Support for Spouses of Cancer Patients: Insights from a Five-Time Survivor's Wife

Author

SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne

For more information about the author, click to view their website: Synergy HomeCare of Daphne

Posted on

Aug 02, 2024

Book/Edition

Alabama - Gulf Coast

share-this
Share This

Support for Spouses of Cancer Patients: Insights from a Five-Time Survivor’s Wife

Written by Kim Potts.

The spouse or partner, providing support for spouses of cancer patients, holds one of the most crucial and challenging roles on the cancer care team. As I have been dealing with my husband’s cancer for 21 of our 32 years of marriage, I have a lot of experience in this role. I still get emotional when I hear the words “five-time cancer survivor” said about my husband Bill. Five is a significant number and instantly reminds me of the challenges we have faced and will face in the future.

Here are some things I can share based on my experience.

What NOT To Ask

My heart ached as I listened to our friends ask Bill questions and provide unsolicited comments or advice about his cancer. For example:

“What are your odds?” This question is the absolute worst question to ask a cancer patient, as the odds don’t count. Bill’s response to that question was always 100%. It was 100% that he would either live or die.

“You will beat it because of your positive attitude.” Bill and I have watched many cancer patients with great attitudes die, rendering this comment inaccurate.

“Let me tell you about my cancer!” Bill needs to focus only on his cancer, not someone else’s cancer.

“Bill, you will beat the cancer.” Bill knew there was no guarantee he would survive.

Recommending a doctor or treatment center without being asked. The patient should be trusted to make the right decision. Bill appreciates advice when he asks for it – but unsolicited advice only creates angst.

Safety First

As a cold, flu, or COVID can kill him during and after treatment, one of my roles has been to be the gatekeeper – ensuring anyone who visited Bill was healthy. Patient safety is paramount. Those conversations had to happen any time someone came to see Bill. Before I let them in the door of our home, I had to ask how they were feeling. Bill often sat outside if a plumber or electrician needed to come to our house.

Lead with Love

Bill has also found great comfort in friends’ visits, calls and texts. He especially enjoys it when they call and ask him about the favorite meal he is craving – then order it, pick it up and bring it over to eat with him! We both love visiting with friends and not talking about cancer. My spirits improve when I hear friends and family tell Bill, “Bill, I love you.” He then tells them he loves them back. This show of love has been magical for him. Bill finds the presence of family and friends comforting, even if nothing is said.

 Self-Care is Critical

As the burden of caring for a cancer patient is significant, you must take care of yourself–physically, mentally and socially. I worried who would take care of Bill if I got sick, so I eat well, get enough sleep and exercise often. I spend time in devotion each evening. Through tennis and volunteering, I have a robust group of friends. All of this helps me better deal with the emotions of the cancer journey.

But I realize now that I tried to do too much. I did not utilize outside resources like SYNERGY HomeCare to give me a break. I would have benefited greatly from some time away from caring for Bill, for someone else to care for Bill so I could care for myself. Even a half day off would have been remarkable. So, as a spouse, get all the support you need. Outside resources provide this support. Your partner needs you!

Kim Potts is married to Bill Potts, the author of “Up for the Fight: How to Advocate For Yourself as You Battle Cancer, from a Five-Time Survivor.” Kim is a successful business owner, tennis player, mom and best friend to Bill. There is more on Kim and Bill at billcpotts.com.

Contact SYNERGY Homecare of Daphne for more information and a free assessment at 251-621-1900.   They provide non-medical home care in Baldwin, Escambia and Mobile counties in Alabama.

Other Articles You May Like

For women, eldercare should not mean sacrificing your career

For women, eldercare should not mean sacrificing your careerMany women, especially those in mid-career, find themselves facing the difficult decision of whether to leave the workforce to care for aging parents. The demands of eldercare can pile up with little warning or predictability and quickly become overwhelming. The "easiest" solution for many women in this position may seem like stepping away from their professional lives altogether.However, leaving the workforce can have long-term, unseen consequencesfinancially, emotionally, and professionally. Before women make this decision, we want to bring to light to some of the costs of stepping away, as well as share options that are available to help women care for aging parents or loved ones without sacrificing their career.The elephant in the room - what about men?It's a systemic problem that the large majority of caregiving responsibilities fall on women. We believe fully this should not be the case - and will continue to advocate for a future where men and women are expected to share, and do share, these responsibilities more equally. That said, this article is going to focus on the impact of eldercare on women, and options available, because the data shows the women are the ones who are much more likely to pay the price of eldercare.Female caregivers are more likely than males to ask for a less demanding job, take unpaid leave, or give up work entirely to support caregivingWomen lose an estimated $325K over their lifetime due to caregivingThe Unseen Costs of Leaving the WorkforceWomen who exit the workforce early face immediate income loss, diminished retirement savings, and a reduction in Social Security benefits. AARP reports that caregivers can expect to spend an average of $7K annually on out-of-pocket expenses.Additionally, exiting the workforce comes with professional setbacks that may be hard to recover from. Studies show that women who take time off for caregiving often find it difficult to re-enter their fields, and when they do, they may face lower wages, fewer opportunities for advancement, or the need to start in less demanding roles.The Unseen Costs of "Daughterhood"A less recognized aspect of womens caregiving burden is eldercare (i.e. daughterhood), which is frequently overshadowed by the attention given to childcare (i.e. motherhood). While businesses have made strides in supporting working mothers, they have largely ignored the unique challenges posed by eldercare. The emotional and physical toll of eldercare, which often includes managing chronic illnesses, dementia, and end-of-life care, cannot be underestimated.According to the Federal Reserve, four times as many people have left the workforce due to adult caregiving compared to childcare, yet corporate policies and benefits packages rarely address these realities.Why You Shouldn't Quit: There Are OptionsBalancing work, children, aging parents, mental and physical health, a "clean" home, and the semblance of a social life - it's simply not sustainable. It would make Superwoman run for the exit. It's no wonder that women leave their jobs in order to quickly take something off their plate. But before putting in your notice, let's talk about resources and options that may be available.Workplace Benefits: Find out what your company offers. Some offer paid caregiver leave, flexible work schedules, Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide counseling and eldercare resources.Even if your employer is moving away from remote work post-pandemic, you can advocate for more flexibility, such as flexible hours or a partial work-from-home arrangement.According to experts, a flexible workplace arrangement is often the most important factor for caregivers trying to juggle their professional and personal lives.External Support Systems: there are local and national organizations that can provide assistance. Naborforce is one of these organizations - our founder Paige Wilson lived all of the stark truths discussed in this article, and that is why she decided to do something about it! And if Naborforce isn't in your area or isn't an option for you - there are other resources to check out: care.com, Bright Horizons, home care agencies, caregiving forums, etc.Note: Naborforce partners with employers to provide discounted hourly rates. If your employer doesn't have Naborforce as an option, reach out to us and we will see if there is an opportunity to collaborate!Talk to your people: Many organizations are beginning to create employee resource groups for caregivers, offering a safe space to share experiences and tips for managing eldercare. These groups can be a lifeline for employees who feel isolated in their caregiving roles.Making Eldercare an Employee BenefitEmployers play a crucial role in supporting women who are caregivers. Unfortunately, 79% of caregivers do not have access to benefits that support them in this role.Supporting working women is not just about helping parents; its about addressing the needs of adult daughters (and sons) who are balancing caregiving with their professional lives. As 10,000 people turn 65 every day in the U.S., this challenge is only going to grow. Employers must adapt to this reality if they want to retain top female talent.The Bottom Line: You Have OptionsWhile caregiving can feel like an all-consuming role, women should not have to choose between their careers and their families. By tapping into workplace benefits, seeking flexible arrangements, and exploring external resources, women can navigate the challenges of eldercare without sacrificing their professional futures.

15 Tips to Keep Your Bladder Healthy

Bladder health is a crucial aspect of overall well-being that often goes overlooked. The bladder, a hollow organ located in the lower abdomen, plays a vital role in storing and eliminating urine from the body. As we age, the bladder undergoes changes that can affect its function and capacity. However, there are numerous steps we can take to maintain and improve bladder health throughout our lives.Understanding Bladder FunctionThe bladder stores urine produced by the kidneys, which contains waste products and excess fluids from the body. On average, adults pass about 1.5 quarts of urine daily. As we age, the bladder's elastic tissue may become less flexible, reducing its capacity and potentially leading to more frequent urination. Additionally, weakened bladder wall and pelvic floor muscles can make it harder to empty the bladder completely and may cause urine leakage.15 Steps to Improve Bladder HealthRegular Urination: Use the bathroom every 3-4 hours to prevent holding urine for too long, which can weaken bladder muscles and increase infection risk.Proper Positioning: Relax while urinating to facilitate complete bladder emptying. Women should sit on the toilet seat rather than hovering.Complete Emptying: Take sufficient time to fully empty the bladder, reducing the risk of urinary tract infections.Proper Wiping Technique: Women should wipe from front to back to prevent bacteria from entering the urethra.Post-Sex Urination: Both men and women should urinate shortly after sexual activity to flush out potential bacteria.Pelvic Floor Exercises: Regularly perform Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles, improving bladder control and reducing leakage.Appropriate Clothing: Wear cotton underwear and loose-fitting clothes to keep the urethral area dry and discourage bacterial growth.Regular Exercise: Engage in physical activity to prevent bladder problems and maintain a healthy weight.Weight Management: Maintain a healthy weight to reduce pressure on the pelvic floor and bladder.Diet Awareness: Identify and avoid foods that may irritate your bladder, such as spicy foods, citrus fruits, and artificial sweeteners.Hydration: Drink adequate fluids, especially water, to maintain proper bladder function. Aim to urinate every few hours.Limit Irritants: Reduce consumption of alcohol and caffeine, which can irritate the bladder and increase urinary frequency.Prevent Constipation: Maintain regular bowel movements through a high-fiber diet and adequate hydration to prevent pressure on the bladder.Quit Smoking: Smoking increases the risk of bladder problems and bladder cancer. Quitting can significantly improve bladder health.Medication Awareness: Be aware of medications that may affect bladder function and discuss concerns with your healthcare provider.Recognizing Bladder ProblemsCommon bladder issues include urinary tract infections, incontinence, and urinary retention. Signs of potential bladder problems include:Inability to hold urine or urine leakageIncreased urinary frequency or urgencyCloudy or bloody urinePain or burning during urinationDifficulty starting urination or weak urine streamIncomplete bladder emptyingIf you experience any of these symptoms, consult your healthcare provider promptly.Treatment OptionsTreatment for bladder problems may involve a combination of approaches:Lifestyle and behavioral changesPelvic floor exercisesMedicationsSurgical interventionsYour healthcare provider can recommend the most appropriate treatment plan based on your specific condition and needs.Maintaining bladder health is essential for overall well-being and quality of life. By implementing these 15 steps and being aware of potential bladder issues, you can take proactive measures to keep your bladder functioning optimally. Remember, if you experience persistent bladder problems, don't hesitate to seek medical advice. With proper care and attention, you can support your bladder health and enjoy a more comfortable, worry-free life.

Home Safety for Older Adults: Creating a Secure Living Environment

As our loved ones age, many prefer to remain in the comfort and familiarity of their own homes. This desire for independence, however, comes with the responsibility of ensuring their living environment is safe and secure. By taking proactive steps to prevent accidents and address potential hazards, we can help our older family members maintain their independence while minimizing risks.Conducting a Home Safety AuditThe first step in creating a safe living environment is to perform a thorough home safety audit. This involves carefully examining every room and area of the house, paying close attention to potential hazards that could lead to accidents or injuries.Stairs and WalkwaysStart by inspecting the stairs and walkways. Ensure that handrails are securely fastened and extend the full length of the staircase. Look for any loose carpeting or floorboards that could cause tripping. Remove throw rugs or use non-slip backing to prevent slipping.Bathroom SafetyThe bathroom is a common site for accidents. Install grab bars near the toilet and in the shower or bathtub to provide support. Consider adding a shower chair and a non-slip mat to reduce the risk of falls. Ensure the bathroom is well-lit and easily accessible, especially during nighttime hours.LightingAdequate lighting is crucial for preventing accidents. Install bright lights in hallways, stairways, and bathrooms. Consider using motion-sensor lights for nighttime navigation. Ensure that light switches are easily accessible and clearly visible.Emergency PreparednessBeing prepared for emergencies is essential for older adults living independently.Emergency Contact ListCreate a comprehensive list of emergency contact numbers and place it near every phone in the house. Include numbers for:Emergency services (911)Poison Control (1-800-222-1222)Healthcare providersFamily members or trusted friendsPersonal Emergency Response SystemsFor added security, consider investing in a personal emergency response system. These devices, worn as necklaces or bracelets, allow the user to quickly call for help in case of a fall or other emergency.Fall Prevention StrategiesFalls are a significant concern for older adults. Implementing fall prevention strategies can greatly reduce the risk of injury.Regular Health Check-upsEncourage your loved one to have regular check-ups with their healthcare provider. These visits can include fall risk assessments and recommendations for exercise programs designed to improve balance and strength.Proper FootwearEnsure that your loved one wears appropriate footwear inside the house. Non-slip slippers or shoes with rubber soles can provide better traction on smooth surfaces.Mobility AidsIf your loved one uses a cane or walker, make sure they use it consistently and correctly. Ensure that these aids are in good condition and properly adjusted to the user's height.Fire SafetyProtecting against fire hazards is another crucial aspect of home safety for older adults.Smoke AlarmsInstall smoke alarms on every level of the home, including inside and outside sleeping areas. Check the batteries regularly and replace them as needed.Escape PlanDevelop and practice a fire escape plan with your loved one. Ensure that all exits are clear and easily accessible.Medication ManagementProper medication management is essential for preventing accidental poisoning and ensuring that prescribed treatments are followed correctly.Organized StorageKeep medications in a well-organized, easily accessible location. Consider using a pill organizer to help track daily doses.Medication ReviewRegularly review medications with a healthcare provider to ensure they are still necessary and to check for potential interactions.Creating a Support NetworkWhile these safety measures are crucial, it's equally important to establish a support network for your loved one.Regular Check-insSet up a system for regular check-ins, either in person or by phone. This not only provides social interaction but also allows you to monitor their well-being.Community ResourcesResearch local community resources that can provide additional support, such as meal delivery services, transportation assistance, or social programs for seniors.Professional Home Care ServicesIf your loved one requires more extensive assistance, consider professional home care services. Companies like Caring Mission can provide individualized care plans tailored to your loved one's specific needs, ensuring they receive the support they require while maintaining their independence.By implementing these safety measures and creating a strong support system, we can help our older loved ones continue to live independently in their own homes with greater peace of mind. Remember, home safety is an ongoing process that may require periodic reassessment as needs change over time. With careful planning and attention to detail, we can create a safe and comfortable living environment that promotes both independence and well-being for our aging family members.

Local Services By This Author

SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne

Non-Medical 1048 Stanton Rd Ste D, Daphne, Alabama, 36526

Welcome to SYNERGY HomeCare of Daphne: Up to 24-hour home careCARE THAT MOVES YOULife moves in one direction forward. No matter what each persons circumstances are, SYNERGY HomeCare steps in with effective, comforting, life-affirming care that moves people, and their loved ones, emotionally and physically forward. From personal assistance and companionship to live-in and end-of-life comfort care, we provide the extra help needed to propel everyone safely and confidently to their fullest potential.HOME CARE YOU WANTWe offer a variety of care services from elder companionship to Alzheimers care.WHEN YOU NEED ITWhether its companionship or transportation or 24/7 memory care for a loved one with Alzheimers, SYNERGY HomeCare offers specialized and personalized care.HOW YOU EXPECT ITWe offer the top-notch care you expect by hiring and training quality caregivers. Weve also expanded our service areas to better support our community.Call us for a consultation.  We are compassionate and caring.Care Management and Respite Care for family membersPersonal Assistance (Bathing/Showering, Dressing, Personal Hygiene, etc.)Alzheimer's/Memory Care/Specialized CareMeal Preparation/Mealtime AssistanceMobility Assistance/Fall Risk MitigationLight HousekeepingCompanionship/Errands/Grocery ShoppingDoctor's Appointments and TransportationExercise and Healthy LivingSupport 24/7Coordination of Care with Hospitals, Home Health and HospiceMedication RemindersSo much more...We offer full support for fuller lives!  Call us today for a FREE in-home assessment.