Harvey Englehardt Funeral & Cremation Services

For more information on the author Fuller Metz Cremation & Funeral Services, CLICK HERE.Attending a funeral is usually a thoughtful gesture; however, in some specific and possibly unusual situations, it might be better to consider an alternative way of offering condolences.Do not attend a funeral if you feel that your presence will in any way be offensive to family members or have a negative effect. Perhaps previous relationships or partnerships might play a role in your decision-making.Do not attend a funeral if the service details provided note that the ceremony is private or for family only. The deceased obituary, as well as shared information via social media, usually indicates this. You may also contact the service provider such as the funeral home, church, or cemetery for additional details. Do not attend a funeral if the service location is simply geographically, logistically, or feasibly impossible to get to. Consider sending a meaningful floral offering, note, or letter that expresses your sympathy and desire to be there in person.Do not attend a funeral if you feel as though the situation might be too emotionally challenging for you. Everyone goes through difficult times and funerals can take an emotional toll on individuals. Waiting to express your sympathies when it is a better time for you is acceptable. Sending a letter to friends or family members of the deceased is a lasting and memorable gesture. The important thing to remember is that friends and families appreciate just about any effort made to celebrate and remember their loved one, be it a phone call, letter, or other act of sympathy.

To achieve formality in attire, dark dress clothes are in order. Dark suits, comprising of jackets and pants, dark shoes, a dark tie, and crisp and clean dress shirt for men and boys is best. A tidy and clean haircut and well-groomed facial hair is also in order. For women, again, dark clothes (navy, deep hues of purple, grays, and blacks) are appropriate. Conservative dresses and suits are considered formal. Minimal and subtle accessories are a good choice such as a small dark handbag and pearl necklace. Modest in height and comfortable shoes are important, as the service may be lengthy and involve steps or traversing over grounds at a cemetery. Young girls should wear similar yet age appropriate attire. If you still have questions concerning your dress for a particular service, contact the service provider (funeral home or service provider) or family or mutual friends of the deceased to inquire about appropriate dress. Today, there are many types of funerals and memorials. Services are influenced by region, culture, and traditions. In the western world, many occasions thought to be formal events requiring formal attire, have now become more casual. However, some cultures still require a level of formality when conducting services for the deceased. How do we define formal? We can pay formal respect, meaning offering condolences according to requirements, customs, or traditions. And, we can attend a formal occasion marked by an elaborate ceremony or social observance. In this case, which sometimes involves a funeral, we wear formal attire.  Before considering what constitutes formal attire, remember the rule of thumb for dress at any funeral or memorial service is to dress tasteful and conservative. This is especially important if there is a religious service at the location of the service. Revealing clothes are not acceptable and some churches prefer that shoulders and knees be covered.  The following applies generally to common funeral services and Christian burials in the U.S. 

Funerals are a highly emotional and sensitive time for a family, and can bring complicated issues to light. However, it is important not to let family feuds take the focus off of honoring the life of the person who has passed away. To make sure the funeral is a time to grieve and not the start of a major fight, some families choose to place restrictions on who can and cannot attend the service. While placing a limit on who is permitted to attend the funeral may hurt some feelings, it can also prevent dramatic situations from unfolding and turning the funeral into a stressful experience instead of a celebration of a persons life. Additionally, restricting the attendance at a funeral can save a family a significant amount of money. If you are hoping to limit attendance at a funeral, there are a few different ways to do so in a tactful and respectful way. This includes:Announce the death of the person while indicating the funeral will be privateUnless you specify otherwise, it is implied that anyone is welcome to attend the funeral. While a large funeral service is often a beautiful thing, it can also become a source of stress if there is tension among those in attendance. When you specify that the funeral is private, you control who shows up. This means that you can prevent inappropriate incidents from happening during the service, thus keeping the focus on the person who has passed, as it should be. Announce that the person has passed after the funeral is overWhen you place an obituary for that person in the paper after the funeral has already taken place, it still allows you to get the word out that the individual has died, but prevents you from having to welcome everyone and anyone to the funeral. Have a memorial service at a later dateIf you are truly concerned about an unpleasant situation that may unfold at a loved ones funeral, you can still honor that individuals life without a traditional funeral service. Instead, have a memorial service for that person several months after they have died. Let only a select handful of people know about the service, and tell them that it is private. If someone contacts you asking to know the details of the event, you can choose whether or not youd like to share the details with this person.Be honestIn some instances, honesty is the most effective method. If a family member who has been at odds with others contacts you, explain that you would love to have them attend, but that you are concerned that doing so would create tension at the service. Instead invite them to spend some time with your family after the service is over, allowing them to pay their respects without worrying about issues arising. Ultimately, a funeral service is a time to honor the life and legacy of someone who has died. If an open service would cause dramatic situations to occur, it is best to restrict attendance. While some feelings may be hurt as a result, it is worth it in order to allow the service to remain a peaceful and poignant experience for all. 

For more information on the author Fuller Metz Cremation & Funeral Services, CLICK HERE.Since everyone has a smartphone with a built-in camera, its possible to photograph any event or person at any time. While this can make for some great family memories, its important to have some discretion when it comes to what your'e photographing. When attending a funeral or a memorial service, you may have friends and family members in the same room who haven't seen each other for many years. However, it is important to remember the reason you are gathered and to show tact when it comes to taking pictures.In general, it is wise to avoid taking pictures at a funeral or a memorial service unless you have been specifically asked to do so by the deceased' family. Deciding to snap a few candid' of the cousins gathered together can create tension and ruin the mood at the service. If you truly must get a picture of relatives at the service, do so outside of the building either before or after.Should the family of the person who has passed ask you to take some pictures, be sensitive as you do so. This means photographing people in natural light instead of using a flash when possible. Your ultimate goal is to take the necessary pictures without disrupting those who are mourning at the service. You should also avoid making loud announcements about needing to photograph people. Instead, quietly circulate throughout the room and take your shots. Do not disrupt the experience so you can grab a picture.Also bear in mind that many people will be crying and distressed at the funeral. Respect the difficulty of the situation and give these people privacy. There is no need to snap a shot of someone who is clearly in mourning. Those in attendance should be allowed to have their private moments.In almost all instances, photographing the person who has passed is considered to be in extremely poor taste. Only do so if the family specifically asks you. If you are asked to take a picture of the person who has died, do so discreetly and without using the flash.If you are in attendance at a funeral or a memorial service and are tempted to use your cell phone camera, think twice before you do so. Snapping cell phone shots may be seen as an extreme invasion of privacy. If you think that you have a valid reason for needing to photograph the event, you should still check with the family of the deceased, the funeral director, or a member of the clergy prior to beginning to take pictures. They can provide guidance about what they feel is and is not appropriate at that time.

While it may be difficult to find the energy to write a thank you card after a funeral, doing so is an important way of acknowledging the love and kindness that friends and family members have shown you during this challenging period in your life. If you do not have the energy to complete this task, a friend or relative can write the notes for you as you sign them. There is no set deadline when it comes to sending out thank you cards, though getting them out within two to three weeks after the funeral is ideal.Who should receive a thank you card?There is no need to send a formal thank you note to every single person who came to the funeral or sent you a card acknowledging the passing of your loved one. However, you should make it a point to formally acknowledge people who have done the following:Sent or brought flowersMade a donation to a charity in honor of your loved oneProvided tangible help like bringing food, watching children, or running errandsPallbearers at the funeralMusicians who performed at the funeralSomeone who did a reading at the serviceThe clergy member who presided over the serviceSomeone who went out of their way to share a memory or story about your loved one that was especially meaningfulEven if it takes some time for you to feel ready to tackle the task of writing thank you notes, it is never too late to send them out. The notes do not need to be long; they simply need to express your gratitude and appreciation. The passing of a loved one creates a hectic and grief-filled situation, and you may find it difficult to keep track of who has done what in the days and weeks following the death of your relative. To make sure that you do not forget anyone during this chaotic time, you should keep a notepad and pen handy at all times. Do not rely on your memory to keep track of what people have done for you. If need be, you can assign a friend or family member to keep a record for you, thus making the task more manageable. You should also consider making it a point to acknowledge those who were especially kind and helpful in the days before your loved one passed, if their death was not sudden. This may include neighbors who brought meals over or hospice nurses who went above and beyond to keep your loved one comfortable. To make the job easier, you can purchase pre-printed sympathy cards and just jot down a sentence or two. No one expects a three-page letter from you during this time, but some sort of acknowledgment is important and necessary. 

Do not attend a funeral if you feel as though the situation might be too emotionally challenging for you. Everyone goes through difficult times and funerals can take an emotional toll on individuals. Waiting to express your sympathies when it is a better time for you is acceptable. Sending a letter to friends or family members of the deceased is a lasting and memorable gesture. The important thing to remember is that friends and families appreciate just about any effort made to celebrate and remember their loved one, be it a phone call, letter, or other act of sympathy.Attending a funeral is usually a thoughtful gesture; however, in some specific and possibly unusual situations, it might be better to consider an alternative way of offering condolences. Do not attend a funeral if you feel that your presence will in any way be offensive to family members or have a negative effect. Perhaps previous relationships or partnerships might play a role in your decision-making.Do not attend a funeral if the service details provided note that the ceremony is private or for family only. The deceaseds obituary, as well as shared information via social media, usually indicates this. You may also contact the service provider such as the funeral home, church, or cemetery for additional details.  Do not attend a funeral if the service location is simply geographically, logistically, or feasibly impossible to get to.  Consider sending a meaningful floral offering, note, or letter that expresses your sympathy and desire to be there in person.