The death of a loved one is a hard reality to grasp. Often, it can feel like a bad dream that you just cant wake up from. Although you may know that your loved one is very sick or in the process of dying, the unavoidability of dying always feels sudden, unforeseen and unbelievable. Its shocking. It is important to recognize that shock is a natural part of the grieving process and can occur many times before the loss fully settles in. Although it doesnt feel normal, its your bodys way of handling painful experiences. Given time, the shock will weaken, but you must understand this process is hard, and it takes time to accept death. Most of all, keep in mind that although the grieving process is difficult and the loss is shocking, there will come a time when you will acknowledge and accept the loss. You will always remember the loved ones you have lost, but you do not need to always grieve their absence. If you find yourself struggling with the shock and overwhelming grief of losing a loved one, keep these phrases in mind:Allow your griefBe patient with yourselfBe willing to change things

In this time of Santa, we hear the saying naughty and nice. Here are four naughties that can be turned into nice, enhanced experiences common to end of life.Keeping Secrets: Dont tell mom. Dont say that she could die. Dont talk to her about sad things. Pretend everything is going to be alright.  Mom lives inside of her body. She knows if it is preparing to die. She may play your game of pretending but she knows. She is frightened, you are frightened, but now you are both frightened alone. By talking, by sharing, you are able to support each other, love each other during this stressful, sad time.Delaying beginning hospice services: We associate hospice care with dying care, when in fact hospice care is living care. Hospice helps people live the best they can while they cant be fixed, while their body is shutting down. If you wait until a person looks like they are dying they probably have one to three weeks to live. If you wait you will have missed out on all the guidance, the help that hospice could have provided in those months before death. Help with caregiving, help financially, help with knowledge and help with emotional support. You will miss out on guidance during one of the most challenging times in a persons lifethe time a loved one is dying.Thinking you can care-giver alone. It takes a village as the saying goes. Caregivers become exhausted, frightened, and are not prepared for the physical, let alone the emotional toll, of caregiving. Being the little red hen, saying I can do it myself, leads to burnout, anger, and frustration during a time when we want to be loving and supportive. It takes a village!Not talking about the person who has died: In our grieving we sometimes think, particularly during the holidays, that we just make people uncomfortable when we talk about someone who has recently died. When a recent death has occurred everyone close to that person is, in their grief, thinking about the huge space that is not filled. Talk about it. Dad would have loved  , address the elephant in the room, set a place at the table and put a picture instead of a plate. Be creative in ways to include our missing special person.