My father was a stern man who worked his entire life in the family business or for himself. His soft side was not often evident while raising five children. As he grew older, and we left the nest, his disposition was more relaxed. He hugged often and grinned more. His jokes became funny with less edge and more wit. His keen observations were known to knock us off our keel and keep us laughing for hours.Is life funnier as we age, or it is our perspective that changes, and therefore offers us the opportunity to see more of the comedic side of things?Good TimingIf anyones going to tell a joke about getting older, it might as well be someone older telling it. That was the premise when comedian Jo Firestone decided to help a community of aging adults stand up and laugh out loud at their lives, their outlooks, and their journeys.It was three weeks before the pandemic shut down life in New York City. Jo was evaluating her career. She had extra time on her hands and wondered what would come next. She offered to teach a comedy workshop at a senior center near where she lived.Once COVID struck, Jo met every week with her group of seniors over Zoom, instructing them on the nuances of timing and storytelling. It became obvious the next step for the group was to perform in front of family and friends as soon as it was safe to practice in person. Next followed the filming of the documentary, Good Timing, about their experiences and their performance which was filled with many unexpected moments.Ive always really enjoyed how a lot of senior citizens are less self-conscious than people my age or younger, thirty-five-year-old Firestone says, in an interview with the Daily Beast, about her free-wheeling students, who shared many intimate details in their material.As we get older, we let go of embarrassment over proclaiming the truth in our lives. This freedom is what builds our funny bone as we age. Age-Appropriate JokingMy 60-year-old husband follows a social media account called Dad Jokes. He shares them with his father-in-law and a few older uncles and aunts.  What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.Does age matter in determining what is funny? A study published by Psychology and Agingconsisted of fourteen video clips shown to 84 adults. Each adults ranked the level of appropriateness and humor in all the videos. Researchers found older adults do not like aggressive humor, anything deemed as mean. They tend to reach toward jokes which demonstrate a certain wisdom from a life long-lived. The lead scientist, Jennifer Tehan Stanley, assistant professor at the University of Akron, said, Humor preferences may reflect coping mechanisms that older adults need to face the challenges that come with aging, such as loss.While age might determine various levels of appreciation for humor, what role does gender play in stereotyping who gets to be called funny?Who is Funnier, Women or Men?The Society for Personality and Social Psychology evaluated a myriad of studies performed on asking just this question. A group of three researchers at the University of North Carolina Greensboro systematically reviewed a collection of studies to assess the differences. Most findings were sex-blind and included 28 analyses in multiple countries. The key to inclusion was whether participants knew the origin of comedy, whether it was from a cartoon or in writing. Such procedures raised our confidence that we were measuring true humor ability with little influence of the stereotype.What did they find? Overall, mens humor was rated higher than women. The supposed whys of their findings were insightful. Women at a young age are more likely to suppress their humor, given the more pervasive view of men as funny. They also looked at how humor attracts mates. Women tend to look for humor as a sign of intelligence in their mate. And over the long history, men tend to perform in competition with other men and therefore have not only honed their comedic timing but are viewed as dominant in the field.While the average outcomes in their study demonstrate men are funnier, we all know women who have taken the comedy world by storm: from Lucille Ball to Whoopi Goldberg to Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph. Mae West, the actress and entertainer well-known for her one-liners, once said, You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.The same goes for telling Dad jokes.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press) and is a recipient of a 2020 NSNC award. A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

Our Brains and Our MicrobiomesAs a tech recruiter, I was often perplexed on how to convey the nuances of a candidate to management. Ticking off qualifications an applicant might have checked, I also reached for an unnamable attribute and went with my gut reaction.What did I feel in the moment and how did that apply to my knowledge of the environment in which the candidate would succeed? Thats what we knew of our gut at that time.Now, researchers are learning more about the gut, and how its health relates to that of our brains.The MicrobiomeOver the years, my mother suffered from irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). This was before we understood more about gluten intolerance or how other allergens might have caused her suffering. Her condition led to embarrassment over time. It also kept her from going out, as she feared accidents.Had we known more about her gut microbiome, perhaps we could have walked a different path with doctors or shifted her diet before dementia set in and made it difficult to keep a chocolate cookie or a wedge of cheese out of her sight.What is the gut microbiome? Kimberly Wilson, a London-based based psychologist with a focus on whole body mental health, and author of How to Build a Healthy Brain writes, the microbiome is really the population of microorganisms. This includes bacteria, viruses and yeasts, and fungi, which are present in our gut. To clarify, other microbiomes include that of your skin and your mouth. This specific one is present in the colon. All these microorganisms, in their many forms, do the work of digestion and keeping our immune systems healthy.According to the National Center for Biotechnology Information of the NIS: The past decade has seen a paradigm shift in our understanding of the brain-gut axis. A comprehensive model is emerging that integrates the central nervous, gastrointestinal, and immune systems with this newly discovered organ. They also claim studies have shown potential in correlation to treatments of the gut related not just in gastrointestinal disorders, but psychiatric and neurologic disorders, including Parkinsons disease, autism anxiety, depression.How Does the Gut Impact Dementia?Current studies now evaluate the relationship between IBD, irritable bowel disease of the gut, and the treatment through biologics, oftentimes considered a more natural source than medications.According to the FDA, Biological products include a wide range of products such as vaccines, blood, and blood components, allergenics, somatic cells, gene therapy, tissues, and recombinant therapeutic proteins. Biologics can be composed of sugars, proteins, or nucleic acids or complex combinations of these substances, or may be living entities such as cells and tissues. Biologics are isolated from a variety of natural sources - human, animal, or microorganism - and may be produced by biotechnology methods and other cutting-edge technologies. Gene-based and cellular biologics, for example, often are at the forefront of biomedical research, and may be used to treat a variety of medical conditions for which no other treatments are available.Data presented at Digestive Disease Week, 2022 by Ahmed Eltelbany, MD, an internist at the Cleveland Clinic, showed the use of biologics decreased the prevalence of dementia in one patient group compared control group which did not receive them.The scientists culled their data from 26 major integrated U.S. healthcare systems, identifying all patients aged older than 65 years diagnosed with either Crohns disease or ulcerative colitis between 2016 and 2021. Patients were then treated with a biologic therapy. While looking for factors which would explain the presence of dementia, they also looked for the prevalence of patients with IBD compared to those without an IBD diagnosis.Eltelbany and colleagues found dementia prevalence was nearly three times lower for patients with Crohns who were treated with biologics compared with those who did not receive biologics. Similarly, patients with ulcerative colitis treated with biologics were half as likely to be diagnosed with dementia compared to those who did not receive biologics.They purported that much of the inflammation occurring with a Crohns or colitis diagnosis causes a presence of or initiates the beginnings of dementia. While there was no one to one correlation, the idea of nutrients being drained from our brains or digesting improperly can impact our health is now becoming a standard study for many health organizations.Some of the diseases above can be triggered by gluten intolerances. My mother loved her bread and her homemade cookies. While I often thought her IBS might be controlled, as her caregiver, I had to balance that with her desires in the moment. Would she understand she couldnt eat a cookie, especially one which held a lifetime of tradition for her? Could we have saved her embarrassment, and would this, in turn, have reduced the onset of dementia or slow the decline of her cognitive impairment?Someday soon we will know more of these answers.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press) and is a recipient of a 2020 NSNC award. A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn

We all adhere a daily schedule to accomplish a long list of tasks, hurrying through chores so we can slow down and relish in whatever time is left over. I rush through the stands at the farmers market so I can take my time at home to make and eat panzanella salad and stuffed zucchini.But what if we discovered the power of aimlessness at the farmers market? What if we released ourselves from the obligation of being directed, and allowed ourselves to be aimless?Could we apply that same practice to our caregiving?What is Aimlessness?Tom Lutz, author of Aimlessness, writes how the word aimlessness suggests negative connotations of drifting, disinterest in productivity, to have no target. He also writes, it can also mean to be open, unhurried, un-conniving, nonviolent. I immediately thought of caregivers and how important this attribute is to our endurance, the livelihood of our loved ones, and our relationship with them.Its no secret caregivers organize their day around doctors appointments, visits with loved ones, family and work obligations, and time for themselves. What about the physical time spent with their loved one, in particular, someone experiencing dementia? Someone who is also unhurried. How can we open ourselves to the aimlessness of their present moment?In a care home setting, my mother had access to the outside, weather permitting. This allowed her to circle the courtyard nonstop. Occasionally she stopped, admired the black-eyed Susans, and moved on to something more intriguing, like a hummingbird quickly flitting away from her sight.Like my walks through the city where I set out in one direction and an innate calling directs me elsewhere, I imagine this was true for my mother. She set off on a path, was distracted by bright and shiny objects for a time and continued on her way. Arriving to visit her from my outside busy world, I slammed on the breaks of my organized life and slowed down. By mimicking or following her, I began relinquishing the need to focus.The Meandering MindWe live our life in awe of the slacker, people we understand to have a certain rootlessness in them. For instance, writer Jack Kerouac, once called himself a Dharma Bum. Yet, he was a closet workaholic. Ben Franklin, an inventor, a proponent of a strong work ethic, and someone who penned witty idioms, took a daily air bath, napping without clothing, which occupied a significant portion of his day. Humans exist within these contradictions, but we can make room in our overstructured lives to free our minds and explore beyond the confines of our bulleted lists.Tom Lutz suggests a better term for this is meander. When I choose what I attend to, when I direct my attention, I change the flow of my consciousness, I change its course. When a river changes its course, it is called meandering. When we daydream, our mind is meandering, uninterrupted by will or reflection.This stream of consciousness flows in many directions, as weve witnessed in individuals with dementia. While the term redirect is frequently used as a practice in caregiving to turn individuals away from harmful situations, we mistakenly think we must direct our loved ones at every turn. We dont.When my mother often rambled in conversation or her actions, she was creating a story from memory, the present moment, and from imagination. Daydreaming, her mind meandered.Daydreaming and Our Brains Do we daydream for as long as we are alive? A 2019 study revealed individuals living with frontotemporal dementia, defined by a progressive loss of spindle neurons in the frontal and or temporal lobes of the brain, experience the loss of daydreaming."Individuals with frontotemporal dementia become very rigid in their thinking," explains Associate Professor Muireann Irish from the University of Sydney, a part of the study. "They are unable to visualize alternatives, to think of solutions to problems, or to deviate from their everyday routines. Simply put, these individuals are stuck in the moment."In the research they discovered that the minds of healthy adults wandered off the presented subject matter to more interesting ideas. Those with frontotemporal dementia remained fixated on the subject matter before them, reporting they were either thinking about nothing or about the stimulus itself. However, both groups, healthy adults and those living with frontotemporal dementia, reported the same volume of mind wandering. In essence, every participant thought they were daydreaming, despite what they reported.Like the manifestations of dementia itself, our minds do wander off and forge new paths for us to live out. My mothers physical meandering was legendary. Though I cannot predict what her mental meandering looked like, I like to think she was always creating a new day for herself.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Belt Magazine (forthcoming) and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

One of the most difficult aspects of being a caregiver for someone living with dementia has nothing to do with their actual daily care.The challenge involves acting as a loved ones advocate, speaking up for their needs when they can no longer formulate what is best for themselves. This situation is most difficult when physical challenges arise, such as the need for surgery or rehabilitation.These situations also occur daily. There were times I wanted to act as my mothers bodyguard, her protector, to the outside world. It was my job, in a way, to speak the unspoken. To say the unarticulated. I couldnt be there all the time. There had to be other ways.Being Named CaregiverWhen my first husband was scheduled to receive a bone marrow transplant, I was assigned the duty and title of caregiver. I had already been his unofficial one, but agreement to this designation was required for entrance to the program. I felt important. He and I were now on equal footing. I had as much to say as he did in this quest.Not everyone has the flexibility to be a caregiver, to be the point person, at those important junctions. However, there are certain approaches one can take or learn from, to become the advocate when necessary.Before someone enters a hospital care setting, its important to establish a line of communication and a routine amongst yourself and your loved one. Just as one might do when pregnant, always carry a bag of essentials. This might include copies of living wills, snacks for your loved one (my mother loved Sandies cookies), a notebook, lavender lotion, a book for yourself or a volume of poetry to read and maintain calm. While we all carry technology in our pockets to keep us connected to the outside world, consider books or magazines to keep your eyes from tiring and your focus on whats important. Consider making a homemade sign to leave in the loved ones room. Words to remind those attending to a loved one of your loved ones name, a few tidbits about them, and a reminder, if necessary, this person experiences memory loss, etc. Some care communities will also send along paperwork which might also include a type of greeting card for the doctors. A way of saying, thank you for attending to me - and its important you know the real me.Is this necessary? Ive spent many hours in hospital and care home settings. My husband works in a hospital. Were familiar with the demands on both sides of the patient bed. The pressure for everyone to perform admirably for the sake of someone they dont know, and someone you love intensely, is real. The stakes are high. Eliminate the stress and tension whenever possible.Become a ManagerAs your care recipients advocate, be involved, dont accept the status quo, and dont be afraid to voice your concerns, writes Nancy L. Kriseman, in Mindful Caregiver: Finding Ease in the Caregiving Journey.Its okay to challenge what some might view as norms. Our loved ones are individuals. It only makes sense they would not fall into the norm. The challenge is in the communication style which we choose to adopt when speaking for our loved one.When my mother was dying, family members wanted to come to town and visit one final time. As her ongoing caregiver for over six years, I didnt want to leave her side. I had to trust in those members, and in the staff. However, there was an issue with one family member. Given the personality of this person, I fully expected them to walk into the care home and make demands, despite the groundwork I had laid for my mothers peaceful goodbyes. The staff understood. They had, after all, understood my mothers needs sometimes or anticipated them better than I could. I had been correct. That person did make demands. With a kind heart, the staff convinced that person they would ensure my mothers needs were being met.In the end, I didnt have to be concerned so much about my communication style, but that of the trained staff. The most important aspect is that one remains committed to the values you believe are important to uphold.The secret to caregiving is understanding there will be days when you feel you are advocating alone and recognizing there are always ways to give yourself some backup by being prepared.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Belt Magazine (forthcoming) and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

If you are caring for a person living with memory loss, one of the most important lessons you need to learn is to never argue with them. First and foremost, you will never win the argument! Secondly, youre only going to end up tormenting the both of you. Just go with the flow. Sadly, even when our loved ones are blabbering, making absolutely no sense at all, we are better off just agreeing with them.For example, if you wake up one day and suddenly find that you are now called "Bob", then just become Bob! Telling them that they are mistaken will only send them sinking deeper into their confusion, creating a heavy bout of anxiety. As a caregiver, this is precisely what you are trying to avoid.While caring for my father who was living with Alzheimers disease, I experienced many evenings when he would say to me, "Its starting to get dark outside. If I dont get home soon, my mother is going to start worrying about me." Instead of telling him that he was a man in his eighties and his mother passed away some twenty years ago, I would calmly tell him, "I just talked to your mother on the telephone a little while ago. She knows youre spending the night here with me. Everything is going to be okay." Nine out of ten times by reassuring him hes okay, the following day, he wouldnt even remember having been worried in the first place.Many describe this as telling little white lies, fiblets, or therapeutic lies. Call them what you want, but please use caution.Nobody likes to be lied to. People are still . . . people. So, before throwing out these false statements, you need to ask yourself a sincere question. Is the lie for your benefit or theirs? Because they need to be in theirs. Make sure these white lies are being used for their own safety and well-being. Please dont fall into the habit of using these fibs for your own convenience, or it may come back to haunt you.Keeping a loved ones anxiety under control is vital for a person who has Alzheimers or any other kind of dementia-related disease. So, if you must bend the truth a little by telling a therapeutic fib, so be it. Examples where your little white lie may be appropriate are: if it helps them take their medication, stops them from wandering, or keeps them safe and calm. Use them cautiously and consider it to be an act of love. Gary Joseph LeBlanc Education Director Dementia Spotlight Foundation

While cleaning out some of my mothers possessions following her death, I found an assortment of accessories and handbags in an unmarked box. She was the queen of little purses, using a different one for each night out. At some point after her dementia diagnosis, she had been a passenger when my father drove four hours to visit me. A small black clutch, a gold leaf for a clasp, sat on her lap with a note tucked inside. Now that note lay in front of me, written in my sister Jeannes handwriting. The message read, We are going to Annettes house. The intent was to help my mother remember why she was seated in the car with her husband, and to keep her mind occupied.While I was not in that car, I was informed this small pivot workedat least for a little while.As summer winds down and we consider additional travel opportunities, here are some tips on how to travel with a loved one who experiences dementia or needs extra oversight while on the road.The first thing one must consider is whether flying or driving a good idea, given where the person is in the stages of their dementia or care. Can you find help along the way to navigate the almost certain roadblocks this trip might involve? My in-laws recently traveled to Utah for our sons wedding. While capable of walking through an entire airport, my father-in-law finally relented to requests from his adult children. They booked a transport chair for his departures and arrivals. One positive aspect from this decision is that it allowed he and his wife to move closer to the front of the TSA line.According to Alzheimers News Today, driving provides a greater level of control than flying. You can control the temperature of the car, how many times you stop and where, and what kind of entertainment you have on board, including the volume. At last count, my iPhone contained 38 Frank Sinatra songs my mother knew by heart. I did too. We drove back to her hometown for my fathers funeral with those tracks on repeatfor 250 miles. But we made it. And she felt comfortable in the knowledge of the lyrics. The words provided a safety net and lulled her to sleep.Here are other ideas to keep in mind: In case of an emergency, it is helpful to carry the necessary paperwork one might typically need, including copies of Power of Attorney records and identification cards.One idea might be to also have on hand childrens flashcards with pictures and words, or notecards with varying messages to your loved one. On occasion, instruct them to read them aloud.Should you need to stay overnight in a hotel room, ensure it is ADA equipped. While on short trips, your loved one might not require a shower or bath but having the right amenities for those just-in-case moments cannot harm in planning.Bring snacks. My parents were car snackers, and thus we became car snackers too. When we were little, my mother packed cans of Pringles and one large Charles Chips bin of pretzels into the car (to stave off the hunger of five kids). We stopped along the way to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Nowadays, there are entire grocery stores at gas station stops, but you dont want to make unnecessary purchases, or detain your loved one any more so than usual.Vary your trip. On those excursions, my parents knew the route of I-71 better than they knew the roads of their hometown. They had made the drive between Cleveland-Columbus-Cincinnati and the occasional Dayton route countless times. Many friends and relatives lived along the way. Later, with mom in the car, we often planned a little side stop, giving her someone else to speak with, or adding to the conversation. It is still important to vary a loved ones interactions with others because family always talks about the same things.Remember, you are traveling with someone who possesses a short attention span. When raising our kids and taking them on trips, we allowed them to travel with a toy or two. There are countless apps for the iPad or phone, for drawing, recording, or other actions which might keep a loved one engaged long enough for you to pump gas or get to an aunts house.When all else fails, consider old-fashioned car games, like the alphabet game or the license plate game. We used to play a version of spot the Volkswagen called slug bug. Others called it Punch Buggy. Either way, if you spotted a VW bug, you punched the person seated next to you in the arm when you spot one before they did. Car models have changed, and we shouldnt encourage hitting between siblings nor with our loved ones. But we can still call out colors and letters, get a trucker to honk, and have a little fun along the way.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Ovunque Siamo, Belt Magazine and Creative Nonfiction (both forthcoming). Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

For more information on Lely Palms, Click Here.While it may be common knowledge that diabetes is a serious health condition, there is often confusion about which type poses the greater risk. Both Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes can lead to health complications and increase your risk of dying prematurely. However, they are caused by different factors and must be treated and managed differently.Two major types of diabetes one major health concernType 1A chronic condition in which the pancreas produces little or no insulin.Type 2A chronic condition that affects the way the body processes blood sugar (glucose).Although type 1 and type 2 diabetes are separate conditions, they have the same long-term complications, such as problems with:EyesVisual impairment or blindnessHeart and vascular systemIncluding blood clots, heart disease and strokeKidneysKidney damage or failureNervesNerve damage that causes pain or numbnessA woman may also have gestational diabetes, which is high blood sugar during pregnancy. Gestational diabetes typically resolves after pregnancy, but some women may continue to have symptoms of Type 2 diabetes and need continued treatment.Preventing Type 2 diabetesSince lack of exercise and eating foods with high sugar content contribute directly to Type 2 diabetes, there are ways to safeguard yourself and your loved ones:Avoid foods high in sugar content:Eat healthy foods, including fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean meatsExercise 30 minutes each dayLose weight and keep it offSee your doctor for regular checkupsDiabetes TreatmentType 1Most people with Type 1 diabetes are diagnosed as children or young adults and will need insulin injections throughout their lifetime to manage the disease.Type 2For those with Type 2 diabetes, diet and exercise alone can have a significant impact in reducing the amount of glucose (sugar) in your blood. In more stubborn cases, oral blood glucose lowering drugs or treatment with insulin may also be needed to avoid dangerous side-effects of the disease.

The centerpiece of my kitchen island is a large bowl, spilling over with fresh produce from the farmers market. Bulbs of sweet onions, fennel, and Hungarian peppers round out the bunch. My husband says Ive bought up the entire farm. But one of my gifts is turning the mish mash of vegetables into a healthy summer meal.There are so many ways to eat your vegetables without echoes of your mother in your ear. There are also many reasons to do so, including keeping your brain healthy.Thats what I tell my husband. And research backs me up on this topic.Brain Food is EverywhereNew York City hosts every type of restaurant one can imagine. Finding one that is all about brain food health is not difficult. Honeybrains restaurant was the creation of a nutritionist and neurologist. They create menus based on the science of neuronutrition, which is defined as the nutrition needed to achieve health brain and neurocognitive function. Diets rich in antioxidants, vitamins, flavonoids, and polyphenolic compounds will help suppress the onset of Alzheimer's disease, according to Wannee Jiraungkorrskul, a researcher at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in a research study on spinachs ability to impact our brains.To mark National Alzheimers Awareness month in June, staff from the Womens Alzheimers Movement reached out to the restaurant to partner on developing a brain healthy salad for their menu. They incorporated leafy greens to maximize ones intake of Vitamin K, folate, and iron, including the dark greens which are best for you. The salad included berries, rich in flavonoids which have been shown to help reduce the impact of Alzheimers. Legumes were incorporated to add protein, fiber and isoflavones. Salmon was the star, which WAM recommended slow roasting the fish as opposed to cooking over a high heat and releasing carcinogens.Their recommendations were based on the seven elements of the popular MIND diet, which is a merging of two plant-based diets, the Mediterranean diet and the DASH diet meant to reduce hypertension.Brain Health versus Brain FoodFood does not make up all the components necessary for a brain-healthy lifestyle.Maria Shriver, longtime journalist, and prominent advocate for the Alzheimers Movement, especially for women, says we must move away from the narrative of aging, and look toward what we can control. Our eating and our lifestyle.We are beginning to know what a brain-healthy lifestyle is. Shriver says in an interview with Parade Magazine. We know that many of the cases of Alzheimers might be preventable if people have different lifestyles. That doesnt mean that those who have Alzheimers were bad or did something wrong. But this whole space is awakening to intervention, to different ways of thinking.We all have days when our focus is off, and we know we must pay attention to our cognitive health. Now, we are learning to stop and wonder why that is. What did I do or not do today that was different from yesterday? Was it exercise, was it what I ate, was it what I watched before I went to bed last night? We begin to take notice of how food, sleep, and a well-rounded social life might have impact on our balanced lives.According to the Sleep Association, the eleven worst foods to eat before bed include chocolate, tomatoes, cheese, ice cream, high fat, high sugar, water (to eliminate sleep disruption), onions, donuts, dried fruit, alcohol, caffeine, chips, and energy drinks. The list contains plenty of foods which are not incorporated into the MIND diet, but remember that fun must still be a key ingredient in life.My fathers nighttime routine included a bowl of ice cream before bed, every night. Then, he was diagnosed with blocked arteries at age 75. After his procedure, he pridefully bought his favorite flavor, Chocolate Ripple, in the low-fat version and continued to try a variety of ice creams. He never stopped eating ice cream before bed. Certain things were non-negotiable. He also maintained a thriving garden in the backyard of our home, which produced a lifetime supply of greens. It turns out, we didnt need to eat as much fish as my mother insisted on. We only need to consume more of what he grew out back.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Ovunque Siamo, Belt Magazine (forthcoming) and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

In the far reaches of my memory, my four-year-old self pulls on the leather leash of a wooden dog with red wheels acting as its legs. The toy, vintage by now, was the first exposure my siblings and I had to owning a pet, to having something other than a teddy bear as our security blanket and friend.Nowadays, science and toymaking have advanced to include modern technology. In place of the little wiener dog or stuffed animals, robotic pets are now paired with veterans, children, or those who experience dementia or advanced illnesses, to provide a level of comfort and companionship which is not readily available under such circumstances.The wooden dog is packed away, awaiting to be used by a grandkid. While technology might render those toys obsolete, its also helping us to find creative ways to provide comfort and safety for our loved ones.Robotic Dogs and CatsIn a news article about robotic companion pets for individuals with advanced illnesses, the photo accompanying the piece included a robotic dog which resembled my now deceased spaniel. I was hooked. Should I experience dementia, the toy would be an ideal companion for me. And for many others whose needs were far greater than mine.Capital Caring Health, an organization based in the Washington, D.C. area, aims to provides just that - a companion for those requiring the highest level of advanced illness care. Armed with studies which have proven how pet ownership lowers anxiety, provides stability, and offers the ability to self-soothe, the organization has focused on supporting veterans and those experiencing dementia by providing them with these robotic pets.Constructed as dogs or cats, the pets come in a variety of shades. They are programmed to interact with humans and respond to touch just like an actual pet. A dog might wag its tail when stroked. A cats interactions are more randomized, as one might expect. Capitals motto for this effort is no need to feed or walk or clean up after themjust enjoy their love.At age 83, both my mother-in-law and father-in-law often mourn the death of their Goldendoodle. Given some of their physical health challenges, dog ownership is no longer feasible them. However, a robotic pet might be a good option. My in-laws would each benefit from reliving happy memories of their former pet, and interactions, as well as the presence and movement, of a current, robotic pet.Toy Manufacturers Move into Wellness MarketWhen a group of Hasbro toy designers entered the wellness market, the first product they attempted to design was that of a robotic pet. Fueling this new initiative was the insight that there was a void of products which bring fun and play to the older adult market and the belief that play knows no age limit, according to Ageless Innovations website.In 2015, Hasbro launched a companion cat with a lifelike coat and soft heartbeats. The team was astounded by the narratives around how isolation, loneliness and cognitive decline were all impacted positively by the power of play. Their next effort brought forth the companion pet dog. In 2021, in the United Kingdom, David Moore, dementia lead at a national care home charity, explained, although he was skeptical about the idea when he first saw it, it does works really well for people with dementiaits not always a practical option to keep a real-life pup, when the upkeep and the responsibility can be overwhelming. Instead, these dogs and cats react to the sound of a voice, creating a two-way interaction, enriching the experience without placing undue burdens on the owner or the care home.Through Ageless Innovation, skilled facilitators are trained to help identify those who would benefit the most from these pets, especially individuals experiencing dementia or in a present state of distress.Robotic Suits Not to be outdone by pets, Superflex has designed wearable robotic suits, appropriate for training soldiers carrying heavy loads or for aging adults who need an extra hand. The suit fits over most of the body and delivers a jolt of supporting power to the legs, arms, or torso exactly when needed to reduce the burden of a load or correct for the bodys shortcomings.Consider the case of an elderly person using a walker. The suit uses a variety of sensors to detect movement styles and where power is needed the most. If one were to place their hands on a walker, yet their weak wrists could not respond in quick fashion, the suit would send a jolt to the sensor near the wrist and add support to the movement.Superflex is not alone in this market, there are many others, such as Harvard, MIT, and traditional car manufacturers, seeking to turn their manufacturing capabilities into our superpowers.As for me, I dont have the pocketbook to shell out the monies for a suit. But, having a robotic dog walk alongside me to stimulate my mental and physical well-being would go a long way toward keeping me independent and living well.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press) and is a recipient of a 2020 NSNC award. A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Shanti Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

The Tradition of Tea and DementiaDuring a particularly windy evening in southern Louisiana, my husband and I visited with our adult children. My stepdaughter asked if wed like some tea. She moved toward the cabinet and called out an overwhelming selection of tea: fennel, caramel, green, etc. My stepdaughter is in her mid-thirties. When I was her age, I recall sipping on wine more than tea.Drinking tea has come into popularity again with the younger generation. All three of my stepdaughters enjoy holding a warm cup of tea in cold hands. Whereas coffee signifies a speeding up in our lives, tea signals a pause, helping us slow down while keeping our cognitive functioning intact.Studies on Tea Consumption Headlines regularly report the health benefits of drinking tea. When Indias Edith Cowan University (ECU) conducted their research, studies showed tea may be even better for us than previously thought.Within a group of 881 elderly women, researchers found the women were less likely to have a buildup of calcification in their arteries (AAC), which leads to cognitive decline, if they consumed more flavonoids in their diet. Why are flavonoids important? Foods high in flavonoids, such as black tea and blueberries, are known to have anti-inflammatory properties and protect cells from damage which often leads to disease, such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, cancer, and cognitive diseases like Alzheimer's and dementia.In using black tea as one of the main components of flavonoids in the study, they found, compared with respondents who didnt drink tea, participants who consumed two-to-six cups per day had 16-42% less chance of having extensive AAC, drawing the conclusion that more tea drinking leads to less cognitive challenges.Another study, published in Nature.com in 2022, reported similar results in a country well-known for their tea habits. Among a cohort of 337 participants, over the course of nine years, the UK Biobank found tea drinkers were 16% less likely to develop dementia compared with non-drinkers. Moderate consumption (16 cups/day) of tea exerted significant protective effects. Other indicators showed mid-aged participants or males benefited more from tea consumption. In conclusion, Within 3 cups/day, drinking one extra cup of tea per day brought a 6% reduction of incidence. In conclusion, moderate consumption of tea was significantly associated with a reduced risk of dementia. This implies that modifying our tea consumption can help modify our dementia risks.Tea as a RitualIf youve watched The Crown, you know theres a certain way Brits like to make their tea. The custom of making and serving tea is ritual in many cultures, including those with British roots, such as India. Its also plentiful in Asian cultures. For instance, in Japan, ritual tea drinking originated from Zen monks who drank tea to keep awake during long sessions of meditation. It later became an active part of the Zen ritual to honor their patriarch, Bodhidharma. While Americans are not all practitioners of meditation, the need to slow down is an imperative, and tea fits the bill for setting the pace for self-care.What does this pause allow us to do? To create a sense of mindfulness. To clear our heads of the detritus of our lives and focus on the present moment, whether it be a visit from the Royal Family or the latest bestseller. Sometimes, it is the flavors, scents of lavender, rosehips, orange zest, or almond, which settle into our consciousness and creates this state of calm. Sometimes, it is the process of boiling, brewing, steeping, and stirring, causing us to break away from our fast-paced rhythms.Most of us in the United States experience some kind of winter, whether its snow, rain, wind, or simply lower temperatures. While my husband and I often say theres nowhere safe to travel in the U.S. during wintertime because theres always a risk of unseasonably cold temperatures, we do know wherever we are, a steaming mug of tea can overcome the chill.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Ovunque Siamo, Belt Magazine, Creative Nonfiction, and Italian Americana (forthcoming). Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

Recently, I returned from visiting a small town in the Abruzzo region of Italy where my maternal grandparents lived before immigrating to the United States in the 1920s. Aside from the delectable seafood and wine I was served, I was gifted the hospitality of Italians from that area where theres a widely known saying about their inhabitants being forte e gentile. Strong and kind.I carried this phrase home with me. During a presentation to care providers, I recounted my origin story of becoming a caregiver, and how one first must learn to become strong (not mean), in advocating for their loved one. And eventually, when one arrives at certain understanding regarding the situation, one tends toward kindness. Becoming Strong and KindThe participants at the conference that day eagerly offered several examples of becoming strong. One woman spoke about the envy she held for her brother, who could simply stop in to see their mother, while she fretted over her mothers medications and health. She envied that freedom. Finally, she asked her brother to take over one task. He took it on with enthusiasm. She recognized the value in being strongnot for her mother, but for herself. Letting go of pride to ask for help is a hallmark of being strong. Her request also gave her brother agency in caring for his mother. Another participant recounted frustration with a sister, whom she repeatedly would ask for input regarding care of their parents. Her sister never responded. The participant stopped sharing information with her sibling, knowing she had the safety net of a husband and son who could provide more insight and comfort, and a lot less aggravation while she attended to her duties.The writer and activist Marge Piercy writes of strong women, Strength is not in her, but she enacts it as the wind fills a sail. Strong is not within us, but in how we use our skills and gifts to enact change in our daily life.The kind part is a more difficult to recognize or implement. We must toss out the notion we should be treated with kindness first. Kindness is not a competition or something to be measured. Its a state of being where we simply reside in the joys and challenges of living to find the best way forward.In Father Lawrence G. Lovasiks book, The Hidden Power of Kindness, he writes, Not only is kindness due to everyone, but a special kindness is due to everyone. Kindness is not kindness unless it is special. Its charm consists in its fitness, its timeliness, and its individual application.I experienced that charm in Abruzzo. A kindness toward me, the granddaughter of a man and woman who left impoverished families, who never looked back on their home country, and never returned. When you speak to people residing in these small towns, they recognize how their forebearers had been forsaken for something else. Imagine what it feels like to be the one left behind. And then, to welcome someone who arrived, as I did, with heavy expectations to reunite families. Imagine the kindness it takes to embrace someone like me.Strength and Kindness Are EverywhereWhen I returned from Italy, suddenly, I saw examples of strength and kindness everywhere.Javeno Mclean opened a gym in the UK exclusively for people with disabilities, both physical and cognitive. He takes the approach that everyone can achieve in the gym. Its a matter of recognizing ones skill level and ability, securing encouragement and support, and reducing expectations. Recently, he set the world record for the largest wheelchair exercise class. In an Instagram video, he dances with an older woman who is laughing, while the song, Baby, Baby, Where Did our Love Go? plays in the background. He wrote on his post, age is just a state of minda sense of humor will keep the mind young.At the annual Comic Con in New York City, actor Michael J. Fox, walked onto stage to thunderous applause. He is now thirty years into his Parkinsons diagnosis. Before Michael could settle onto the couch, Christopher Lloyd, who starred as Doc to Foxs Marty character in the Back to the Future movies 37 years prior, walked onto the stage. Despite Foxs physical challenges to remain steady on his feet, the emotions worn on the faces of each actor as Lloyd reached out to hug Fox, were powerful demonstrations of kindness and strength.In the years I was my mothers advocate, I learned to be strong. In those moments when we sat side by side, reading magazines, singing, or during moments of great confusion for her, I learned to be kind by accepting that station in her life.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Ovunque Siamo, Belt Magazine and Creative Nonfiction (both forthcoming). Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

As I recall, the National Geographic magazine of my youth published stories about the natural world most of us would have never dreamed of visiting in person. There were pictures of kangaroos in Australia, penguins in South America, and mountains in Africa to climb.Now, theres a new study from the National Geographic Society, who owns the magazine, which has leaned into another strange new world - the world of aging. In partnership with AARP, researchers set out to confirm what those of us in our late-50s and above have already suspected or lived.We are not our stereotypes.The StudyJournalists and researchers gathered 2,500 Americans from age 18 into their 90s, to see how their opinions on six indicators of health, money, happiness, relationships, life stages and final years, vary over the arc of adulthood. According to the AARP, they represented the full range of Americas backgrounds, demographics, and ethnicities. Another 25 adults age 40 and older participated in in-depth interviews.One question inquired, Would you take a pill that immediately granted 10 bonus years of life? Three-quarters of the adults said yes. However, the group of 80-year-olds were most likely to decline and better understood the condition of healthy with conditions, as scholars refer to that time in our lives when we are more likely to be discussing ailments than anything else.We all age with conditions. Overall, life is good, especially for older Americans - especially for those over 60. The person you see in the mirror, the person you feel you are each morning as you engage with the world, is far different from the type of person younger generations might think you are.Recently, I was visiting with friends at a lake where I was presented with an opportunity to ski. The early morning water was nearly soft in its stillness. I hadnt been on waterskis in a year. On the water, no other boats cut into my wake. There was nothing stopping me from skiing the length of the long lake. The younger me might have pushed harder, but the older me knew when to stop. My body eased into the water, and I let go of the rope. Being healthy with conditions calls for knowing when to let go of the rope.What About Death?Somewhat surprising, most respondents arent afraid of death, says Debra Whitman, chief public policy officer for AARP. Indeed, the survey shows fear generally decreases with age. However, people want choice and self-control when dying, she says. Most survey respondents endorsed medical aid in dying, having witnessed the agony of parents who did not have access to those options, or we know more about how to control pain when the body ceases to function as it should.Ironically, its not until their 80s when many people reported making plans for financial, funeral, and long-term care arrangements, thereby helping their families and medical team understand and honor their wishes.We talk good game about not fearing death but rarely want to look at it. When my husband died at the age of 40, he and I carried on countless conversations about his wishes. Many more discussions than my parents who were in their 70s at the time. A few years later, my father had a cancer scare and a kidney removed. He finally sat down for the talk.In his defense and that of others, nowadays, there are more non-profits in existence to help us understand and speak the language necessary to confront death. There are more support structures in hospice. There are more people practicing a wide variety of faiths, giving us all a wider lens from which to view life.National Geographic SocietyThough the magazine was all I once knew about National Geographic, the society is dedicated to scientific discovery and understanding of our world.This includes aging. How it is viewed inside of us and outside too. When my husband and I first moved to the city after our children moved away, we went out every night. There was always free music to hear, free events to attend. Our kids joked we acted like we were in college and our city blocks were the campus. We surrounded ourselves with younger generations and learned what it was like to not be a parent. We saw who we were when we didnt have to parent.We discovered we were individuals. Perhaps thats the most remarkable revelation left out by the studies. Who do we think we are?Helping younger adults to appreciate what we still bring to the table can be accomplished by encouraging them to find positive images of aging in the older people they admire. They can ask more questions. We can divulge more. We never knew our parents were aging because they never told us they were. They never complained about it, unless with friends. The more we share about our challenges, the more we educate future generations on how to age with grace.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Belt Magazine (forthcoming) and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

Its a dream come true! Youve inherited a large sum of money from a long lost relative who died suddenly in a foreign country, often in Africa. All you need to do its pay a small fee and youll get the money. This is the set up for a type of scam that the U.S. State Department calls Advance Fee Scams or 419 fraud. In Nigerian law, where this type of scam originated, section 419 deals specifically with advance fee scams. Now, inheritance scams can originate from just about anywhere in the world.Inheritance scams are one type of advance fee scam where the victim is asked for money before they can collect the money. Usually a letter or email is sent to a group of people with the same last name, or those on a list of email addresses purchased by the scammers. They often pose as lawyers or barristers and the stories and methods they use are constantly changing and evolving, but they all ask for money in advance. They may also try to get your personal information to target your bank account or identity.To protect yourself from this scam, never respond to these types of emails or letters, no matter how legitimate they may look. Thieves can copy logos and design their messages to look authentic, so you cant go by looks alone. If you are part of an actual estate settlement, you will be contacted by a real lawyer, executor or estate professional who will never ask for a fee up front.If you get a lot of spam emails chances are good that you could be targeted by inheritance scammers. Use the spam filter on your email program to help stop them from being delivered to your mailbox.If the email or letter looks as if it is from a company, attorney, executor or an individual trying to locate relatives, you can check with the Better Business Bureau to see if they are legitimate. Letters you receive in the mail can also be reported to your local Postmaster or Postal Inspection Service. You can also find help from the Attorney Generals office in the state where you live.

My father-in-law, age 86, recently completed a round of surgery for glaucoma. Gradually, over the past three years, his eyesight had diminished. He willingly handed over his keys to his wife, and now she is the main driver in the family.But prior to that, he spent years tying flies for his beloved sport of fishing. He possessed a great passion for reading historical biographies and collecting Oregon coastal rocks. One might think his sedentary endeavors, including playing cribbage on the computer, would have been dangerous to his health.Science says this is not always the case.In a study published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), a peer reviewed journal of the National Academy of Sciences (NAS), researchers have concluded we should not sit idle and twiddle our thumbs, as our mothers might have scolded us for doing. But its important to distinguish between time spent sitting without engaging in brain activity, such as watching television, and time spent sedentary in the body, but with the mind active while playing cards on the computer, doing puzzles, knitting, and, of course, writing.The PNAS study involved analyzing the records of nearly 150,000 study participants in the UK, all over the age of 60, none of whom were diagnosed with dementia at the time of entering the study. Part of the study included tracking their use of television and computer time over a period of close to 12 years. At the end, 3,500 participants had developed dementia. First author, Dr. David Raichlan of the University of Southern California, said, This cohort is really amazing. This big group really gives us the ability to tease out some associations that you wouldnt find in smaller surveys.The authors also conceded how physical activity continues to be the most important activity in terms of staving off a dementia diagnosis. Puzzle and gaming fans alike must be cheering for the results as vindication for their time in a chair.For any one activity, the difference lies in levels of passivity. How active can one engage with the brain in pursuits some might view as mindless? In my Italian language class, the instructor assigns Italian crossword puzzles. They are rudimentary, and sometimes, I respond instinctively. For other words, I am forced to look up a translation, or sound out words. And it turns out those Wordle games we played during the pandemic were good for our brains, though boasting about Wordle scores may not have been necessary for better brain health.My father-in-law has become a foremost expert authority on many topics, based on audio books he now listens to. I consistently send him links to interesting books which he can download. Somehow, he manages to get through an entire audio book without falling asleep, something I cannot do and therefore do not listen to them while even in the car.Also included the study were words no writer wants to read. Because of the nature of the study, its really hard to figure out whether or not theres some kind of shared confounding factor and these are, just, like a marker of general lifestyle characteristics. What we do know is that sitting for long periods of time has negative physiological ramifications, explained Dr. Raichlan.My father-in-law continues his lap swimming at the senior community pool. He and his wife find time to attend their grandchildrens ballgames. And when given the opportunity, he still pegs more points than I do when we play cribbage, giving me an excuse to sit for a while and strategize on how to beat him.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving. (Three Arch Press). A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, Ovunque Siamo, Belt Magazine and Creative Nonfiction (both forthcoming). Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.

Gardening is an easy way to remain active throughout life. Planting, watering and tending to a garden is a great way to add activity to your daily routine and reduce the risks brought on by natural aging. The truth is, as we age our likelihood of remaining active decreases and fatigue sets in. With daily exercise and a healthy diet, older adults can avoid losing energy and keep a sharp mind. Gardening provides many of these advantages and is an easy and enjoyable way to do so. Whether you decide that the front lawn could use a little color, or you want to see the cooking process from cultivation to the dinner table, gardening leaves the gardener with a feeling of accomplishment and potentially a full belly. Keep in mind that you dont have to know how to garden to participate. There are many resources out there that take beginners step by step from planting to cultivation. Most seed packages even have instructions on the back for planting!The Benefits of GardeningThere are numerous benefits for starting your own garden, including:Physical benefits: The American Heart Association recommends 150 minutes of moderate exercise weekly, such as gardening, to reduce the risk of cardiovascular issues. An activity such as gardening helps promote flexibility, endurance and strength and has been used to help improve range of motion and coordination.Mental health benefits: Gardening is a great mental workout, as well. It takes resourcefulness and imagination to tend to a garden. Gardening allows time for meditation, personal reflection and daydreaming that can help reduce stress and anxiety. Gardeners often experience feelings of accomplishment and creativity by producing something that they helped nurture for an extended period of time.Nutritional benefits: When gardening crops, keep in mind that eating organic produce is just plain good for you. Fresh produce is not only high in vitamins and minerals but is also low in calories. Certain nutrients found in fresh organically produced foods can aid in disease prevention.Benefits of Nature: Benefits of being engaged in nature include better mood, sounder sleep, reduced risk of obesity and increased self-esteem through increased activity and decreased stress.Relationship benefits: Gardening is also a great activity to bring the family closer. Try teaching a child or grandchild how to plant and water seeds in your garden. Time spent with family can be the best benefit of all.Gardening SafelyAs we age, its important to remember that even though gardening is a pleasurable and rewarding way to get physical activity, it does come with risks that need to be considered before digging in. Bugs, uneven ground, muscle strain, dangerous tools and chemicals are all problems that could arise when you are putting your green thumb to work.Here are some tips to ensure you enjoy gardening without stress or injury:Wear protective gear such as goggles, gloves, ear plugs, sturdy shoes, long pants and long sleeves.Use insect repellent to protect yourself from mosquitoes and ticks. Wear sunscreen to reduce your risk of sunburn and skin cancer.Keep harmful chemicals out of the reach of children. Sharpen tools carefully.Follow instructions closely when using chemicals and equipment.Drink plenty of fluids to prevent dehydration.Take breaks often.Lift with your knees.Consider using knee pads, a stool or a chair when working low to the ground.Gardening may seem like a lot of work, but the fruits of your labor will make the time you spend in the garden worth it. The vibrant colors bursting from the ground and the butterflies and bumble bees frolicking through the flowers are sure to bring a smile to your face, even on grey summer days.

When Im speaking to groups about caregiving, Im often asked, How should I respond when family members or other loved ones question my decisions?I know that confusion. The confusion stems from responsibilities or duties we might have inherited without any preparation.My father assigned power of attorney responsibilities to me by asking a sister if I was the best person for the job. He did not discuss the assignment with me, leading to conflicts within the family. Those conflicts can turn costly if they are not handled with same attention we use to care for our loved ones.This Side of CaregivingThe first lessons I coach caregivers are to recognize every family member has gifts they can offer, as it relates to a loved ones care. Each member also carries their own agenda. Ideally, our loved ones would put forth their desires and plans, prior to others taking over care. For the lead caregiver, asking about each others gifts, how everyone would like to or can be involved goes a long way in establishing trust, and connections for when healthcare concerns increase.Caregivers often believe we march alone.  But, we are surrounded by others willing to aid us. We need to help them help us. The National Institute on Aging recommends the following on how to share in these duties: Talking about, listing, and defining responsibilities. Defining strengths and how they can be bolstered for maximum effect. And, setting forth ones limitations, whether its due to jobs, family, or location. One item not listed is to recognize that past hurts and regrets might cause some members to postpone involvement in a loved one's care, or not participate at all.During my fathers care struggles, three of my siblings lived out of town. Each had their own ideas on care as well as unresolved differences. At the time, the best I could do was to honor my fathers wishes though they were not specifically put in writing for all to understand.When my mother, in her dementia, required more care, those three still lived out of town. A sister often visited for a night and questioned, Where are Moms washcloths? and Why does she get a turkey sandwich for dinner? This worry was more a function of her personality and had nothing to do with my oversight of Moms life. I returned to normal programming with the onsite caregivers after my sister left.Most staff understand how the inconsistent presence of other family or caregivers might cause disruptions. Ask for their assistance when necessary. As a professional, they can reassure other members that you, the caregiver, have responded to the required duties with professionalism and love.Looking at Care from the Other SideSeveral years ago, my older sister was moved into a nursing home. My younger sister became her caregiver. Living out of town, Id love to provide more assistance. My gift is being a pusher. I assess a situation and discern what a person needs at a particular time. I pushed my mother to take walks or sit outside, every day if I had time. I wanted more for my sister too.My sister no longer communicates, has significant cognitive memory loss, and engages only in seconds, not long minutes. A friend of mine recently asked how much speech therapy my sister had been given. I responded, I wished she had more. Efforts had been made and it was no longer my place to push for additional therapy. Part of this approach came about by accepting my role as sideline advisor. Part of my recognition lay in accepting where my sister was on the spectrum of overall well-being.What strategies enabled me to achieve this balance? The ones developed when I was the lone caregiver. Communicating with family members using an established vocabulary and methods, such as group emails or texts. Everyone is assured of receiving the same message though it may be interpreted differently. Finding an ally within the family. Another of my sisters tended to be pragmatic in her relationships and helped others navigate the waters with detached emotion. Making use of staff to inform members about the status of a loved one. Ensuring everyone operates from the same vantage point eases their work too.Finally, if you are the other family member, outside of using trained facilitators, consider how to best support your loved ones care. What are your gifts? What can you let go of? When is it time to resolve differences with those you love?Hooponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice that combines love, forgiveness, repentance, and gratitude in four powerful phrases when said reflecting to yourself. The four simple phrases are: Im sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, and I love you. Keeping any of these phrases in mind as we accept our duties or our place in the family care is the best care you can offer to a loved one. As my dad used to say, I just want my kids to get along.Annette Januzzi Wick is a writer, speaker, and author of Ill Have Some of Yours, a journey of cookies and caregiving (Three Arch Press) and is a recipient of a 2020 NSNC award. A frequent contributor to Cincinnati.com, her work has appeared in Grief Becomes You, Before the Diagnosis, Cincinnati Magazine, nextavenue.com, Still Point Arts, 3rd Act Magazine, and others. Visit annettejwick.com to learn more.