Support for Spouses of Cancer Patients: Insights from a Five-Time Survivor's Wife

Author

SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne

For more information about the author, click to view their website: Synergy HomeCare of Daphne

Posted on

Aug 02, 2024

Book/Edition

Alabama - Gulf Coast

share-this
Share This

Support for Spouses of Cancer Patients: Insights from a Five-Time Survivor’s Wife

Written by Kim Potts.

The spouse or partner, providing support for spouses of cancer patients, holds one of the most crucial and challenging roles on the cancer care team. As I have been dealing with my husband’s cancer for 21 of our 32 years of marriage, I have a lot of experience in this role. I still get emotional when I hear the words “five-time cancer survivor” said about my husband Bill. Five is a significant number and instantly reminds me of the challenges we have faced and will face in the future.

Here are some things I can share based on my experience.

What NOT To Ask

My heart ached as I listened to our friends ask Bill questions and provide unsolicited comments or advice about his cancer. For example:

“What are your odds?” This question is the absolute worst question to ask a cancer patient, as the odds don’t count. Bill’s response to that question was always 100%. It was 100% that he would either live or die.

“You will beat it because of your positive attitude.” Bill and I have watched many cancer patients with great attitudes die, rendering this comment inaccurate.

“Let me tell you about my cancer!” Bill needs to focus only on his cancer, not someone else’s cancer.

“Bill, you will beat the cancer.” Bill knew there was no guarantee he would survive.

Recommending a doctor or treatment center without being asked. The patient should be trusted to make the right decision. Bill appreciates advice when he asks for it – but unsolicited advice only creates angst.

Safety First

As a cold, flu, or COVID can kill him during and after treatment, one of my roles has been to be the gatekeeper – ensuring anyone who visited Bill was healthy. Patient safety is paramount. Those conversations had to happen any time someone came to see Bill. Before I let them in the door of our home, I had to ask how they were feeling. Bill often sat outside if a plumber or electrician needed to come to our house.

Lead with Love

Bill has also found great comfort in friends’ visits, calls and texts. He especially enjoys it when they call and ask him about the favorite meal he is craving – then order it, pick it up and bring it over to eat with him! We both love visiting with friends and not talking about cancer. My spirits improve when I hear friends and family tell Bill, “Bill, I love you.” He then tells them he loves them back. This show of love has been magical for him. Bill finds the presence of family and friends comforting, even if nothing is said.

 Self-Care is Critical

As the burden of caring for a cancer patient is significant, you must take care of yourself–physically, mentally and socially. I worried who would take care of Bill if I got sick, so I eat well, get enough sleep and exercise often. I spend time in devotion each evening. Through tennis and volunteering, I have a robust group of friends. All of this helps me better deal with the emotions of the cancer journey.

But I realize now that I tried to do too much. I did not utilize outside resources like SYNERGY HomeCare to give me a break. I would have benefited greatly from some time away from caring for Bill, for someone else to care for Bill so I could care for myself. Even a half day off would have been remarkable. So, as a spouse, get all the support you need. Outside resources provide this support. Your partner needs you!

Kim Potts is married to Bill Potts, the author of “Up for the Fight: How to Advocate For Yourself as You Battle Cancer, from a Five-Time Survivor.” Kim is a successful business owner, tennis player, mom and best friend to Bill. There is more on Kim and Bill at billcpotts.com.

Contact SYNERGY Homecare of Daphne for more information and a free assessment at 251-621-1900.   They provide non-medical home care in Baldwin, Escambia and Mobile counties in Alabama.

Other Articles You May Like

When Going Home Isnt the Next Step: Guide for Monmouth & Ocean Cty

When Going Home Isnt the Next Step: A Guide for Monmouth & Ocean County FamiliesWhen an older loved one needs more support, families in Monmouth and Ocean Counties often find themselves navigating unfamiliar territory. A hospital discharge may lead to rehabilitation. A fall may reveal that living alone is no longer safe. Or a family caregiver may realize that managing medications, meals, personal care, and medical appointments has become too much to handle alone.The good news is that senior care isn't one-size-fits-all. Depending on a person's needs, there are options ranging from short-term rehabilitation to assisted living and long-term skilled nursing care.For families across the Jersey Shore, Complete Care provides a continuum of senior care services through multiple communities in Monmouth and Ocean Counties, including locations in Holmdel, Long Branch, Ocean Grove, Wall, Shrewsbury, Toms River, and Brick.Understanding the Right Level of CareOne of the most important steps in choosing senior care is understanding what type of support a loved one actually needs.Post-Acute RehabilitationAfter a hospitalization, surgery, stroke, illness, or injury, an older adult may not be ready to return home immediately. Post-acute rehabilitation provides a bridge between the hospital and home, helping individuals regain strength, mobility, and independence.Depending on the location and individual needs, Complete Care provides physical, occupational, and speech therapy along with nursing and clinical support.For families in Toms River, Brick, Wall, and surrounding communities, having rehabilitation options nearby can make it easier for family members to remain involved during recovery.Skilled NursingSome individuals need more than therapy. Skilled nursing may be appropriate for people who require ongoing medical monitoring, wound care, medication management, chronic disease management, or other specialized clinical services.Complete Care communities offer a variety of clinical programs, with services differing by location. These may include orthopedic and postsurgical care, cardiac care, wound care, neurological and stroke care, pulmonary care, and memory care.When comparing skilled nursing communities, families should ask specifically about the clinical services available at each location.Assisted LivingAssisted living can be a good option for older adults who need help with daily activities but still want to maintain as much independence as possible.Support may include assistance with bathing, dressing, medications, meals, and other everyday routines, along with opportunities for social engagement and activities.For families in Holmdel, Middletown, Red Bank, Freehold, and neighboring Monmouth County communities, assisted living can offer an alternative to managing increasing care needs at home.Long-Term CareFor some seniors, rehabilitation is only one step in a longer care journey. Chronic illness, cognitive impairment, disability, or increasing difficulty with daily activities may eventually require ongoing nursing support.Long-term care provides assistance around the clock while also addressing the social and emotional needs that contribute to quality of life.A Local Presence MattersFor families choosing senior care, location can be an important consideration.Being close to home makes it easier for spouses, children, grandchildren, and friends to visit regularly and remain involved in care. That's particularly meaningful in Monmouth and Ocean Counties, where families may live in neighboring communities but still want their loved one to remain close to their established support system.Complete Care has a broad local presence, with communities serving residents throughout the region. Its Monmouth County locations include communities in Holmdel, Long Branch, Ocean Grove, Wall Township, and Shrewsbury. Ocean County options include multiple communities in Toms River and Brick Township.Because services vary by location, families should contact the individual community to determine which level of care and specialized programs are available.What Should Families Look For?Whether you're looking for assisted living in Monmouth County, skilled nursing in Ocean County, or rehabilitation following a hospital stay, consider more than just the building.Ask: What level of care does my loved one need today? What happens if their needs change? What rehabilitation and therapy services are available? Does the community offer specialized clinical care? How involved can family members be in the care plan? What activities and social opportunities are available? How close is the community to family? And whenever possible, visit in person.Notice how staff interact with residents. Ask questions. Talk with the admissions and care teams. Pay attention to whether residents appear engaged and comfortable.These observations can help families understand what daily life may actually feel like for their loved one.Planning Before a CrisisMany families begin researching senior care only after a crisisa fall, hospitalization, diagnosis, or caregiver burnout.Planning ahead can provide more choices and less pressure.Even if your loved one isn't ready for assisted living or long-term care today, learning about senior care communities in Monmouth and Ocean Counties can help your family understand what resources are available if circumstances change.Having these conversations early also gives older adults an opportunity to participate in decisions about their own future.Complete Care in Monmouth & Ocean CountiesFor families looking for assisted living, post-acute rehabilitation, skilled nursing, or long-term care in Monmouth and Ocean Counties, Complete Care offers multiple local communities and a range of care services.The right choice will depend on your loved one's medical needs, level of independence, preferences, and family circumstances. Taking the time to understand those needsand exploring local options before a crisis occurscan make the process easier for everyone.Frequently Asked QuestionsWhat types of care does Complete Care provide?Complete Care offers assisted living, post-acute rehabilitation, skilled nursing, and long-term care. Specific services and clinical programs vary by location.Where does Complete Care serve Monmouth County?Complete Care has communities in areas including Holmdel, Long Branch, Ocean Grove, Wall Township, and Shrewsbury.Where does Complete Care serve Ocean County?Complete Care has multiple communities in Toms River and Brick Township, among other nearby locations.What is post-acute rehabilitation?Post-acute rehabilitation helps individuals recover after hospitalization, surgery, illness, or injury. Therapy and nursing services are designed to help patients regain function and return home safely when possible.If you're researching senior care options in Monmouth or Ocean County, NJ, visit Complete Care's Seniors Blue Book listing for more information about available services and local care options.  

When Care Needs Change, Starting Over Shouldn't Be Necessary

Aging rarely follows a predictable path.  Learn how CareAparent helps Minnesota seniors remain at home with personal care, skilled nursing, therapy and support that evolves as care needs change.One month, an older adult may be living completely independently. Later, they may need a little help around the house, assistance after a hospital stay, physical therapy to regain strength, medication management or more advanced nursing support.For families, each change can bring another round of questions.Who should we call? What kind of care does Mom need now? Will we need to find another provider? Who will coordinate everything?Those questions can become especially stressful when a family is already dealing with a hospitalization, illness or sudden change in a loved one's abilities.That's why having a care provider that can adapt as needs change can make such a difference.For more than 10 years, CareAparent has helped Minnesota seniors and their families receive personalized care in the place many older adults most want to remaintheir own home. Today, CareAparent provides a continuum of in-home services throughout the seven-county Twin Cities metro area. CareAparentIt May Start With Just a Little HelpSometimes the first sign that an aging parent needs assistance is subtle.Maybe Dad isn't keeping up with housekeeping like he once did. Mom may be having difficulty getting dressed or safely taking a shower. Meals aren't being prepared regularly, medications are becoming confusing, or an adult child is spending more and more time helping with everyday tasks.That doesn't necessarily mean an older adult can no longer live independently.The right support can help make independence possible for longer.CareAparent provides personal care that can include assistance with bathing, dressing and grooming, as well as light housekeeping, laundry and medication reminders. Care can be customized based on the individual's needs rather than forcing the person into a predetermined schedule or level of service. CareAparentFor families, that flexibility matters.The goal isn't to take over someone's life. It's to provide enough assistance so the person can continue participating in it.Then Something ChangesA fall occurs.There's a hospital stay.A chronic condition becomes more difficult to manage.An older adult needs help recovering from surgery.Suddenly, the type of support that worked six months ago may no longer be enough.This is where continuity of care becomes particularly important.Instead of requiring a family to begin searching for an entirely different organization, CareAparent can provide skilled services through licensed medical professionals, including skilled nursing, medication management, wound care, physical therapy and occupational therapy. CareAparentThat allows care to evolve along with the person.Coming Home From the Hospital Can Be a Vulnerable TimeDischarge day can feel like a victoryand it is.But getting home doesn't necessarily mean the recovery is finished.There may be new medications to manage, mobility limitations, wounds requiring attention, exercises to complete or everyday activities that suddenly feel more difficult.Family members may receive discharge instructions but still wonder how they're going to manage everything once their loved one gets home.CareAparent specifically works with individuals transitioning home from hospitals, rehabilitation centers and other acute-care settings. Its skilled services are designed to support recovery and continuity of care in the home. CareAparentFor an older adult, recovering in familiar surroundings can also mean sleeping in their own bed, following familiar routines and remaining close to the people and things that bring comfort.Therapy Can Help Restore IndependencePhysical and occupational therapy aren't simply about completing exercises.They can be important tools for maintaining independence.Physical therapists can work with older adults experiencing pain, injury, illness or age-related declines in mobility. Treatment can address strength, balance, endurance and safer movement.Occupational therapists look at everyday functionhelping individuals find safer and more effective ways to accomplish the activities that are important in daily life.Together, those services can help an older adult work toward a very meaningful goal:Doing more for themselves. CareAparentFamilies Need Support TooWhen someone needs care, the impact extends beyond that individual.Spouses and adult children frequently become caregivers themselvescoordinating appointments, checking medications, helping with meals, managing household responsibilities and worrying about what happens when they aren't there.Over time, those responsibilities can become overwhelming.Professional in-home care can provide something important for both generations.The older adult receives personalized assistance.The family gets to spend more time being family.That distinction matters.A daughter shouldn't always have to be the nurse, housekeeper or care coordinator. A spouse shouldn't have to handle every caregiving responsibility alone.Having trusted support can make the entire family's situation more manageable.Specialized Support for Minnesota VeteransVeterans and their families may also have access to services they don't realize are available.CareAparent serves veterans throughout the seven-county Twin Cities metro as a Home Health Community Provider. Depending upon eligibility and authorization, VA-supported services can include skilled nursing, therapy, respite care, homemaking and home health aide assistance. CareAparentFor families of veterans, understanding available benefits can be an important part of developing a long-term care plan.One Relationship as Needs EvolvePerhaps one of the most reassuring things a family can hear is:You don't have to figure out the next step alone.CareAparent's model is designed around continuity. Personal care, skilled nursing, therapy and additional support can work together so that when circumstances change, the care plan can change too. CareAparentThat can mean fewer unfamiliar faces, fewer transitions between organizations and less time for families spent searching for the next provider.Instead, there is one relationship and a care team that already understands the individual.Aging at Home Should Still Feel Like HomeUltimately, home care isn't simply about completing tasks.It's about helping someone continue living a life that feels familiar and meaningful.It's having coffee in your own kitchen.Sleeping in your own bed.Seeing neighbors you recognize.Following your own schedule.Having family visit without visiting hours.And continuing to make choices about how you live your day.CareAparent describes its approach as combining clinical care with hospitality and personalized attention. The organization has served Minnesota families for more than a decade and provides care throughout Anoka, Carver, Dakota, Hennepin, Ramsey, Scott and Washington counties. CareAparentAs needs change, the answer doesn't always have to be changing where someone lives.Sometimes, the answer is bringing the right care to where they already call home.   Learn more about CareAparent's personalized in-home care services and find resources to help your family navigate changing care needs.  Call us at 651-702-HOME (4663) or visit our website at www.careaparent.com

VA Respite Care in Fort Collins: In-Home Support for Veterans

There is a familiar principle in U.S. military culture: Leave no one behind.At Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins, we carry that idea into the way we support veterans and the people who care for them. Supporting a veteran means recognizing the important role that spouses, adult children, relatives, and other family caregivers play every day.When a veteran begins needing more help at home, a family member will often step in to provide that support. Over time, however, even dedicated caregivers need an opportunity to rest, attend to their own responsibilities, or simply step away from caregiving for a while.VA-authorized respite care can give family caregivers that opportunity. For eligible veterans, respite services provide temporary assistance while their regular caregiver takes time to recharge, attend appointments, spend time with family and friends, travel, or manage other personal commitments.Depending on a veterans circumstances and VA care plan, respite services may be available through VA health care benefits. At Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins, we provide professional, non-medical in-home care for veterans and families throughout Fort Collins and surrounding communities.If you are caring for a veteran, understanding how respite care works can help you determine whether additional support may be appropriate for your family.Key Takeaways: Understanding VA Respite CareVA respite care can provide temporary assistance for eligible veterans while their unpaid family caregiver takes time away.In-home respite care can allow veterans to remain in familiar surroundings while receiving one-on-one support.VA eligibility and authorization are based on the veterans individual needs, care plan, and caregiver circumstances.Respite care is intended to support the veteran while also helping family caregivers maintain their own well-being.Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins can help families understand their options and coordinate care after VA authorization.Table of ContentsWhat Is VA Respite Care?How Does VA Respite Care Differ From Home Health Aide Services?What Can In-Home VA Respite Care Look Like?How Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins Supports VeteransFrequently Asked Questions About VA Respite CareHomewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins: Supporting Veterans and Family CaregiversWhat Is VA Respite Care?VA respite care is intended to give an unpaid primary caregiver a temporary break from their regular caregiving responsibilities. During that period, an eligible veteran can receive support from an approved caregiver or through another authorized respite care setting.The goal is twofold: help the veteran continue receiving needed assistance and give the family caregiver time away without leaving their loved one without support.A veteran may be considered for respite care when they:Are enrolled in VA health careNeed assistance with everyday activities because of age, illness, injury, or disabilityHave an unpaid family member or another person serving as their primary caregiverMeet the VAs eligibility requirements and receive authorization through their care teamThe VA considers the veterans individual circumstances when determining eligibility. Factors may include the level of assistance required, medical and functional needs, living situation, and the role of the primary caregiver.If you are unsure whether respite care may be appropriate, a veterans VA primary care provider or care team can explain the eligibility process and available options.How Does VA Respite Care Differ From Home Health Aide Services?VA respite care and Home Health Aide (HHA) services can both involve support in the home, but they serve different purposes.VA HHA services are generally intended to help eligible veterans who need assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs). Depending on the veterans authorized care plan, assistance may include:BathingDressingGroomingToiletingMobilityOther personal care activitiesThe amount and type of HHA support a veteran receives depend on their individual needs and the services authorized by the VA.Respite care, on the other hand, is specifically intended to provide temporary relief to an unpaid primary caregiver. The purpose is to give that caregiver time away while ensuring the veteran continues to receive appropriate support.Respite services may be delivered in different settings, including the veterans home, an adult day health care program, or a nursing home, depending on the veterans authorization and care plan.A veteran may qualify for HHA services, respite care, or both. These benefits are not automatically interchangeable, and eligibility is determined based on the veterans individual situation.What Can In-Home VA Respite Care Look Like?Inviting a professional caregiver into the home can be a significant decision for families, particularly when a spouse or adult child has been providing most of the veterans care.For some families, respite care provides a manageable way to introduce additional support without immediately changing the veterans established routine. A caregiver can step in to provide care while the family caregiver takes time to focus on other parts of life.That time might be used to:Attend a doctor's appointmentRun errands or grocery shopSpend time with children, grandchildren, or friendsTake a trip or vacationHandle work responsibilitiesCatch up on household tasksGet some much-needed restSimply have uninterrupted time to rechargeFor the veteran, having a consistent caregiver provide in-home care can help preserve familiar routines and surroundings. Respite care may allow a veteran to:Remain in the comfort of their own homeContinue established daily routinesSleep in their own bedStay connected with pets and familiar surroundingsReceive individualized attention and companionshipContinue participating in activities they enjoyThe specific services provided depend on the veterans authorized care plan and individual needs.How Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins Supports VeteransAt Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins, our caregivers provide non-medical home care designed to help veterans remain comfortable and supported at home.For veterans receiving VA-authorized care, services may include assistance with activities of daily living such as:Personal careBathing and groomingDressingToiletingMobility assistanceCaregivers may also provide support with everyday household and companionship needs, including:Meal planning and preparationLight housekeepingLaundryMedication remindersCompanionshipProtective oversight for veterans experiencing memory loss or cognitive changesOur team also understands that navigating VA benefits can be complicated. Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins has an in-house VA Benefits Specialist who can help veterans and their families better understand available benefits and the next steps in the process.Once VA-authorized services are in place, our team can help coordinate care around the veterans approved plan.Our goal is to help family caregivers step away when they need to without feeling that they are leaving their loved one without support.If you are exploring VA respite care options for yourself or a veteran family member, our Fort Collins team can help you understand what comes next after VA authorization.Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins: Supporting Veterans and Family CaregiversVeterans have dedicated years of their lives to serving our country. The family members who care for them also make an ongoing commitment, often providing assistance day after day, year after year.At Homewatch CareGivers of Fort Collins, we believe supporting veterans also means recognizing the needs of their caregivers. Respite care can provide an important opportunity for family caregivers to step away, take care of themselves, and return to caregiving with renewed energy.

Local Services By This Author

SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne

Non-Medical 1048 Stanton Road, Suite D, Daphne, Alabama, 36526

Welcome to SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne Compassionate, Reliable, and Award-Winning Home CareCare That Moves You ForwardLife is always moving forward, and at SYNERGY HomeCare, we are committed to ensuring that you or your loved ones can move forward confidently, comfortably, and with the care needed to thrive. Whether its personal assistance, companionship, live-in care, or end-of-life comfort, we provide the extra support that makes all the difference. Our compassionate caregivers are here to enhance independence, dignity, and well-being.Call us today to explore the home care solutions that best fit your needs: 251-621-1900Why Choose SYNERGY HomeCare?Award-Winning Home CareSYNERGY HomeCare has been nationally recognized for outstanding client care, earning top rankings from Home Care Pulse, an independent satisfaction research firm. We are proud to set the standard in home care excellence.Flexible, Personalized CareOn Your TermsNo long-term contractsservices adapt to your changing needs.Available 24/7, from a few hours a day to full-time care.Caregivers matched based on personality, skills, and preferences.Immediate caregiver placement available based on your needs.Fully licensed, insured, and bonded caregivers for your peace of mind.Common Questions AnsweredCan I choose my caregiver and meet them in advance?Yes! We arrange meet-and-greet sessions so you feel comfortable with your caregiver. If you ever wish to change caregivers, we will accommodate your request until youre completely satisfied.Why should I choose SYNERGY HomeCare instead of hiring a private caregiver?Hiring privately makes you an employer, responsible for payroll taxes, insurance, and background checks. With SYNERGY HomeCare, we handle all of this for you, ensuring reliable coverage and peace of mindno missed shifts, no legal worries, just exceptional care.What services do you offer?We provide a comprehensive range of non-medical home care services, including:Personal Assistance (bathing, dressing, hygiene, mobility support)Companionship & Social EngagementAlzheimers & Dementia CareMeal Preparation & Feeding AssistanceMedication RemindersLight Housekeeping & LaundryErrands & Grocery ShoppingTransportation to AppointmentsExercise & Healthy Living SupportCare Coordination with Hospitals, Home Health, and Hospice24/7 Care & Family Respite SupportVeteransWe Honor Your Service with Exceptional Home CareAt SYNERGY HomeCare, we are honored to serve Veterans and their families. Many of our locations are VA-approved providers, making it easy to access home care benefits through the Veterans Affairs (VA) programs.How VA Benefits Can Help Cover Home CareIf you or your spouse need assistance with daily activities, memory care, or support for disability or illness, your VA benefits may help cover home care services. Eligible programs include:Homemaker and Home Health Aide Program Personal care services for eligible Veterans.Aid and Attendance Pension Additional financial assistance for Veterans, spouses, and surviving spouses.Program of Comprehensive Assistance for Family Caregivers (PCAFC) Support for family caregivers, including respite care and stipends.Veteran-Directed Care (VDC) A self-directed care program for Veterans to choose their caregivers and manage their care.Let us help you navigate your VA benefits and access the home care services you deserve.Reliable, Flexible CareWhen You Need ItWhether you need companionship, assistance with daily tasks, or full-time care, SYNERGY HomeCare is here for you. We provide full support for fuller lives so you can live with dignity, independence, and confidence. Call us today for a FREE in-home assessment: 251-621-1900SYNERGY HomeCare Compassionate Care That Moves You Forward.