Finding Balance in the Sandwich Generation: Aging Parents and Your New Life

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Greeley Village

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Jan 25, 2022

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How to Balance Aging Parents, Work & Children
If youve got aging parents who need more care and children youre raising in your life at the same time, welcome to the Sandwich Generation! Its really hard navigating how to manage aging parents, and even harder when youve also got kids and a spouse who need your time. There are so many layers of stress and responsibility to caring for aging parents that you can prepare for, but when the time comes, no one feels ready.
Health issues (yours and your parents) become bigger, more serious, and have longer recovery times, requiring more care that may be beyond your abilities. Our parents may be experiencing memory or dementia issues, which can impact their cognitive abilities. They move slower, think slower. Every action requires more of your time and effortand patienceand you already have a full plate of responsibilities, between work, kids, and spouses. And then both you and your parent(s) have to realize and accept that this is happening. Your parent is getting older and isnt mentally or physically capable of doing the things youre both used to them being able to do on their own. How do you do it?
How do you balance out the feeling that youre being pulled in a million directions at once?
How do you take care of yourself and everyone else? How do you decide when its time for your aging parent to move into assisted living, and how do you have that conversation with them? Should you choose assisted living or independent living? Are the options for independent living enough for your parent, or do you need more specialized care like memory care?
Caring for aging parents can be really hard. Lets talk about how to get through this new chapter in both of your lives.
How and When to Start Talking about Big Decisions for the Care of Aging Parents
For many families,the roles of child and parent will reverse. It doesnt often happen quickly. And when the reversal comes, one of the hardest pills to swallow is when we come to the realization that parents are becoming less capable of making big or small (or sometimes both) decisions for themselves.
Ideally, you want to start having conversations about the big decisions with your parents wishes early, before a health problem or other crisis arises that forces everyone to make decisions out of fear and urgency, that might not be the best for them or you. When you start seeing the signs, including the big logistical topics, you want to make sure you are on the same page about: a living will, a last will and testament (to distribute assets); and a funeral plan.

There are also a myriad of less well-defined, more emotional topics that you need to address when taking care of aging parents, that you and your parents also need to talk about. Here are just a few we recommend addressing.

The Most Important Thing to an Aging Parent: Independence
The most difficult part about your parents getting older, for you and for them, is the loss of independence. Think about how it feels when you get sick or injure yourself and you are forced to rely on others to do the simplest tasks. Often, the thing that keeps you going is knowing that youll recover and be able to return to your normal activities. When age forces a longer recovery, or brings with it an injury or degenerative disease in which there is no recovery, routines and habits have to change to adapt and sometimes also comes the need for assistance. This loss of independence can be devastating for your parents and add a whole new set of responsibilities for you and your entire family.
When its time for them to stop driving, or when it becomes clear to you that they cant live without assistance anymore, for you, its a matter of concern for their safety. For them, its the loss of control and freedom to do their own thing, go where they want, when they want to. There is a loss of individuality and can cause a sense of isolation from the people and activities they once enjoyed as fully capable adults. It is important to be patient and understanding when addressing your parents loss of independence. Caring for aging parents isnt just about attending to their physical needs; you have to be sensitive to and have compassion for how hard these changes are for them, catering to emotional needs and their social wellness, too.
The loss of independence is felt most strongly by the parent who recognizes your roles have reversed. You are now having to care for them the way they used to care for you. Framing care decisions in a way that looks less like youre telling them what to do and more like making decisions together can make the path forward easier and leaves the parent feeling as if theyre maintaining independence and have a voice in their choice of care.
In an assisted living setting, your parents can still feel a sense of independence, with the added benefit of a full professional staff who can help when needed. Our staff can keep an eye on how they are managing daily living tasks like eating meals and hygiene without being intrusive or forcing them to admit problems that they might be embarrassed to discuss with their children.
The Second Most Important Thing to An Aging Parent: Relevance
With the loss of independence, frequently comes the loss of feeling needed or relevant. Without the ability to do things for themselves and the freedom to participate in activities freely, they may feel like they haveno sense of purpose anymore. It is important to your ability to care for aging parents to attend to their social wellness by helping them find ways to engage. Whether its finding groups that do activities together, volunteering at hospitals or animal shelters, or getting them involved with your familys activities, their social wellness can be just as important as their physical wellness.
Simply talking with them and consulting them and keeping them involved in family life as much as you can or talking about their care and health can go a long way to help them feel like they still matter. Even engaging them in your kids school work or projects can give them the opportunity to share their wisdom and knowledge and gives your kids the chance to learn about who they are and why. Finding ways to make them feel relevant can go a long way to improving social wellness in seniors.
When they are residents of Cadence Living, their voice counts in every aspect of their care for as long as theyre able to make sound, reasonable decisions if not, well turn to designated decision makers, like children from their family of origin or family of choice, for help. Theyll be included in activities with their peers, and will be kept engaged. Well even explore therapies such as music therapy to make sure their social wellness is included in their overall care.

How to Manage Aging Parents Who Refuse Help
Parents who refuse help may be one of the hardest challenges when it comes to how to manage aging parents. The conversation about your parents needing help isnt an easy one to have. They may fight the idea and push back, even if it really is for the best for all involved.
So, how to manage aging parents who refuse help? Its a really tricky thing to navigate! It takes patience, empathy, and sometimes difficult decisions on the part of the caretaker especially if the signs are clear that it is time to either get help in the home or for them to move into assisted living, but the parent is not seeing the signs or is not ready to acknowledge the time has come. It can be a huge step for them to accept that they need more care than they have. And how you approach the topic can make all the difference when its time to get help.

Make sure your parents know thatyou are on their side, that you want whats best for them, and that moving into assisted living is not a punishment.
Consider offering options, allowing them to be the final decision-maker.
Focus on the positive aspects of assisted living for them, from having trained professionals nearby 24 hours a day to assist with medical and crisis care to having someone else there to make their meals, to having an entire community of peers to participate in activities with.
Dont dismiss their feelings; really listen to their concerns. Be compassionate to their fears and be patient with them.
Especially if there are cognitive issues, remember that they are not the same parents they used to be, and they may need time to adjust to the idea of moving into assisted living.
Highlight the benefits of having entertainment options like craft days, group exercise classes or music therapy options that cater to them and their social wellness especially if their level of activity has changed radically because of physical limitations.

The Most Important Thing for You: Setting Boundaries and Self-Care
With all thats going on with taking care of aging parents, how do you have anything left for your kids and spouse? What about your job or any other responsibilities that already had your life full before it became clear your parents needed more care? As part of the Sandwich Generation, you are not alone in this constantpush and pull of your time and energy. If there was ever a time in your life when you needed to set boundaries and make sure you are taking care of yourself, now is it!

Do not try to do this alone. Get the whole family involvednot just the ones who live with you. Sit everyone, parents and kids, down and talk about how everyone can play a role in keeping the family together and caring for each other. Even little ones have an opportunity to learn how to be kind and patient with their grandparentsand you!
Take time for yourself, away from everyone else. Even if its just an hour to go for a walk or to sit in your car and cry, there are few emergencies that warrant interruptions when you need to take a break.
Do your best to eat a healthy diet and get some exercise every day.
Sleep can be hard when theres so much stress, but lack of sleep can have a tremendous impact on your ability to be patient and think clearly; the two tools you need most right now.
Be open with your spouse, parents and children about the finances so that everyone understands the situation and how it will affect them.
Include your needs in the conversation about moving into assisted living. Boundaries and self-care should be part of the conversation, especially if youre still working on how to help aging parents who refuse help. Most aging parents will tell you that they do not want to be a burden; its a huge part of why they are fighting so hard for their independence. Surely they want you to be able to take care of your children and yourself, and assisted living can offer the support both of you need.

The Final Most Important Thing for You: Coping Mechanisms and Humor
Youre going to need to find outlets to process your care for aging parents. Sometimes youll need a way to navigate an uncomfortable conversation, sometimes it will help you both to stop dwelling on the hardships.

Have a sense of humor about the reversal of roles; the situations that could otherwise be embarrassing for both of you; help you and them find ways to laugh through the hard moments.
Focus on activities you enjoy doing together. Going on nature walks? Cooking? Shopping? Museums? Whatever it is, as long as you can still do things together, you have the opportunity to create great memories that will become important to you as time passes and their aging progresses. And asking for advice on things important to the parent (like a favorite recipe or cleaning tip) can give joy to your parent and useful information to you.
Keep your coping mechanisms for handling stress handy; youll need them. Whether its meditation or yoga, taking a walk, reading a book or a 20-minute nap, there will be times when you need to disconnect and take care of yourself, so that you can better care for those around you.

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Choosing a senior living community is an important decision. For some older adults, the move may be driven by a desire for a more active social lifestyle, while others may be looking for additional support with everyday tasks or healthcare needs.The right senior living option today may not necessarily be the right option several years from now. As we age, our health, mobility, interests, and care needs can change. Planning for those changes can make the transition easier and help seniors maintain a fulfilling lifestyle.Understanding the different types of senior living and thinking about both current and future needs can help seniors and their families make a confident decision.Start by Assessing Your Current NeedsBefore visiting senior living communities, take some time to consider what kind of support is needed right now.Ask questions such as: Is the senior comfortable managing a home independently? Are household chores becoming difficult? Is transportation becoming a concern? Can the senior safely prepare meals? Is assistance needed with bathing, dressing, or medications? Are there concerns about falls or mobility? Would more opportunities for social interaction be beneficial? Are there memory or cognitive concerns? Being honest about current challenges can help narrow down the most appropriate options.Consider Independence and LifestyleNot every senior who moves into a retirement community needs daily assistance. Some older adults choose community living because they want fewer household responsibilities, more social opportunities, or convenient access to activities and amenities.Independent or residential living may be a good choice for seniors who can manage most daily activities on their own but would enjoy: Maintenance-free living Dining options Fitness and wellness activities Social events Clubs and interest groups Educational programs Outdoor spaces Opportunities to meet new friends The goal is to find a lifestyle that supports independence while providing opportunities to remain active and engaged.Understand Personal Care and Assisted LivingAs everyday tasks become more difficult, a senior may benefit from personal care or assisted living.These settings can provide assistance with activities of daily living while still encouraging residents to remain as independent as possible.Depending on the community, support may include assistance with: Bathing and grooming Dressing Personal hygiene Medication management Mobility Meals Other everyday activities Personal care may be appropriate when a senior needs more support than independent living can provide but does not require the intensive medical care offered in a healthcare setting.Know When Memory Care May Be AppropriateFor seniors living with Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia, specialized memory care may be an important consideration.Memory care communities are designed around the unique needs of individuals experiencing cognitive changes. They may offer structured routines, specialized activities, secure environments, and staff trained to support people living with dementia.Signs that a senior may need more specialized memory support can include: Increasing confusion Getting lost or wandering Difficulty managing medications Problems with everyday tasks Significant changes in behavior Increased safety concerns Difficulty living independently Families should discuss concerns with appropriate healthcare professionals when determining what level of support is needed.Rehabilitation May Be Part of the JourneySenior living needs can change temporarily as well as permanently.An illness, surgery, injury, or hospital stay may leave an older adult needing rehabilitation before returning home or resuming their previous routine.Rehabilitation may include physical, occupational, or speech therapy depending on the individual's needs.When evaluating a senior living community, families may want to ask whether rehabilitation services are available and how the community supports residents following an illness or injury.Think About Future Healthcare NeedsOne of the most important questions to ask is not simply, "What do I need today?" but also, "What might I need in the future?"A senior may currently live independently but eventually need personal care, memory support, rehabilitation, or skilled healthcare.A community that offers multiple levels of care can provide greater flexibility if needs change. Instead of having to search for a completely new community during a stressful time, residents may have access to additional services within the same organization or campus.This type of planning can be particularly valuable for couples whose care needs may develop at different rates.Look at the Community's Approach to IndependenceThe amount of support provided is important, but so is the way that support is provided.A good senior living community should recognize that residents are individuals with their own preferences, routines, interests, and goals.Ask how the community encourages residents to remain independent. Find out whether residents have choices about meals, activities, schedules, and social opportunities.The goal should be to provide assistance where it is needed without taking away opportunities for independence.Consider Social and Emotional Well-BeingSenior living is about much more than housing and healthcare. Social and emotional well-being are important parts of quality of life.Look for a community that offers opportunities for residents to build relationships and remain involved.Activities may include: Exercise and fitness programs Arts and crafts Music Educational classes Games Group outings Volunteer opportunities Clubs Social gatherings Community events During a visit, pay attention to whether residents appear engaged and whether the atmosphere feels welcoming.Evaluate Dining and NutritionGood nutrition becomes increasingly important as we age. However, shopping for groceries, preparing meals, and cleaning up can become challenging for some seniors.When touring a community, ask about dining options and how meals are handled.Consider: Variety of menu choices Nutritional options Special dietary needs Dining schedules Private or communal dining Snacks and beverages Flexibility for individual preferences Mealtimes can also provide valuable opportunities for social connection.Think About LocationLocation is another important consideration. A community that is close to family and friends may make it easier for loved ones to visit regularly.Consider proximity to: Family members Friends Healthcare providers Shopping Places of worship Favorite restaurants Cultural and recreational activities A convenient location can help seniors maintain connections with the people and places that are important to them.Tour More Than One CommunityPhotos and websites can provide useful information, but nothing replaces an in-person visit.When touring a senior living community, pay attention to the overall atmosphere. Are residents interacting with one another? Do staff members seem friendly and attentive? Are common areas clean and comfortable?Ask questions and take notes. If possible, visit at different times of day to get a better understanding of the community's daily routine.Ask About Costs and ContractsFinancial considerations are an essential part of choosing senior living.Costs can vary significantly depending on the type of residence, services, care level, and contract structure.Before making a decision, ask for a clear explanation of: Entrance fees, if applicable Monthly fees Additional care costs Dining costs Transportation Healthcare services Therapy or rehabilitation What happens if care needs increase What services are included in the agreement Understanding the financial commitment ahead of time can help prevent surprises later.Consider a Community With Multiple Levels of CareFor many families, a community that offers several levels of living and care can provide an added sense of security.A senior may enter as an independent resident and later receive additional assistance if needed. Having different services available in one community can make future transitions more manageable.This is one reason Continuing Care Retirement Communities, also known as Life Plan Communities, can be attractive to seniors who want to plan for changing needs while maintaining a familiar home and community environment.Make the Decision With the Senior, Not Just For ThemPerhaps the most important part of choosing senior living is making sure the older adult has a voice in the decision.Whenever possible, involve the senior in conversations, tours, financial planning, and decisions about lifestyle and care.Discuss what matters most to them. They may prioritize privacy, activities, dining, location, gardening, fitness, friendships, or being close to family.A senior living decision is much more likely to feel positive when the individual feels heard and involved.Planning Today Can Make Tomorrow EasierChoosing the right senior living option doesn't have to mean predicting exactly what will happen in the future. Instead, it means understanding current needs, considering potential changes, and choosing an environment that provides appropriate options.The right community can offer independence, social connection, wellness opportunities, and access to additional support when it is needed.Whether you're considering independent living, personal care, memory care, rehabilitation, or a community offering multiple levels of care, taking time to research your choices can help you and your family feel more prepared.Landis Homes provides a range of living and care options designed to support older adults through different stages of life. Exploring senior living options early allows you to focus not only on where you may live today, but also on how a community can support your changing needs in the years ahead.  

The Benefits of Living in a Continuing Care Retirement Community

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This can provide convenience, flexibility, and peace of mind for seniors and their families.What Is a Continuing Care Retirement Community?A Continuing Care Retirement Community is a senior living community designed to provide different levels of housing and care as a person's needs change.Depending on the community, services may include: Independent or residential living Personal care or assisted living Memory or dementia care Skilled nursing or healthcare Rehabilitation and therapy Wellness and supportive services The specific services and financial arrangements vary from one community to another. However, the overall goal is to create a setting where seniors can remain part of the same community while receiving an appropriate level of support as their circumstances change.Plan for the Future While Enjoying Retirement TodayOne of the biggest advantages of a CCRC is the ability to plan.Many seniors move into a continuing care community while they are still independent and active. They can enjoy the lifestyle, amenities, activities, and social opportunities available today while knowing that additional care options may be available in the future.Planning ahead can be less stressful than waiting until a health crisis or urgent care need forces a family to make a quick decision.Maintain IndependenceMoving into a CCRC does not necessarily mean giving up independence.Many residents begin in independent or residential living, where they maintain their own routines and make decisions about how they spend their time.They may enjoy: Private residences or apartments Dining options Fitness and wellness programs Social activities Clubs and interest groups Educational opportunities Outdoor spaces Community events Residents can remain active and independent while having additional resources available when they need them.Access to Multiple Levels of CareAnother significant benefit is having access to different types of care within the same overall community.A senior may be completely independent when they move in but eventually require additional assistance with everyday activities. Later, they may need rehabilitation or a higher level of healthcare.Having these options available within one community can make transitions easier for both residents and their families.It is important to understand that not every CCRC offers the same services, so prospective residents should ask about the levels of care available and how transitions between them are handled.Less Need for Major MovesMoving can be physically and emotionally challenging, particularly for older adults.A change in health may sometimes require a senior to leave a longtime home and relocate to an assisted living community, memory care facility, or skilled nursing facility.A continuing care community can reduce the likelihood of needing to relocate to an entirely different organization when care needs change.Remaining within a familiar community may allow seniors to maintain relationships with friends, staff, and neighbors even if their living arrangements or level of care changes.Opportunities for Social ConnectionSocial connection is an important part of a fulfilling retirement. 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Physical activity, mental stimulation, meaningful relationships, and enjoyable experiences can all contribute to quality of life.Peace of Mind for FamiliesA CCRC can provide peace of mind not only for residents but also for their families.Adult children often worry about what will happen if their parents' needs change. 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Instead of making decisions during a crisis, families can have a plan in place before additional care becomes necessary.A CCRC can provide a combination of independence, community, wellness, and access to different levels of careall within one setting.For seniors looking for a retirement lifestyle that offers both freedom today and options for tomorrow, a Continuing Care Retirement Community may be worth considering.Landis Homes offers a community where older adults can experience the benefits of senior living while having access to a continuum of services and care. Exploring your options early can help you make an informed decision about the next chapter of your life.

Why Social Connection Is So Important for Seniors

As we age, staying socially connected can become just as important as staying physically active. Friendships, family relationships, community involvement, and regular social activities can bring joy and purpose to everyday life.Retirement and other life changes can sometimes reduce opportunities for social interaction. Children may live farther away, friends may move or pass away, and health or mobility changes may make it harder to participate in activities outside the home.For these reasons, finding meaningful ways to stay connected is an important part of healthy aging. Social connection can support emotional well-being, encourage an active lifestyle, and help seniors continue to feel a strong sense of belonging.Social Connection Can Help Reduce LonelinessLoneliness can affect anyone, but older adults may experience changes in their social networks as they age. Spending too much time alone can leave a senior feeling disconnected from family, friends, and the community around them.Regular social interaction provides opportunities to talk, laugh, share experiences, and simply enjoy another person's company.Even simple activities such as having coffee with a friend, eating a meal with others, attending a group activity, or taking a walk together can help a senior feel more connected.Friendships Give Seniors a Sense of BelongingFriendships remain important throughout life. Having people to talk with and share experiences with can provide comfort and companionship.Senior living communities can provide opportunities to develop new friendships while maintaining existing relationships. Shared meals, social gatherings, clubs, classes, and recreational activities give residents natural opportunities to meet people with similar interests.Making new friends can help a senior feel that they are part of a community rather than living in isolation.Social Activities Can Provide a Sense of PurposeHaving something to look forward to can make a meaningful difference in a person's daily life. Social activities give seniors opportunities to participate, contribute, and remain involved.For example, a senior might: Volunteer in the community Participate in a hobby group Attend an educational class Help organize an activity Join an exercise or walking group Enjoy music, games, or crafts with others Participate in community events These activities can provide structure while encouraging seniors to continue exploring their interests.Staying Connected Can Encourage Physical ActivitySocial interaction and physical activity often go hand in hand. Seniors may be more motivated to take a walk, attend an exercise class, or participate in an outdoor activity when they know friends will be joining them.Being active with others can make exercise more enjoyable and less like a chore.Regular movement is an important part of maintaining strength, balance, mobility, and independence as we age. Social activities that incorporate movement can provide both physical and social benefits.Social Engagement Keeps the Mind ActiveConversations, games, classes, hobbies, and other social activities can provide opportunities for seniors to think, learn, communicate, and solve problems.Trying something new or participating in a discussion with others can help keep everyday life interesting and mentally stimulating.Lifelong learning can also be an enjoyable way for older adults to meet people while exploring new interests or continuing to develop existing ones.Family Connections Remain ImportantWhile friendships and community involvement are valuable, family relationships can also provide an important source of social connection.Regular phone calls, video chats, visits, shared meals, and family activities can help seniors maintain close relationships with children, grandchildren, siblings, and other loved ones.When family members live nearby, visiting in person can be especially meaningful. When distance makes regular visits difficult, technology can help families stay connected between visits.Senior Living Communities Can Create Opportunities for ConnectionOne benefit of a senior living community is the opportunity to live among other people in a similar stage of life.Instead of having to arrange every social interaction, seniors may have activities and opportunities for connection close to home. Dining areas, common spaces, walking paths, fitness programs, educational opportunities, clubs, and community events can make socializing a natural part of daily life.Residents can choose the level of participation that feels right for them. Some may enjoy a busy schedule filled with activities, while others may prefer smaller gatherings and quiet conversations with friends.Staying Connected Can Help Seniors Maintain IndependenceSocial connection is also part of maintaining an active and fulfilling lifestyle. 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Saying hello to a neighbor, joining one activity, having a meal with others, or attending a class based on a personal interest can be a good first step.Over time, these small interactions can develop into meaningful friendships.How Families Can Encourage Social ConnectionFamily members can play an important role in helping an older loved one remain socially active.Consider encouraging a senior to: Stay in regular contact with family and friends Participate in activities they enjoy Explore new hobbies Attend community events Volunteer when possible Join an exercise or walking group Try a class or educational program Consider a senior living community if living alone has become isolating Most importantly, listen to what the senior wants. 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