spikes and crashes in blood sugar.Weight ManagementThe combination of protein, fiber, and complex carbohydrates in quinoa can contribute to a feeling of fullness and satiety. Including quinoa in meals may help control appetite, which can help seniors who are struggling to maintain a healthy weight.Better Bone HealthQuinoa is a good source of important minerals for bone health, including magnesium, phosphorus, and manganese. These minerals play a crucial role in maintaining strong and healthy bones, preventing conditions like osteoporosis.Rich in Essential MineralsQuinoa is a notable source of essential minerals, including iron, magnesium, phosphorus, and zinc. These minerals are vital for various bodily functions, such as oxygen transport, energy production, and immune system function.VersatilityQuinoas versatility makes it an easy and enjoyable addition to various dishes. It can be used in salads, soups, casseroles, and as a side dish. Its neutral flavor allows it to complement a wide range of ingredients, making it a flexible and nutritious ingredient in the kitchen.Improved Digestive HealthThe fiber in quinoa supports digestive health by promoting regular bowel movements and providing prebiotics for the growth of beneficial gut bacteria. A healthy digestive system is essential for nutrient absorption and overall well-being. If you or an aging loved one are considering In-Home Care in Boulder, CO please contact the caring staff at Talem Home Care & Placement Services today. Call (720) 789-8529At Talem Home Care of Broomfield, we provide passionate, understanding, and flexible caregivers in Broomfield, Arvada, Aurora, Boulder, Brighton, Commerce City, Denver, Erie, Firestone, Lafayette, Lakewood, Longmont, Louisville, Northglenn, Sherrelwood, Thornton, Welby, Westminster, Wheat Ridge and surrounding areas in Colorado.
What Is a Clinical Pharmacist and What Do They Do?
Do you or your loved one take prescribed medications for a chronic condition? Managing pills might become overwhelming. Not only that, but it is also important to ensure that the medications work efficiently to enhance your or your loved ones well-being. This is when the services of a clinical pharmacist become invaluable. A clinical pharmacist specializes in direct patient care, collaborating with healthcare teams to optimize medication therapy. Read on to learn more about how clinical pharmacists can help you.Assessment and EvaluationClinical pharmacists analyze the status of a patient's health conditions and scrutinize the prescribed medications. They identify potential gaps or discrepancies in the treatment, ensuring that medications align with the patient's needs and therapy goals.Uncovering Untreated Health IssuesBeyond merely dispensing medications, clinical pharmacists uncover untreated health problems that could benefit from appropriate medication therapy. Through their thorough evaluations, they identify areas where intervention can lead to improved patient well-being and quality of life.Monitoring and ConsultationThe journey doesn't end with a prescription. Clinical pharmacists walk alongside patients, monitoring their progress and evaluating the effects of medications on their health. This ongoing assessment allows for timely adjustments and interventions, ensuring that the treatment remains on track. Moreover, clinical pharmacists collaborate with physicians and other healthcare providers, offering valuable insights and recommendations to optimize medication therapy and contribute to overall care goals.Patient Education and SupportEmpowering patients with knowledge is a cornerstone of the clinical pharmacist's role. They offer guidance on medication administration, helping patients navigate dosages and get a thorough understanding of potential side effects. Clinical pharmacists extend their support beyond pills and prescriptions, advocating for holistic approaches to health by promoting practices like exercise, proper diet, and preventive measures such as immunizations.Integrated Patient CareClinical pharmacists collaborate with healthcare teams to develop and implement comprehensive medication plans tailored to individual patient needs.Personalized Care and Professional RelationshipsClinical pharmacists forge meaningful connections with patients, taking the time to understand their unique concerns, preferences, and aspirations. This human touch infuses their practice with empathy and understanding, fostering trust and collaboration on the journey towards better health.How We Can HelpAt Deeper Dive Horizons, our clinical pharmacists can help you or your loved one through one of the following services:S.H.I.P ProgramThrough six one-on-one sessions conducted via phone or zoom, the S.H.I.P. program focuses on four key pillars: safe and effective medication therapy, promotion of healthy lifestyles, overcoming healthcare and lifestyle barriers to independent living, and provision of resources for senior and caregiver well-being. Deep Dive Medication ReviewThis program provides a deep dive into medication management for seniors who are on multiple medications and may feel that their current therapy is suboptimal for their chronic conditions. Over two sessions, the program offers tailored medication review plans in collaboration with the patient's primary care physician. Follow-up sessions assess the success of interventions and determine if further comprehensive programs are needed to achieve goal-directed health outcomes.Sailing Home ProgramThe Sailing Home Program focuses on ensuring a smooth transition for seniors from hospital to home, reducing the risk of re-hospitalization by reconciling medications, and addressing medication-related issues. This includes evaluating duplicate therapy, drug-drug interactions, drug-disease interactions, appropriate dosing based on patient-specific data, and assessing the complexity of drug regimens in relation to the senior's independence and support systems. If you or your loved one are looking for a clinical pharmacist, contact us at Deeper Dive Horizons to schedule a consultation 888-984-8895.
Local Services By This Author
Greeley Village
Assisted Living 1090 43rd Avenue, Greeley, Colorado, 80634Greeley Village is a thriving senior living community where our highly experienced and supportive staff make residents feel cared for and right at home. What makes Greeley Village a special place? Besides being designed from top to bottom with the latest amenities, programming and health services that todays seniors want, Greeley Village learned to cultivate a vibrant lifestyle for engaged living. Our people, places and programs work in harmony to create experiences that delight residents and help our community thrive. Our creative and progressive approach focuses on health, wellness and living styles that respect individual preferences, while providing supportive services that encourage people to live their best lifeat any age and in the way they choose.
