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By: Joel Kroft, Executive Director of Memory Support
Services
Joel has worked Country Meadows Retirement Community for
more than 20 years, specializing in dementia care. Today he oversees
programming in the Connections Memory Support Services neighborhoods at all 9
campuses and our non-profit sister campus, Ecumenical Retirement Community. His
education and professional background focuses on developmental psychology,
adult development and aging.
The Five Love Languages have integrated their way into
popular culture and are tools in helping us answer the question: How do we love
people well? As established in the New York Times best seller The Five
Love Languages by Gary Chapman, the ways people express and receive
love include: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving
Gifts and Physical Touch. Age, gender and health do not seem to impact these
five guides, as you can reference the principles outlined in the book when
raising children or even starting a relationship. What about when you are
trying to connect with a spouse or understanding the behavior of a family
member who is requiring memory care support?
How do you love well when a world is feeling like it has
flipped upside down after receiving news of a dementia diagnosis? What should
you do when memory care and doctors’ appointments are all-consuming? Why are
the unpredictable moods and behaviors of the disease making things so hard?
Remember: Love languages evolve.
Memory care can change communication and connection, but
that love you have for your spouse, partner or family member doesn’t disappear.
Regardless of the progression of a loved one’s memory loss, the love and
friendship that brought you together in the first place is there – it may just
look a little different now.
I’ll share an example of a husband who attended one of our
Dementia Live events: an activity we host at Country Meadows Retirement
Communities that simulates the sensory experience of someone living with memory
loss for staff training and family education. During these sessions, we walk
participants through scenarios and offer tools and solutions so they can better
understand the disease that is affecting their loved one. This gentleman was
discouraged because his wife, who was receiving memory care services in our
community, was no longer recognizing him. We offered an idea: during his next
visit, bring a photograph of himself as a young man, from when they were early
married. Lead with that photo when entering her apartment and see what happens.
To the husband’s great joy, his wife recognized him, and they had a special
moment of connection together.
When one spouse is not experiencing memory loss, that can be
incredibly difficult to relate so it’s all about understanding your partner and
being creative to make the most out of each interaction. The example I just
described tapped into the emotional response. It can be draining on spouses who
are always re-introducing themselves when their partner forgets them. By coming
forward with the image of his younger self, he let the photo do the talking. As
memory care needs evolve, the resident’s verbal expressions tend to decrease.
What this spouse did was make the effort to understand where his wife was now
and what she needed. It wasn’t easy and that moment of recognition may have
been short-lived – but in that moment, love won.
Rather than focusing on what has been lost or needs to
change, this example also demonstrates that love can show up in new and
meaningful ways when translating the Five Love Languages to loved ones with
memory loss.
Words of Affirmation
Words have a different effect on an individual receiving
memory care-but words still matter! According to the Alzheimer’s Society,
depending on the type and stage of the disease, the part of the brain that
controls language is damaged, meaning the processing of spoken words can be
delayed or impossible because words are jumbled. This is a hard part of the
progression for spouses, because the resident can’t say the words back or the
sentiment is seemingly not returned. This should not discourage you from saying
sincere words and greetings because the feelings are felt. Words of affirmation
and love provide reassurance. They may need to be repeated often, but with a
compassionate tone and delivery, words can actually translate into comfort and
safety.
Quality Time
Visits going from doing things together to simply being
together can be an adjustment for spouses and family members as they learn the
evolved preferences of their loved one. For example, if the family is
accustomed to shopping trips and game nights, now, those activities could be
too stimulating or just not feasible due to the physical and emotional toll
this may have on a loved one. Now, the main activity could be sharing a cup of
coffee or bopping along to a favorite song. This shifts the expectation to being
fully present-also an expression of love. If you need more ideas, check
out these suggestions for successful visits with a loved one in a memory
care neighborhood.
Acts of Service
When memory care responsibilities take over, the dynamic
often turns from being a spouse to being a caretaker. This tends to be the
primary love language given and received as dementia progresses. Between
managing medication, supporting daily routines and preparing meals, caregiving
days can feel like Groundhog’s Day. That is when it is critical to remember
that these “tasks” are acts of love and devotion. Even hiring a professional
caregiver to assist you or moving into a retirement community to share in the
care are still ways you are honoring your loved one and your caregiver role.
Physical Touch
Holding hands or embracing in a gentle hug are our bodies
ways of grounding and reassuring safety and comfort. When words tend to fail, a
simple touch communicates presence. Being mindful of comfort level on a
particular day and boundaries is important in making the most out of this
interaction. Remember the example I shared about the husband who was not being
recognized. Imagine if he walked in beaming with physical affection and went in
for a kiss. His wife could spiral into confusion and become agitated because
this “stranger” is making advances. In his example, having him extend a
handshake first or go in for a kind hand-hold is an appropriate touch that
demonstrates his affections and intentions at a slow and comfortable pace for
the resident.
Gift-Giving
Consider gifts that spark reminiscing or familiarity. As the
progression of the disease advances, surprises are much less welcome. A family
photo album, cozy sweater or blanket make for thoughtful and useful gifts that
bring a sense of calm or comfort. Another element of memory care is that it is
important to remember that cognitively your loved ones may not be interested in
the “things” they once were. For example, someone who previously appreciated
fancy handbags may be in the stage of the disease where they are benefiting
from Nurture Therapy activities such as “caring” for a baby doll or
stuffed animal. Another thoughtful gift for someone in this stage could be a
stuffed animal that resembles the family dog or accessories for the baby doll.
This can be a difficult aspect of the disease for loved ones and family
members, but what we hope family members recognize is that the resident is
drawing back to a time of her life filled great purpose and love. Need some
gift ideas: Good Housekeeping outlined helpful gifts for people for
every stage of dementia.
Love that Adapts is Still Love
The expressions may look different, but in the end, it’s
still love. A steadfast, loyal and comforting companion is no match for this
diagnosis! By meeting the spouse where he or she is at along the memory care
journey, you are just reshaping and reconnecting the foundational elements that
has built your beautiful love story this far. Want to know something else
that’s special…there is still so much to know and learn from each other!
Caregivers Deserve Care, Too
Being a caregiver of a spouse with a dementia diagnosis can
be challenging in its own way as you are mixed with your own unmet needs,
experiencing grief of things that seem lost or even feeling lonely. Seeking
support, taking breaks and managing your own mindset and expectations can
provide important moments care for the caregiver. Please know that taking
a breath for you and making space for your emotions are not a sign of weakness
or not loving or appreciating your loved one!
Country Meadows offers a variety of support groups for family caregivers and even specific to spouses with our “Still Us” network, and even the Dementia Live trainings to encourage caregivers and foster a sense of community. Contact a campus community near you for a full schedule of upcoming caregiver support activities.
When a loved one begins to struggle with memory, families often feel they are losing someone little by little. There may be missed medications, wandering, confusion in familiar places, or nights when no one in the household gets any sleep. Caring for someone with Alzheimers disease or another form of dementia at home can be rewarding, but it can also become exhausting and unsafe over time. Many families in Golden reach a point where they ask whether a specialized setting would be better for everyone.What Is Memory Care?Memory care is a type of senior living designed specifically for people with Alzheimers disease, dementia, and other memory impairments. It combines housing, personal care, and daily support with a secure environment and staff who are trained to understand the unique needs of people with memory loss.Memory care communities typically offer secured entrances and exits, calm and easy to navigate layouts, structured daily routines, and activities meant to engage the mind and bring comfort. Staff help with bathing, dressing, medications, and meals, and they use approaches that reduce confusion and anxiety.Memory care is best for individuals who may wander, who are confused about time or place, or who need more supervision than a standard assisted living setting can provide. It is also for families who need relief from round-the-clock caregiving and want to know their loved one is safe and well cared for.Golden Lodge Assisted Living and Memory CarePhone: 720-605-2111 Address: 1111 Newstar Way, Golden, CO 80403About the CommunityGolden Lodge is a locally owned and operated senior living community that offers memory care, assisted living, and respite services. It is described as Goldens newest senior living community and is located at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. The community was designed with a separate single-story building for memory care, which helps create a quieter, easier to navigate setting for residents who benefit from a more focused environment.The Memory Care NeighborhoodThe memory care residence at Golden Lodge is a secured unit with studio apartments. Listings for the community describe 36 memory care units, a secured courtyard, and a closely monitored building that helps keep residents safe. A secured courtyard gives residents a chance to enjoy fresh air and the outdoors without the risk of wandering off, which is a priority for many families.Care and SupportResidents receive support tailored to their individual needs. Services listed for the community include help with personal care, medication management, diabetic care, and incontinence care. Doctor visits are also listed among the services available, which can make it easier to keep up with medical care without the stress of travel.The care approach centers on dignity and comfort, with support meant to help residents feel calm and secure. The community describes mind-stimulating activities and spiritual and emotional support, including meditation, faith-based services, and counseling.Dining and NutritionGood nutrition plays an important role for people living with dementia. Golden Lodge provides three chef-prepared meals each day in a restaurant-style setting, along with healthy snacks. Dietary accommodations, such as low sodium options, are available, so residents with special diets can still enjoy their meals.Activities and Daily LifeAn activities director plans programs that keep residents engaged, such as social events, gardening, and other activities suited to different abilities. Predictable routines and purposeful activities can help reduce anxiety and bring moments of joy, even as memory changes.Respite and FlexibilityGolden Lodge offers respite care on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. For family caregivers who are worn down, a respite stay can offer rest and a chance to see how their loved one adjusts to a new setting. The community also offers assisted living, so families can talk with the team about how care may change over time.Cost and PricingMemory care typically costs more than standard assisted living because of the added supervision and specialized support, and published estimates for Golden Lodge vary by source. The best way to get accurate current pricing is to call the community directly at 720-605-2111 and ask what is included in the monthly rate.Why This Matters LocallyMemory care works best when families can stay involved. A loved one with dementia often benefits from regular visits from familiar faces, and a community close to home makes that possible. Families in Golden and the surrounding Jefferson County area can choose a memory care option nearby, so spouses, children, and grandchildren can visit often, join meals, and stay part of daily life.Local ownership can also help. Families often want to meet the people who will care for their loved one, ask questions in person, and build a relationship with the team. A locally owned community in Golden makes that kind of hands-on connection easier than choosing a facility far from home.How to Get Started Talk with your loved ones doctor. Ask for a clear picture of their diagnosis, current abilities, and the level of supervision they need. Notice the warning signs. Wandering, unsafe behavior, missed medications, and caregiver burnout are common signs it may be time to consider memory care. Gather important documents. Have medical records, medication lists, and legal paperwork such as power of attorney ready. Set a budget. Review savings, income, long-term care insurance, and veterans benefits so you know what options are realistic. Call Golden Lodge at 720-605-2111. Ask about availability, suite options, pricing, and how the memory care team supports residents. Tour in person. Pay attention to how staff speak with residents, how secure and calm the space feels, and how the courtyard and common areas are used. Ask about the care plan. Ask how needs are assessed, how care is adjusted, and how the team communicates with families. Plan a gentle transition. Bring familiar photos, furniture, and favorite items, and ask the team for advice on making move-in day as calm as possible. Related CategoriesFamilies researching memory care often explore related options. Assisted Living Hospice Skilled Nursing
When someone you love begins to forget familiar faces, wander from home, or struggle with everyday tasks, the whole family feels it. Many families in Boulder try to manage on their own for as long as they can, and then reach a point where safety, exhaustion, or changing needs make it clear that more support is necessary. That moment is rarely easy, and the options can feel overwhelming.Memory care is designed for exactly this stage. It offers a secure setting, specially trained staff, and daily routines built around the needs of people living with Alzheimers disease and other forms of dementia. This guide explains what memory care is, who it is for, and how two Boulder communities approach it, so you can make a confident and informed choice for your family.What Is Memory Care?Memory care is a type of senior living built specifically for people with Alzheimers disease, dementia, or other forms of memory loss. It combines housing, personal care, meals, and supervision in a secure environment, with staff who understand how memory loss changes behavior, communication, and routine.Memory care communities typically offer: Secured entrances and exits to help prevent wandering Staff available around the clock Help with bathing, dressing, grooming, and medications Structured activities that support memory, connection, and calm Dining designed for comfort and nutrition Care plans that are updated as needs change Who Is Memory Care For?Memory care is generally a good fit when a person with memory loss needs more supervision and hands-on help than they can safely receive at home or in standard assisted living. Common signs include wandering, repeated safety concerns such as leaving the stove on, confusion about time and place, changes in sleep patterns, difficulty with personal care, and caregiver burnout.How Memory Care Differs from Assisted LivingAssisted living supports people who need help with daily activities but can largely manage their own routines. Memory care adds a secured setting, higher staffing levels, and programming specifically for cognitive decline. Some communities offer both on one campus, which can make it easier to move to a higher level of support later without leaving a familiar community.2 Memory Care Communities in Boulder, COMorningStar Assisted Living & Memory Care of BoulderPhone: 720-809-8715Address: 575 Tantra Drive, Boulder, CO 80305MorningStar Assisted Living & Memory Care of Boulder offers both assisted living and memory care on one campus. Its memory care neighborhood, called Reflections, features 46 suites designed for residents living with Alzheimers disease and other forms of dementia. The community opened in 2015 with 94 suites in total, 48 for assisted living and 46 for memory care.Because assisted living and memory care share the same community, families have the option to start with one level of care and move to another as needs change. That continuity can be especially comforting for couples or for families who want to avoid a second move during a difficult time.Services at the community include medication management and support for residents with memory loss, along with life enrichment activities and dining. MorningStar of Boulder is part of MorningStar Senior Living, a Colorado-based family of communities founded in 2003. Reviewers on senior living sites often describe the staff as warm and responsive, and the tour experience as helpful. As with any community, it is wise to visit in person and ask about staffing, communication with families, and how care plans are updated.The Meadows Assisted Living at Frasier, Memory SupportPhone: 720-562-4473Address: 4950 Thunderbird Drive, Boulder, CO 80303The Meadows Assisted Living at Frasier offers memory support in a smaller, close-knit setting with 19 secure memory support apartments, including different studio floor plans and one bedroom options. Residents live on Frasiers 20-acre campus in a residential part of Boulder, which brings a more neighborhood feel than many larger communities.Frasier is a life plan community, which means the full range of care sits on one campus: independent living, assisted living, memory support, skilled nursing, and day programs. If a memory support resident later needs round-the-clock nursing or rehabilitation, The Summit Care Center, Frasiers skilled nursing neighborhood, is on the same grounds. Physical, speech, and occupational therapy are also available.Frasiers philosophy is that residents can continue to learn and grow at any age, even with cognitive challenges. Staff, residents, and families work together to build a personal, whole-person care plan for each resident. Staff is scheduled 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Frasier is a nonprofit community affiliated with the Rocky Mountain United Methodist Conference and is licensed by the State of Colorado.Two practical points are worth knowing. The Meadows does not accept Medicaid, though many long-term care insurance policies cover licensed assisted living and memory support. Frasier also lists different monthly fees for members, who have paid an entrance fee, and non-members, so ask for the current fee sheet. Pricing is listed starting around $12,165 per month, so call to confirm current rates.Why This Matters LocallyBoulder is a community that values connection, health, and the outdoors, and families here often want their loved ones to stay close to home. Choosing a memory care community in Boulder means visits are easier, doctors and specialists are nearby, and family members can stay involved in daily life instead of making long drives.Local options also tend to reflect the character of the area. Smaller, home-like settings and campus communities with multiple levels of care are both available, which gives families real choices about size, atmosphere, and how much future flexibility they want. Because memory care is a long-term decision, being close enough to visit often can make a meaningful difference in how connected your loved one stays.It also helps to be aware of cost. Memory care is typically a private-pay expense. Medicare does not generally cover long-term custodial care, so many Boulder families use savings, long-term care insurance, or veterans benefits. Understanding this early helps you plan with fewer surprises.How to Get Started Talk with your loved ones doctor. A physician can confirm a diagnosis, describe the level of care needed, and provide any paperwork communities request. Write down the daily challenges. Note safety concerns, wandering, medication needs, sleep, and personal care. This helps communities tell you honestly whether they are a fit. Set a budget and review funding. Look at savings, income, long-term care insurance, and eligibility for veterans benefits. Ask each community how fees are structured. Call and schedule tours. Reach out to MorningStar at 720-809-8715 and The Meadows at 720-562-4473. Visit at different times of day if you can. Ask the right questions. Ask about staffing levels at night, staff training in dementia care, how care plans change, how families are updated, and what happens if needs increase. Observe daily life. Notice whether residents look engaged and comfortable, how staff speak to them, and whether the space feels calm and welcoming. Review the agreement carefully. Understand fees, level-of-care charges, and move-out policies before you sign. Plan the transition. Bring familiar photos, furniture, and favorite items to help your loved one settle in, and ask the community how it supports new residents. For education and emotional support, the Alzheimers Association offers a free 24/7 Helpline at 800-272-3900.A quick note: details in this guide come from public sources and can change. Call each community to confirm availability, pricing, and services before you decide.Related Categories Assisted Living Skilled Nursing Independent Living
The right level of senior care depends on what a person can safely do each day, the type of help they need, and how often that help must be available. Independent living may suit someone who manages personal care but wants fewer household responsibilities. Assisted living supports everyday tasks. Memory care is designed for people whose cognitive changes call for specialized support, while long-term nursing care serves people with more extensive ongoing care needs. A short-term rehabilitation stay serves a different purpose: recovery after illness, injury, or hospitalization. Families in Greeley, Colorado, often encounter these terms while making decisions under pressure. Understanding the differences can turn a confusing search into a more useful conversation about a loved ones actual needs. Independent Living: Fewer Chores, More Personal FreedomIndependent living is generally a good fit for an older adult who can bathe, dress, take medications, and manage most daily decisions independently. The appeal is a residential setting with opportunities for social connection and less responsibility for maintaining a home.At Grace Pointe Senior Care Community, independent living includes private apartments with nearby medical expertise and 24-hour emergency response systems. Families should still confirm which services are part of independent living and which require a different level of care. An emergency response system does not replace routine personal or nursing assistance. Assisted Living: Help with Daily ActivitiesAssisted living may be appropriate when someone needs ongoing help with bathing, dressing, moving around, medication routines, or getting to meals, but does not necessarily require continuous nursing care. It should support independence where possible, not take over every decision.For example, a parent who can enjoy activities and make personal choices but needs assistance with bathing and reminders about medication may benefit from a personalized assisted living plan. Ask how often staff check in, which services are available, and how the plan is updated after a health change. Memory Care: Support for Cognitive ChangesMemory care addresses needs associated with Alzheimers disease and other forms of dementia. Those needs can include difficulty finding the way around, changes in judgment, distress, or requiring frequent prompts to complete familiar activities. Not everyone with memory loss immediately needs memory care; an assessment should consider both cognition and day-to-day safety.Grace Pointe describes its memory care approach as care for the person rather than the diagnosis. Its team receives specialized training, and the program includes activities designed around residents interests and abilities. During a visit, ask how staff respond to confusion, communicate with families, adapt activities, and determine when a resident needs additional support. Long-Term Nursing Care: More Extensive Ongoing SupportA person may need long-term nursing care when medical needs or physical limitations exceed what assisted living can safely manage. Examples can include a need for close monitoring, substantial help with movement and personal care, or nursing support throughout the day and night. The appropriate setting depends on a clinical assessment, not simply a persons age.Grace Pointe offers long-term care with 24-hour monitoring and assistance from nurses and certified nursing assistants. Families should discuss the individuals medical needs, the available services, admission requirements, and payment arrangements directly with the community. Rehabilitation Is Often TemporaryRehabilitation is not another name for permanent senior housing. Following surgery, an injury, or a hospital stay, someone may need therapy and professional support to regain function before returning to their previous living arrangement. Grace Pointe has an on-site rehabilitation center that develops individualized therapeutic plans. Ask whether a particular rehabilitation program is appropriate for the patients goals and what the discharge plan would look like. What If My Parents Needs Change Later?A continuing care campus offers more than one kind of support in a shared location. That can simplify planning for families whose loved one may eventually need a different level of care. Grace Pointe provides independent living, assisted living, memory care, long-term care, and rehabilitation services on its Greeley campus. The ability to move between settings depends on clinical suitability, assessments, and availability, so it is worth discussing transitions before they become urgent. Five Questions to Help Narrow the ChoiceCan my parent consistently bathe, dress, eat, and move safely without help?Are medication mistakes, wandering, or confusion becoming safety concerns?Is the need for support occasional, daily, or available around the clock?Is this a temporary recovery period or an ongoing change?What does my parent want, and what does their healthcare team recommend? Write down concrete examples before talking with a community. A recent fall, missed medications, or new nighttime confusion tells the care team much more than saying a parent is slowing down. Include the older adult in decisions whenever possible and request a professional assessment when safety or medical needs are uncertain. Talk Through the Options with Grace PointeGrace Pointe Senior Care Community in Greeley can explain its different living and care options and help your family explore a personalized plan. Call (970) 304-1919 or visit https://gracepointegreeley.com/ to ask questions or schedule a tour.
One of the main reasons our residents and their families first considered a retirement community was for an easier, safer environment what all basic senior citizen housing and assisted living facilities provide. But, one of the main reasons they chose Country Meadows was to get back to living life through our full array of social events, fitness, spiritual enrichment programs, recreational activities and lifelong learning.
One of the main reasons our residents and their families first considered a retirement community was for an easier, safer environmentwhat all basic senior citizen housing and assisted living facilities provide. But, one of the main reasons they chose Country Meadows was to get back to living life through our full array of social events, fitness, spiritual enrichment programs, recreational activities and lifelong learning.
One of the main reasons our residents and their families first considered a retirement community was for an easier, safer environmentwhat all basic senior citizen housing and assisted living facilities provide. But, one of the main reasons they chose Country Meadows was to get back to living life through our full array of social events, fitness, spiritual enrichment programs, recreational activities and lifelong learning.