How to Write a Eulogy

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WASHBURN-MCREAVY

Posted on

Oct 26, 2022

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Minnesota - Twin Cities Metro Area

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When a loved one passes away, we want to pay tribute to their life in a meaningful way. For loved ones, honoring cherished memories and accomplishments is an important part of the grieving process. This step helps commemorate their legacy in a way that feels true to their memory and the values they held. Writing a eulogy is a beautiful way to share these pivotal moments with the people that loved the departed. 

What is a eulogy? 

A eulogy is a remembrance speech that family members, close friends, or colleagues give during a funeral or memorial service. Sometimes just one person gives a eulogy at the memorial, and other times multiple people are chosen to share their memories and stories. With families and friends often traveling for a memorial service, eulogies serve as an opportunity for much-needed reflection as everyone gathers to honor a loved one’s passing. 

Writing a eulogy is a challenging task after losing someone dear to you. You’ll have to gather stories and memories to share in front of a room full of people. Remember that what makes eulogies beautiful is their opportunity to bring comfort to those family and friends who share your grief while keeping the legacy of your loved on alive. 

Don’t feel daunted; anyone can write a great eulogy. The key is to write something genuine that comes from the heart. While there are no rules for writing a eulogy, we’ve put together a step-by-step guide to help you create a sincere eulogy about your loved one.

How long should a eulogy be? 

The deep love and loss you hold for someone who has passed can feel impossible to fit into a eulogy. Most eulogies are 5–10 minutes long, and it’s a challenge to fit someone’s whole life story into that amount of time. Look at it as a speech meant to capture the essence of their character and their values, honoring what they contributed to this world. The best place to start is deciding what stories and memories you’d like to include.

Below we’ve included a few steps for how you can write a meaningful eulogy. 

What should I include in a eulogy? 

Every eulogy should be unique, but these topics will help you draw inspiration: 

  • A brief overview of their life, including key milestones
  • Your favorite memories with them, including a specific anecdote or two
  • Details about their relationships with close family and friends
  • Any significant accomplishments related to career, interests, or hobbies
  • Poems, stories, or songs written by the departed
  • Favorite words by authors or poets they admired

How to write a meaningful eulogy for a loved one

There is no right or wrong way to write a eulogy. If you’ve been chosen to deliver one, you were likely picked because of your meaningful connection to the departed and your beautiful storytelling abilities. Have confidence in yourself throughout this process — and if you begin to feel nervous, rely on the memories you have with your loved one to guide you. 

1. Gather memories

First, create a timeline of some of their most significant life moments — whether getting married, having children, details of their noteworthy career, a lifetime of travel, or their involvement and dedication to their community. Seeing a timeline of their most important life moments on paper will help you identify what stands out as worth highlighting in your eulogy.

  • Read old letters, emails, and text messages 
  • Revisit memorabilia 
  • Return to special places that hold memories
  • Watch family videos and look through old photos 

Try writing down all the words you would use to describe them and their personality

You may decide to include some of these descriptors in your eulogy. Taking the time to write down what you cherished about their character and your life together will bring back specific memories about them. 

Family members and close friends are another source of ideas. Ask them about their favorite memories, insights into their relationship with the deceased, or places and times of the year that will always remind them of your loved one. 

Ask friends and family these questions for inspiration: 

  • What were some of their favorite experiences with them? 
  • Were there specific personality traits that stick out to you? 
  • Did they have a mantra, song lyric, or quote that they loved? 
  • What heartwarming stories capture the essence of them?

Gathering ideas from different sources will help you identify a common thread or theme to tie the pieces of your eulogy together. 

2. Write a meaningful eulogy 

Eulogies are typically between 5–10 minutes spoken, or about 750–1,000 words written. When you sit down to write your first draft, write as you talk, and let the words come naturally. The most important part is to focus on how and why they were important to you; eulogies don’t need to be polished and perfect. 

It can be helpful to step away from a first draft and revisit with a fresh pair of eyes. Share your first draft with friends or family members for their input. During your editing process, remember the focal point of your eulogy — whether that be their adventurous spirit or their gift as a good listener — and make sure your anecdotes and highlights help bring those traits to life.

Writing a meaningful eulogy for someone dear to you can be an extremely emotional process, but also a beautiful and cathartic one. It’s a chance to reflect on treasured memories from over the years and keep those memories alive even after your loved one is gone. 

3. Practice with friends and family 

Once you’ve written a eulogy that you’re proud of, practice it in front of friends or family. Eventually, you will need to speak the words you’ve written so it’s best to practice before the day of the memorial service. Have one of the observers time your speech so you know roughly how long it will take. Oftentimes you will speak faster than you expected so make sure you take time to breathe and slow down. 

After you’ve practiced, ask your loved ones pointed questions about the areas you think may need work. This can sound like: 

  • Did I read too fast?
  • Was the section about her mom confusing? 
  • Is there anything you’d add? 
  • Did this do the departed’s life justice? 

Make sure you read the eulogy to someone who will give you constructive feedback so you know where to refine and make edits. 

4. Edit and repeat 

After practicing with friends and family, make any necessary edits to your eulogy. Sometimes you’ll find that your writing doesn't sound the way you thought it would when you say it out loud, so it’s helpful to edit after reading it aloud. Make edits to the areas you were given feedback on and repeat the peer review process until you feel it’s ready for the memorial. 

The day of the memorial service 

The day of the memorial service can be difficult for many reasons. Saying goodbye to a loved one is hard enough, but reading a speech in front of people can also cause stress. It’s important to remember that you’ve been chosen because you’re the best person to represent their life. 

When speaking, make sure you take time to pause and catch your breath. It’s common to speak too quickly when we’re nervous, but pausing and breathing will likely be perceived as natural to the audience. Take time between sentences and paragraphs so people can reflect on what you’ve said before rushing to the next point. 

Don’t let fear overcome the love you shared with the departed. After working hard on your eulogy, you are ready to read it aloud.  Contact Washburn-McReavy Chapels for more information at 612-377-2203 or visit www.washburn-mcreavy.com

  • To view the original version of this article visit www.washburn-mcreavy.com
  • Seniors Blue Book was not involved in the creation of this content.

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A simple checklist for making sure your obituary honors and informs.When a loved one has passed away, writing an obituary that honors their life can seem overwhelming. Dont worry - your obituary will honor their life simply by the act of you writing it. You want to celebrate your loved ones life and offer happy and enjoyable memories. You are helping to ease the pain of others simply by telling a story about your loved one.We hope that this checklist will take the stress and pressure off of you and allow you to honor your loved one. Remember, your funeral arranger is an experienced professional and is a valuable resource for writing the obituary.Include basic details about the persons lifeYou dont have to include all of this information, but here are the basics that are often included in an obituary. Choose the elements that are most relevant to your loved one: Age Any familial survivors Education Vocation When the person retired, if relevant Any military affiliations Any volunteer affiliations Include funeral informationFamily and friends often rely on an obituary for information on when and where a persons life will be celebrated, so your obituary will make it very simple for them to get that information (and will save you the hassle of having to answer lots of questions at a time when you would prefer not to be bothered with small details). You can include: Date and time of the funeral Place the funeral is being held Any viewing details Request for donations in lieu of flowers

How To Write A Eulogy - Jefferson Memorial Cemetery & Funeral Home

The thought of public speaking throws many people into a panic. Add to that fear the common discomfort of discussing death, and it's easy to understand why the idea of delivering a eulogy can be disconcerting. If you've been asked to write a eulogy, take heart. This article will help you put your fears in perspective so you can deliver a loving eulogy."Why me?"You were probably asked to deliver a eulogy because of your close relationship to the deceased, and because the family trusts you to honor his or her memory on behalf of family and friends. The family doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, foolish or as though your grief is on display. It's an honor they've bestowed upon you. Helping others say goodbye may turn out to be a rewarding experience. Don't worry about making mistakes. A eulogy comes from the heart of the deliverer. I can't see how a mistake could be made as long as it is honest and true."I can't write."Don't let the thought of writing intimidate you. You don't have to be a novelist to move people. Everyone has a story to tell and that's your job as a eulogist. Tell people your story.In the book "A Labor of Love: How to Write a Eulogy," author Garry Schaeffer says a eulogy should convey the feelings and experiences of the person giving the eulogy, and should be written in an informal, conversational tone. Schaeffer dispels the misconceptions that a eulogy should objectively summarize the person's life or speak for all present. Sit down and write from the heart.Eulogists often write about the person's attributes, memories and common times that were shared together. Sometimes they include the deceased's favorite poems, book passages, scripture verses, quotes, expressions, lines from songs or items that were written by the deceased. Whatever is selected, it generally reflects the loved one's lifestyle.These questions should get you thinking: How did you and the deceased become close? Is there a humorous or touching event that represents the essence of your passed loved one? What did you and others love and admire about the deceased? What will you miss most about him or her? Some of the simplest thoughts are deeply touching and easy for those congregated to identify with. For example, "I'll miss her smile," or "I'll never forget the way he crinkled his nose when he laughed," are just as good as "I admired her selflessness.""I can't speak in front of people."It may not be easy, but you can do it. A funeral is one time you'll surely have a kind and empathetic audience. They feel for you and are on your side. You'll only have to speak for five to ten minutes, but your gift will live in the hearts of the deceased's family and friends.If you're worried about choking up or breaking down in the middle of your eulogy, you can take a moment to compose yourself, then carry on, as Schaeffer recommends, or you can have a back up person ready to step in. Give a copy of your eulogy to the minister or funeral director so that person can finish the eulogy if you're unable to continue.Tips Be honest and focus on the person's positive qualities Humor is acceptable if it fits the personality of the deceased. "If you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and just do what you can given the short time-frame and your emotional state," writes Schaeffer in "Labor of Love." Keep it brief. Five to ten minutes is the norm, but it's a good idea to verify that with the minister or funeral director. Leo Saguin recommends interviewing family and friends in his book "How to Write and Deliver a Loving Eulogy." Put the eulogy on paper - at least in outline form. Eulogy or Sharing Time?If you're planning the funeral, you might want to consider "sharing time" as an alternative to a eulogy. In sharing time, the people congregated pass a microphone or take turns standing up to share their thoughts. It's like a lot of mini eulogies and is more spontaneous.Links Offering Examples Mona Simpson, sister to Steve Jobs, delivered a heart wrenching eulogy that was posted in The New York Times on October 30, 2011 - Click here to read it in its entirety. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's eulogy for President Ronald Reagan was telecast at his services in 2005 as she remembered her friend. Click here to read it in its entirety. Books Offering Help, Examples and Inspiration Books Offering Help, Examples and Inspiration "The Book of Eulogies: A Collection of Memorial Tributes, Poetry, Essays, and Letters of Condolence" by Phyllis Theroux (editor) "How to Write and Deliver a Loving Eulogy" by Leo Seguin "Final Celebrations: A Guide for Personal and Family Funeral Planning" by Kathleen Sublette and Martin Flagg "In Memoriam: A Practical Guide to Planning a Memorial Service" by Amanda Bennett and Terence B. Foley "My Deepest Sympathies: Meaningful Sentiments for Condolence Notes and Conversations, Plus a Guide to Eulogies" by Florence Isaacs "Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death" by Sarah York "Readings for Remembrance: A Collection for Funerals and Memorial Services" by Eleanor C. Munro (introduction) "Remembrances and Celebrations: A Book of Eulogies, Elegies, Letters, and Epitaphs" by Jill Werman Harris (editor)

How To Choose Speakers For A Funeral

What makes a funeral service memorable? Most often, it's the words that are spoken and the special people who say them. So when you gather with family members to plan a ceremony to help you celebrate the life of a loved one, it's wise to choose your speakers with care. There are several speaking roles to think about. Choosing the right person for each of these roles is important.Ceremony LeaderYou will need one person to take charge and oversee the ceremony. This person is responsible for starting and finishing the service, performing official duties within the ceremony, and coordinating all the activities in between. This person is called the officiant.If your loved one was involved in a religion, the clergy from his or her church may be the logical choice. If the person who died (the deceased) was not a member of a specific church, you can invite clergy from another church or an officiant with no church connection to perform a religious ceremony.Most clergy will follow an order of service dictated by their religious rules. This typically includes prayers, readings and blessings for the deceased and saddened family members.If a non-religious ceremony seems right, or family members are having trouble choosing the clergy, a professional funeral celebrant may be the solution. A celebrant will work with you to design a fully customized ceremony that can meet a variety of needs. Your funeral director can help arrange for an officiant.Guest Speaker or EulogistAnother important choice is the person or people who will write and deliver a speech a eulogy about the life of the person who has died. The speech is ideally given by someone who knew the person well enough to gather and share memories and highlights of his/her life.Sometimes the choice is obvious within the family. There is often one person who seems to be the unofficial family spokesperson. In other cases, the family needs to look further to find the right person to have the honor. Another family member, a lifelong friend or a trusted co-worker might have the perfect combination for the job a deep knowledge of the person who died and good writing and public speaking abilities. In some cases, the officiant, who may be a priest, minister, or professional celebrant, will give the eulogy.Many families choose to have more than one speaker to cover different aspects of their loved ones' life. One way to do this is to follow the main eulogy with a couple of shorter presentations; perhaps a grandson reading a letter or a daughter reading Mom's favorite poem. In all, no more than 30 minutes should be planned for the Eulogy part of the service.One last word of advice about eulogies: keep in mind that even though a family member may wish to speak at the funeral to help with the healing process, he or she may be too emotionally distressed to speak when the time comes. It's a good idea to have another speaker ready to step in and finish the speech if necessary.Reader(s)Many services include readings from the Bible or other sacred texts. These may be read by clergy or other guests. When planning the service, ask the clergy or celebrant whether guest readers are required or allowed. This could be a welcome honor for a family member or close friend who is not up to the task of writing or presenting a long speech. If you have guest readers, make sure they have the verses ahead of time in order to practice and double check any tricky words.Open MicrophoneIt has become popular to open the floor to allow guests to share additional memories with the group. While this practice can provide more information about the life of the deceased and create a deeper feeling of community, it's not without some risk. Clear time limits should be set and respected. The ceremony leader must be prepared to politely guide participants who speak too long, or the ceremony can start to drag.Final WordsThere are formal and informal rules, rites and traditions involved in almost any funeral or memorial ceremony. Especially if your service occurs in a place of worship, there will be guidelines to respect. Make sure you meet with the selected officiant ahead of time so you understand what to expect and have a chance to discuss any special requests.Most important, remember whose life you are celebrating. Their stated wishes, or your understanding of what they would prefer, should always guide your decisions.

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