Support for Spouses of Cancer Patients: Insights from a Five-Time Survivor's Wife

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SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne

For more information about the author, click to view their website: Synergy HomeCare of Daphne

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Aug 02, 2024

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Alabama - Gulf Coast

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Support for Spouses of Cancer Patients: Insights from a Five-Time Survivor’s Wife

Written by Kim Potts.

The spouse or partner, providing support for spouses of cancer patients, holds one of the most crucial and challenging roles on the cancer care team. As I have been dealing with my husband’s cancer for 21 of our 32 years of marriage, I have a lot of experience in this role. I still get emotional when I hear the words “five-time cancer survivor” said about my husband Bill. Five is a significant number and instantly reminds me of the challenges we have faced and will face in the future.

Here are some things I can share based on my experience.

What NOT To Ask

My heart ached as I listened to our friends ask Bill questions and provide unsolicited comments or advice about his cancer. For example:

“What are your odds?” This question is the absolute worst question to ask a cancer patient, as the odds don’t count. Bill’s response to that question was always 100%. It was 100% that he would either live or die.

“You will beat it because of your positive attitude.” Bill and I have watched many cancer patients with great attitudes die, rendering this comment inaccurate.

“Let me tell you about my cancer!” Bill needs to focus only on his cancer, not someone else’s cancer.

“Bill, you will beat the cancer.” Bill knew there was no guarantee he would survive.

Recommending a doctor or treatment center without being asked. The patient should be trusted to make the right decision. Bill appreciates advice when he asks for it – but unsolicited advice only creates angst.

Safety First

As a cold, flu, or COVID can kill him during and after treatment, one of my roles has been to be the gatekeeper – ensuring anyone who visited Bill was healthy. Patient safety is paramount. Those conversations had to happen any time someone came to see Bill. Before I let them in the door of our home, I had to ask how they were feeling. Bill often sat outside if a plumber or electrician needed to come to our house.

Lead with Love

Bill has also found great comfort in friends’ visits, calls and texts. He especially enjoys it when they call and ask him about the favorite meal he is craving – then order it, pick it up and bring it over to eat with him! We both love visiting with friends and not talking about cancer. My spirits improve when I hear friends and family tell Bill, “Bill, I love you.” He then tells them he loves them back. This show of love has been magical for him. Bill finds the presence of family and friends comforting, even if nothing is said.

 Self-Care is Critical

As the burden of caring for a cancer patient is significant, you must take care of yourself–physically, mentally and socially. I worried who would take care of Bill if I got sick, so I eat well, get enough sleep and exercise often. I spend time in devotion each evening. Through tennis and volunteering, I have a robust group of friends. All of this helps me better deal with the emotions of the cancer journey.

But I realize now that I tried to do too much. I did not utilize outside resources like SYNERGY HomeCare to give me a break. I would have benefited greatly from some time away from caring for Bill, for someone else to care for Bill so I could care for myself. Even a half day off would have been remarkable. So, as a spouse, get all the support you need. Outside resources provide this support. Your partner needs you!

Kim Potts is married to Bill Potts, the author of “Up for the Fight: How to Advocate For Yourself as You Battle Cancer, from a Five-Time Survivor.” Kim is a successful business owner, tennis player, mom and best friend to Bill. There is more on Kim and Bill at billcpotts.com.

Contact SYNERGY Homecare of Daphne for more information and a free assessment at 251-621-1900.   They provide non-medical home care in Baldwin, Escambia and Mobile counties in Alabama.

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SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne

Non-Medical 1048 Stanton Road, Suite D, Daphne, Alabama, 36526

Welcome to SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne Compassionate, Reliable, and Award-Winning Home CareCare That Moves You ForwardLife is always moving forward, and at SYNERGY HomeCare, we are committed to ensuring that you or your loved ones can move forward confidently, comfortably, and with the care needed to thrive. Whether its personal assistance, companionship, live-in care, or end-of-life comfort, we provide the extra support that makes all the difference. Our compassionate caregivers are here to enhance independence, dignity, and well-being.Call us today to explore the home care solutions that best fit your needs: 251-621-1900Why Choose SYNERGY HomeCare?Award-Winning Home CareSYNERGY HomeCare has been nationally recognized for outstanding client care, earning top rankings from Home Care Pulse, an independent satisfaction research firm. We are proud to set the standard in home care excellence.Flexible, Personalized CareOn Your TermsNo long-term contractsservices adapt to your changing needs.Available 24/7, from a few hours a day to full-time care.Caregivers matched based on personality, skills, and preferences.Immediate caregiver placement available based on your needs.Fully licensed, insured, and bonded caregivers for your peace of mind.Common Questions AnsweredCan I choose my caregiver and meet them in advance?Yes! We arrange meet-and-greet sessions so you feel comfortable with your caregiver. If you ever wish to change caregivers, we will accommodate your request until youre completely satisfied.Why should I choose SYNERGY HomeCare instead of hiring a private caregiver?Hiring privately makes you an employer, responsible for payroll taxes, insurance, and background checks. With SYNERGY HomeCare, we handle all of this for you, ensuring reliable coverage and peace of mindno missed shifts, no legal worries, just exceptional care.What services do you offer?We provide a comprehensive range of non-medical home care services, including:Personal Assistance (bathing, dressing, hygiene, mobility support)Companionship & Social EngagementAlzheimers & Dementia CareMeal Preparation & Feeding AssistanceMedication RemindersLight Housekeeping & LaundryErrands & Grocery ShoppingTransportation to AppointmentsExercise & Healthy Living SupportCare Coordination with Hospitals, Home Health, and Hospice24/7 Care & Family Respite SupportVeteransWe Honor Your Service with Exceptional Home CareAt SYNERGY HomeCare, we are honored to serve Veterans and their families. Many of our locations are VA-approved providers, making it easy to access home care benefits through the Veterans Affairs (VA) programs.How VA Benefits Can Help Cover Home CareIf you or your spouse need assistance with daily activities, memory care, or support for disability or illness, your VA benefits may help cover home care services. Eligible programs include:Homemaker and Home Health Aide Program Personal care services for eligible Veterans.Aid and Attendance Pension Additional financial assistance for Veterans, spouses, and surviving spouses.Program of Comprehensive Assistance for Family Caregivers (PCAFC) Support for family caregivers, including respite care and stipends.Veteran-Directed Care (VDC) A self-directed care program for Veterans to choose their caregivers and manage their care.Let us help you navigate your VA benefits and access the home care services you deserve.Reliable, Flexible CareWhen You Need ItWhether you need companionship, assistance with daily tasks, or full-time care, SYNERGY HomeCare is here for you. We provide full support for fuller lives so you can live with dignity, independence, and confidence. Call us today for a FREE in-home assessment: 251-621-1900SYNERGY HomeCare Compassionate Care That Moves You Forward.