What's Your "Safe Word"?

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Aging in Alabama

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Posted on

Mar 04, 2026

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Alabama - Gulf Coast

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So this isn't the start of a seedy, questionable encounter in a seedy, questionably rated TV show.  Unfortunately, financial exploitation is the crime of our generation - bar none.  The rate of our seniors' wealth going into the hands of criminals is staggering.    

In a vast country where compromised seniors have been routinely exploited by  criminals stealing billions of dollars and their future, I am a very small fish.  In just a few cases that we have handled in the last several years, we have witnessed the theft of many millions.  Some were preyed on by well organized criminals on the other end of the phone and internet.  Others by local criminals who take an opportunity presented to them.

In almost every single case we handle, all we can do is close the proverbial barn door after the horse is already long gone.  The most frequent question asked is "can you get any of this money back?"  Unfortunately, when its gone, its gone.  Criminals now will have your loved one send it by bitcoin card they can buy at WalMart and the chances of retrieval are zero.  Or they give away cash  and it isn't worth trying to get a judgment against the judgment proof.  Most of the authorities, sadly, aren't much help and the agencies charged with protection of vulnerable seniors are completely overwhelmed.  So, what can we do to prevent this from happening to our parents, our spouses or even ourselves as we age? 

The tension is between respecting your loved one's right to privacy and recognizing when there needs to be either full transparency or even a full restriction on assets.  In 100% of the cases of exploitation I have handled,  the person being exploited will defend their decision and will continue to send money even when drastically restricted,.  When we put in court oversight and a professional conservator, and send them $100 a month for spending money, they will send the scam artists $100 a month.  No matter what we do.  Until they reach the stage of being so incapacitated they cannot physically organize a method of getting the funds to the criminals, they will continue to give away every cent. 

So the first step in planning would be to recognize this potential and plan for it ahead of time.  There should be powers of attorneys in place to permit someone to take over financial matters quickly should the need arise and there should be a trust or more than one trust in place to govern assets.  Setting up more significant assets with a fiduciary and discussing with the fiduciary any mechanisms that can be put in place to safeguard against large withdrawals without question is NOT standard and should be put into place.  Place restrictions on real property in the same manner.  For example, you can place the real property in a trust that requires someone else's permission to encumber or sell it, which can protect against a sudden mortgage or multiple encumbrances.  

You should order a free credit report at http://www.annualcreditreport.com every year and examine it to ensure that there are no unknown credit lines that have been established.  You can places freezes on credit through the three credit reporting agencies, Equifax, Experian and TransUnion, at the same time.  You can ensure that your loved one sits down with their banker, their financial advisor, and their agent to make sure that everyone is on the same page should there be signs of exploitation that arise.  So many professionals have their hands tied because their client removes all safeguards and threatens to sue them and their company if they disclose any personal information to anyone, including their "former" trusted agent.   

In every case I have handled, the one fighting me hardest is the person we are trying to so hard to protect.  Even with powers of attorneys and trusts, this often will be changed so I encourage my clients to seek a court ordered conservatorship when they know they are vulnerable, and encourage family to lock the funds down in the same or similar manner when the person cannot make that decision.  Establish a protocol ahead of time with your loved one's approval and participation.  This IS the "safe word".  "Remember, Mom when we sat down and made this plan?  Now we need this badly to protect you."  

Also in 100% of the cases I have handled, the very act of protecting them, or the outcome when they are broke, will lead to a dramatic decline, often under less than good circumstances as they cannot afford to live the life they were living.  They will sink into a deep despair and typically will not live long or well after this event.  While not a happy, sunny topic, it has become so pervasive in my every day practice, I feel like everyone needs to start proactively planning right now to avoid the dramatic, expensive and terrible proceedings to come.  Talk about this freely while you and your loved ones are competent and can make plans and discuss the ways they would prefer things to be handled.  Establish a "SAFE WORD" if they feel threatened or intimidated or overwhelmed.  

The cases with the "best" outcomes will be ones that have a proactive plan in place.  There will still be a certain amount of angst and difficulty, but the repercussions are usually smaller, the amount of drama and cost is lower, and the options to handle are greater.  No one is "winning" in these cases, but it would be nice to see the bad guys "lose", at least, while preserving the wealth you worked so hard for be able to be spent how you intended.  So, what's your SAFE WORD?


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Its approach combines eldercare planning, long-term care strategy, Medicaid planning, and coordination with other professionals. The company also emphasizes protecting resources while helping families secure the care they need.What Happens If Medicaid Rules or Circumstances Change?Long-term care planning isn't necessarily something a family does once and forgets.A person's health can change.Assets and income can change.Family circumstances can change.And Medicaid rules and financial standards can change.That's why Sky Senior Planning offers ongoing planning and compliance monitoring as part of its services. For families already engaged in long-term care planning, ongoing review can help ensure that a strategy continues to reflect the family's current circumstances.A Local Resource for New Jersey FamiliesFor families in Monmouth County, having a local resource can make a complicated process feel more manageable.Sky Senior Planning is located on NJ-34 in Matawan and serves seniors and families throughout New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Founder Michelle Anne Aeris specializes in eldercare planning and long-term care strategy, helping families navigate eligibility, financial considerations, applications, and coordination with other professionals. Sky Senior Planning is not a law firm and does not practice law. When legal advice is needed, the company works alongside elder law attorneys and other professionals as part of a coordinated approach. For a family trying to understand what comes next, that coordinated approach can be an important part of the process.Frequently Asked QuestionsIs Medicaid the same as Medicare?No. Medicare and Medicaid are separate programs with different eligibility requirements and coverage. Families considering long-term care should understand how each program may apply to their particular situation.Can Medicaid help pay for long-term care at home?Potentially. Eligibility and available services depend on the individual's circumstances and the applicable New Jersey Medicaid program. Families interested in remaining at home should explore their options as part of a broader long-term care plan.When should a family start Medicaid planning?Families don't necessarily need to wait until a loved one is already in a nursing facility. Starting the conversation earlier can give families more time to understand their financial, care, and planning options.What if my family doesn't know what documents are needed for Medicaid?Sky Senior Planning helps families prepare and organize Medicaid applications and supporting documentation. Because requirements can vary based on individual circumstances, personalized guidance can be helpful. Can Sky Senior Planning replace an elder law attorney?No. Sky Senior Planning states that it is not a law firm and does not practice law. The company works alongside elder law attorneys, financial professionals, and other providers when appropriate. Medicaid Planning Doesn't Have to Be a Solo ProjectFamilies don't have to figure everything out themselves.A coordinated team can help connect the financial, legal, medical, and care pieces of the puzzle.For New Jersey families considering long-term care, Medicaid, or future eldercare needs, Sky Senior Planning offers a personalized place to start.Visit Sky Senior Planning's Seniors Blue Book listing to learn more about New Jersey Medicaid planning, long-term care strategy, and eldercare support. More information can be found on their Seniors Blue Book Listing LINK

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