My Loved One Is Resistant to Assisted Living: What To Do

It can be difficult when a loved one is resistant to assisted living. We offer tips for approaching this sensitive situation so that your loved one can get the help they need. Photo Credit: iStock.com/fizkes

Navigating a loved one’s transition to assisted living can be emotionally challenging, especially when faced with resistance from your loved one. It’s understandable that a loved one may be resistant to assisted living, but it’s important thay they get the care they need. This article aims to provide understanding and actionable steps to help you approach this sensitive topic with empathy and effectiveness. 

Understanding the resistance to assisted living

When your loved one is resistant to moving to assisted living, it’s important to explore the reasons behind their hesitation. With a clearer understanding, you can approach the discussion with the empathy and compassion they need. 

Your loved one may have a variety of reasons for their resistance, but here are some common triggers for apprehension to move into assisted living:

Emotional factors

The thought of moving into assisted living can trigger many emotions for your loved one. Many seniors fear losing the independence and control they cherish. They may worry about losing their freedom to make choices about their daily activities and the overall direction of their lives. They may fear that they will lose their sense of identity by accepting the help and support available to them in assisted living.

Your loved one may also feel anxious about saying goodbye to their current residence and leaving behind the comfort and familiarity of their home. They may have a lifetime of cherished memories attached to their home,  an established routine in a familiar environment, and a community of known supporters outside their front door. Leaving this familiarity and comforting space to move into an unfamiliar assisted living facility may seem daunting and scary for your loved one.

Common misconceptions

Your loved one may have developed some misunderstandings about what life in assisted living actually entails. They might envision an impersonal, institutional setting and even confuse an assisted living facility with a nursing home. Your loved one may not realize that most assisted living facilities create homelike settings and offer vibrant, community-rich environments with plenty of personal autonomy. 

Your loved one may also attach a stigma to senior living, viewing it as an indicator of their own helplessness or a measurement of their loss of freedom and dignity.

Cognitive considerations  

Cognitive changes can contribute to a loved one’s resistance to moving into an assisted living facility. Your loved one might struggle with processing the idea of such a significant transition. This shift can affect their openness to new experiences, making the prospect of assisted living feel especially overwhelming. Your loved one may experience confusion, forgetfulness, or denial about the need for additional support, which can lead to increased reluctance and anxiety about the move. 

Addressing your concerns and frustrations 

When your loved one resists moving into an assisted living facility, you will likely experience a range of emotions. Navigating this experience can be very stressful and emotionally taxing for you, especially when you can recognize how this placement will improve your loved one’s quality of life. 

Acknowledging your own feelings and the stress you might experience as you work through this difficult situation is an essential step toward managing your emotions. By recognizing these feelings, you’re better equipped to collaborate with your loved one to address and reduce their resistance.

As you navigate this experience, you may feel a mix of concern, frustration, and even guilt. Remember that it’s normal to face these emotions during such a challenging transition. By taking time to reflect on your feelings, you can gain a clearer understanding and adopt a supportive role, ultimately benefiting both you and your loved one.

Navigating the transition conversation

Discussing the transition to an assisted living facility with your loved one can be challenging, especially when they are resistant to the move. A planned and constructive approach can significantly ease the process.

Preparation and research 

Take some time to plan for the conversation by researching the benefits and features of local assisted living facilities. Preparing this information to share with your loved one will help you address your loved one’s specific needs and preferences, which can decrease their resistance. By discussing these features, you can show your loved one how these facilities can cater to their unique needs and enhance their quality of life.

You can also prepare to address any misconceptions they may have about assisted living. For example, you can show them how residents of assisted living have a lot of autonomy and opportunities for social interaction, hobbies, physical activities, and more.

Consider looking for facilities that offer:

• Personalized care plans.
• A homelike atmosphere.
• Ample social and recreational activities.
• Access to care services you need.
• Safety and security.
• Transportation.

Effective communication techniques

When preparing for the conversation, consider using active listening to demonstrate that you understand your loved one’s fears and concerns. This approach shows them your respect and openness to their perspective. Approach the conversation with empathy and patience, acknowledging their feelings and thoughtfully addressing their worries.

Some suggestions for applying active listening skills to address your loved one’s resistance to moving into an assisted living facility include the following: 

• Paraphrasing and rephrasing demonstrate your engagement in the discussion and your desire to understand their point of view.
• Example: “What I hear you saying is that you’re concerned about losing your independence. Is that correct?”
• Acknowledging their emotions helps them feel seen and validated.
• Example: “It sounds like you’re feeling anxious about moving away from the home you’ve known for so long.”
• Asking clarifying questions invites them to express themselves more fully, showing that you value their input.
• Example: “Can you tell me more about what specifically worries you about assisted living?”
• Using encouraging verbal cues promotes open communication and indicates your readiness to listen without interruption.
• Example: “I’m here to listen, and I want to understand your viewpoint completely. Please go on.”
• Summarizing key points demonstrates that you’ve absorbed their concerns and are ready to discuss solutions.
• Example: “So, you’re primarily concerned about adjusting to a new environment and maintaining your social circle, right?”

Taking action with compassion and patience

When your loved one is resistant to assisted living, a compassionate and patient approach is key. By creating a plan together and offering them reassurance, you can ease their concerns and foster a sense of security.

Offering reassurance

Begin by reassuring your loved one that your supportive role in their life will continue; it will just look a little different. Express your commitment to frequent visits and create a plan for maintaining regular contact, which can alleviate feelings of isolation. 

Some topics to discuss with your loved one that can help them feel the continuity of your support include: 

• Plans for phone calls or video chats.
• Planned visits at the facility.
• Planned outings and visits outside the facility if possible.
• Your involvement in their care.

Creating a plan together 

Approaching the plan to transition into an assisted living facility as a partnership can decrease your loved one’s resistance and increase their acceptance of the idea. Creating a plan in which your loved one has input, feedback, and decision-making ability can empower them in this process and create an interest and desire to move. 

Suggestions for creating the plan include:

• Identifying specific needs and preferences: Create a list of what aspects of assisted living are important to them.
• Visiting facilities together: Include your loved one on tours of potential assisted living facilities so they can feel connected to the decision-making process.
• Setting transition goals: Work together to create a timeline for the process from touring to moving into a community. 
• Planning their new personal spaces: Discuss and plan together the meaningful personal items to bring into their new home.

By addressing your loved one’s resistance to moving into assisted living with compassion, understanding, and collaboration, you can decrease the resistance. When you develop a greater understanding of the emotions involved in the resistance, offer them reassurance to address these emotions, and involve them in the planning process, you can create a smoother transition process for everyone involved.